{"data":{"items":[{"id":"634efe27-a015-4383-b2a2-3a9ef7824935","excerpt":"Me [30F] wondering whether I should tell a close friend [30M] that he shouldn't marry his fiancee [27F] — **I am not The OOP, OOP is u/weddingwhistleblower** \n\n**Me [30F] wondering whether I should tell a close friend [30M] that he shouldn't marry his fiancee [27F]** \n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relations","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1twpv4p/me_30f_wondering_whether_i_should_tell_a_close/","role":"pain","weight":1.484113,"occurredAt":"2026-06-04T14:48:28.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.57884365,"sentiment":-0.35897437,"confidence":0.94,"matchedPatterns":["i_need","i_hate","terrible","frustrating"],"statement":"As OP said, I cannot stand Laura for more than a few minutes at a time, I cannot help but take everything she says in the most negative possible light, seeing every comment as confirmation of my bad opinion of her, and I hate the way she t…","title":"Me [30F] wondering whether I should tell a close friend [30M] that he shouldn't marry his fiancee [27F]","body":"**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/weddingwhistleblower** \n\n**Me [30F] wondering whether I should tell a close friend [30M] that he shouldn't marry his fiancee [27F]** \n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/N8WskCCdOd)  **Aug 11, 2014** \n\nApologies in advance for the wall of text.\n\n\nI have known my friend, we'll call him Mark, since college.  We're very close and hang out together pretty regularly.\n\n\nMark has been with his fiancee, let's call her Laura, since grad school (about 6-7 years).  Mark and Laura have been engaged for two years, and will be married in a month (I know, I know, not much time here).\n\n\nFor the first few years of the relationship, I had zero problems with Laura. She seemed a bit shy and reserved, which is unusual for our group of friends, but otherwise seemed like a fine partner for Mark. Indeed, my only reservation was actually that Mark, having a strong personality and being an overly rational/intellectual/argumentative person, sometimes seemed to run roughshod over Laura.  \n\n\nOver the last two or three years, Laura has opened up a bit more, and initially that was really great.  My girlfriend, Julie, and Laura became closer and started hanging out, and the four of us would go out regularly (either just us, or with other friends). It was actually pretty great.  \n\n\nRecently, however, we started noticing that there are some key issues with their relationship that make us (and other friends, actually) wonder whether they should be together at all.  Now that we know Laura better, we've realized she's insanely insecure and anxious.  She is constantly complaining about minor things about the wedding, including his parents' small requests, and even the nice things they do for her.  We've watched them argue about pretty personal stuff, and she is pretty happy to air their dirty laundry and complain incessantly about things that it's clear he'd rather discuss in private.  She also has been somewhat cruel and unfair to him in our presence.  Finally, and here's the key thing, they seem to have a pretty fundamental disagreement about a key issue in their relationship (think something as fundamental as whether or not to have kids), with him being in the firm \"yes, I want to do this, and I need a partner who will at least consider it\" camp, and her being in the \"I am saying I'll consider it, but I'm pretty sure I'm ultimately going to not want to do this, and that you're kind of an asshole for asking me to do it in the first place.\"  (The argument issue is fairly specific, and so I don't want to give more details for fear of identifying them.)\n\n\nIn addition, they've been arguing, seemingly non-stop, for what seems like over a year, with Laura regularly complaining to my girlfriend that she's miserable, anxious, stressed, etc., because of various relationship issues (Mark is not a complainer, but we know he is similarly not happy).  These are issues that, in our mind, are part of Mark's personality that won't change, and Laura knows they will not change -- for instance, Mark has long-term close female friends whose friendship he prioritizes highly.  Laura thinks their interactions are inappropriate, and that he puts their needs above hers, but Mark has been clear that his interactions with them will not change.  Mark also has a difficult, time-consuming career, and doesn't have much time to do household chores or spend time alone with Laura.  Again, this is not something that will not change any time soon. Another big issue is Laura believes some of Mark's fundamental values have changed over the course of their relationship, things she admired and found attractive about him initially, and that now she doesn't like very much.  \n\n\nAs I said, my girlfriend and I have been seeing these issues for some time, and they came to a head recently, when we both sort of told them that they should think about postponing the wedding.  They acknowledged that they had thought about it, and said they had a good long talk and decided they wanted to go ahead with it.  They said they'd discussed all their issues and talked them through and come to a consensus.  We trusted that they had, and sort of shrugged our shoulders.  (It may be worth noting that although Mark was able to discuss this in a levelheaded way, Laura's response was to sort of withdraw for a few weeks and stop talking to us/hanging out with us, and to make it clear to our other friends that she was doing this because we didn't support their marriage.  She later acknowledged that the reason she did this was because she felt there was some truth to what we were saying, and hanging out with us upset her because it brought those feelings up again when she was trying to get over them.)\n\n\nJust this weekend, we saw them argue again, including about that fundamental question I noted above, and it was clear that they are still in very different places, still unhappy, and still arguing constantly.  It was also clear (and upsetting) that Laura was basically including us in the argument so she could badmouth Mark and try to get us on her side -- not only was it not working (because we think he's more in the right than she is), but it was also incredibly callous and hurtful to Mark, and she didn't seem to care.\n\n\nWe've gotten to the point where it's actually hard to spend time with Laura.  My girlfriend doesn't like her at all.  I'm fine spending time with her, but really feel that they are not a good match and that they're going to make each other unhappy.  At the very least, I feel they need to postpone this wedding until they actually HAVE come to a place where they derive happiness from the relationship, as opposed to this constant fighting about things large and small.\n\n\nThe question is, should I talk to Mark about this?  I've already shared some of what I'm thinking and been told everything is fine, but this time I might be a little more open and also tell him that I'm happy to handle some of the logistical post-wedding cancelling stuff (calling people, whatever) if that's something that's weighting on him.\n\n\ntl;dr: I don't think my friend should marry his fiancee. Should I tell him? \n\nUPDATE: See Julie's comment below, also. \n\n**Julie** \n\nu/somynameisjulienow \n\n[Julie](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/R75prAFxP8) \n\nI am the \"Julie\" in question. I would add this to what my love, the OP said: \n\nWhile we have \"sort of told them they should think about postponing the wedding\", that was in a very light-handed way, hoping to spark a conversation, and took place almost a year ago, long before lots of new and troubling information arose. If we were to have the conversation now, it would be far clearer, far more detailed, and include a lot of things that we didn't know at that time. In other words, the first conversation was \"have you guys talked about postponing the wedding?\" and this one would be \"do not marry this woman: she is awful, she doesn't even like you, you're unhappy, and it's only going to get worse.\" Perhaps this is a rationalization, but I truly believe that he does not know that we think this wedding is a bad idea and he definitely does not know that we actively dislike his fiancee. \n\nI frankly struggle to see how we will be able to have the kind of friendship we used to have with Mark if they go through with it. That's not a threat (\"It's her or us!\") it's just reality. As OP said, I cannot stand Laura for more than a few minutes at a time, I cannot help but take everything she says in the most negative possible light, seeing every comment as confirmation of my bad opinion of her, and I hate the way she treats him. I don't know if I'll be able to treat her with the kind of respect and kindness that is required of even having a decent relationship with her husband. I can already see myself avoiding spending time with them as a result. Even conversations that have nothing to do with this are tinged by awkwardness, not just on our end, but on theirs, because they know we see the problems (even if they don't know how upset we are by them). \n\nUltimately, I'm leaning away from saying something. I think that there is such a small likelihood of a good result (him calling off the wedding) and such a high likelihood of a bad result (she comes to hate us and it dooms our relationship with him, and/or causes her to badmouth us to mutual friends) that I think it's a bad idea. \n\nAs a side note, I don't put any weight on the \"let them make their own decisions\" responses here because that's so obvious it's not worth worrying about. Of course they get to make their own decision: we're not going to actively try and stop the marriage if they go through with it. The question is whether what we have to say should be involved in that decision or not, because we love him and have perspective on it that he doesn't. \n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/fS3RYqByME)  **Jan 18, 2015 (5 months later)** \n\nSo, Julie and I took the advice of most people here and kept our mouths shut about our feelings about Laura. We were enthusiastic at the wedding, and went out of our way to be gracious and kind to her in the run up to it and after. The wedding went off without a hitch, and we thought maybe they'd turned over a new leaf and after the stress of the wedding was removed, she'd be a better partner to him. \n\nSadly, the opposite happened. \n\nI guess I should start by explaining that the key disagreement they had prior to marriage was about having an open relationship. He was very much in the \"I want to at least explore this\" camp, and she seemed very reluctant, and kind of pissed that he was asking her to consider this in the first place. Shortly before the wedding, however, she started to develop an interest in another man, and all of a sudden her doubts were all but gone. Mark was happy and excited for her, and things appeared to be going better. \n\nUnfortunately, that didn't last. Over the last few months, Mark and Laura have had increasingly bad fights, and pretty much every time we asked how things were going he'd respond with \"not good.\" Whenever we hung out, she did increasingly annoying things (sulking if we weren't doing an activity she liked, leaving events without even saying goodbye, complaining that we were excluding her from things because we failed to somehow read her mind and determine that she wanted to do something other than what we were doing, etc.) We had a talk with Mark about this, and he sort of agreed that she was being ridiculous in several ways, that we had a right to be upset with her attitude, and said that maybe we should take a break from hanging out with her. We were fine with this, but it was pretty annoying that she was basically making him choose between spending time with us and with her. \n\nA few weeks after that conversation, he called us to tell us they're getting a divorce. We were pretty shocked - but here's the skinny: \n\nShortly after they returned from their honeymoon, Laura went to see her, let's call him \"boyfriend.\" She came back sad and upset, and told Mark that the guy had broken things off, presumably because he felt differently about the relationship now that she was married. He empathized and comforted her. A few days later, he noticed she was acting a little weird, checked her email, and realized that the \"break-up\" was a LIE. Essentially, boyfriend had told her they could only keep seeing each other if no one else, including Mark, knew about it. Instead of breaking it off, having a conversation with Mark about it, or anything else sensible, she decided to LIE to her husband so she could have an affair (and I call it an affair because, even in an open relationship, lying under these circumstances definitely makes it cheating in my book). He, of course, felt incredibly hurt and betrayed, but instead of kicking her to the curb (like I would have), he talked to her, and to the guy, to explain that this was unacceptable and uncool, but told them that he was fine allowin","offTopic":false},{"id":"eadf5a1c-f8a4-4b70-a5eb-2105789d328f","excerpt":"My (26F) brother (22M) and his fiance of nearly 2 years (21F) are planning a wedding that is an etiquette nightmare and I'm not sure how to handle it. — **I am not The OOP, OOP is u/TheDreamingMyriad**\n\n**My (26F) brother (22M) and his fiance of nearly 2 years (21F) are planning a wedding that is an etiquette nightmare","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1qe6wo1/my_26f_brother_22m_and_his_fiance_of_nearly_2/","role":"pricing","weight":1.3570359,"occurredAt":"2026-01-16T05:02:02.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"pricing_complaint","painScore":0.44365516,"sentiment":-0.23809524,"confidence":0.94,"matchedPatterns":["how_can_i","i_hate","too_expensive","missing_feature","urgent"],"statement":"Also, quite frankly, I can't afford her very specific dress (floor length ball gown, which she still has not selected), specific shoes, a tux for my hubby, a flower girl dress for my daughter, high quality makeup in her skin tone, and over…","title":"My (26F) brother (22M) and his fiance of nearly 2 years (21F) are planning a wedding that is an etiquette nightmare and I'm not sure how to handle it.","body":"**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/TheDreamingMyriad**\n\n**My (26F) brother (22M) and his fiance of nearly 2 years (21F) are planning a wedding that is an etiquette nightmare and I'm not sure how to handle it.**\n\n**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Entitlement, infidelity!<\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/1LMpxIiHp0)  **Nov 10, 2014**\n\nThis is going to be a wall of text so I apologize in advance. My 22 year old brother, Andrew, and his 21 year old fiance, Christy, have been \"planning\" their wedding for over a year now. The date is set for April 25th of 2015. Initially, she had asked me to be a bridesmaid, but after she also wanted my daughter to be a flower girl, my husband to be a groomsman, me to do her makeup and engagement photos as a gift to her, and help with details the day of, I felt it was too much on one plate. \n\nAlso, quite frankly, I can't afford her very specific dress (floor length ball gown, which she still has not selected), specific shoes, a tux for my hubby, a flower girl dress for my daughter, high quality makeup in her skin tone, and over $500 in photo sittings and editing. It's just too much time and money that I don't have. I sat her and my brother down and gently let them know that I wouldn't be a bridesmaid, though I was honored she chose me, because I didn't think I'd be a good bridesmaid with so much on my plate. They seemed sad but took it well and, until recently, had no further problems.\n\nFast forward to this past weekend. They came over for dinner and talked with me and my mom about their wedding plans. I'm just going to sum those ideas up here.\n\nThey want to have their ceremony outside. We mentioned that it would almost certainly be freezing. On the same date this past year, it was 30 degrees with a 15 mph icy wind and ice rain later in the day. Christy's response was \"well I should be warm in my dress, it's pretty heavy.\" They have a venue that has plenty of indoor area so they can get married there in worst case scenario but they basically have said unless it's snowing or pissing rain, it'll be outside. I'm sure her bridesmaids in their strapless dresses and flip flops or slippers will love that. As for my 1 year old daughter, I'm not forcing her to stay out in cold like that in a tea length dress with no sleeves. I don't know how to politely say, \"I'm not torturing my daughter or risking her becoming ill because you want a spring wedding in a wintery month.\"\n\nAs for the date, they REFUSE to change it. They've told us that April 20th has no significance, is not an anniversary, and has nothing to do with their relationship. But they will NOT change it, even though we've gently mentioned, \"hey, May should be much warmer and would definitely make it easier for an outdoor wedding, especially for your guests!\" Their response is that April 25th is the date, period, and the guests don't matter because it's \"their\" day. Okay, fine whatever,  we'll bundle up I guess.\n\nTheir plan is to have the ceremony under a gazebo type structure. A very old family friend got some online thing from some vague church so he could marry people. He loves it! We've all known him since we were young, and he offered to officiate my wedding, and wrote a wonderful ceremony for a handfasting for my mom and dad's 25th anniversary/vow renewal, all completely for free. Andrew asked said family friend to officiate and he accepted. Last night we told Christy and Andrew it's getting closer so they need to meet up with the officiant so he can do an interview. They both asked, \"why?\". We explained that the officiant was a close family friend, that's why they asked him to do it, and he likes to get a feel for the both of you and your relationship so he can officiate a beautiful ceremony.\n\nThey don't want that. They just want a general \"do you? Do you? You're now married.\" Okay, that seems to defeat the purpose of a personal family friend performing it but if that's what they want. Anyway, then we asked what they were going to give the officiant for a gift. They both said nothing. No gift. Why do they need to give him a gift? They're also not paying him as he's doing it for free.\n\nAt this point my mom and I are afraid to hear more. But we need to know what's going on. So after the ceremony, their plan is to go to a wedding luncheon. With the wedding party only. That would include his parents, her parents, me and the hubby, her bridesmaids, his groomsmen, and the flower girls/ring bearer. This would exclude the officiant and all the other guests, including her brothers and sisters, as well as my sister and brother. At this point, all other guests would be told to go get lunch, and I quote, \"wherever\" and we'll meet back here in a couple hours.\n\nAt this \"wedding luncheon\", at a reastaurant in the next town over that's about 20 minutes away, we are all supposed to foot our own bill. Then we drive back and we, as in my family (including the ones not invited to the luncheon), set up the decor and everything else for the reception because Andrew and Christy will be \"getting ready\".\n\nAfter we get everything taken care of, there will be cake cutting and dancing. And then \"the end\" on the wedding. No food, snacks, nibbles, cocktails, nothing like that will be provided during the course of this wedding. Andrew also dropped the bomb that my grandmother, my father's mom, would not be invited because she didn't remember who Christy was at my daughter's first birthday last month. The back story on that? Let's start with the fact that she's 80. Then let's go on to the fact that that she's met Christy once and only once, almost 2 years ago. Lastly, my grandma had 9 kids. Those 9 kids married. They all had a minimum of 4 children. Many of those children are now married and have children. My grandmother has over 65 grandchildren (I don't even know the exact #, I stopped keeping track years ago), about 10 of which have recently or are about to get married. She's 80. She has a hard enough time keeping track of how many people are in her family, nevermind what their names are. It was absolutely nothing personal that she didn't know Christy's name. She just forgot, it has been 2 years for chrissake! So despite her being the only living grandparent we have left, and despite her driving the hour here to make it to Andrews school performances and sending birthday cards every year without fail to her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren (Andrew included), she's now not to be invited.\n\nI know this is ranty but all this plain, bald faced rudeness is flooring me and I don't know how to handle it. My dad, once we told him his mom wouldn't be invited, was not only hurt but angry. He said he will not go if his mom is not invited. Andrew is insisting on not inviting any of the others from that side of the family, and with such high numbers I can understand, but at least inviting grandma would be polite, not to mention loving.\n\nMy sister, my mom, and I put together a wedding planning book for them ages ago and gave it to them. It had tips for a small budget, etiquette, timelines, checklists, and a breakdown of what a basic wedding should have. We got info from multiple sources and spent the time collecting and printing it, but it's completely obvious they haven't looked at it at all. It's like they want this big and beautiful wedding, but they pick out anything that costs them money or means they have to work. Gifts for people who do us favors? NAH. Big princess wedding dress? Check!  Supplying food and refreshment of some kind? Meh, they can go get taco bell or something. Exquisite floor length gowns with exact matching specified cut and color for wedding party? Check!  Paying for said gowns? Nah, too expensive for us, I'm sure everyone else can afford it.\n\nAm I being over the top? Is it just me? Or is this really ridiculous wedding behavior? I've been to maybe 6 weddings in my life, attended in 3, fully planned 1, and have helped plan another. I am all for modern weddings where you throw the whole \"brides family pays for this, grooms family pays for that\" out the window, but typically that cost shouldn't rest on your wedding party, guests, and pretty much anyone that isn't you. How do I explain to them the things that won't fly? I'm not freezing my infant because they're stubborn and I'm certainly not going to pay for tux, baby dress, makeup, dinner for me and my hubby, AND play pack mule to set up and take down their entire reception center. I don't care who you are, it's ridiculous and asking too much. Not that they asked if we would set up - they told us we would. I don't want to \"ruin\" their day; I want it to go well,  I want everyone to enjoy themselves, but I can't force them to plan better. That's on them.\n\nSo my question is how to handle it? Christy is super sensitive and takes literally any criticism as a personal attack so I want to go delicately here. Also, Christy and I work together so achieving peace here is very important.\n\nEDIT: Fixed wedding date to 4/25, not 4/20.\n\nTl;dr: My brothers wedding plans lack tact and etiquette and is costing my small family a hefty sum. I could handle that if they didn't also expect us to do 100% of the footwork to set up and take down their wedding. They're stepping on toes left and right. How do I tell them they're asking (and telling) way too much?\n\nMINI UPDATE: I sincerely appreciate all if you taking the time to weigh in and offer advice! Just knowing that I'm not the only one thinking this is rude and crazy helps. After talking to my parents and showing them this thread, they decided to talk to Andrew this weekend about a select few things:\n\n- They should put that they're not serving any food or refreshment on the invite so people know they won't be fed, as this isn't typical for a wedding.\n\n- Grandma really should be invited.\n\n- The officiant, since he is and old friend and is doing it for free, needs a gift.\n\nAs for me, I'm going to set some boundaries with this wedding, mainly with what I will and won't do and how my daughter will be kept warm during the wedding.\n\nI will post a real update on the convo with my brother after it happens. Thanks again everyone!\n\n\n\n[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/WYnWs0AVkE)  **Nov 14, 2014 (4 days later)**\n\nSo Christy actually texted my mom in a panic on Tuesday night because her mom had added some names she didn't know to the guest list of her side of the family. My mom just told her that she could help her and had her come over to talk. Christy brought over her wedding planning book and sat down with me and my mom. My mom asked her about the wedding plans, confirming that they intended to have no meal, that all the wedding party would pay for their own meal, etc. Christy confirmed.\n\nMy mom, the Saint of Offering Constructive Criticism In The Nicest Way Possible, said to Christy, \"I worry about this plan potentially hurting feelings, on your family's side as well. Do you mind if I explain way I think that?\" Christy was pretty receptive. She said she didn't want anyone to have their feelings hurt and asked what was offensive. My mom posed this rhetorical situation (I guess she got this idea from my sister):\n\n\"Okay Christy. Imagine your parents invited you over for Christmas. You drive the 3 hours to their house, you dress in your best Christmas sweater, and you show up with gifts. Everyone is happy to see you and you hug and visit for a while. Your parents and some of your family then tell you that they are going to dinner. You can't come, but you can go to McDonald's or something. They let you know they'll be back in about 2 hours, so just hang out in the yard or...wherever. When they get back,  they let you back in the house so you can watch them eat the Christmas cookies they made for themselves, open only their presents, and play some Christmas music. Once that's all done, they say, \"Thanks for coming, see you next year!\" And boot you out the door. Would your feelings be hurt?\"\n\nMy mom ","offTopic":false},{"id":"74cd5ea2-67bc-40e6-9e8f-7f90164de236","excerpt":"My (30sF) twin (M) doesn’t want me at his wedding — **I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/sigbacc**\n\n**Originally posted to r/whatshouldido + r/weddingdrama**\n\n**My (30sF) twin (M) doesn’t want me at his wedding**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!possible controlling behavior, entitlement!<\n\n\\----\n\n**Editor's note: I am adding two previous","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1r55xxj/my_30sf_twin_m_doesnt_want_me_at_his_wedding/","role":"pain","weight":1.3541331,"occurredAt":"2026-02-15T05:00:12.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.4068916,"sentiment":0.11111111,"confidence":0.9625,"matchedPatterns":["why_doesnt","too_expensive","missing_feature"],"statement":"He hasn't responded and I'm not sure what to do, I get the feeling that he will wait until travel is too expensive to invite me, so it looks like I'm the one who refused.","title":"My (30sF) twin (M) doesn’t want me at his wedding","body":"**I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/sigbacc**\n\n**Originally posted to r/whatshouldido + r/weddingdrama**\n\n**My (30sF) twin (M) doesn’t want me at his wedding**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!possible controlling behavior, entitlement!<\n\n\\----\n\n**Editor's note: I am adding two previous posts for more context to the current situation**\n\n[Brother is being vague about wedding plans](https://www.reddit.com/r/WhatShouldIDo/comments/1pxo4jx/brother_is_being_vague_about_wedding_plans/): **December 28, 2025**\n\n**Editor's note: this post's body text was saved before it was deleted**\n\nHey reddit, I don't know where else to go so I'm writing here and hoping to stay anonymous as possible.\n\nI (33F) moved abroad, more than a 10 hour flight from my hometown / most of my family and on another continent.\n\nIn July, I had some tensions with my twin brother, nothing serious but we didn't really speak to each other, and following that he got engaged to his girlfriend of four years. I made a trip home in November and saw him, there was no animosity and I even asked if I should stay my final night at his place since he’s near the airport - which he immediately agreed to but in the end it didn't pan out because I wasn’t comfortable taking all my luggage and a small child on the train - but I’m emphasizing the point there wasn't any hard feelings or anything around it. Instant yeses, lots of love, nothing unusual in fact. Me and my brother love each other and we may bicker or go radio silent but it is never anything serious. In November, to my face he says he didn't have a wedding date, they were thinking end summer (which I took to mean third week of September) and he specifically said don't book anything travel wise.\n\nLater, I get a text from a family member saying they will see me on August 22nd. I did à double take and asked if they are sure that the date is set, they informed me they were told this specific date was penciled in. So tentative, but not in ink. I got back to my brother but he didn't respond.\n\nAs flights for me are going to be expensive no matter what, and I will have to find childcare (since I was told it's a childfree wedding) there is a big difference in September flight prices and August. But now my brother isn't responding to my messages, and I'm asking for clarification on if I'm invited and what dates are as travel cost is only going to go up for me. He hasn't responded and I'm not sure what to do, I get the feeling that he will wait until travel is too expensive to invite me, so it looks like I'm the one who refused. Until now there has been no question that I'd be invited and I have made it clear I'll make the trip for him.\n\nAlso, I have a feeling the bride doesn't want me there, she certainly made a point to separate us when they came to visit because I literally would look at my brother and just laugh, without instigation, because we are just deliriously happy and goofy and ridiculous around each other. I know its odd for those who witness and friends have said its like we are \"in our own world\" so I can respect the bride not wanting me there. If it would make her special day all the more special if I were not there I’m happy to accommodate (and save money by not traveling to a wedding where I'm not wanted) but the mixed signals and silence is throwing me off a bit here, because he knows my ticket is going to become unaffordable if they wait until June or July to invite me.\n\nSo what should I do ? Am I overthinking this ? Any help is appreciated \n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** You’re way overthinking, but understandably since you’re international.\n\nYou are making your brother anxious with your anxiety though. Planning a wedding is a lot of stress & you’re adding to that pressure by asking for plans not finalized. I’d shut down too.\n\nIf you’re really concerned about flight & trip expenses, open up an airline specific credit card. Most give points for referrals & no interest the first year. Can easily cover the whole trip & slowly pay it off.\n\nYou should get into therapy for anxiety & stress management. In the most gentle way possible, it’s not normal to be this anxious. Weddings & large family gatherings bring up strong feelings & weird behavior in people. Look at therapy as an extended investment in the trip & in your health.\n\n> **OOP:** I really appreciate this, and the time taken to respond - thank you ! \n\nI didn't think I was being overly anxious, I think my guard is up because I was told by my brother not to make plans, while other family members are given an exact date and info like it's child free. (I have a son who will be 10 at that time) So that has for sure confused me, especially since I know brides side will be flying in so I'm sure they are given advance/planning time. Their flight is 3 hrs., same country and mine is much longer and international. Is it unreasonable to expect to be given advance notice or at least info that's congruent with what others are told? If there is anxiety, it's coming from that - being told one thing and hear something totally different from others. I'm a bit thrown by that \n\nI will for sure let up on my bro though, I don't wanna put added stress on him. I needed that perspective. I've never spent money I don't have or signed up for a credit card, but what I can do is invest in a ticket that has insurance / flexibility. But for that I at least need dates, because I was told end summer and heard instead August 22nd. \n\n**Commenter 2:** Don’t listen to rumors from a game of telephone, wait for an invite with details.\n\nYour brother specifically said don’t book travel yet. Probably because they’re still negotiating on venue. August 22nd is the end of summer. September 1st is considered fall where I’m from. I’m sure they’ll let you know soon, but don’t have contracts signed yet.\n\n“Reasonable advanced warning” varies couple to couple. Some send out save the dates 2 years in advanced. Others are more last minute planners & may send out an invite 2 months before (this is less common). Every society, culture & couple has a different standard.\n\nIt’s understandable you want an answer to plan, but there’s really nothing you can do but wait & save up.\n\n> **OOP:** Thank you ! I will do exactly that. For me, delay increases price and honestly, if he waits too long it won't be doable. I hope my family understands if that's the case and I'm not blamed for it. My husband works in medical, and his schedule is booked out way in advance, but he will be the one taking time off as well, just to stay home with our lad. \n\n**Commenter 3:** Have you actually called him? Texting is great but phone calls are better… If you can’t get a response from him then talk to your mom/dad. Call the bride to be… If all of that fails then send your brother a final text…\n\n“Hey, I have tried every possible way to confirm your wedding date with no success. Person X says it will be August 22nd, but I need to hear it from you. At this point it feels as though I am not wanted at the wedding, if that’s true it’s okay but, please tell me. If I am invited to the wedding I need to know soon. If I wait too long I will not be able to afford the plane tickets to attend. This is my last attempt at getting confirmation. If I don’t hear from you I will not be attending. This is not my choice, but due to the circumstances it will be the end result. I hope to hear from you soon!”\n\n> **OOP:** This is really helpful, thank you. I'll for sure call him\n\n**Commenter 4:** How can you receive backlash for not attending a wedding to which you weren't invited? It's weird that you haven't picked up the phone, but so far his lack of communication indicates he's not prioritizing you attending his wedding. If your main purpose in going is to avoid backlash, your family has bigger issues than you should budget for. Decide if you even want to go and then call your twin, not the bride or your mom.\n\n> **OOP:** Picking up the phone, means using my landline to avoid incurring a cost to him, and also organizing with him a time (since my time zone is 9hrs ahead) that we are not only both awake but not working. I don't have social media or apps that can allow internet calls except WhatsApp. So picking up the phone is doable but not simple. \n\n+\n\n> As for the backlash, my family knows how close we are and even from infancy we were inseparable, we were like salt and pepper. We were the babies of the family too, so the older siblings all saw our bond.  They would be disappointed if I wasn't there, and ashamed if I myself avoided it. I wouldn't willingly avoid it, but looking at prices now I'm seeing the cost is already much different than what it was in November \n\n**Is the bride jealous of OOP?**\n\n> **OOP:** I don't think she is jealous, at least I hope not - but I am essentially a broke farmer type, or like - stay at home mom who has a horse business that just covers my own horse expenses type thing, and she on the other hand makes a ton of money working remote and traveling all over and isnt shy about it, even calling herself \"moneybags\" jokingly. But when they were here she for sure had a problem with my brother and I's closeness, and I hate that because I can't perceive it but even friends have said they felt excluded because of it. Whatever it is, is because we are twins - not because we nurture or even try to have a good relationship, we hated each other most of the time but also like oddly would always show up dressed in matching colors and other weird quirks like that. But she magically got over her carsickness and no longer needed to ride in front at the tail end of a six hour road trip because me and my twin were laughing to tears, I can't even remember what about because sometimes just a look or nod is enough to send me\n\n&nbsp;\n[Brother isn't responding and flight prices are growing](https://www.reddit.com/r/WhatShouldIDo/s/adLjbyrQi6): **January 5, 2026 (eight days later)**\n\nSo my (35F) twin (35M) is getting married. In October, while I was in my home country, to my face he said \"We are thinking end summer, don’t plan anything or buy tickets\"\n\nI'm à 10hr flight away on another continent. But that same time, parents were saying it's August 22nd. Now I'm still hearing it's August 22nd and that of course I'm included but I have no news from the couple. It's been recommended I buy a flexible ticket for August 22nd but at this point, as I'm not invited, I didn’t see why to get a ticket.\n\nIll get huge backlash if I'm not there, honestly probably disowned. I get the feeling I'm not welcome - but that they will wait I until prices are ridiculous so it seems like its my fault for not going. I have called, left voicemails, iMessages, etc. I don’t have a way to group chat and include everyone on one app because I don’t have social media, but it wouldn't help anyway because if I go to my parents they will tell me to figure it out between us - he has kinda been the golden child and already I told my mom and sent her the screenshots and she said \"He is busy living his life\" and my dad told me not to put pressure on them since they are planning a wedding and it's already stressful.\n\n**edit:** got a message from my brother just now. it says please do not plan on attending our wedding\n\nhonestly it feels nice to have closure on the matter. best of luck to him.\n\n[Screenshots of the text messages](https://imgur.com/a/ZGS5Doc)\n\n**Editor's note: OOP made duplicate screenshots of the text messages, I have attached two screenshots that are in chorological order**\n\n**The text messages are from OOP only to her twin brother**\n\n**OOP:** Hello\n\nCan you please respond to my message so I can plan my next year accordingly?\n\nAppreciated\n\nOOP\n\n**OOP:** Hey I just left a voice-mail\n\nLet me know when a good time is for a phone call\n\nThanks\n\nOOP\n\n**OOP:** Hey [Twin Brother]\n\nWhen is a good time to call?\n\n**OOP:** Hey I need to be able to plan accordingly if I'm invited to your wedding. If I don't hear from you I'll take it I'm not invited, but p","offTopic":false},{"id":"33fec082-db27-4a49-9411-8d25c104bf29","excerpt":"Our caterer forgot about us… — My wedding was this past weekend. I got engaged back in April, and the first thing we did was find a caterer for our small backyard wedding of about 20 people. We picked this (well known and popular in our area) caterer because they had specific options we really wanted. We ordered smoked","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/1mztwrb/our_caterer_forgot_about_us/","role":"pain","weight":1.346947,"occurredAt":"2025-08-25T15:39:36.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"wedding","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.53790325,"sentiment":-0.032258064,"confidence":0.87583333,"matchedPatterns":["i_hate","terrible"],"statement":"Our main meal of stuffed flounder got swapped to ribs, and he included a tray of beans (which personally I hate beans).","title":"Our caterer forgot about us…","body":"My wedding was this past weekend. I got engaged back in April, and the first thing we did was find a caterer for our small backyard wedding of about 20 people. We picked this (well known and popular in our area) caterer because they had specific options we really wanted. We ordered smoked sliced brisket, stuffed flounder, mac and cheese, chicken quesadillas, bacon wrapped jalapeños, and sweet biscuits, for a total quote of $700 and a $200 deposit. We were originally going to pick up the food, but 2 weeks ago I messaged with the owner and asked if they could deliver, and he agreed. \n\nMaybe this is on me for not confirming in the few days before the wedding, but I sent a message trying to confirm at 8 am the day of our wedding for a 3 pm catering delivery. After no response all day, I started getting a little worried. 3:15 rolls around and I decide to call the restaurant and see if they have a time estimate. They tell me they will call the owner and call me back. 10 minutes later I find out from the owner that he forgot about us. He was thrown off because his head chef broke his hand the night before, and he can’t believe this happened, he feels awful, he’s on his way to the restaurant to pick up some trays they are preparing but they won’t be able to accommodate what we originally ordered. \n\n4:30 rolls around, an hour and a half after we planned for dinner, and we get only 2 of the trays we actually ordered and 2 more trays that we didn’t. Our main meal of stuffed flounder got swapped to ribs, and he included a tray of beans (which personally I hate beans). Altogether we ended up with brisket, ribs, mac and cheese, and beans. So I ate brisket and mac and cheese (which was kind of cold) for dinner at my wedding. Everyone ate and seemed generally happy with the food. \n\nI was pretty upset and never talked to the owner when he arrived with the food. He told my parents not to worry about paying anything else (we already paid a $200 deposit). I haven’t heard anything else from him, no messages at all. \n\nSo Reddit, it’s a few days later and I need to know if I should be making a bigger stink about this. Some of my family thinks we kind of made out in saving $500. Some think he should’ve given our deposit back. Some think he should offer us a free dinner so we can actually have the meals we were excited to have and never got to try. I’ve been going back and forth about writing a scathing review on social media. I work at a restaurant, and I know that shit happens and people make mistakes, but this was my wedding day and I’m pretty upset about how this all happened. I’m just kicking myself for not sending them a message 2-3 days before. If you read this all, let me know what you would do! \n\nedit: Thank you for all your responses so far! Just wanted to edit with a bit more context and to answer a few questions I’ve seen. There was no contract. We only ever discussed over facebook messenger. He owns a well established, well know in my city food truck that has done catering for years and has great reviews. He opened a separate restaurant in the past few months. He posted a “brand new from the new restaurant catering menu” on Facebook about 2 hours before my wedding (from the same account that I messaged earlier that morning). I thought that after putting our order together he decided to update the catering menu, but nope, an unfortunate (for me) coincidence \n\nedit 2: Lots of differing opinions on how to handle this, but I have to agree with the most common sentiment to just let it go. I don’t think I will leave a review, but I at least unfollowed their page so I don’t get bummed out seeing their posts about food. It stung a bit extra since the food was really the only part of the wedding we were planning to spend a significant amount of money on, and we were really looking forward to it. I spent $25 on my dress, got my decorations all second hand, played a spotify playlist, and our rings combined were less expensive than the catering. BUT money is not the important thing, we had a great day with family, everyone had lots of drinks and spent time in the pool with the best weather we could’ve asked for. Tonight we will be going for sushi! (and have been joking about all the sushi dates we can go on with the $500 we saved lol) \n\nedit 3: Thanks again to everyone who shared their opinion, I read them all, and it helped gain some perspective. Thank you so much to everyone who offered their congratulations and any other kind words, they are much appreciated! \n\nMy husband and I did decide to shoot the owner a quick message since he asked my husband to let him know how the food was. We told him the brisket was really good, we appreciated him getting some food to us, we hope his chef is doing okay, we’re bummed we didn’t get to try what we ordered but we understand things happen. His exact response was “Thank you so much. When I make the fish i will post it.” Presumably meaning when the fish is a special (it’s not on their normal menu) he will post on his facebook page and we could come get some (and I’m assuming pay for it since he didn’t say otherwise). I won’t see it since I unfollowed his page lol but oh well. I was curious what he would say if I reached out directly and now I know. Needless to say, he won’t be getting any more business from us in the future. ","offTopic":false},{"id":"1e372500-1f6a-422f-aa87-b8776bc2e89d","excerpt":"My (f22) Fiance's (m24) brother (m11) told me that he's been touching him right before our wedding — **I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAthetowel** \n\n**My (f22) Fiance's (m24) brother (m11) told me that he's been touching him right before our wedding** \n\n**Originally posted to r/relationship_advice** \n\n**TRIGGER WARNIN","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1tiabsp/my_f22_fiances_m24_brother_m11_told_me_that_hes/","role":"request","weight":1.3100333,"occurredAt":"2026-05-20T04:00:03.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"purchase_intent","painScore":0.39365253,"sentiment":0.21428572,"confidence":0.94,"matchedPatterns":["frustrating","waste_of_time","would_pay","missing_feature","still_cannot"],"statement":"Mom began sleeping in the guest bedroom before moving into her mom's ever since, and I've stayed with her on and off too Update: A few weeks after my update post, my dad stopped helping me after a follow-up we received that's made him blam…","title":"My (f22) Fiance's (m24) brother (m11) told me that he's been touching him right before our wedding","body":"**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAthetowel** \n\n**My (f22) Fiance's (m24) brother (m11) told me that he's been touching him right before our wedding** \n\n**Originally posted to r/relationship_advice** \n\n**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!pissible false accusations and mentions of child molestation!< \n\n[Original Post - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/lh71u8/myf22_fiancesm24_brotherm11_told_me_that_hes_been/)  **Feb 10, 2021** \n\nThis is a throwaway because I don't want it associated with my main account. \n\n\nI've been with my SO for the past four years. Parents love him and vice versa, and we went away for a few weeks the summer before 2020's craziness. As our condensed wedding is approaching in the coming weeks, I picked up his brother from sports on a day that he was busy, and he told me that his brother had touched him a few times in recent years, and I pulled over and asked him to tell me what he meant. He didn't want to go into detail too much, but he told me that he's tried to kiss him on the mouth when he was sleeping, along with how he put his stuff against his at times. I asked if he told his parents, and he said that they didn't believe him and told him that he was playing. I asked if he told anyone at school, and he said he did not either. \n\n\nI have every intention of helping him, since he felt comfortable to tell me what he did for whatever reason, but I know that if I go about it the wrong way, that he can get hurt more or his brother can become defensive. I'm also having a call with my parents tonight too, to hear how they best think we should handle the situation and reporting it to the authorities, but I wanted to potentially hear if anyone has any advice on how to do it in the most protective way possible, assuming it is true, and by his expression, I believe it was. \n\n\nAs for my wedding, I couldn't care less about it. As of right now, it's over and not happening, and while I plan to break up with him, I just want to know how I can do it while best ensuring his safety. I live on my own, and he lives with his parents. I'd break up with his disgusting ass now, but I was curious if there's a way to help him before ending things and potentially separating contact with his family \n\nThat's why I wanted to ask before doing anything, since while we're still together, I feel like I still have power to help him while I am \n\nEdit: I'm going to talk to my parents tonight about potentially taking him in, and if for whatever reason they can't, I have my own place and can do it as well. As for the police, I'm probably going to get them involved with my parents after talking to them shortly and weighing all of the options, but we will for sure by today or tomorrow the latest \n\nTL;DR: My fiance's younger brother told me that my fiance has been touching him right before our wedding, and I want to know how to best help him before calling everything off and breaking up with him. His parents don't believe him either, and I'm planning to contact the authorities tonight after talking with my parents, but I want to ask for more advice to cover as many angles as I can \n\n**RELEVANT COMMENTS** \n\n**Proud-Pomegranate879** \n\n>Every survivor says thank you. The children you would have had with this man say thank you. Remember when people try to get in your head about “ misunderstandings” and “mistakes “ and “attention seeking” to be strong. The one who will pay the price is the 11 year old. He will be crushed without your defense. Be proud of yourself. You’re an amazing person for being his shield. Thanks again. \n\n**OOP** \n\n>>The shock of how I'm going to have to figure out cancelling the wedding, as well as explaining why and how much to explain, hasn't even kicked in yet, but it's not a priority at the moment, and I'll address that when the time comes. Also slightly/selfishly nervous about some backlash from friends/acquaintances and what they will think, but if they have such things to say, then they're probably not good friends to keep around anyway, although it'll probably still hurt nonetheless. Hoping for the best \n\n**~** \n\n**Shindoblu** \n\n>I think the best thing to do is involve the authorities immediately, and try and see if the brother can live with anyone else, unless the parents start believing their eldest son is a vile excuse for a human being. You're probably one of the few people able the help the kid, as his whole family seem awful. See if your parents can help, but definitely report it to the police and block your fiancé (hopefully ex fiancé soon). Make sure the child can contact you or anyone else he trusts before though, because you don't want to leave him isolated in the situation any further. \n\n**OOP** \n\n>>That's why I wanted to ask before doing anything, since while we're still together, I feel like I still have power to help him. I'll contact them after talking to my parents, since his own parents won't even believe him \n\n[Update 1 - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mpuojx/update_myf22_fiancesm24_brotherm11_told_me_that/)  **Apr 13, 2021 (2 months later)** \n\nI've lost track of how many times I've deleted and rewrote this, and I don't even know if I'll be able to write out everything in detail even at this point. I be completely honest and say that I'm writing this for myself more than anything right now. I haven't been able to do much of anything for the past two months, and while I appreciate and have looked at the encouraging responses and advice to my first post, I just hate myself now and don't have anyone to talk to, and I've lost a lot of contact with certain friends over the last few weeks, and it's been really embarrassing too and I don't even recognize myself anymore. I know I'm being selfish, but I haven't even been able to go to work without breaking down sometimes, and then there are days that I just can't bring myself to do anything at all, and I honestly don't know how long I'll feel like this \n\n**Update** \n\nI showed my parents the replies to my post, and we took a lot of the advice that we received after telling them what I wrote out in my last post. But as of right now, my fiance's family is in the process of trying to sue my parents, but there were some things that happened before that \n\nThe main thing that stuck out to me from the replies, was to not tell people the exact reason why I wanted to cancel the wedding for numerous reasons. The biggest being to protect the victim first and foremost, and the second because he could turn it around into a slander suit against me and give him a leg to stand on, and my parents agreed that those would be terrible mistakes to make, and I really appreciate everyone who pointed out similar sentiments \n\nSo, after I told them, we agreed that we shouldn't waste time because we don't know how long the abuse has been going on or if it is still going on currently, along with how we didn't have much time to cancel the wedding and how we couldn't possibly continue with this now on our minds \n\nWe decided to contact the police first and tell them everything that he told me about the touching including the wedding and the best/safest steps to go forward from here, and they were really helpful in telling us what would happen next and taking a lot of the work/stress off of our hands after telling someone with power to do something about it. The police were able to tell us what would happen going forward and answer questions we had regarding CPS and other fears about retaliation from his family and the best order to do things in, and after we talked to them, we spoke to the wedding planner next about cancelling the wedding as well as my fiance and his family with guidelines on how to do it that the police were able to assist with, and my dad was able to quickly search for a lawyer that would be able to advise us on how to go about this and walk us through a lot of it \n\nWhat happened over the next bit of time, just happened so fast. I'll admit that my parents did the majority of talking to the police and the lawyer and were amazing throughout the process, but after we told my fiance and his family that we wanted to cancel, his parents became really mean and angry at us and began to act defensive when we began to tell them why in addition to the stuff that the police followed up with them on, and they have cut contact and have said that they want to sue for some of the money that they were putting into the wedding, but my parents said that that is the least of our concerns because of this \n\nAs I'm writing this right now, I don't know if he lied to me about my fiance touching him, but while I keep telling myself that he was not, my parents are starting to believe that maybe he was, and this is because the police have nothing as I'm writing this, and they said that he hasn't been extremely cooperative. I keep telling myself that maybe he's nervous, but I think he might've got scared and not told them what he told me, but it's been two months later and still nothing more than that \n\nI could write a bit more, and I still might, but I'll probably end with this for the moment because I'm just lost. My dad was really stressed out a couple of nights ago, and that is the main thing that made me frustrated enough to write this post honestly. He asked me \"if I had heard him correctly\" as if he didn't believe me, and my mom didn't say anything to him when he said that. I know he's been tired and that he's been really stressed at work and has taken some days off too, but he got really angry with me out of nowhere and asked if I was \"making it up because I got cold feet\" and how \"that would be a really shi___ thing to do\" and other things, and I don't know where this came from, but I just remember him being so angry at me and hating myself, and the anxiety from all of this is just overwhelming at this point. I don't ever want to get married again, and I don't want anyone to ever touch me again either, and I know I sound like a stupid entitled bi___, but I just think that he's scared, but that his family doesn't believe him, and while I'm not entirely surprised with their reaction, I just get so angry when I think of what dad said to me the other night, and we haven't talked much since he said that with mom there \n\nI feel like I'm destroying our family and their reputation, but I also feel that it's worth it to help him through this, but I just feel so powerless to do anything at this point, and a few of my girlfriends are angry at me for not telling them the reason why I called it off and said a bunch of mean things that I don't even want to write, and I literally don't have anyone to talk to right now. I keep telling myself that dad's just going through a phase and that he's just stressed because they want to sue him, but I just can't get what he said out of my mind and how mom just stood there and didn't say anything to help me, and I literally don't know what to do at this point. I don't regret going to the police, but I don't know how to get over my anxiety and wanted to ask if anyone knew how to do that, or how to just get over that mindset of not wanting to do anything at all. I haven't done anything fun or without this on my mind for literally weeks now, and I just need someone to tell me how to get back to a place of not perfection, but enough of one to be able to not walk around like my body's literally hurting when it's not and your mind just hurts when you think of everything. If there's anyone who's been through a similar down state and somehow got through it, I'm selfishly asking if they can tell me how to get there, because I don't see anything at the light of the tunnel, and I'm scared that nothing further will happen with my fiance's brother and that all we'll have is a lawsuit against my parents that'll make them hate me forever\n​\nTL;DR: I spoke to the police after speaking with my parents, and from the police to my parent's, everyone's been amazing, but after telling ","offTopic":false},{"id":"048c1e63-0ac1-4de3-beb9-a319a43fe735","excerpt":"Caterer Broke the #1 Rule: Don't Make the Brides Cry — EDIT: This caterer has been left intentionally anonymous. Please do NOT contact them or leave reviews if anyone knows of this business already. I get into it at the end of the post, but I genuinely do not want to deal with this business owner anymore; she ties all ","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1nvqhcx/caterer_broke_the_1_rule_dont_make_the_brides_cry/","role":"request","weight":1.2993474,"occurredAt":"2025-10-02T01:21:34.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"TwoHotTakes","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.34997138,"sentiment":0.17431192,"confidence":0.9625,"matchedPatterns":["wish","terrible","missing_feature"],"statement":"Sorry, this is gonna be pretty long, I wish there wasn't so much to document.","title":"Caterer Broke the #1 Rule: Don't Make the Brides Cry","body":"EDIT: This caterer has been left intentionally anonymous. Please do NOT contact them or leave reviews if anyone knows of this business already. I get into it at the end of the post, but I genuinely do not want to deal with this business owner anymore; she ties all reviews back to us. Thanks yall :')) <3 We really appreciate all of the supportive comments.\n\nBoy do I have a wedding story for y'all. I truly don't even know where to start with this, I could write a book on how badly this caterer fucked up. Sorry, this is gonna be pretty long, I wish there wasn't so much to document. Before I start yappin' too much, congratulations to Morgan and Justin on getting married!! Everything looked incredible, and we (26F + 27F, let's go lesbians!) actually got married on the same day! I hope your weather was as good as ours in New England. Okay, onto the story.\n\nI know every wedding day has hiccups, but I stupidly thought we saw the worst of it when we had to switch photographers the day before our wedding. Our florists were amazing, the photographer was so sweet to us, the day was going great until our caterer decided it was time to ruin the day we spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours on.\n\nThis caterer was supposed to be a cute small business run by women with a little silver vintage RV that they tow to different events with tables, dishes, food, etc. We were extremely confused when the \"caterers\" showed up, and there was no RV, and two dudes in their early 20s jumped out of a car that was littered with energy drinks. I don't mean a few cans like they opened their doors and cans came spilling out onto the ground. To give some context for our wedding, we booked a farmhouse Airbnb with a barn for the event space. We assumed most of the food was already prepared and just needed to be finished off in whatever appliances they had in the RV, but we were a bit confused when the staff members started bringing stuff into the Airbnb to use the ovens and stoves. Not a huge deal, but a bit off-putting when my dad asked about the RV because we reserved a place for it to be parked by the barn, and they said it wasn't coming. \n\nLike many couples in 2025, my wife and I are pretty broke, so we couldn't splurge on much for our wedding, but we decided the one thing we would do it on is food. My beautiful wife is a professional chef; she has a degree in baking and pastry arts and a degree in restaurant management. Needless to say, the food was one of the most important parts of the day for her. She worked on this menu for weeks; it was a combination of dishes they offered and dishes she came up with (they allowed custom dishes). She would talk about this incredible menu to anyone who would listen and was just anxiously waiting to try it all. Pumpkin Ricotta Ravioli with a brown butter sage sauce, Saffron and Garlic Basmati Rice, and a Fingerling Potato / Squash Medley were just some of the items on our menu.\n\nThis company sold their services as a cute, luxury experience created and run by chefs. It rated extremely well on Google reviews, and after many phone calls and meetings discussing what we were looking for, we trusted wholeheartedly that they could deliver what they promised. Boy we were wrong.\n\nThe two boys who honestly looked like they were shitting their pants the entire time started setting up and making appetizers. I'm gonna try not to rag on them too hard because the real villain of this story is the owner, M. These two were trying their best to save what they could but they soon accepted they were missing many ingredients and what they did have wasn't enough for 40 guests. So they had to make a last-minute run to the store to grab the many, many missing drink and food ingredients. We also hired the company to bartend, and were told if we provided the liquor, they would provide the tools and mixers. They showed up with no mixers, but they did have a bartender, and he was amazing. \n\nNow, because my wife is a chef, she has many experts in the culinary field at our wedding, some of whom actually do catering and know how a business like this should operate and the amounts of food that should be present for a 40-person event. After the ceremony, which thank god went beautifully, those professionals stepped into the kitchen to see how it was going since the two dudes seemed stressed as all hell before the ceremony. The two were scrambling to get the food prepared as fast as humanely possible, which meant they couldn't pass out appetizers (another service we were offered that was not provided). So the friends offered to work a bit and pass them out, but asked where the rest was. There was no rest, this is all of the appetizers, which were enough for maybe 15 people, not 40. Our beautiful, amazing, talented friends then split into two groups: one preps and passes out food to the guests, the other pulls what they can from the Airbnb fridge and pantry to make enough food to fill the gaps left wide open by this god awful caterer from hell. My now wife and I were a bit confused when our friend walked into our getting-ready room, passing out appetizers instead of one of the staff, and she very gently let us know that we're having some issues with the caterer. Fuck. She wanted to spare us the details so we could get back outside as fast as possible to get family portraits before joining our guests for the cocktail hour. Unfortunately, that's not how my wife works, and she needed details now so she can help solve this problem. Despite multiple friends refusing to fill her in so as not to upset her, one finally did when they realized she's more stressed not knowing than knowing.\n\nThe caterer then broke the #1 rule, DON'T. MAKE. THE BRIDES. CRY. They were missing TWO ENTREES, many appetizers + sides, and what they do have is wrong. The vintage RV never showed up, there are only two staff members, they're way behind schedule, and the food is cold and incorrect. They didn't have enough food for everyone, and now our friends, who should have the day off from culinary work and be enjoying the reception, have their aprons on and are trying to save this wedding. My poor wife started sobbing and fighting off a panic attack. We were just elated and excited to see everyone who traveled so far and look happy for pictures, and now we're watching the caterers who were supposed to feed our guests absolutely nose-dive. I'm sitting on the ground next to her, trying to calm her down and assure her it was going to work out. We see make-shift appetizers being rushed out for the cocktail hour. We tried the appetizers that the caterer was in charge of, and one of the main ingredients was wrong; it was freezing cold and not grilled like it was supposed to be. \n\nMy wife, I, our Best Bitch (like a Maid of Honor, but we didn't technically have a wedding party), and my mom were in the getting-ready room trying to figure out what to do. My mom called the owner of the company (the lady we had all of our calls with) to ask what the hell was going on. \"M\" answered, my mom explained the situation, and this lady couldn't care less. She said she \"didn't see what the problem was, not ALL of the food is out, so you don't know for sure yet that it's not enough.\" My mom said the two staff members in the kitchen seemed like they were absolutely lost and overwhelmed. M says, \"Well, they're not really my employees, they don't totally know what they're doing...\" I shit you not. She said that. To my mother. On her daughter's wedding day. My mom's mood immediately switched. \"I'm sorry, we spent THOUSANDS on this food and your employees don't know what they're doing??? Why would you send them? You talk about being a chef, why aren't YOU here to help if you knew there were issues before they even left for the event?\" We left the room because it was overwhelming to listen to this shitty owner talk in a bored voice while trying to process everything going on. Also, at this point, we were 30 minutes late for photos, and the sun was about to go down. In case you're curious how that phone call went, M never apologized and hung up on my mom mid-sentence.\n\nWe walk into the kitchen, and my wife is in Gordan Ramsey mode now. She asked the two boys what was missing. They listed the ingredients and said, \"M knew we were short on everything, but she sent us anyway!\" We filled them in on what we heard of the phone call with her, and man, the way they stopped and looked at each other. You could tell this wasn't the first time this has happened.\n\nFast-forward a bit, and there are more guests in the kitchen, trying to get dinner ready, and my wife and I are getting pictures taken. I'm trying to keep this as short as possible, but I also wanted to mention that after finally collecting myself for photos, I took one step outside and my mom accidentally stepped on the back of my dress and ripped about a foot of the lace trim. My sweet seamstress friend ran me back inside to quickly fix my dress, and that's when I started crying, too. We decided to just cut the rest of the trim off so I can get photos before the sun is entirely down.\n\nAfter photos, we sat for dinner, our best bitch gave a short speech thanking all of the guests who stepped up to make and serve dinner (and order extra food from a local pizza place, which was $240 and extra ingredients for the dinner and drinks $150), and we went to make our plates. The food our friends made and bought was amazing; the food the caterers prepared was an absolute embarrassment. What was supposed to be the Fingerling Potato / Squash Medley was instant mashed potatoes (our friends saw the two boxes they bought on their grocery store run), the ravioli which was our only vegetarian option for our five vegetatian friends was replaced by a quick pesto pasta our friends made out of various ingredients they found (again, the caterer just didn't bring this), the tandori chicken was not a yummy red color, but dry, tanish-gray baked chicken piled onto a plate (picture attached), what was supposed to be brown sugar glazed ham was a grocery store ham still on the bone fresh from its little bag and served in a hotel pan (picture attached), and the safron + garlic rice was plain, white rice). There was more, but I'll stop there.\n\nLater in the night, there was supposed to be a coffee service. A \"gorgeous display with a variety of sugars, creamers (dairy & non-dairy), hot or iced coffee, and real mugs & glasses.\" How about a single, empty coffee carafe on one of our tables, and our friends had to brew pots of coffee to fill it up, take the creamers and sugars from the Airbnb, plus mismatched mugs and to-go cups from the cabinets (picture attached). We also paid them for a water service which boasted \"Fruit & herb infused water for guests. Includes gorgeous display and disposable cups. For up to four (4) hours.\" Yeah, not a single one of those things was there. We filled up one of our water containers and put it out for guests. I don't even know what we did for glasses. \n\nBy the end of the night, we were doing everything we could to salvage this day in our memories, but I could never have expected one piece going wrong to have such a massive ripple effect of chaos. As my dad put it so well in a section of the email sent to them this morning:\n\n\"This was an absolutely disastrous meal.  While we are appreciative that you did initiate a refund of our second payment to your group, due to the absolutely disastrous nature of this event, **we are asking you for a full refund, as you did not honor your agreement and provide the food and beverage services you agreed to.**  Even then, it will never make up for the fact that you effectively ruined a once-in-a-lifetime wedding event for our daughter.   It was not as if a few things were wrong -- everything was wrong, missing, and late.   You provided a staff that was unprepared to produce this meal, and did not equip them with the food, ingredients, dishes, and supplies necessary.   Your com","offTopic":false},{"id":"6ee5314b-bdd4-4956-be8f-86235998a89a","excerpt":"Our photographer slept through the entire reception and half the family ditched for a World Series party — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/orangejuuliuses**\n\n**Originally posted to r/weddingplanning**\n\n**Our photographer slept through the entire reception and half the family ditched for a World Series party**\n\n**Thanks to u/s","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1p3wcgh/our_photographer_slept_through_the_entire/","role":"request","weight":1.2784001,"occurredAt":"2025-11-22T15:44:21.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.36,"sentiment":0.6,"confidence":0.94,"matchedPatterns":["wish","too_expensive","missing_feature"],"statement":"It would've been way too expensive to pay someone to travel several hours to us, so we asked (who we thought was) a reliable family member.","title":"Our photographer slept through the entire reception and half the family ditched for a World Series party","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/orangejuuliuses**\n\n**Originally posted to r/weddingplanning**\n\n**Our photographer slept through the entire reception and half the family ditched for a World Series party**\n\n**Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!medical emergency, neglect, possible racism!<\n\n**Mood Spoilers:** >!outrageous!<\n\n----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/s/ZIvsWnjGsh): **November 3, 2025**\n\nThere ain't no flair to recap what went down this weekend y'all. Weddings bring out a different breed of crazy in people.\n\nI'd like to start by saying I absolutely adore my wife, I adore my chosen family, and I will forever cherish our wedding as the day our family tree was planted. I will also say that this is not fake, it's not AI, yes all of this really really happened.\n\nNecessary context: We had a non religious, family only (~10) ceremony at noon in a state park, immediately followed by a reception at a nearby location with the rest of our guests (~60). It was a 15 minute drive between locations. We'd been engaged for about 14 months and sent out save the dates exactly one year in advance.\n\nMy wife had a major medical emergency that kept her in the hospital all summer. There was absolutely a time we thought we'd have to postpone. All of her doctors have been extremely surprised she would be able to walk long enough to go down the aisle and stand long enough to have her first dance. (Interjection: this determination and grit is why I married her ❤️).\n\nNow onto our wedding day:\n\nOne family member in her 40s showed up in a white t shirt and black leggings. Somehow, this is the least offensive thing that happened and makes both of us laugh when we talk about it.\n\nWife's mom, grandma, grandpa, and her only sibling did not attend the ceremony nor reception. Still not sure why.\n\nThe photographer's camera crapped out immediately after we walked down the aisle, so everything else was taken on a phone. Family photos, rings, first kiss, everything. I had assumed she would want to run home to figure that out before dinner and the first dance, so we let her leave a little early.\n\nWhen we showed up to dinner, I immediately noticed the family table was only half full. My in-laws were nowhere to be found. They, along with the photographer, missed our first dance and speeches. Dinner and cake was completely gone and dishes were on the drying rack by the time they got there.\n\nAunt and uncle strolled in almost four hours late, stayed for about 45 minutes, and then left. Turns out cousins and uncles were at \"another party\" - when we did the math, aunt and uncle decided to show up when the dodgers had sealed the game. Fuck the dodgers, but that's irrelevant.\n\nAll night, our VIP friends and I texted and called the photographer like our lives depended on it. We took shifts all night long. The response after we got into bed, verbatim: \"fell asleep\". Thankfully we had a few folks go nuts on their phones so it's not like we don't have any pictures. But that meant all night I was worrying about asking people to take and text me pictures of my wife.\n\nThankfully, the agreement was cash in exchange for a disc of unedited photos. Yes I know that's non traditional but that's how people do things here. When the disc is physically in my hands, I will inform her that she will not receive any payment as she failed to meet her obligations as a hired photographer. Thankfully, she has already sent the pictures on her phone which were the most important parts anyways.\n\nOh, and did I mention our officiant showed up to the ceremony with a completely blank journal? Not a drop of ink on her supposed script. Did not use the proclamation or declaration my wife and I wrote together. None of the readings we provided. She had no idea what was going on and repeatedly asked me what to do and what was supposed to happen next. She delayed and canceled every opportunity we had to rehearse and showed up 10 minutes before we walked down the aisle.\n\nCeremony? Missed the most important ceremonial parts. Photographer? Missed 10 hours of her commitment. Family? Great question.\n\nSo yeah. I fucking love my wife and I'm so hyped I got to marry my best friend. I'm so extremely happy she's been healthy enough to have a wedding, I just hate that so many different people let her down.\n\n**Edited:** I swear the lack of detail is from writing this at 4am in my kitchen after everyone left. When I said \"how we do things here\" -- I live in a very rural, small town on the US/mexico border. Naming the community would 100% identify me, as if this whole post doesn't anyways lol. It would've been way too expensive to pay someone to travel several hours to us, so we asked (who we thought was) a reliable family member. She has done a lot of similar work for people in the community in the same boat as us.\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** I am so sorry this all happened. I know you’re trying to be positive and are still so grateful you got to marry your wife, who got to make it to her own wedding. But you have every right to be pissed.\n\nTruly, I’d trash that photographer on every single review board possible, including local wedding facebook pages. I’d reach out to every day of coordinator or wedding planner in the area and advise them to not hire this person.\n\nNext, and this is obviously up to your wife… but I’d really consider going no contact with her whole immediate family. It doesn’t sound like you guys have major beef with them if you have no idea why they didn’t show. You’d think a set of parents, sibling and grandparents would be so happy their child/family member was alive and well AND getting married to the love of her life… that they’d be at her wedding crying. But no? They don’t care about her and I think going no contact is the safest way to protect her going forward. For when you guys have children or other major life events that they ignore. Don’t give them the opportunity to even PRETEND to care, because they don’t.\n\n> **OOP:** Thank you for this. I really appreciate it.\n> \n> I texted her mom to say \"we missed you yesterday. My wife would like at least a text from her mother on her wedding day.\"\n> \n> The response: \"noted\"\n\n**Commenter 2:** *\"Thankfully, the agreement was cash in exchange for a disc of unedited photos. Yes I know that's non traditional but that's how people do things here.\"*\n\nWhere is, **here**?\n> \n>> **Commenter 3:** Yeah because they were watching the world series, and that's absolutely not how things are done in the US. \n>> \n>>> **Commenter 4:** Yeah. Agree. Reading between the lines here, (and totally NOT blaming OP for this crazy stuff happening) it seems that maybe OP had more of an informal type gathering that did not involve professional wedding vendors? I can't imagine any well-reviewed photographer would fall asleep or well-reviewed officiant would come empty handed and wing it.\n>>> \n>>> Something more is to this story. People's own parents do not miss their weddings without there being more to the story. Even if the \"more\" is just that they're horrible parents or that it was OP's wife's 5th wedding or something.\n>>> \n>>> OP- We need more details here! LOL\n>>> \n>>>> **OOP:** Correct - you'll see in my edit but our family and local community is just way too small to justify vendors of any kind. There legitimately are not wedding vendors here, so our only option for chairs and tables were a business an hour away that specializes in bouncy houses lol. Much more of a \"DIY\" wedding but it still deserves the same respect from the people in our lives\n\n**Commenter 5:** I think you and your wife deserve beauty wedding photos. I would pick a location you love and an actual professional photographs so some staged photos of you both in your wedding gear. If you’re not up to it now, it would make a wonderful first anniversary gift.\n\n> **OOP:** If I hadn't quite literally just returned my rental tux I'd say we'd go for it this week. She loves the idea of retrying the vow ceremony, just the two of us, with a very very close friend who expressed her disgust at both the photographer and officiant situations\n\n**Commenter 6:** I hope you torched that photographer in the reviews.\n\n> **OOP:** I torched her in her damn text messages. Selfish and lazy honestly\n\n**Commenter 7:**  I just need to know why her family ditched her at her wedding. When you find out can you please update us. I’m sure the excuse will be just as amusing as all the other crappy things that happened.\n\nI love your sense of humor through it all. This will get you and your wife through a lot of difficult times through your marriage and lifetime. Congratulations! 🎉\n\n> **OOP:**  I'd love to know too. I have a feeling the people in this thread might find out before we do lol.\n> \n> Laughter is the first cornerstone of love. Thanks for the positivity <3.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/s/xXwnyEtn22): **November 4, 2025 (next day)**\n\nUPDATE: our photographer slept through our wedding\n\nIn case you missed it, we had a non traditional ceremony and reception in our rural community over the weekend. Our photographer slept through the reception, family ditched to watch the World Series, and officiant showed up to the ceremony completely empty handed.\n\n\\#1: no update on the family or why they left. No update from wife's mom/grandparents for no-showing, they're still refusing to reach out to her. She's doing better today, but we probably aren't getting an answer on this for a good while. Honestly, that is really only her family's loss and not ours.\n\n\\#2: got the disc of photos! Didn't say a word or exchange a penny when I picked them up, just turned around and got right back in the car. Looking at them reminded me why we chose this state park as our venue - damn near impossible to even notice camera quality when the location is so stunning. I do a lot of graphic design and photo editing for work, so I'm excited to take a crack at editing them myself today!\n\n\\#3: I don't think we need an apology from the officiant because the photos of her looking like she got caught in the cookie jar are more than enough. God I wish I could post them here. Her face in every single photo - rings, readings, vows - looks exactly like the \"awkward monkey puppet\" meme. In the family photos, she is fully upstaging my wife. My wife is quite literally in her shadow lol. In her words: \"that's a big ass smile for half an ass of work\" 😭😭😭 Every time I get irritated or bummed about logistic failings, I look at the ceremony pics and immediately start crying laughing.\n\nI am genuinely shocked that this community has been so supportive!!! It'll be a long time before either of us want to spend any amount of time with this side of the family, but we had such a special weekend with childhood friends from 9 different states around the country. No matter what, that can never be taken from us :)\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** I'm just amazed how strongly you are holding yourself together. If I were you, I must have had like the 999th mental breakdown and full on ready for another one. This whole thing reminds me that a wedding day is just a day - yea it's beautiful, memorable and magical but what makes it all those words is that you get to marry the person you love the most. I have been having minor regrets on few things for my wedding (such as \"I should have rented nice wine glasses\" or \"I should have hired a second photographer\") - now I can finally let them go. Wish you two the best and the happiest life together!\n\n> **OOP:** Thank you ❤️ this year has taught us how to work with the cards we're dealt. We didn't get to complain about food at the hospital or the bar of soap they gave me in the visitor showers because it's just what we had to deal with. She teaches me patience like I've never known.\n> \n> We've been gabbing all day about our chosen family and all of the amazing ways they've shown up for us. I don't thin","offTopic":false},{"id":"4a011796-1801-4cfe-8806-4aadf2ee8887","excerpt":"Wedding bartender made a comment to me, the bride, about bar tips on my wedding night after we’d already paid a 20% service fee — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/LeftBrainWriteBrain**\n\n**Originally posted to r/EndTipping**\n\n**Wedding bartender made a comment to me, the bride, about bar tips on my wedding night after we’d alre","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1u4goez/wedding_bartender_made_a_comment_to_me_the_bride/","role":"pain","weight":1.2632285,"occurredAt":"2026-06-13T04:00:08.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.5342857,"sentiment":-0.2857143,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["frustrating","missing_feature"],"statement":"Their tact may be missing but that is the million dollar question here...","title":"Wedding bartender made a comment to me, the bride, about bar tips on my wedding night after we’d already paid a 20% service fee","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/LeftBrainWriteBrain**\n\n**Originally posted to r/EndTipping**\n\n**Wedding bartender made a comment to me, the bride, about bar tips on my wedding night after we’d already paid a 20% service fee**\n\n**Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for suggesting this BoRU**\n\n-----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EndTipping/s/RJ6a7wjztd): **May 27, 2026**\n\nWe had a small wedding at an established wedding venue that we paid for food and beverage through, and a big philosophy for us when planning the ceremony was to make sure our staff were taken care of beforehand so that our guests were under no additional obligation since they were already traveling to spend time with us at the wedding.\n\nWell, we paid the venue with a service fee that was 20% of the venue and food cost, which I’d say were both rather expensive (it’s a nice place and this is what we were going for/excited about). The service fee wasn’t listed as a gratuity, but claimed to go directly to the staff so we thought we were covered.\n\nUpon my arrival, we saw that the event manager who was also partially tending the bar had set up a sign with a QR code at the bar for tipping their personal Venmo. I thought this was tacky to begin with, but also genuinely thought that we’d taken care of it by prepaying the 20% service fee. Since I didn’t want guests to feel any obligation, we asked for the Venmo sign to be taken down. Again, this was a nice place, and the DIY Venmo QR code looked out of place and really caught us off-guard.\n\nFast forward to the end of the evening, I was basking in the warm glow of my new marriage, and the Venmo guy cornered me as I was leaving to say “it was my understanding that we’d settle up at the end of the night.” There are a lot of things to keep track of with wedding vendors and gratuities, so this caused me to panic that I’d hallucinated the 20% service charge and we were stiffing them and I delayed leaving to make sure that we’d remembered our payment/the co tract right. It left an extremely sour taste in my and my spouse’s mouths, because regardless, why was he asking me that at that moment? Ask the wedding planner, or send an email afterward, or don’t ask at all. Don’t interrupt a person’s wedding evening by expecting gratuity over a 20% industry standard.\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** Worked a while as a banquet bartender a while back. You should reach out to the company you hired. Given that it was a poorly made DIY sign I'm sure it wasn't company official. And yes, they should not have asked for payment in that moment.\n\n> **OOP:** Thank you for this insight! We will reach out.\n\n**Commenter 2:** It’s entirely possible that the company pocketed the service fee altogether. When it’s a mandatory fee, they are under no obligation to share it with the people who worked the event. My guess is that there’s a good chance they were promised tips by the company.\n\n> **OOP:** I believe that this should be between the employee and venue management, though, and not the employee and the wedding couple DURING the event.\n\n**Commenter 3:** A 20% service fee should already imply that service is covered. Being asked for even more gratuity afterward feels excessive and unprofessional. The Venmo sign and the direct request for additional tips make it seem more like pressure than hospitality. What’s frustrating is that so many caterers break costs into separate fees instead of just being upfront about the full price from the beginning. By the time they add service fees, gratuity, admin charges, and other extras, the final total ends up far higher than expected. Clear, all-inclusive pricing would make things much more transparent and avoid putting customers in awkward situations.\n> \n> **Commenter 4:** The sign also heavily implies that the bride did not take care of the gratuity! So tacky. I would've been mortified\n>> \n>> **OOP:** This is part of why I was so uncomfortable with it!! I’m never going to stop someone from handing a bartender some cash voluntarily, but the sign on display makes it feel like they are otherwise not getting taken care of & that the onus is on guests.\n\n+\n\n>> Precisely. And the sign being up made us feel like we’d missed something to begin with, but the additional comment was just beyond. Clear communication in any regard would have helped avoid this situation. There should be no room for a surprise expectation on the day of the event when they had a year to communicate with us about it, especially when we are under the impression that we are doing the right thing/doing right by the contract.\n\n**Commenter 5:** Was this service fee Not disclosed or known to the actual workers?\n\n> **OOP:** This person should know about it since they help manage events.\n\n**Commenter 6:** Completely inappropriate. You did your due diligence to take all pressure off your guests and ensure staff was taken care of. You did the gold standard. My guess is the QR code was off books by the bartender\n\n> **OOP:** I’d say so too about the QR code being off books, which is making us feel double compelled to send an email so that their manager knows they did it\n\n**Commenter 7:** Does “settle up” mean a they’re demanding a tip? I always interpreted settling a bill to simply mean paying what you owe, not pay a tip.\n\n> **OOP:** We’d already paid for the venue contract and service fee in full, so I have no idea what else we’d owe. And if so, why not send a message separately or talk to our wedding planner? The only reason the Venmo guy would come to me specifically is because I’d asked for the Venmo sign to be taken down earlier in the night.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/EndTipping/s/nrBgMfheWX): **June 4, 2026 (over one week later)**\n\nHi everyone! Original post hyperlinked here! Sorry, I’m not quite sure how to best update everyone since I first posted a week ago.\n\nI’ve had a delightful week on my honeymoon. Thank you for your congratulations, continued interest in this incident, thoughtful discussion, and patience in my delayed response.\n\nThe wedding venue manager got back to us and confirmed that no additional gratuity was expected and that the bartender/event manager who approached us (there seems to be a bit of confusion in some of the replies - this was NOT a separately contracted bartender; it was an employee of the venue) was COMPLETELY out of line in doing so. The email stated that we should never have been approached during the event and that there will be an internal meeting with the team to ensure it does not happen again to another wedding couple. They were apologetic, said it was unprofessional and must have been very uncomfortable, and we were thanked for our feedback.\n\nIt’s definitely worthwhile to say something! Even if it couldn’t change what happened to us, I’d be really happy if it simply prevents a bride in the future from the discomfort I felt. Thanks for encouraging me to email. I am also really glad that my husband and some other family members backed me up in not caving to the employee who was tip-bullying me unnecessarily.\n\nAlso, as an astute commenter has pointed out, even though this incident sucked and was really uncomfortable, if this was the worst thing to happen at our wedding, we made out pretty well in the end. :)\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** Is the service fee going to the staff? Or is the staff being ripped off for their hard earned tips? Their tact may be missing but that is the million dollar question here...\n> \n> **Commenter 2:** Was the staff being paid a tipped wage or a regular wage is more important.\n>> \n>> **OOP:** We confirmed that the guy who approached me is an employee of the venue who does not get tipped wages AND that part of the service fee goes to him.\n\n**Commenter 3:** Sounds like they placated you... but if your happy with the resolution I guess that's all that matters. I personally would have still included it in a review on them. Future couples deserve to be well prepared and I'm not certain they won't just continue the behavior.\n\n> **OOP:** We are fine with the response, yes. The management really did not seem happy with it, and otherwise the event and our wedding was really awesome.\n\n+\n\n> Oh, and I included it in the review of the venue to make sure future couples are aware! Great call.\n\n**Additional Comments from OOP after reading the responses**\n\n> **OOP:** Hi! Back again. It seems that many of you do not think we should be satisfied with just a verbal response and should request some compensation back. I’m taking this to heart and will be requesting the portion of the service charge that went to THAT employee back. We named and shamed him specifically, so they know the one. I’m not comfortable with requesting the whole 20% back because there were a few other employees working the event who were spectacular and did nothing wrong, and otherwise services were rendered and rendered well. Ultimately, also, we worked with the member of management that emailed us back for the entire year leading up to our wedding, and I believe wholeheartedly that this person will make good on reprimanding the offending employee. I have also included a stern recounting of this experience in my review of the venue to give it visibility. Thanks again!\n>> \n>> **Commenter 4:** I’d consider what the situation MIGHT have been from the bartender’s perspective. My guess is the venue told them absolutely nothing about the 20% service charge and were simply going to pocket it as profit. The bartender was receiving their regular salary, and was open to tips which is not uncommon. When you let them know you were taking care of the tips for the night, they thought that meant you would provide the tip. You’ve done nothing wrong and I’m sorry that happened on your wedding day. Just pointing out the fault likely lies with the venue and not the bartender. It would help explain the series of events more clearly than a jerk bartender.\n>>> \n>>> **OOP:** This is a considerate and compassionate angle that I appreciate. I will add: this employee was part of event management and would have known about the service fee unless they were an incredibly uninformed and/or incompetent manager. We said we were taking care of the tip because we thought we already had, and we told the person who was in charge for the night (the one who approached me). I think this concept may be confusing some people because of how small the venue and wedding were (under 40 people including us). This person was both tending bar and managing the event because of its small size.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n**DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7**\n\n**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**\n","offTopic":false},{"id":"b7c7c68c-21fa-4fe5-bb02-76224e6b832c","excerpt":"AITAH for not giving my fiancé’s sister (30F) a plus-one to our wedding for her boyfriend (30M) of one month after she blocked my fiancé (30M)? — **I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ArchiLoveSen posting in r/AITAH**\n\n**Concluded as per OOP**\n\n**1 update - Medium**\n\n[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1u","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/comments/1v3bare/aitah_for_not_giving_my_fiancés_sister_30f_a/","role":"pain","weight":1.2532468,"occurredAt":"2026-07-22T09:40:40.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BORUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.52216214,"sentiment":-0.4054054,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["wish","frustrating"],"statement":"NTA for your rule, which is perfectly reasonable and one I wish my cousin had at her wedding.","title":"AITAH for not giving my fiancé’s sister (30F) a plus-one to our wedding for her boyfriend (30M) of one month after she blocked my fiancé (30M)?","body":"**I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ArchiLoveSen posting in r/AITAH**\n\n**Concluded as per OOP**\n\n**1 update - Medium**\n\n[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1u6b6vo/aitah_for_not_giving_my_fianc%C3%A9s_sister_30f_a/?share_id=ewND_YKJ-EJESAVvFsJaC&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **- 15th June 2026**\n\n[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1v2k6ea/update_aitah_for_not_giving_my_fianc%C3%A9s_sister_30f/) **- 21st July 2026**\n\n\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**AITAH for not giving my fiancé’s sister (30F) a plus-one to our wedding for her boyfriend (30M) of one month after she blocked my fiancé (30M)?**\n\n&#x200B;\n\n\nMy fiancé (36M) and I (31F) are planning our wedding. We’ve been together for many years, and we recently sent out our invitations.\n\nWe decided to follow a general rule for plus-ones: guests only get a plus-one if they are married, engaged, living together or in a more established relationship. We are not giving casual/new partners automatic invites mostly because of numbers, cost and trying to keep things consistent.\n\nMy fiancé’s sister (35F) has a very tense relationship with him/us. From our perspective she struggles to have calm and constructive conversations. From her perspective she feels like we don’t understand her and that she is always being attacked.\n\nThe last time my fiancé and his sister were together, things ended badly. She was shouting at her young child for what felt like a long time and was saying some hurtful things. My fiancé stepped in and said something along the lines of, “Okay, that’s enough.” She did not take that well, asked him to leave and then blocked him.\n\nSince then she has not spoken to him directly.\n\nWhen we sent out the wedding invitations we did not give her a plus-one because she has only been with her current boyfriend for about a month. We applied the same rule to everyone else.\n\nNow she has sent their dad to ask why she did not get a plus-one. This has annoyed us because my fiancé is literally blocked by her but she is still demanding a plus-one through a third party instead of speaking to us herself - like an adult.\n\nWe feel like it is unfair for her to refuse direct communication with us but still expect us to accommodate her new boyfriend (or apparently she is going to bring her best friend if her and her BF are not together) at our wedding. We also don’t want extra drama on the day, especially given the existing tension.\n\nAt the same time, I do understand that she may feel weird attending alone.\n\nAITA for not giving my fiancé’s sister a plus-one to our wedding when she has only been with her boyfriend for about a month and currently has my fiancé blocked?\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**Comments**\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**lymers**\n\n*NTA its not even like she will be alone. Its a family event, so she will know a good chunk of people there.*\n\n>OOP:\nTRUE! I'm actually going to use that/point that out! She has her whole immediate family as well as her aunts and uncles!\n\n\n**Designer_Thought2907**\n\n*This is the hill you die on. She already blocked her brother, so what else can she do to kill the relationship?*\n\n\n>OOP:\nTrue - what relationship is there even?\n\n\n\n**hailspork**\n\n*Given that she blocked you, I'm surprised she got an invite.*\n\n\n**Aiyokusama**\n\n*Why is she even coming at all? o.O She has her brother BLOCKED. She's decided to go no contact, so respect that and don't have her at the wedding.\nNTA for your rule, which is perfectly reasonable and one I wish my cousin had at her wedding. It would have stopped my idiot bf of the time from getting ideas.*\n\n\n>OOP:\nWe are very close to just not having her at all! But as she is the golden child he doesn't want to cause waves with his parents - it is all to political and we are beyond frustrated!\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**\\*\\*Judgement - NTA\\*\\***\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**Update - 5 weeks later**\n\n&#x200B;\n\nWell... I don't think the plus-one is an issue anymore.\n\nSince my original post there hadn't been any contact between my fiancé and his sister. Then today she reached out to him about an unrelated matter.\n\nHe responded politely but the conversation quickly deteriorated - turned into more accusations about past events with both of them clearly seeing things very differently – I have had the same experience with her – there is reality and then there is her reality (spoiler alert - it is not the same). The reason I am bringing this up is in her messages (in the past as well as today) she speaks of the different realities - it makes it very difficult to speak to her.\n\nEventually my fiancé said that given where things stand it would probably be better if they just left each other alone.\n\nAt the end of their conversation he said that while they were speaking she didn't need to worry about the wedding anymore because it would just be awkward for everyone involved – she responded “I wasn’t” – which was a little ironic, considering she'd previously had their dad asking why she didn't get a plus-one and whether she could bring her new boyfriend (or alternatively a friend).\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**Comments**\n\n&#x200B;\n\n\n**ilovedragons218**\n\n*I think you dodged a bullet because she would have caused drama at the wedding, but FYI, she may still try to come; just keep in the back of your mind. Now go & have a great day.*\n\n\n>OOP:\nThank you and we also think she might show up - but there is a check in at security so we will probably give her name to security to not let her in.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n\n\n**I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.**\n\n**Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments**\n\n\n\n\n\n","offTopic":false},{"id":"b4428200-c4a1-4eee-839a-0c270bcee025","excerpt":"AITAH for dropping out of my best friend’s wedding? — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/remmmmaaaa**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AITAH**\n\n**AITAH for dropping out of my best friend’s wedding?**\n\n**Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!assault, entitlement, manipulation, controlli","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1sk01hx/aitah_for_dropping_out_of_my_best_friends_wedding/","role":"demand","weight":1.1844,"occurredAt":"2026-04-13T04:02:08.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.26,"sentiment":0.6869565,"confidence":0.94,"matchedPatterns":["wish","looking_for","still_cannot"],"statement":"Later that afternoon I got a call from Maggie with an apology for showing up at my door, but still no apology for the Airbnb situation.","title":"AITAH for dropping out of my best friend’s wedding?","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/remmmmaaaa**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AITAH**\n\n**AITAH for dropping out of my best friend’s wedding?**\n\n**Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!assault, entitlement, manipulation, controlling behavior, verbal abuse!<\n\n----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/5p1iN3wS9N): **March 26, 2026**\n\nI 29f snapped on my best friend 27f yesterday about her wedding. I’m feeling a little guilty right now so maybe I’m just looking for some clarification. \n\nLet me start by clarifying that we both use the term “best friend” very loosely. She’s a wonderful woman and I would go to the ends of the earth for her if I could. Let’s call her Maggie. Maggie and I met when I start a new job approximately 4 years ago. She was the girl who trained me and we just clicked because we were so alike. We’ve maintained a solid friendship this entire four years, but we only ever see each other at work. \n\nWe don’t hang out outside of work and text each other maybe twice a day sharing stories about our crafts or pets. Neither of us are good at talking on the phone and both of us sometimes struggle with socializing and neither of us get mad at the other if we don’t look at our phones for a few days. I say we use the term “best friend” loosely because while we don’t always act like best friends, we’re all the other one has.\n\nNow onto the problem. A few weeks ago I was having one of my episodes where I wasn’t checking my phone pretty regularly. I had seen where she had texted a few times but had planned on getting back to her later that day. About half an hour after I noticed the texts there was a knock at my door and it was Maggie. This was weird to me because she’s only been to my house once and it was for a party we threw last year. She wasted no time and jumped right into asking me to be her MOH. I was absolutely thrilled and just hugged her. I was there when she met her fiancé, he is a wonderful man, and she deserves everything he has to offer her. I said yes but I told her we should probably discuss some details first. She said no problem and literally turned right around, got back in her car, and left.\n\nShe called me later and I told her while I was THRILLED to be her MOH, I wanted her to be aware that I was in no way financially stable enough to help out with too much. I just had my second child last year and am a new stay at home mom on top of that. So I don’t have a paying job anymore. I knew I wouldn’t have the money for a lot of extra things that I knew the MOH usually takes care of. She said that was no problem and also asked her sister to be her MOH (she wanted two I know it’s not traditional but it’s sweet) and that she would be more than willing to help with everything like that.\n\nSome time passes and they have chosen a date for this year so they’re struggling to find a venue that is not booked for their date. This led to looking at venues several hours away. This is not a problem, but they’ve chosen it to be on a Sunday, and want to rent an Airbnb for the people who have drank too much and can’t go home. This is an awesome idea, but I knew right away I wouldn’t be able to contribute the 200$ she’s asking from the wedding party to split it evenly. I had no intention of staying in the Airbnb because my kids have school the next day. The plan was to leave after speeches. I planned on using my tax money for a nice dress for the wedding but that’s about the best I can do.\n\nShe sent the message in a wedding group chat asking about the money. I texted her separately and re explained that even though it’s a great idea, I’m not gonna be able to contribute to it and that she knew that ahead of time. She got really defensive and told me I was just making her wedding day harder without even meaning to. That made me feel so small because I love her and would never want to do that. I thought that by giving her a heads up about my financial situation would help, but she really just accused me of being bad with my money. I asked her how I can be bad with money I don’t make and she just kind of got mad and ended the conversation. I just texted her and told her that while I love her dearly I feel like it’s best I step down as MOH because I obviously cannot do what she needs. That’s not her fault but I don’t feel like it’s exactly mine either.\n\nShe called me screaming and told me I was a bad friend and a pos for abandoning her on her wedding day. So I just went off. I told her if I was a bad friend for ruining her wedding then she was a bad friend for putting me in compromised situation. I tried to explain to her early on that this would be a problem and she insisted I take the role anyway. I ended up hanging up first this time and just crying about it because I truly hate that this happened this way. I wish I had never said yes and just went on about my business. I know I could be the asshole for saying yes in the first place, but I had no ill intentions and really just wanted to be there for my friend, even if I can’t support her financially.\n\n**AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was unanimously NTA**\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** NTA.  You were upfront about your finances.  She's screaming at you and insulting you over something she already knew about? She's not a best friend in any way. She's not even a regular friend. No need to feel guilty. \n\nIf she only wants you there for your money, she's not a friend at all.\n\n> **OOP:** The only thing I really have in her defense is I don’t think she doesn’t really want me there JUST for the money. There have been multiple times she’s needed something taken care of left me out of it. I think ultimately she’s just upset that I said I didn’t want to stay after the wedding and I think she wants me there. But even STILL I feel like she handled this so horrible.\n\n**Commenter 2:** NTA: I honestly don’t understand why people get so upset over things of a financial nature in weddings. Not everyone is able to afford the other persons dream.\n\nShe has two maid of honors one of which (you) already said you won’t be able to help out financially. I feel as long as you said clearly that you won’t be staying in the air BnB as you have kids who will be in school the next day, then you shouldn’t have to split the air bnb cost. If you didn’t clearly state you won’t be staying in the air bnb and were not clear on the money aspect this may be a problem as you could be viewed as the AH as you said you couldn’t contribute “too much”.\n\nYou need to communicate better on what you can afford and what you will participate in. She was assuming you would stay the stay the night Sunday which is why she split it between the wedding party.\n\n> **OOP:** And you know what? This is fair. I (or I guess I should say my husband) did contribute a little money towards her catering and decorations, but we also mutually agreed that she would accept that as a wedding gift. We did talk about several things that I OFFERED to pay for, and she didn’t ask, because I did tell her I would do what I can (and have). I guess it was more or less than she didn’t talk to me about it first maybe? Or that she just assumed I could even after contributing what I already have.\n\n**Commenter 3:** NTA for not paying however you are the AH for planning to leave after the speeches. You are the MOH. If you can't contribute financially, you should definitely be committing with your time the day of the wedding!\n> \n> **OOP:** Ah yes. And that’s fair. Which is why I talked to her ahead of time. I can let her know now it won’t be an issue anymore because you’re willing to watch my kids, pay for the gas to transport them the 4 hour car ride home, and take them to school the next morning.\n> \n>> **Commenter 3:** You have a husband. Is he not capable?\n>>> \n>>> **OOP:** Asking my husband to pay for someone elses wedding expectations is really weird and I won’t be doing that.\n>>>> \n>>>> **Commenter 3:** If his is the only income, the money should be both of yours so why would you need permission? I also am not talking about money. I mean is he not capable of looking after his own kids while you attend the wedding of your best friend?\n>>>>> \n>>>>> **OOP:** Because they’re also friends, and she loves my kids, so she would like all of us to be at her wedding. Why would I ask my husband to miss out if his friends wedding when she also wants my kids there?\n\n**Commenter 4:** NTA? Since when is the wedding party on the hook for an Airbnb for the wedding that they aren’t even staying in?\n\n> **OOP:** I think this is the part that’s really stumping everyone. Because if I’m not staying, I’m not paying. I get why she wants it but ultimately it’s just weird. I truly think right now she’s just blinded by the dress and will come to her senses after. It’s really sad because I’ve NEVER seen her be unreasonable about anything EVER. She’s very levelheaded and is one of the sweetest women I know. It’s no excuse for her behavior but what can you really do about it you know? I’d hate to see 4 years of friendship down the drain over a temporary emotion.\n\n**Commenter 5:** You love her, but not enough to ever actually hang out with her outside of work. If that truly IS your best friend, please seek help. IF it's not, then stop calling her that and elevating expectations. You're not a bad friend. You're not even a friend. You're a colleague. Both of you need to act like it.\n\n> **OOP:** This is a weird take because not everyone follows the same “friendship” guidelines as everyone else. No our personal schedules don’t allow us enough free time to hangout more than once every few months. I even said we use the term loosely for THIS reason. I don’t need to seek help for only having one friend. 🤣 I’m not elevating any expectations and have absolutely loved her dearly since day one.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/RtQPokZOUW): **March 29, 2026 (three days later)**\n\n**Update: AITAH for dropping out of my best friend’s wedding?**\n\nHello Reddit. I wanted to thank everyone for their feedback about my decision to drop out of my best friend’s wedding as her MOH. My phone would not allow me to update the original post so here I am. If you’re new here, I dropped out of my best friend’s wedding as her MOH. Long story short, she asked, I agreed but told her since I was a new stay at home mom I had financial troubles. This was fine at first but ultimately ended with her expecting me to contribute 200$ for an Airbnb after the wedding that I would not be staying in.\n\nIt was pretty easy to come to the conclusion that she was the AH here. But I have an update that really wasn’t what any of us expected. Not super exciting, and does have a happy ending.\n\nA lot of you had a lot to say about our friendship dynamic. Yes we do consider each other best friends and no we do not spend every waking moment together. People have lives and just because we don’t center ours around each other does not mean that we can’t call each other that. And there seems to be a bit of confusion on how I don’t have any money but know her from work. Well let me break that down. I got pregnant, had a baby, and have been spending some time away from work to heal and bond with my child. Now onto the update.\n\nI let a few days pass because ultimately Maggie really has been a great figure in my life and has never let me down once. I know that she has been under a lot of stress. I gave her some space and was hoping for an apology. I did not get that. Instead I got Maggie showing up on my doorstep at 4 am, severely intoxicated, and looking like she just got attacked by a rabid raccoon. I was so shocked that I just let her in and didn’t say anything at first. It was a bunch of small talk, like trying to figure out where she had been and what happened. I just told her I’d talk to her in the morning and she ended up passing out on my couch. I woke up to banging on my door and it turns out it was her fiancé. He ultima","offTopic":false},{"id":"1ebb4bcb-b5b2-4130-85e6-bc268c0760a8","excerpt":"My brother [34m] didn't make me [26m] his best man. — [1]: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5qfs1h/my_brother_34m_didnt_make_me_26m_his_best_man/\n\n[2]: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/6gp6jl/update_to_my_brother_34m_didnt_make_me_26m_his/\n\n**This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/comments/1vsv9nc/my_brother_34m_didnt_make_me_26m_his_best_man/","role":"demand","weight":1.1731099,"occurredAt":"2026-08-19T18:44:38.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BORUpdates","intent":"tool_discovery","painScore":0.42482987,"sentiment":0.37423313,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["is_there_a_tool","i_hate"],"statement":"Is there any way we can have a rational discussion about this?","title":"My brother [34m] didn't make me [26m] his best man.","body":"[1]: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5qfs1h/my_brother_34m_didnt_make_me_26m_his_best_man/\n\n[2]: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/6gp6jl/update_to_my_brother_34m_didnt_make_me_26m_his/\n\n**This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)**\n\n**OOP: u/ImNoBestMan**\n\n**Published on: r/relationships**\n\n**Story is:** `CONCLUDED`\n\n**Story timeline**\n\n- [**Main Post**][1]**: January 27, 2017**\n\n- [**Final Update**][2]**: June 12, 2017**\n\n---\n\n# Main Post\n\n^(January 27, 2017)\n\n---\n\n[**My brother [34m] didn't make me [26m] his best man.**][1]\n\nMy brother is getting married in a few months, and has put together his wedding party. He has asked me to be one of his groomsmen, and I agreed to it.\n\nJust for a sense of background with my brother and me: we've ever been close. Not just because of a 6 year age age growing up, we're just completely different people. Neither one of us understand each other's hobbies or interests, we have no mutual friends, etc. And now we live in different cities (about 5 hours apart from one another.) To get a sense of how distant we are, we only see one another on major holidays, and when he phoned me (late last year) to be his groomsman, that was the first time in about 2 years we'd spoken to each other on the phone.\n\nThat said, there's no bad blood between us. Yes, we've had fights growing up, but all siblings do. It's never been tough to be around him. We just both recognize that we want very different lives.\n\nSo back to the wedding, he asked me to be a groomsman, and his best friend of more than a decade is his best man. When my family found out, they've all freaked out. They just keep yelling to him the \"Hes your BROTHER!!!!! How can you snub your own BROTHER on such an important day?\"\n\nIt's just dragging the whole thing down. He's picked a really logical person to be his best man, and that I'm not only comfortable with, more importantly, he is too. Honestly, I hadn't even considered the idea that he would ask me to be up there with him at all.\n\nThere's another side to this, as well. I don't even want to do it. I hate wedding in general (I hate all the formalities involved, I hate dressing up, etc.) but I can grin and bare it for the day, and I will. I won't be a downer on a day that so important to them. What I can't do is give a speech, as the best man is supposed to do. I'm a horrible public speaker, and if he piked me, I wouldn't have any clue what to say. We don't do anything together, and never really have, so I'd have no stories to tell. Also, I'm terrible at planning things ,so I'd be the wrong person to plan his bachelor party (Hell, I wouldn't even know who to invite I don't know any of his friends.)\n\nSo that's where we are now. As much as I hate wedding, I respect m brother and his fiance enough that I want their to be a special day for them, and I don't want this crap argument to cast a shadow over their day. I don't want them to look at wedding photos and then be reminded of all the arguing my family has put him through for \"snubbing\" me.\n\nIs there any way we can have a rational discussion about this? I can't even understand where my family is coming from. This is to me such a nondispute that I can't believe they took it up. There's a solution staring us all in the face that keeps all the necessary parties happy: just don't make me best man. But our family can't seem to accept this for some reason.  \n \n**tl;dr**: My brother picked his best friend to be his best man instead of me to be his best man. I'm grateful he did this, but my family is fighting him on it for seemingly no reason.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n**COMMENTS**\n\n**NightOwlEye**\n> Sounds like you being one of his groomsmen is the perfect place in the wedding for you. You know it and your brother knows it...so now you have to get the rest of your family on board. Have you told your family that you're happy with things the way they are and that you don't feel snubbed?\n>\n> **OOP**\n>> > Have you told your family that you're happy with things the way they are and that you don't feel snubbed?\n>>\n>> Yes, we both have.\n\n---\n\n**OOP to a deleted comment**\n>> As a point of comparison, how is the bride choosing her side of things? If she too has gone for a best friend, then throw that fact in there.\n>\n> Honestly, I have no idea who's in her party, or even if she has any siblings.\n\n---\n\n**kirby_144**\n> Now I don't think you should have to as ultimately it's your brother's decision, and frankly even if you did want to be his best man he has the right to choose and has opted for his best friend.\n>\n> However, given that's not your situation and it seems like you want to keep peace with your family, are you willing and able to reach a compromise with them? Perhaps you can be the 'Head Groomsman' or have a slightly more important role, just not best man? Play to your hobbies/interests perhaps (i.e. say you're into photography you could offfer to do that, or if you're a dab hand in the kitchen you can make the cake)?\n>\n> I don't know enough about weddings or you/your family to make and valid suggestions, but I hope it's food for thought at least. \n>\n> **OOP**\n>> I appreciate you advice, and don't want to come across as dismissive, but I'm not sure it's something we can incorporate.\n>>\n>> The thing is, \"head groomsman\" is ultimately want the best man is. He's the one in charge of the group on my brother's behalf. If I were to take on some role as something more than a groomsman, that would be stepping on someone else's toes at every turn.\n\n---\n\n**dankmemer1001**\n> First paragraph sums it up. He wanted someone who he felt he was closer too.\n>\n> Be honoured you are one of his groomsmen. One of my closest friends intitially said i would be his best man and then a month later he changed his mind to his brother which i said sure thing fair enough and then a few months later changed his mind again to one of his other friends and didnt even make me a groomsman.\n>\n> TBH i was pre salty after all that and i went anyway but yeah. Don't feel down on it, he just wanted someone closer in his life to be it. The fact you are a groomsman is still pre good imo.\n>\n> **OOP**\n>> I don't mean to be rude, but did you not read the rest of the post?\n>>\n>> I am happy for him, and completely understand why he picked his best friend. And more than that, I'm happy to not be doing it. I'd be a terrible best man. The drama is coming from the family.\n>>\n>> And yes, I am very touched to be a groomsman.\n\n\n---\n\n# Final Update - after 4 months, 16 days\n\n^(June 12, 2017)\n\n---\n\n[**Update to: My brother [34m] didn't make me [26m] his best man.**][2]\n\nTLDR of the original thread: \"My brother picked his best friend to be his best man instead of me to be his best man. I'm grateful he did this, but my family is fighting him on it for seemingly no reason.\"\n\nHi everyone, and thanks for the help you offered in my original post. My Brother married his wife yesterday, and things went well.\n\nThere seemed to be a bit of confusion in one of the comments, so I want to say again, I'm glad my brother picked the person he did to be his best man, I am honoured to be one of his groomsman, and I am completely on his side in this whole thing.\n\nSo the main take away I got from my original thread I got was that I should be the person to shut our parents down when they throw a hissy fit over the fact that I'm not my brother's best man.\n\nQuite simply, I did what I could. As I now live in a different city to my family, I'm sure that I was not present for many of the fights my brother had to endure. When I visited my former hometown, I saw what they had to say, but I can only imagine that he's had to take more crap that I ever saw.\n\nAfter the comments in my original thread, I phoned my brother to make it clear that I was 100% on his side in this, and that while we're not exactly close as friends, I'm honoured to be a groomsman for him, and this I thought that he made a great choice as his choice for best man. I also let him know that f any one at all were to throw crap at him for his choice of groomsmen, he can defer them to me, and I'll handle the fallout. That his choice for his side of the bridal party should not cast a shadow on their day. I never got a call, but my brother isn't someone to deflect conflict. At this point , I wasn't sure if anything more was said.\n\nOnce I traveled out for the rehearsal and wedding, I finally found out his groomsmen order. I was number 2, immediately behind his best man. Things went well, and we were all ready for the wedding.\n\nThe wedding went well, and my brother's best friend did a great job as best man (the bachelor party and speech were legendary, haha.) I could have never done what he did. As our Parents gave their speech, we both felt there was a bit of shade thrown his way. Nothing in the sense of \"We're all mad that he abandonded his family and picked a friend as his best man,\" More along the lines of \"Family in incredibly important, and no friendship can ever be more important than your family.\"\n\nI spoke to them that it was obvious to us what they were talking about, and it was kind of obvious that they were still at least a bit upset. I had to tell the again that I would have been a terrible best man, and would have turned it down if he'd offered it to me.\n\nAt the end of the day, my brother's ad sister in law's wedding went well. I proudly stood behind my brother and his best friend, and while my parents threw some shade at the wedding, they didn't ruin it.\n\nFun P.S. to the story: A kind redditor in my original post suggested that I could offer a reading during the ceremony or  speech during the reception. I didn't respond to it, so I'll take that opportunity now: If I'd asked, I have no doubt that my brother would have given me the moment to give a speech or reading. However, as I said, I'm a terrible public speaker, to the degree that I'm the type to pass out at the podium. Despite that, and without knowing of my original thread, his best man made a joke that I was going to make an impromptu speech during the reception. I shut that down pretty quick, just in case, but we all had a good laugh over it.    \n  \n**tl;dr**: I made it clear to my brother that I love him and support his decisions for the bridal party. Our parents never seemed happy. If they can't come around, they can suck a hard one.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n**COMMENTS**\n\n**itypeallmycomments**\n> Imagine letting something like that ruin your son's wedding for yourself. Imagine being so wrapped up in tradition that it puts you in a bad mood for the entire lead up to the wedding, and on the day you even make a point to mention it in a speech.\n>\n> What would've happened if your bro asked you to be best man but you declined? Then the position goes to the next down the line, his best friend. Would your parents have been ok with that outcome? Petty people annoy me :P\n>\n> **suckzbuttz69420bro**\n>> I never knew that tradition was having a family member be a MOH or best man. I always thought the tradition was for the groom/bride to pick their own :/\n>>\n>> **OOP**\n>>> I don't think it really is a tradition. Our parents just seemed to make more of this than it really is.\n>>>\n>>> It should be someone reliable in your life, and who you're really close.\n>>>\n>>> **Acesvent**\n>>>> My family wasn't happy that my brother didn't pick me. I really didn't care. Him and I didn't have the best relationship. I think it is the \"family is forever\" sort of thing\n>>>>\n>>>> **OOP**\n>>>>> See, I wouldn't say that my brother and I \"don't have the best relationship.\" There's no tension or bad blood, we're just totally different. We can both accept that and love each other with the relationship that we have.\n>>>>>\n>>>>> But when it came to choosing a best man, my brother picked a person he's particularly close with, and who would actually be able to pull off the job.\n\n---\n\n**cellequisaittout**\n> I think that deep down, your parents are feeling some guilt that they must have done som","offTopic":false},{"id":"138110c0-e1c5-4128-a340-e22cab92fb4f","excerpt":"AIO? Friend asked me what my future plans with my gf are and then responded like this — For context me and my friend were chatting and he was asking me about my relationship. He asked me what my future plan is with her and what my end game is. I got the feeling he was trying to gauge how serious I am about her. He said","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/comments/1tafcd4/aio_friend_asked_me_what_my_future_plans_with_my/","role":"pain","weight":1.1714963,"occurredAt":"2026-05-11T20:25:21.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"AIO","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.6577778,"sentiment":-0.44444445,"confidence":0.70666665,"matchedPatterns":["frustrating"],"statement":"She has always had anxiety so I am trying to be understanding of that, but again it is really annoying to me that this was the outcome of reading a single article.","title":"AIO? Friend asked me what my future plans with my gf are and then responded like this","body":"For context me and my friend were chatting and he was asking me about my relationship. He asked me what my future plan is with her and what my end game is. I got the feeling he was trying to gauge how serious I am about her. He said maybe I should get her a promise ring to show her I am serious and thats when I sent the first text you can see in the screenshot.\n\nAfterwards this was his response. I have known him for two years and I am aware that the last person he was with cheated on him with another guy and a girl so he has always kind of had a bad outlook on relationships. Even so he has never been so rude to me. It was such a quick switch up when I mentioned an engagement ring as opposed to a promise ring. As soon as I said that the whole conversation dissolved into him basically throwing virtual punches. I think maybe he was mad that I didn’t take his “advice” about getting my gf a promise ring and wanted to make me feel bad.\n\nTo be honest this kind of sudden switch up really makes me feel like I am seeing his true colors for the first time. He has always been into 9/11 conspiracies and also into the conspiracies around that one flight that disappeared but I didn’t know how out of wack he actually is with these beliefs.\n\nI seriously wonder what else he thinks about me especially after he said “newsflash: your gf is probably just with you because she's bored and hasn't found someone better yet”\n\nAIO if I just cut him off right now?\n\nEdit for context: I have actually known this guy for longer than we have been friends. Our dads work together, but him and I didn’t start hanging out until about 2 years ago. I tried calling him after I sent the last text because I thought maybe he was messing with me and I wanted to see wtf was going on, but he didn’t pick up.\n\nUpdate: I am going to have to make a separate post possibly in a different sub because he responded to my text telling him we are going no contact for a bit and what he said honestly changes things up. He told me he likes me and I genuinely don’t know what to do and I feel betrayed? I don’t know why feel that way, but that is just the immediate reaction.\n\nWas gonna make an update about his confession, but decided to delete that post and just block his number.\n\nAlso yes I still have to see him because our dads still work together so this is not gonna be the last of him. I will probably unblock him later to have an actual conversation and set boundaries, but for now I don’t want to talk to him cause he is sending multiple texts like he did earlier and I am already overwhelmed. Will update this if I actually talk to him later.\n\nEDIT: Ended up unblocking him just cause I am going to have to see him again and wanted boundaries in place. He got argumentative.\n\nShould I tell his dad in him like he is a little boy? He is acting like one now.\n\nEDIT 2: he is no longer acting like a little boy he has revealed himself to possibly actually be a clinical narcissist to the point where I can’t believe I let my gf be around him or bought him around at all. Sorta scary amd deffo sending his dad screenshots of the messages regardless of his age.\n\nEDIT 3: decided against telling his father because I don’t want to necessarily out him and he apologized for now I am leaving it at that and waiting for my gf to discover the ring sizer I ordered. this is so out of the blue that I genuinely thought he was manic or something. I took screenshots in real time as he was texting me because of how surprising it was to me. He has never talked to me that way so that is why I thought I might have to tell someone close to him. Seemed like he needed help.\n\nEdit 4: I have successfully gotten my girlfriend’s ring size and am focused back on what matters.\n\nEdit 5: I wake up and I am genuinely surprised by the people in my inbox saying that that if I love my gf I won’t marry her. Really thought maybe my fake friend was sending ppl to say that or making alternate accounts.\n\nEdit 6: now bro is literally begging to come over to my place to apologize “face to face” literally muted him and turned of read receipts so he gets infinitely left on delivered. Gonna use the texts for evidence of he ends up showing up unannounced.\n\nUPDATE: today my gf put our engagement on hold. AIO to immediately suspect my “freind” has something to do with it?\n\nFinal update: (I am going to be referring to my “friend” as bro for the purpose of the post. Mainly so that if he sees the post he cant get on me for using his name) \n\nI talked to my girlfriend and she told me that marriage is a scam (same as what bro was saying over text.) I asked her if she had been talking to bro and she said yes. He sent her a link to an article and she forwarded it to me [this is the article](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/marriage-the-biggest-scam-humanity-fell-for-c29d9f489db7) \n\nIt is not even written by a real journalist as far as I can tell. I didn’t create an account to read the whole thing, but I can easily tell where it was going based on the title alone. \n\nSo of course I immediately had her block him and I blocked him as well. I was pretty angry that she had put everything on hold just because of an article and that she had no suspicion about a friend of mine texting her randomly like this right after we had been talking about engagement. It is especially odd because the only reason he has her number is because we all hung out one time (my girl bought a couple of her friends too) and we had a group chat for that one night out. They hadn’t texted one on one before and so the thread between them was literally bro saying “I heard that you were thinking of getting engaged, but I would hate for that to ruin your relationship. You should read this before you go ahead to quickly” then the article was linked and nothing else. She never responded to the message, but she did read the article and that is why she put things on hold. \n\nShe has always had anxiety so I am trying to be understanding of that, but again it is really annoying to me that this was the outcome of reading a single article. \n\nShe was also having a panic the night I confronted her about it, which is another reason we decided to just block him. It was clear he was going to try to get between us. \n\nThen bro actually showed up at the apartment absolutely wrecked. He was drunk off his ass and still had a bottle of something in his hand. He was literally just standing outside yelling. \n\nNow at first I didn’t know it was him. Totally thought it’s just some drunk out on the street, but he started yelling my name and at that point I went outside and straight up told him if he didn’t leave then I would be calling the cops. He started screaming at me like a psychopath. He never got physical but he was screaming that I am homophobic and comparing that to racism and at this point he is tripping over himself and is not doing okay so I told him he better call someone to come and get him and went back inside because honestly it was not my responsibility. \n\nSomeone else called the cops on him and that is the last I heard from him. \n\nAnyways, as far as the engagement goes my gf and I have decided to go ahead with it. She says that someday we are going to have a ceremony for sure, but she still isn’t sure about the legal side of marriage. As of now I am okay with just seeing how things go and giving it time. I think we both have things we need to figure out before any ceremony takes place anyways. ","offTopic":false},{"id":"495aa0df-f507-407d-aff9-4e21a1643b57","excerpt":"MIL invited people we don’t know to our wedding. She won’t uninvite them because that’s 'embarrassing.' — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Money_Doughnut_7375**\n\n**Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes**\n\n**MIL invited people we don’t know to our wedding. She won’t uninvite them because that’s ‘embarrassing.’**\n\n**Thanks to u/Dir","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1tr6dnm/mil_invited_people_we_dont_know_to_our_wedding/","role":"demand","weight":1.1598858,"occurredAt":"2026-05-29T16:00:45.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"alternative_search","painScore":0.40876812,"sentiment":-0.1594203,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["switching_from","missing_feature"],"statement":"Lots of us have moved away from the faith anyways.","title":"MIL invited people we don’t know to our wedding. She won’t uninvite them because that’s 'embarrassing.'","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Money_Doughnut_7375**\n\n**Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes**\n\n**MIL invited people we don’t know to our wedding. She won’t uninvite them because that’s ‘embarrassing.’**\n\n**Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the suggestion!**\n\n----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/BiCxb7A6gM):  **February 4, 2026**\n\nSorry for the length but I wanted to make sure people have enough information. My fiancé and I (M/F, both mid-20s) got engaged January 2025 and plan of getting married Spring 2026. Very soon. Wedding planning has been a nightmare. It seems like everyone has an expectation for how the wedding/wedding planning is supposed to be. For context, I am paying for 75% of the wedding and the parents are covering the remaining 25%. Although they like to act they’re paying for everything. I was able to call out my parents for their behavior and draw boundaries. But with his parents, particularly MIL, they have been very… difficult. Even the small stuff.\n\nSome examples:\n\n\\- Fiancé and I toured venues alone. His parents were very upset they didn’t get to see the venue beforehand. Like really upset. I ended scheduling a second tour so both our parents can see it. Simple fix.\n\n\\- I mentioned how I wanted to do wax seals on our invites and had already bought the supplies. But MIL was adamant I use different supplies and do the seals how she liked them.\n\n\\- I talked about the tentative timeline. The wedding will run from 3:30-9:30pm. Everyone has to be off the property by 10pm because of noise ordinances (it’s outdoors). MIL was disappointed. Apparently 6 hours was just not enough time.\n\n\\- MIL bought my fiancé lotion, body wash, and a candle from bath and body works. It’s part of a wedding collection they had. She requires my fiancé use the products the day of the wedding. “It will be a moment” she said.\n\n\\- The biggest fight so far: the church. We were both raised Catholic and chose not to get married in the church. My family doesn’t care. Lots of us have moved away from the faith anyways. His family? Tears. Pleading. Begging. “Please pray about it. God will still love you but wouldn’t it be great to have God’s blessing.” My brother, who is a Pentecostal pastor, will be officiating.\n\nNow onto the guest list. We both come from large families. That would put us at a guest list of 100 people for just the core group (parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins). Add in friends and selective plus ones, we’d get to around 150 people. That’s plenty of people. My parents asked if they could invite some of their friends. Nope. Not happening. We are full. They were a little mad but didn’t push the subject further. But then there’s his parents.\n\nUnbeknownst to my fiancé or me, MIL forwarded our save the date to several members of her extended family that we do not know. We only found out this past November. She asked to see the guest list during Thanksgiving to “make sure everyone that needs to be invited is invited.” Immediate red flag. We told her who was invited and then she began listing names we never heard of. We were confused and said they’re not invited. She’s visibly upset and starts arguing with fiancé. Says that these are the most important people to her and she already invited them. He tells her it’s not her place to invite people to our wedding. I stay out of it but my face speaks for me. They go back and forth for a while but it got nowhere. I signal to my fiancé to let it go and we can talk about it later. We left the conversation telling MIL we’ll talk about it after Thanksgiving.\n\nWell we never talked about it. Fiancé tried to make a game plan with his dad thinking if he can be on our side it would make talking to his mom much easier. But they are both non-confrontational and wanted to ignore the entire situation. I guess MIL was crying to FIL about the guest list for a while. It was eating her alive. FIL got annoyed and fed up, texted fiancé to invite the additional people. Fiancé said no but they won’t let it go. I let fiancé know, he should continue to handle it since it’s his parents. But the second his parents involve me, I’ll handle it. He doesn’t want that to happen.\n\nThree days ago, it happened. She involved me. MIL texted fiancé and me in a group chat. Starts off strong. “I have thought about the people in my life that really matter to me that I would like to be invited to your wedding.” To put it short, she pulls the dead parents card (dad passed when she was 11 and mom when she was in her mid-20s) and talks about how these people are parts of her parents. Claims they’ve been at every big family event. I haven’t met these people in the past 7 years we’ve been together and my fiancé says he’s only met them a couple of times. She even said not everyone invited is going to make it so there should be room to invite additional people. She’s already invited them and they’re so excited. She even sent them the hotel block information (7-8 weeks after we initially told her they weren’t invited). It would be really embarrassing for her to uninvite them after all of that. She’s ‘praying’ we allow them at our wedding. His parents did offer to cover the additional costs. We since haven’t responded.\n\nHere’s my perspective. It’s not about money. It’s about respect. We’ve spent months now telling his parents how it’s going to be but they won’t respect what we say. They worry more about how they feel. MIL is upset the wedding isn’t how she pictured and FIL just wants her to be quiet. I empathize with MIL’s situation and losing her parents all those years ago. I lost my mom 4 years ago and then my brother less than 2 years later. It sucks that there are people who can’t be there and it’s out of our control. But that doesn’t mean she can require certain people be invited. She might be the mother of the groom, but she is a GUEST. Guests can’t control how the wedding will be. She’s already crossed so many boundaries and it’s not my responsibility to fix the mistakes she made.\n\nI told my fiancé, since it’s his family, he makes the decision and I will support him. He said he wants to give in just to make it all stop, but that sets the wrong precedent. He doesn’t want these people there. He’s not close enough with them and if they were really that important they would’ve been around more. He also doesn’t want to start a marriage by ignoring my feelings and just doing what his mom says. He’s torn and hurting. I’ve offered to be the one to respond as I promised so that I can take the heat. But he doesn’t want to ruin the little chance I have at building a relationship with his mom.\n\nWith that, how would you respond? We agreed any response needs to be in writing since most of our conversations have been verbal and misconstrued. Having it in writing makes it clearer.\n\nShould I mention that second venue tour I scheduled with the parents is in three days?\n\nThanks in advance for whatever advice you can give.\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** You should only allow MIL to invite her people if your folks can also do the same.  But honestly, do you really want people you don't even know what your wedding? \n\nI caved to my MIL for my wedding, and I still regret it. I've been married for 30 years, BTW.\n\n> **OOP** Funny enough… She says the same thing about her wedding. Complains about how many friends and additional family each of their parents invited. She said it was overwhelming. When we say this is exactly the same as what she experienced, she backtracks.\n\n**Commenter 2:** Oh god. Imagine what’s going to happen when kids come in the picture.\n\n> **OOP** Don’t even get me started on the kid convo…\n> \n> Did you know the entire point of marriage is to have children? No other reasons.\n\n**Commenter 3:** Your fiancé needs to take his balls back from his mother, who apparently keeps them in her purse. Yes, you can put it to bed, but is that the life you want? He doesn't like confrontation. Ok, and? Adults have to do lots of things we don't like without pushing our responsibilities off on others.\n\nImagine how she will be if you have kids. Do you always want to be the enforcer? Do you always want to have to deal with the drama because your husband doesn't like to? That isn't fair to you.\n\nHe needs to put his foot down and end this nonsense. Yes, you could do it, but guess what, so can he. He will grow from the experience, let him do that.\n\n> **OOP** He’s gotten much better about sticking up for himself but certainly it’s not been perfect. He struggles to have difficult conversations especially because his parents don’t argue with reason. Just emotion. \n> \n> The idea of me being the “enforcer” has more to do with the fact that they can’t argue with me the way they argue with him. They don’t speak to us the same way. They’ll keep pushing him and never listen. They are usually pretty quiet once I get involved. It’s a weird dynamic.\n\n**Commenter 4:** I don't understand why brides allow anyone to dictate their wedding choices. \n\nFor the love of Zeus,  learn to say the word \"NO\" and mean it. \n\nUse the wax seal if you want it. Tell her she will uninvite her unapproved guests or they will be turned away at the door by the security you are hiring. And then do just that. \n\nYou're getting married, so presumably you are adults. Start acting like it.\n\n> **OOP** The problem is they don’t understand the meaning of no. It’s not in their dictionary. We’ve said it multiple times but it just doesn’t click. \n> \n> Wax seals? Yeah I appeased her for the time and then went home and made the invites how I wanted them. The candle lotion stuff? We’ve already burnt the candle. Nice scent. We’ll just happen to forget the other things at home the day of the wedding. Oops. The church/venue issues? Well I already paid the venue so can’t change it now. \n> \n> The guest list thing is just something less out of our control in terms of how the response will be. I don’t have the contact information of the people she invited so it’s not like I can tell them myself. What if these people show up even after confirming several times they weren’t invited? Then it turns into this huge dramatic moment that was avoidable if his parents knew what ‘no’ meant. We just want to avoid a massive family blow up at the wedding.\n>> \n>> **Commenter 5:** Are you sending out paper invitations? If so, just don’t send them one. You won’t receive an RSVP back from them. Obviously they may still get the wedding details from MIL but I cannot imagine going to a wedding I didn’t get an actual invitation for.\n>>> \n>>> **OOP** I already sent out paper invites. Obviously these people will not receive one. We have an online RSVP on our wedding website, and they won’t be able to because their names don’t show up on the guest list. But people are unpredictable. I hope common sense would tell them they’re not invited based on the fact they didn’t receive an invite, but I fear MIL’s persistency might give them the wrong impression.\n>>> \n>>> Edit: some people commented that my fiancé clearly told me he wants to invite them and I didn’t support his decision. So I asked him to clarify his position to make sure I didn’t misunderstand him. He said “she can go fuck herself.” Crass but gets the point across. Asked him what he meant when he previously mentioned just giving in to her request and he said instinctually he just wants to give in. That’s how he was raised. But realistically, he thinks it’s unfair of her to put us in this position and she shouldn’t get her way. She’s manipulated him in the past and he wants to end the cycle.\n\n**Commenter 6:**\n\n1) I effing hate group messages with my husband’s family and myself. It’s so passive aggressive manipulation.\n\n2) It is 100% about respect or lack thereof. My husband and I have been together 10 years, married for 3. If you don’t set the boundaries now, they will be pushed FOREVER. Literally forever. Stand up for yourselves. Please.\n\nEdited to add: We eloped for this reason. Peopl","offTopic":false},{"id":"ca9f5983-b0ed-4f64-9c83-58becb508fc0","excerpt":"Friend is hiding a wedding reception inside 4 dinner reservations. Will this go badly? — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Jajamoses100**\n\n**Originally posted to r/restaurant**\n\n**Friend is hiding a wedding reception inside 4 dinner reservations. Will this go badly?**\n\n**Thanks to a longtime lurker for suggesting this BoRU**\n\n*","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vqhooe/friend_is_hiding_a_wedding_reception_inside_4/","role":"pain","weight":1.1567833,"occurredAt":"2026-08-17T04:00:07.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.405,"sentiment":0.4,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["why_doesnt","too_expensive"],"statement":"It's absolutely stupid to do this, but I bet it's because they either can't afford, or tried to book too late, the private area.","title":"Friend is hiding a wedding reception inside 4 dinner reservations. Will this go badly?","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Jajamoses100**\n\n**Originally posted to r/restaurant**\n\n**Friend is hiding a wedding reception inside 4 dinner reservations. Will this go badly?**\n\n**Thanks to a longtime lurker for suggesting this BoRU**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!entitlement!<\n\n----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/restaurant/s/gYVASCCfkt): **August 7, 2026**\n\nMy friend is having an intimate wedding ceremony, followed by a dinner for about 30 people at a restaurant. Plot twist: the dinner guests don’t know it’s a wedding reception. On top of that, she has not reserved the private party room. She’s made 4 separate reservations under 4 different names and plans to “just move tables together” when everyone arrives. This is a Saturday reservation (4-7pm according to the evite) at a popular, large (300-seat) waterfront seafood restaurant in a major city.\n\nI’m nervous this will fall apart on her (and us guests) upon arrival.\n\nSo what’s the likely outcome here? Is there anything she could do to make this go smoothly if she won’t just call ahead (which is what I’ve strongly recommended)? Sigh.\n\nETA: the guests are paying for themselves, and I don’t think they are aware of this “plan” (neither the bill responsibility nor the reservation nonsense). She told me (and her mom & sister) about it, but the evite I received was very vague: “Join us to celebrate friend and fiancé” at X restaurant.\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** That’s extremely shitty behavior\n\n> **OOP:** I cannot disagree.\n\n**Commenter 2:** It's pretty simple: This is not going to happen in any way shape of form the way that they think it will.\n\nThe chances all 4 reservations are located right near each other is slim. The chance that a busy popular restaurant on a waterfront in a busy city on a Saturday night isn't at or near capacity is slim to none.\n\nThe restaurant won't be able to accommodate anything other than the individual reservations as they were made.\n\nIt's absolutely stupid to do this, but I bet it's because they either can't afford, or tried to book too late, the private area.\n\nMy best guess is that she thinks they'll just slide them into the private area without the booking cost and minimums - but restaurants don't staff for party rooms when they aren't pre planned and pre-paid with guaranteed minimums to cover the labor.\n\nLet us know how things pan out, OP.\n\n> **OOP:** Will do. Yes, it’s an affordability issue, but that’s no excuse. Do what you can afford and in a way that’s considerate to all involved. I’m really taken aback by this.\n\n**Commenter 3:** Those tables will not be close to each other.\n\nSomeone will keep saying \"why can't we...\" or \"we just want to....'. like it's no big deal.\n\nThe manager will try to find a happy medium, the servers will cry/curse in the walk-in.\n\nNo-one will tip anywhere near enough for the trouble.\n\nRecord everything you see and post here Monday!\n\n> **OOP:** I will definitely post an update. I’m planning to leave early if things get too ridiculous, though.\n> \n> Fwiw, she’s not confrontational (just inconsiderate surrounding this wedding), so if they shut it down she’ll go along with whatever they say. But I don’t believe there’s a plan B (at least she hasn’t said anything to me about that).\n\n**Commenter 4:** They’ll probably all just end up eating a separate tables and come by to tell her congratulations. But it won’t be a reception. It’ll be separate dinners for everyone. Who is paying?\n\n> **OOP:** The guests.\n\n**Commenter 5:** Oof she needs to at minimum tip on top of what people leave. People are going to be irritated, which generally don’t make them great diners or tippers. What a nightmare\n\n> **OOP:** I’ll definitely leave a hefty tip for my “table.”\n\n**Do the guests know they are going to pay for their meals?**\n\n> **OOP:** I’m not sure. She told me, but the evite I received was very vague: “Join us to celebrate friend and fiancé” at X restaurant. The additional guests invited to the dinner are unaware of the small wedding planned for earlier that day.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n**Editor's note: OOP updated onto the original post**\n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/restaurant/s/gYVASCCfkt): **August 10, 2026 (three days later)**\n\nUPDATE: Ultimately, it wasn’t terrible. After reading some of the strong reactions here (TYSM), I had a gentle chat with my friend. She wasn’t super receptive, but something clicked and she at least gave the manager a heads up (day of). Several guests didn’t come, and I can’t blame them given the circumstances. It ended up being about 20 guests and we were seated at a long table. The manager was great, even when my friend seemed clueless about their policy that they don’t itemize separate checks for each guest.\n\nMany thanks to the restaurant staff for being so accommodating and for making everything feel so seamless. Shout out to restaurants everywhere that are so gracious instead of “Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s” lol - even when deserved. I’ll be leaving a glowing review, because they earned every star.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n**DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7**\n\n**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**","offTopic":false},{"id":"8ca50527-cc3b-458c-a26b-95c2c2f66ca2","excerpt":"AIO? Shady Bridesmaid hijacked Wedding Shower — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwaway_weddrama**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AIO**\n\n**AIO? Shady Bridesmaid hijacked Wedding Shower**\n\n**Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU**\n\n\\----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/3TVeDsGvCY): **February 4, 2026**\n\n","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1rbcwq2/aio_shady_bridesmaid_hijacked_wedding_shower/","role":"pain","weight":1.1350167,"occurredAt":"2026-02-22T05:00:08.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.51,"sentiment":0.17073171,"confidence":0.75166667,"matchedPatterns":["terrible"],"statement":"And I feel terrible.","title":"AIO? Shady Bridesmaid hijacked Wedding Shower","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwaway_weddrama**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AIO**\n\n**AIO? Shady Bridesmaid hijacked Wedding Shower**\n\n**Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU**\n\n\\----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/3TVeDsGvCY): **February 4, 2026**\n\nThrowaway because I don’t want this tied to my main.\n\nMy sister is getting married and asked me to be her matron of honor, which I was thrilled about. I love my little sister, and she was my maid of honor when I got married a few years ago. We talk once or twice a week (I have a little one at home, and she’s younger, very social, staying-out-late type).\n\nShe’s planning a BIG wedding. Lots of people, lots of moving parts.\n\nAs matron of honor, I’m expected to lead planning for the bridal shower and bachelorette party. Since the shower comes first, I asked my sister what vibe she wanted. She said elegant. Perfect. I told her I’ll organize with the bridesmaids and report back to her ideas that she can choose from/approve. I asked her if she had any ideas already, and she said no, but wanted to see what we come up with. She did say she wanted something that would accommodate a lot of people.\n\nI created a group chat with the bridesmaids to start planning. There are three other bridesmaids: two are my sister’s childhood friends (I know them, sweet, collaborative, great people), and one I didn’t know. Let’s call her Shady.\n\nShady is actually in the main group of friends of my sister’s future husband. They included her as a bridesmaid rather than on the groom’s side for symmetry in the wedding party, but my sister is getting to know her more and she is becoming one of her friend’s too.\n\nWe planned an in-person meeting to brainstorm ideas. Everyone showed up on time, except Shady. I texted and called, no answer. After about 30 minutes, I suggested we start planning. We started discussing ideas, games, and venues. I mentioned that I was thinking of some elegant venues, but that they could be pricey. I’m a little bit older and more financially established, so I offered to cover the cost of the venue/restaurant/hotel/studio, and if the other bridesmaids wanted to focus on games, decor, flowers, and themes ideas. They were relieved and agreed since they’re still in or just out of college.\n\nAfter 45 minutes, Shady shows up and apologizes for being late. We recap everything. She doesn’t offer any ideas, she just listens.\n\nWe all chat a bit, get to know each other, and Shady seems friendly, outgoing, and pleasant. We end the meeting with the plan that I’ll tour venues and update the group chat, and everyone else will contribute ideas for games, décor, and themes.\n\nThe following week, I took a few days off work and toured several venues. I took photos and shared them in the group chat. The other bridesmaids responded with comments like how beautiful they were, questions about space and menus, etc. the showed pictures of game ideas and themes, etc.\n\nShady said nothing.\n\nThat weekend, I went to my sister’s place to show her everything in person. She casually mentioned that Shady and her boyfriend had been over earlier that day to spend time with her and her future hubby.\n\nThen my sister tells me: Shady had already shown her all the venue photos and ideas from the group chat. She then showed my sister pictures of a friend’s large mansion, complete with floor plans, and suggested hosting the shower there instead with catering.\n\nMy sister said she really liked that idea.\n\nI told my sister that if that’s what she wants, I support it. I want her to be happy and have the shower she wants.\n\nBut I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me.\n\nI did planning, legwork, touring, and shared everything with the group. Shady said nothing in the chat, then went directly to my sister behind the scenes with some other plan that she did not want to share with the bridesmaid group?\n\nWas this shady behavior, or am I overreacting?\n\nDo I confront Shady, or keep quiet to avoid drama during my sister’s wedding?\n\n**Relevant / Top Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** I would bring it up in the group chat to let the others girls know the ideas “shady” came up with so all of you are on the same page. My question is being “shady” came up with the mansion does that mean it’s free because it’s her friends or will she be covering that expense.\n\n> **OOP:** It will be free because it is at someone’s house. My sister will also likely add this additional person to the guest list if she’s hosting the party for the shower. I imagine the bridal party will divide costs for food? I’m going to make a group chat informing the other bridesmaids of the change. I don’t know how to word it without sounding upset right now.\n\n**Commenter 2:** I'm going to play devil's advocate here. When you were at the bridal planning , she could not offer up a second person's house without speaking to them first.\n\nShe absolutely had to confirm with that person before she made the offer. And then once she got a confirmation that it could be done , she likely told your sister because she knows your sister better and she spoke to your sister before she spoke to you.\n\nShe might be shady, but I don't think this is that deep.\n\nThe only way you're gonna know is if you talk to her. But if you don't talk to her and you just start bailing out of things and s\\*\\*\\* talking her without finding out what happened , then you're going to be the one who's bringing drama.\n\n> **OOP:** I appreciate you giving a possible way to view this. I’m not the type to burn the house down if something goes wrong, so I’m not in any way going to stop being there for my sister or step down from being her MOH.\n> \n> I just think there were many opportunities to say, hey- here’s an option. I can check with my friend if it is possible.\n> \n> That would have been great.\n\n**Commenter 3:** Honestly, leave this one alone and tell your sister that you’re leaving the planning of everything else to Shady because of what she did. Let her know you don’t have time for this and cut off the drama at the head.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/YENRpvqbfK): **February 15, 2026 (11 days later)**\n\nAIO: Shady bridesmaid hijacked shower UPDATE\n\n**UPDATE: Somehow things got worse! This is long. Sorry all.**\n\nFirst post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/lpl0RsU4BV ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/lpl0RsU4BV)\n\nRemember when I said I didn’t want to cause drama for my sister? Well I failed.\n\nAfter my sister told me she wanted to go with Shady’s mansion shower plan, I decided to be an adult and call Shady directly.\n\nShe didn’t answer.\n\nSo I sent a polite text saying I had spoken to my sister, she mentioned the mansion idea, and I was just confused about how the group chat planning pivoted into a fully formed alternate event. Very calm. Very “just trying to understand.”\n\nShe texted back instead of calling.\n\nShe said she doesn’t have a sister of her own and really wants to do this for my sister. Okay.\n\nShe did not address why she didn’t bring this up in the group chat.\n\nThen she added that she already has a menu planned, my sister agreed to it, she will be covering the cost, and all the bridesmaids have to do is show up and enjoy.\n\nOh, and she plans to use one of the games we discussed in the group chat.\n\nExcuse me?\n\nSo now she’s throwing the shower. Featuring one recycled game from the peasants. I know I’m not paying anything for this, so she’s not looking to take advantage of my generosity.\n\nI probably shouldn’t have, but I responded that this was something I had really wanted to do for MY only sister, and I was disappointed I didn’t even get to be part of it.\n\nThen I called my sister to explain the conversation.\n\nMy sister said yes, she’s good with this plan, this is what she wants, and I can just focus on the bachelorette party.\n\nIf this is what she wants, fine. I will swallow it. But I felt… disappointed? Replaced? Weirdly pushed out?\n\nSo I sent a neutral message to the group chat saying that Shady would be taking over the shower planning and that it would be at her friend’s home.\n\nMy phone rang immediately.\n\nOne of the bridesmaids (we’ll call her Sweetie) calls me absolutely shocked because she knew how passionate I was about doing this for my sister. I explained what happened. She was upset for me and asked if I wanted her to call Shady and find out why she left us out.\n\nAnd here is where hindsight punches me in the face.\n\nI said sure.\n\nSweetie calls Shady.\n\nShady answers.\n\nApparently Sweetie did not love the responses she got.\n\nThey argue.\n\nShady then calls my sister.\n\nMy sister then calls me.\n\nMy sister was upset because there’s conflict. I tried calming her down, but I ended up getting upset too and I yelled. I did apologize. But in that moment I realized my sister just wanted me to quietly make this work and not create waves… and I had just created a tidal wave.\n\nHow did we get here???\n\nFast forward to this past weekend.\n\nWe had an unrelated event where all the bridesmaids were present, along with family, and I met my sister’s future in-laws for the first time.\n\nShady was there.\n\nShe did not speak to me. Not once.\n\nInstead, she stayed glued to my sister’s fiancé and his mother.\n\nWhen I met the future MIL (with Shady standing right there), I immediately got the vibe that she was annoyed with me. Curt. Polite but distant. And I couldn’t help but wonder what version of this story had been told on that side.\n\nI stayed near my sister the whole event. She seemed happy. Sweetie stuck by us too. But there is now this very obvious divide with Shady.\n\nAnd I feel terrible.\n\nI never wanted to make my sister’s wedding messy. I just wanted to throw her a beautiful shower. Now somehow it feels political.\n\nSo now I’m asking:\n\nDid I mishandle this?\n\nIs this a “pick your battles” situation and I picked wrong?\n\nWas I reasonably hurt and this spiraled beyond what I intended?\n\nBecause right now I feel like I accidentally became the villain.\n\n**Editor's note: OOP made the same update post onto another subreddit, I am adding comments from that sub for more context**\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** Damn that Shady has screwed you over. Sadly, you played right in to her hands and now she is the one seen to be \"doing what the bride wants\" and you are the bad guy.  To be honest though, as long as your sister is happy, I'd just let the drama fade away now. \n\nTotally understand why you are hurt though and I do think that you're NTA\n\n> **OOP:** Thanks for your response. I think this is probably the best way. I appreciate you saying I’m NTA and understand why I am hurt. I don’t think my sister understands that and maybe that’s why this feels unresolved and uncomfortable. And now I’ve got to interact with Shady for the next few months for wedding activities and act like everything is okay.\n\n**Is there any chances that Shady likes the Future BIL and is jealous that he's getting married to OOP's sister?**\n\n> **OOP:** No - I don’t think so. They’ve been friends for many years and he was single for a long time before he met my sister.\n> \n> I do think she appreciates his friendship and wants to be involved to a significant degree, but wasn’t happy with me being in charge or leading something she wanted control of.\n\n**Commenter 2:** Sounds to me like Shady has main character syndrome. \n\nOne idea might be for  you and Sweetie, and Xtra Sweetie 😊 to just sit tight and be available anytime your sister reaches out.\n\nAnd let Shady do her little show, cuz eventually she's gonna slip up and show her ass.   If she is MC type, she's not gonna stop trying taking center stage from you.  It's going to bleed into other aspects of the wedding, and your sister and others will see her as she really is.\n\nBut realize now that you can't stop it, based on the dynamics you described.  Know that you can't protect your sister from her because your sister's still buying into it. And she's just going to have to learn about this girl from her own experiences. So there's no reason gett","offTopic":false},{"id":"ad9b9352-aa0a-48ba-a272-7129bf0324a1","excerpt":"I got married this weekend, and still can not stop thinking of the way my now husband and his family treated me — \\*Update!  \nHiii! I wanted to start off by saying thank you to everyone who took the time to comment.\n\nSo I pretty much texted him this Sunday night as he was finishing up some things. We had spoken face to","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/comments/1uxwrfd/i_got_married_this_weekend_and_still_can_not_stop/","role":"pain","weight":1.0914581,"occurredAt":"2026-07-16T08:23:16.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"weddingdrama","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.54451615,"sentiment":-0.16129032,"confidence":0.70666665,"matchedPatterns":["frustrating"],"statement":"And Idgaf If I was being annoying guess what Im a woman.","title":"I got married this weekend, and still can not stop thinking of the way my now husband and his family treated me","body":"\\*Update!  \nHiii! I wanted to start off by saying thank you to everyone who took the time to comment.\n\nSo I pretty much texted him this Sunday night as he was finishing up some things. We had spoken face to face Sunday at brunch but it more of like yes I understand and Im sorry. but thats not what I was looking for so I needed to make myself clear.\n\nI  couldnt add photos of our text and had to update on top of my original story as it was locked.\n\nTHIS IS WHAT I TEXTED HIM:\n\nWhat I need you to understand is this. Its not that I dont know how to control myself. I WILL NOT BE DOING WHAT ME AND HUSBAND PLANNED TOGETHER ALONE. I WILL NOT!!! Not with parties, not with kids nothing. YOU ARE MY MAN. You need to be there when I need you. You have people working for you always pay them if you need something unless its specifically your body or hair. You are to be there with me. I was going to prove my point that I will not be doing things alone. And Idgaf If I was being annoying guess what Im a woman. I will forever be annoying you either figure it out or let me be in charge. I SUBMITTED TO YOU!!! I left my old life where i do things for myself and let you take care of me and now its not your fault I dont know how to act when your not around? I can be the old (My name) Or I can be the wife who needs her husband. You are to be there for me, do as I ask, AND HAVE OTHERS RESPECT ME AND HAVE BOUNDARIES!   You made me this way but don’t ever forget who I was and who I can be again. If Im willing put everything and anything to side and not give af about anyone but you and not care about what they say about you and back you up, you should do the same. You know Im a strong independent woman. You met me that way, I have give you every single part of my mind and my soul to you!!! Don’t take me for granted. And dont ever make me feel like I cant rely on my husband \n\nHe Replied with:\n\nOk Mh I understand\n\nIm sorry I was not there for you when you needed me. \n\nIm sorry I acted the way I did. Iguess I was just stressed and na being myself\n\nI love u\n\nUr my wife and Im ur husband \n\nI love u and only u\n\nSo I had pretty much told him that this ALL started because he was not there for me. Please understand being Muslim or not this could have happened to anyone, and also keep in mind only his family is Muslim Mom dad and 4 small siblings (hes the oldest) And two other cousins.  \nI told him, his dad was wrong for thinking he can act the way he did to not only me but my family and his mother was wrong for not even being considerate of anything at all. He apologized over and over again, he stated he understands his actions were wrong and he allowed his family to get in between us and the way he treated me was not okay. He is aware he is to apologize to my parents and my family and he also owes me. I will NEVER invite his extended family anywhere ever again. I had already met his mom, dad and siblings and they never acted this way and this will the last time they ever over step. He agreed and confirmed his only priority is me and our future family. We have been living together for about a year now, he covers all bills. We have never disrespected or yelled at me and we do not cuss at each other his literally my bestfriend. I do understand hes young 25 and so are his parents as they had him at 15 and feel like they just dont know how to act. Hes aware I will NOT be having kids until I finish my schooling as I already have a great career but want to get my bachelors, and he will have to pay for my schooling.  I hold all his money in my account and he know dam well any type of fuckery were to happen like this again, I will leave. I will not tolerate disrespect, emotionally, physically and especially infidelity. Oh and I told him he will have to listen to me talk about this until Im ready to get over it on my own. He said I can take all the time I want. Hes currently not talking to his family and he stated he dose not care about how anyone feels. he choices his wife and is worried about his own family now.\n\n(I have not submitted my paper work to the court) I know I have a couple of days or weeks until it expires so Im going to wait and see what hes all about. He always been a man of his word. But I have never been scared to leave anyone who does not improve my life. Life is way to stressful now. Im feeling a bit better now, I do bring it up to him daily and he continues to apologize and validate my feelings. He even said on our next event, everything I say goes, and he will not be leaving my side for anything or anyone.\n\n(I watch reddit  stories with my fav youtubers and you all made me laugh when I saw the automatic Divorce Lmao)\n\noh and I will NOT resume any relationship with his parents until they apologize and understand the way they treated me at my wedding was unacceptable.\n\n\\*END OF UPDATE\n\nI got married 7/11/26 and it did not go how I planned.  Let me go over some context so you can have more of an understanding. (This may be long) I (29F) and my husband (25M) got married this past Saturday. My husband was born Muslim his family is from NY his family is African-American and I was Christian when I met him but began to learn about islam on my own and took me 3yrs to be decide to become Muslim myself. (He never pressured me to become muslim) My family and I are hispanic and lived in CA all our lives. My family is christian and my mom was not too thrilled about me dating a man who was a muslim until she learned on her own and found out its not to far from Christianity.\n\nAnyway, me and my husband been together for 3yrs and were engaged for no more than 7 months. We were originally going to only have the ceremony at the mosque, but since it is our first wedding and hopefully our last we decided to have a celebration and have his family and my family, get together and celebrate both of us. His family did have the fly in from NY and I do understand that he also had other family coming from different states. My family doesn’t live too close but they are still within CA but the drive is about 2 to 3 hours so everyone had to drive or fly to come celebrate with us. I will say I am a little bit on the type A side and I do have ADHD. So I had things pictured a certain way and we all do know that certain things dont always come out that way, but hope that they do. On top of that, I only was given 6 months to plan a celebration for 50 people.\n\nSooo me and my now husband, we decided to rent a Airbnb as we will be having family coming from out of the area. The Airbnb was a beautiful, beautiful home with the most beautiful view, and it was a beautiful big home kind of like a mansion and we decided to rent it and they did allow us to have the event there. As you know a lot of Airbnb‘s do not allow their guest to have events, but we did pay extra just to have the event there. We rented the home from Friday to Sunday at 12pm and I understand that his family and my family were coming in from a distance so only his mother, father, 3 sisters (21,10&4), brother (3), fathers side grandma and mothers side grandma/grandpa were to stay there. He had told me family was going to show up later in the evening ”to say hi” but he did not mention that there was going to be people showing up way before he did or his parents did. This is when the tension and stress starts for me, My mother got there first with my brother who helped pack boxes etc and we were waiting for his parents and siblings to arrive. I texted my husband and called telling him to please hurry as we will need help unpacking stuff and I would rather not greet people I do not know, as there is no waters or sodas. Not even 30 mins of arriving we had 4 cars show up with multiple of his family members that I have never met or even knew they were coming. I started to become overwhelmed because not even his parents had arrived. People kept showing up and I got so frustrated because I didnt have time to entertain his family PLUS I was already in a sour mood, I did not want them to get that impression of me when they are literally meeting me for the first time. So I decided to go to my Henna appointment Until the people who were setting up tables and chairs finished. He didn't arrive till almost 8-9pm and all of his family arrived at the Airbnb they decided to cook and mingle which is fine but was a-lot because they began to leave the kitchen dirty and leave trash outside. I was so upset by the time I arrived at the Airbnb because why are we having all the family show up at the home were the event will be taking place tomorrow knowing it must be clean and there is so much to do. Whatever that was Friday I was frustrated but we got over it.\n\nSaturday morning we wake up and get ready for our ceremony at the mosque. 1. He told me only his immediate family was going and not the whole family. which is why I only invited my parents, 3 brothers and Sister. 2. He got upset before we left because his family was late so he caught an attitude. 3. Once we arrive I see that ALLL his family is there waiting for us and I got sad because I could have invited all my family too but what really hurt me was when we got out the car he automatically walked towards his family without me and they all hugged and congratulated him and left me standing there with my flowers and my family behind me. Not until I gestured for my family to follow me is when his aunt came to give me hug. Mind you, I had only thought the ONLY kids that were to attend was his two small siblings but his family chose to bring more babies to the point this baby girl cried the whole ceremony which was really getting to me. After the ceremony which ended up beautiful we headed back to the airbnb and needed to get ready as they would be doing my hair and make up as I would not be wearing my hijab and a lace dress. HE TOLD ME HE NEEDED TO LEAVE REALLY FAST TO PICK UP SOME MONEY. I did not want him to leave but agreed as he said it would be fast. My make up and hair stylist were set up in the kitchen area as it was the biggest table. I sit down to get my hair done and I already hear the same baby girl crying and crying and don't get me wrong I can handle kids but this was a constant cry, so I decided to get the speaker and turn on music to block out the constant crying. (didnt work that well) THEN, I receive a call from my husband YELLING asking me why my older brother brought pepperoni pizza to the home knowing we do not eat pork. Once I heard him yell my mood was automatically turned sour because he was yelling so loud to the point that the girl that was doing my hair can hear him and anyone that was around can hear him so I ended up hanging up on him because he was not going to yell at me over the phone about pizza on my wedding day. Now at this time I did not know the full story on the pizza issue and I didnt stop to think why would anyone on his family side even call him to complain about that?! Knowing that its our wedding day. Once that F’d up my mood. I saw the the same little girl crying during my ceremony and his little brother (which I adore) running around in the space I was getting my hair and make up and yelling. I ignored it the best I could but once I got yelled at over stupid pizza (which he has never done before) I was automatically upset. I ignored the running and yelling until I heard the same babygirl began to cry and cry and cry over and over again. I had gotten a jumper for the kids specifically, so I yelled out “I got a jumper for the kids, can we take them outside for a bit please” ”I just want to finish, the jumper is outside“ so I guess this was his uncles wife (which I found out the babygirl was not even her daughter it was her grand daughter!!!) why bring someone elses baby to a wedding without their parents!!?! Of course the baby is going to cry!! So then she responds with “I am not going outside to no jumper, Im to old for that“ I said ”its for the kids“ she automatically decided to storm to the my in laws","offTopic":false},{"id":"6b2fc924-f193-4102-affb-1aefdf86a7bf","excerpt":"My officiant brought guests without asking. One of them caught my bouquet [OOP shared a video of the moment] — **I am not OOP. The OOP is** u/sashikku **posting on** r/weddingdrama \n\n[Original Post - Nov, 25. 2025](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/comments/1p6f0dk/my_officiant_brought_guests_without_asking_one_of/","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/comments/1sn4zcy/my_officiant_brought_guests_without_asking_one_of/","role":"pain","weight":1.0791667,"occurredAt":"2026-04-16T14:21:44.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BORUpdates","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.48,"sentiment":0.4532374,"confidence":0.7291667,"matchedPatterns":["frustrating"],"statement":"We had a pretty strict guest limit so that was frustrating.","title":"My officiant brought guests without asking. One of them caught my bouquet [OOP shared a video of the moment]","body":"**I am not OOP. The OOP is** u/sashikku **posting on** r/weddingdrama \n\n[Original Post - Nov, 25. 2025](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/comments/1p6f0dk/my_officiant_brought_guests_without_asking_one_of/)\n\n[Video of the bouquet toss moment - Nov, 27. 2025](https://www.reddit.com/user/sashikku/comments/1p89vax/bouquet_toss_moment/)\n\n[2nd Update - Dec, 01. 2025](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/comments/1pbibmw/update_my_officiant_brought_guests_without_asking/)\n\n# My officiant brought guests without asking. One of them caught my bouquet\n\nSo, long story short, the original officiant we chose and loved had to back out for personal reasons. We were disappointed, but a replacement was assigned quickly. The original choice told us the replacement was very professional and would perform the ceremony perfectly.\n\nCut to the end of the ceremony, we do the recessional, and I notice 2 women I’ve never seen in my life sitting in the back. One was wearing a sparkly deep v-neck club dress that had her breasts on full display, but thankfully the other guest and the officiant were both dressed for the occasion. I was not asked if the officiant could bring guests. I was asked if she could stay through the reception and said yes, but never approved extra heads. We had a pretty strict guest limit so that was frustrating.\n\nCut to the reception, it’s time to do my bouquet toss, I’m excited to see which of my friends or cousins catches the bouquet. The toss happens, I turn around, and the complete stranger in the sparkly dress is holding my bouquet while jumping around, screaming and laughing. I was flabbergasted. Not one of my guests celebrated with her so she was just alone dancing around with my bouquet while everyone else awkwardly tried to just move past it.\n\nPeople were walking up to me all night asking me who she was, why she was there, why she thought it was acceptable to insert herself in the crowd for the toss. It’s been 3 days and my coworkers are still talking about it.\n\n**11/25:** I just went onto the company’s Instagram page and saw that the original officiant, who backed out due to “having surgery for his knee scheduled on the day before the wedding” performed a ceremony on the same date and time as my wedding. This part is a lot harder to laugh off, I am livid about this lie.\n\n**Edit 11/26: The county called to let me know my marriage license was received, so I have posted my reviews on all sites I could find them on!**\n\n**Edit 11/27 THANKSGIVING DAY**: I hope I dreamed this but I just got done arguing the facts with the officiant WHO WAS NOT THERE because he lied and perfomed another ceremony instead. I have heard nothing from the replacement who brought her inappropriately dressed friends.\n\nVIDEO ON MY PROFILE\n\n# [RELEVANT COMMENTS]\n\n>**IndependentMindedGal**  \nYeah whoop-dee-do. Not sure why officiant thought they got a plus-one. If they were paid to be there they really shouldn’t have. I’d probably cut the cost of one extra meal out of the payment I provide them, and explain that.\n\n**OOP**: We had to pay before the ceremony was done, but like I’ve said in some comments here I’m going to approach them about a full or even partial refund and leave reviews detailing my experience. I’m just waiting to find out that our marriage license was received first because I would hate for them to become vindictive and throw it in the shredder or something.\n\n>**BenevolentDictator74**  \nGirlie!! Partial?! Hell to the NO. Full refund and public shaming of wedding crasher Karen who STOLE your bouquet. I’d be asking for that to be refunded as well. Bay-BEEEE the shade I’d be throwing at these ppl. Post pics and receipts with your reviews! UNACCEPTABLE. OOF. I’m mad FOR YOU. 😂😂😂\n\n**OOP**: This comment sounds literally exactly like what my good friend would say to me if she’d seen that comment and I just have to say I love your energy for that lol\n\n>**AboveGroundPoolQueen**  \nHave you asked for a refund? I’d ask for a refund for the cost of officiating, the meals and drinks they consumed and the cost of the bouquet.\n\n**OOP**: No. I have not. The original officiant sent me a lot of very unprofessional texts today so I’m certain he’s unwilling to refund me. Especially since he’s saying they should have charged me for being late to the ceremony.\n\n>**AboveGroundPoolQueen**  \nOh my gosh! That is outrageous! I’m sorry for you.  \nBut congratulations on your wedding and I hope you have a fabulous marriage.\n\n**OOP:** For the record, I was fine with paying the late fee that I knew about beforehand. She just did not charge me.\n\nThank you! I am beside myself with happiness. My husband is my best friend and getting to spend the rest of my life with him is awesome.\n\n>**bourbonandcheese**  \nDid you pay the officiant? I'm glad you can laugh about it and that no permanent harm was done, but god damn was that unprofessional, and, as such, I think a refund would be *more* than called for.\n\n**OOP:** $375 total\n\n# [\\[2 DAYS LATER - OOP SHARED THE VIDEO OF THE BOUQUET TOSS MOMENT IN HER PROFILE. 10/10 CAMERAMAN FOR CAPTURE EVERYTHING\\]](https://www.reddit.com/user/sashikku/comments/1p89vax/bouquet_toss_moment/)\n\n# [RELEVANT COMMENTS OF THE VIDEO]\n\n>**Historical\\_Ad\\_2615**  \nI have a bold, over the top style myself, and I tend to show off a lot cleavage as a means of distracting attention away from my fupa, and though I absolutely love that dress, it is entirely inappropriate to wear as a plus one to a wedding, especially an uninvited plus one! Even when I went to a wedding where the dress code was \"club glam,\" I wore a knee-length sweater dress over my hot pink strapless club dress during the church ceremony. And even if all the single ladies were asked to join the bouquet toss, she should've stepped aside and let an actual invitee catch it. Whoever raised that tacky heifer ought to be ashamed of themselves!\n\n**OOP:** I’m not gonna lie, I love boobs and I love thicker women. If I saw her out at the club like that, I would have complimented her. My wedding was just…not the place for that dress. It wouldn’t have been quite so egregious if my wedding wasn’t at a venue that basically looked like a little old western town, that REALLY made her look out of place.\n\n>**coppermask**  \nIs the girl who she went up and hugged at the end the other uninvited guest or the officiant? Shocking behavior.  \nBy the way I love the side-eye from your friend in the brown velvet, like “wtf.”\n\n**OOP:** So that’s actually my aunt she walks up to. The officiant and her uninvited guests ended up sitting at their table, so I guess she’d talked to her a bit and thought she’d be happy for her. My aunt is an angel, the sweetest person on the planet, would never even LOOK at a person wrong, so I’m sure she played it off like she WAS happy for her.\n\n& yes, shoutout to A in the velvet. That’s my cousin and she is a real one. She’s just like me where she wears every thought and emotion blatantly on her face. We are the cousins that can communicate across a room without saying a word.\n\n>**Ok\\_Tomato519**  \nAs a fellow \"written all over your face\" person, cousin A was my hero from the first watch!!\n\n**OOP:** This same cousin screenshotted my face in the video and photoshopped a dick in my mouth. She’s on thin ice 😂\n\n>**AlternativeAd5954**  \nI would send an invoice for the flowers, the dinners, and a refund for the \"service\". Then a lien if they refuse to pay. I'm petty. I'm also assertive and would recommend if you are disrespected in this way again to say something right away. No shade, Monday morning qaurterbacking never won games, and I wasn't there. I do want to lift you up and let you know that your voice matters, and its ok to say 'no' to disrespectful people. Much luv\n\n**OOP:** I’m a confrontational and assertive person, BUT, I pick and choose my battles very carefully. The officiant had possession of my marriage license—part of their “package” was mailing it to the county clerk for us. I did not want to confront the person that had the power to conveniently “lose” my license. My cousin ended up confronting the bouquet thief, [here’s a picture of it](https://imgur.com/a/TpNk4tU). So she was told she acted out of line and heard about her behavior in passing from pretty much all of my guests. Especially my female friends. We’re loud, petty, and we do it for the plot.\n\n# [#2 UPDATE - 4 DAYS LATER]\n\nI am sadly not here to share a happy update.\n\nThe original officiant we’d chosen, the liar, sent me a 10 paragraph text message wanting to argue with me about my review on Thanksgiving day.\n\nFirstly, he states that the bouquet was caught fair and square by the person who “happened to be the tallest in the group.” The video shows this to be laughably false. Two guests in the video (including the one she snatched the bouquet from) are clearly taller than her. Either way, it’s a moot point. She never should have been a part of that moment to begin with. She never should have joined the group at all. She shouldn’t have even been at the wedding in the first place. To argue that she was just so tall that the bouquet just happened to fall to her is completely insane to me.\n\nSecondly, he is doubling down on his surgery lie. He told me he was at home recovering on 11/22. I sent him the screenshot from his own page where he clearly states that he performed that ceremony on 11/22/2025. I also sent him screenshots of me straight up asking the other vendors he tagged who confirmed that this wedding was, in fact, performed on 11/22. I sent him screenshots from the bride and groom’s instagram pages showing that their wedding was on 11/22. He is literally in a photo with a welcome sign that shows the date of the wedding as 11/22. I can’t even begin to understand what he thinks he’s doing by repeatedly lying to me about this. I did attach all screenshots with explanations to all reviews on the 6 platforms I’ve posted them on so far.\n\nThirdly, he says that officiants NEVER stay for the reception and always leave immediately following the signing of the marriage license. He says that the replacement only stayed at our DIRECT REQUEST. He himself, during our first meeting, said that he would be staying for the reception. Specifically telling us that he would be at the bar ordering tequila shots immediately after the license was signed. That should have been a red flag, in hindsight. **Because HE told US that he WOULD be staying for the reception, we told the replacement that she could as well during our “get to know you” meeting with her.** We did NOT approve extra guests coming with her nor did she even ask about bringing anyone. Let alone 2 extra heads.\n\nThat’s it. That’s the update.\n\n# [RELEVANT COMMENTS OF THE 2ND UPDATE]\n\n>**Illustrious\\_Leg\\_2537**  \nPlease include his insane responses to your reviews in those reviews. People need to know what a loon this guy is.\n\n**OOP:** I did! My reviews are extremely detailed and I included screenshots of EVERYTHING. I let him know that I would be adding screenshots of his texts to my reviews to highlight his horrible attitude, he said my attitude was the problem and that he was “being a professional.”\n\n>**The\\_BigPicture**  \nThe idea that it matters *why* the uninvited guest caught the bouquet is such a sign that they don't get the problem\n\n**OOP:** Exactly. The fact that I aggressively declined to take a photo with this random stranger that caught my bouquet after the toss should have tipped them off to me being pissed about that happening.\n\n>**weallfloatdown**  \nThis all sucked.  \nNow, let is go & enjoy your marriage . In a few years this will be a funny story of how the officiant was an ass.\n\n**OOP:** It definitely did.\n\n& I definitely am! We are so incredibly happy. It keeps hitting me over & over at the most random times that I’m actually MARRIED to my best friend in the whole world. I get to spend my whole life with this man. Truly wonderful.\n\n>**TrumpsCovidfefe**  \nNot to mention, then try to catch the bouquet?!","offTopic":false},{"id":"0cbbbf62-4aef-4b74-9ce9-6fae4a5cc10a","excerpt":"My vendor didn't make my wedding (cup)cake safe for my allergies (bride) — We got married last month, and I (the bride) have a dairy intolerance.\n\nWhen we first brought this up with our caterer, they assured us it wouldn’t be a problem at all. We went through all the options for our sweet table and decided on wedding c","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/1o5emru/my_vendor_didnt_make_my_wedding_cupcake_safe_for/","role":"pain","weight":1.0791667,"occurredAt":"2025-10-13T09:01:13.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"weddingshaming","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.48,"sentiment":0.36363637,"confidence":0.7291667,"matchedPatterns":["frustrating"],"statement":"I was stunned in the moment, but the longer I think about it, the more ridiculous and infuriating it feels.","title":"My vendor didn't make my wedding (cup)cake safe for my allergies (bride)","body":"We got married last month, and I (the bride) have a dairy intolerance.\n\nWhen we first brought this up with our caterer, they assured us it wouldn’t be a problem at all. We went through all the options for our sweet table and decided on wedding cupcakes instead of a traditional cake. We didn’t like the look of a big cake and loved the idea of cupcakes arranged like a field of flowers. They were excited about the idea and said it wouldn’t be an issue. We also planned to have a sweet table filled with cute plant pot brownies and red velvet cake.\n\nWe never had a tasting, and they didn’t ask many questions about the design. Three weeks before the wedding, I started feeling a bit nervous that we hadn’t shared any visuals, so we sent over some inspiration pictures. They even added a surcharge because the buttercream would have multiple colors. Everything seemed set, and with their excellent reviews, we felt confident it would turn out beautifully.\n\nThey were closed during the summer which caused for a lot of delayed communication and we were only able to discuss all the last details 2 weeks before our wedding. Since they were very busy before. \n\nBut when the big toast came, my husband received one of the gorgeous cupcakes… and I was handed a flat, boring little square of sour fruit cake. To make matters worse, my husband later told me the cupcakes themselves were pretty dry and bland.\n\nIn that moment, I gave the caterers a confused look and realized they’d never actually planned to make the cupcakes dairy-free for me. Instead, they had simply decided to give me an alternative dessert...On my own wedding day.\n\nI let it go in the moment, but afterwards we emailed them to ask whether this was a mistake or intentional. They told us it was standard procedure to replace items for people with allergies, rather than making the actual dessert safe for them, even for the paying bridal couple.\n\nThey added that if we’d chosen a traditional cake, I still would’ve been given an alternative. Which means that during the “first bite” moment, my husband would have had the actual cake… and I would have had something completely different.\n\nTo make matters worse, I couldn’t eat anything from the sweet table. And despite the fact that none of the meats we selected contained dairy, I was given a random selection of BBQ meat instead of the meal we had chosen together.\n\nI was stunned in the moment, but the longer I think about it, the more ridiculous and infuriating it feels.\n\nEdit: \nFor anyone blaming me for being the fault here. This was a big highly rated company and one of the 2 vendors our location wanted to work with due to their quality. We paid a lot and we paid extra for my intolerance. \n\nI am not deathly allergic I would only get quite sick from dairy. I have had many dairy free cakes in my life and it's really easy. \n\nIn our appointments we fleshed out the menus after my intolerance was mentioned and written down and no where in the cost estimate, or in the appointments was it mentioned that I would get something different then mentioned in the estimate and menus. \n\nI came here to shame them, not to be shamed myself.\n\nDuring our appointments I was the one who showed them the cupcakes and mentioned how i wanted the sweet table to look like. And not once did they tell me I could not be eating any of these dishes. \n \nUpdate 1:\n\nThey have responded to our email and review, saying that they have learned from our feedback, recognize that there is a miscommunication and wish us lots of love together. \n\nAfter a big deep dive I found a review of 9 years ago on a wedding website that also complained about how they didn't facilitate their needs around intolerances and allergies. How they covered everything in cheese even though they had a whole tasting (apparently they did that with them) before where they were very careful with her lactose intolerance. \n\nOn the day off apparently they had covered all the meals in cheese and made different dishes then they had talked about. So I guess I'm not the only victim of their weird allergy protocol. \n\nI am going to look into how much further I can get into this. I was hoping they'd at least send us a batch of dairy free cupcakes that we can keep for our anniversary, which I mentioned in the review as well. \n\n\nUpdate 2:\n\nI am going to try to fight this if possible\n\nThese were their full terms about dietary restrictions:\n\nDietary requirements are only prepared upon request and registered by name. For each dietary requirement, a surcharge of 20% will be applied to the price per person per dietary requirement\n\nUpdate 3:\n\nThe owner called us, he was insanely angry about the bad reviews. Tried to berate me for not calling him, while we were in contact with our direct contact person. I don't know him, I've never been in contact with him. \n\nHe then decided we could best discuss this with a cup of coffee. So we are going to see him next week. Hopefully he will admit they dropped the ball. We are going to ask for a compensation for the extra 20% we paid, the cupcakes and my portion of all the menus. \n\n\nUpdate 4\n\nWell we just came back from the conversation with him. Luckily he was a lot calmer, my husband was with me since as well, so I was glad I wasn't alone. He started off the conversation again with how we should've called him and how we handled this wrong. But we let that slide. Ignored his remarks on our communication and dove into the thing that mattered. My disappointing experience as a bride. \n\nHe started off saying how people can make mistakes blabla. We quickly responded that we asked if it was a mistake and how they claimed it was their procedure. He acknowledged that he made a mistake and then continued with a very long story about how they dont make the cupcakes themselves and how that bakery refuses to make the cupcakes any different. We just said that if it wasn't possible to make everything safe for me, that we would've have loved to know that beforehand since nothing about this was communicated to us.\n\nThere is even a line in the original cost estimation: The following menus have been made\n\nBride intolerance dairy \n\nAnd then all the other items and menus listed that we ordered. Insinuating heavily that everything seems adjusted to my needs. \n\nHe understood how this was all very unclear and is going to change the whole intolerance process to make sure alternative items are described and communicated more clearly. \n\nHe could not give a good explanation for why my dinner meal was super different besides that he didn't want to take risks. But he did understand how I was surprised I couldn't eat anything from the menu. \n\nThen my personal favourite moment came, he said that I should have not gotten 2 but 1 slice of the weird square fruit cake. Because one of those was meant for dinner. So I asked: is that one square slice of fruit cake supposed to compensate me the bride for the complete sweet table and the cupcakes? And he looked at it and couldn't give me a good answer and said: yeah... That's not really how it was supposed to be. That's not enough he admitted. \n\nEventually he said we didn't pay the 20% surcharge per dietary requirement and that they only write it out in case they need to adjust meals. But they didn't make us pay for it eventually. \n\nHe promised us he will change the whole dietary process and make sure everything will communicated much more clearly for other couples. And we get the cupcakes and main course refunded (my potion) and a 100 euro dinner coupon to go out for a meal. \n\nEventually he understood we weren't there to berate him, but just there to make sure this doesn't happen again for others and give me a some form of compensation since this was quite an expensive arrangement. \n\nMy husband is going to plan a fun cupcake tasting afternoon at a local vegan bakery to have a fun time together and give me the chance to eat some lovely cupcakes. \n\nThanks everyone for your support ","offTopic":false},{"id":"eab20d49-5e9c-41af-b8f9-ff23c1c922af","excerpt":"[New Update]: AIO? Shady Bridesmaid hijacked Wedding Shower — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwaway_weddrama**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AIO**\n\n**Previous BoRUs: [#1](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/ZuVm91aVEa)**\n\n**[New Update]: AIO? Shady Bridesmaid hijacked Wedding Shower**\n\n**NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH** ","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1taqa2s/new_update_aio_shady_bridesmaid_hijacked_wedding/","role":"pain","weight":1.0670667,"occurredAt":"2026-05-12T04:00:08.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.51,"sentiment":0.21428572,"confidence":0.70666665,"matchedPatterns":["terrible"],"statement":"And I feel terrible.","title":"[New Update]: AIO? Shady Bridesmaid hijacked Wedding Shower","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwaway_weddrama**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AIO**\n\n**Previous BoRUs: [#1](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/ZuVm91aVEa)**\n\n**[New Update]: AIO? Shady Bridesmaid hijacked Wedding Shower**\n\n**NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH** ----\n\n**Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU**\n\n\\----\n\n**RECAP**\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/3TVeDsGvCY): **February 4, 2026**\n\nThrowaway because I don’t want this tied to my main.\n\nMy sister is getting married and asked me to be her matron of honor, which I was thrilled about. I love my little sister, and she was my maid of honor when I got married a few years ago. We talk once or twice a week (I have a little one at home, and she’s younger, very social, staying-out-late type).\n\nShe’s planning a BIG wedding. Lots of people, lots of moving parts.\n\nAs matron of honor, I’m expected to lead planning for the bridal shower and bachelorette party. Since the shower comes first, I asked my sister what vibe she wanted. She said elegant. Perfect. I told her I’ll organize with the bridesmaids and report back to her ideas that she can choose from/approve. I asked her if she had any ideas already, and she said no, but wanted to see what we come up with. She did say she wanted something that would accommodate a lot of people.\n\nI created a group chat with the bridesmaids to start planning. There are three other bridesmaids: two are my sister’s childhood friends (I know them, sweet, collaborative, great people), and one I didn’t know. Let’s call her Shady.\n\nShady is actually in the main group of friends of my sister’s future husband. They included her as a bridesmaid rather than on the groom’s side for symmetry in the wedding party, but my sister is getting to know her more and she is becoming one of her friend’s too.\n\nWe planned an in-person meeting to brainstorm ideas. Everyone showed up on time, except Shady. I texted and called, no answer. After about 30 minutes, I suggested we start planning. We started discussing ideas, games, and venues. I mentioned that I was thinking of some elegant venues, but that they could be pricey. I’m a little bit older and more financially established, so I offered to cover the cost of the venue/restaurant/hotel/studio, and if the other bridesmaids wanted to focus on games, decor, flowers, and themes ideas. They were relieved and agreed since they’re still in or just out of college.\n\nAfter 45 minutes, Shady shows up and apologizes for being late. We recap everything. She doesn’t offer any ideas, she just listens.\n\nWe all chat a bit, get to know each other, and Shady seems friendly, outgoing, and pleasant. We end the meeting with the plan that I’ll tour venues and update the group chat, and everyone else will contribute ideas for games, décor, and themes.\n\nThe following week, I took a few days off work and toured several venues. I took photos and shared them in the group chat. The other bridesmaids responded with comments like how beautiful they were, questions about space and menus, etc. the showed pictures of game ideas and themes, etc.\n\nShady said nothing.\n\nThat weekend, I went to my sister’s place to show her everything in person. She casually mentioned that Shady and her boyfriend had been over earlier that day to spend time with her and her future hubby.\n\nThen my sister tells me: Shady had already shown her all the venue photos and ideas from the group chat. She then showed my sister pictures of a friend’s large mansion, complete with floor plans, and suggested hosting the shower there instead with catering.\n\nMy sister said she really liked that idea.\n\nI told my sister that if that’s what she wants, I support it. I want her to be happy and have the shower she wants.\n\nBut I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me.\n\nI did planning, legwork, touring, and shared everything with the group. Shady said nothing in the chat, then went directly to my sister behind the scenes with some other plan that she did not want to share with the bridesmaid group?\n\nWas this shady behavior, or am I overreacting?\n\nDo I confront Shady, or keep quiet to avoid drama during my sister’s wedding?\n\n**Relevant / Top Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** I would bring it up in the group chat to let the others girls know the ideas “shady” came up with so all of you are on the same page. My question is being “shady” came up with the mansion does that mean it’s free because it’s her friends or will she be covering that expense.\n\n> **OOP:** It will be free because it is at someone’s house. My sister will also likely add this additional person to the guest list if she’s hosting the party for the shower. I imagine the bridal party will divide costs for food? I’m going to make a group chat informing the other bridesmaids of the change. I don’t know how to word it without sounding upset right now.\n\n**Commenter 2:** I'm going to play devil's advocate here. When you were at the bridal planning , she could not offer up a second person's house without speaking to them first.\n\nShe absolutely had to confirm with that person before she made the offer. And then once she got a confirmation that it could be done , she likely told your sister because she knows your sister better and she spoke to your sister before she spoke to you.\n\nShe might be shady, but I don't think this is that deep.\n\nThe only way you're gonna know is if you talk to her. But if you don't talk to her and you just start bailing out of things and s\\*\\*\\* talking her without finding out what happened , then you're going to be the one who's bringing drama.\n\n> **OOP:** I appreciate you giving a possible way to view this. I’m not the type to burn the house down if something goes wrong, so I’m not in any way going to stop being there for my sister or step down from being her MOH.\n> \n> I just think there were many opportunities to say, hey- here’s an option. I can check with my friend if it is possible.\n> \n> That would have been great.\n\n**Commenter 3:** Honestly, leave this one alone and tell your sister that you’re leaving the planning of everything else to Shady because of what she did. Let her know you don’t have time for this and cut off the drama at the head.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n[Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/YENRpvqbfK): **February 15, 2026 (11 days later)**\n\n**AIO: Shady bridesmaid hijacked shower UPDATE**\n\n**UPDATE: Somehow things got worse! This is long. Sorry all.**\n\nRemember when I said I didn’t want to cause drama for my sister? Well I failed.\n\nAfter my sister told me she wanted to go with Shady’s mansion shower plan, I decided to be an adult and call Shady directly.\n\nShe didn’t answer.\n\nSo I sent a polite text saying I had spoken to my sister, she mentioned the mansion idea, and I was just confused about how the group chat planning pivoted into a fully formed alternate event. Very calm. Very “just trying to understand.”\n\nShe texted back instead of calling.\n\nShe said she doesn’t have a sister of her own and really wants to do this for my sister. Okay.\n\nShe did not address why she didn’t bring this up in the group chat.\n\nThen she added that she already has a menu planned, my sister agreed to it, she will be covering the cost, and all the bridesmaids have to do is show up and enjoy.\n\nOh, and she plans to use one of the games we discussed in the group chat.\n\nExcuse me?\n\nSo now she’s throwing the shower. Featuring one recycled game from the peasants. I know I’m not paying anything for this, so she’s not looking to take advantage of my generosity.\n\nI probably shouldn’t have, but I responded that this was something I had really wanted to do for MY only sister, and I was disappointed I didn’t even get to be part of it.\n\nThen I called my sister to explain the conversation.\n\nMy sister said yes, she’s good with this plan, this is what she wants, and I can just focus on the bachelorette party.\n\nIf this is what she wants, fine. I will swallow it. But I felt… disappointed? Replaced? Weirdly pushed out?\n\nSo I sent a neutral message to the group chat saying that Shady would be taking over the shower planning and that it would be at her friend’s home.\n\nMy phone rang immediately.\n\nOne of the bridesmaids (we’ll call her Sweetie) calls me absolutely shocked because she knew how passionate I was about doing this for my sister. I explained what happened. She was upset for me and asked if I wanted her to call Shady and find out why she left us out.\n\nAnd here is where hindsight punches me in the face.\n\nI said sure.\n\nSweetie calls Shady.\n\nShady answers.\n\nApparently Sweetie did not love the responses she got.\n\nThey argue.\n\nShady then calls my sister.\n\nMy sister then calls me.\n\nMy sister was upset because there’s conflict. I tried calming her down, but I ended up getting upset too and I yelled. I did apologize. But in that moment I realized my sister just wanted me to quietly make this work and not create waves… and I had just created a tidal wave.\n\nHow did we get here???\n\nFast forward to this past weekend.\n\nWe had an unrelated event where all the bridesmaids were present, along with family, and I met my sister’s future in-laws for the first time.\n\nShady was there.\n\nShe did not speak to me. Not once.\n\nInstead, she stayed glued to my sister’s fiancé and his mother.\n\nWhen I met the future MIL (with Shady standing right there), I immediately got the vibe that she was annoyed with me. Curt. Polite but distant. And I couldn’t help but wonder what version of this story had been told on that side.\n\nI stayed near my sister the whole event. She seemed happy. Sweetie stuck by us too. But there is now this very obvious divide with Shady.\n\nAnd I feel terrible.\n\nI never wanted to make my sister’s wedding messy. I just wanted to throw her a beautiful shower. Now somehow it feels political.\n\nSo now I’m asking:\n\nDid I mishandle this?\n\nIs this a “pick your battles” situation and I picked wrong?\n\nWas I reasonably hurt and this spiraled beyond what I intended?\n\nBecause right now I feel like I accidentally became the villain.\n\n**Editor's note: OOP made the same update post onto another subreddit, I am adding comments from that sub for more context**\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** Damn that Shady has screwed you over. Sadly, you played right in to her hands and now she is the one seen to be \"doing what the bride wants\" and you are the bad guy.  To be honest though, as long as your sister is happy, I'd just let the drama fade away now. \n\nTotally understand why you are hurt though and I do think that you're NTA\n\n> **OOP:** Thanks for your response. I think this is probably the best way. I appreciate you saying I’m NTA and understand why I am hurt. I don’t think my sister understands that and maybe that’s why this feels unresolved and uncomfortable. And now I’ve got to interact with Shady for the next few months for wedding activities and act like everything is okay.\n\n**Is there any chances that Shady likes the Future BIL and is jealous that he's getting married to OOP's sister?**\n\n> **OOP:** No - I don’t think so. They’ve been friends for many years and he was single for a long time before he met my sister.\n> \n> I do think she appreciates his friendship and wants to be involved to a significant degree, but wasn’t happy with me being in charge or leading something she wanted control of.\n\n**Commenter 2:** Sounds to me like Shady has main character syndrome. \n\nOne idea might be for  you and Sweetie, and Xtra Sweetie 😊 to just sit tight and be available anytime your sister reaches out.\n\nAnd let Shady do her little show, cuz eventually she's gonna slip up and show her ass.   If she is MC type, she's not gonna stop trying taking center stage from you.  It's going to bleed into other aspects of the wedding, and your sister and others will see her as she really is.\n\nBut realize now that you can't stop it, based on the dynamics you described.  Know that you can't protect your sister from her because your sister's still buying into it. And she's just going to have to learn about this girl ","offTopic":false},{"id":"b1633058-cbe9-4796-8def-729accaf5c14","excerpt":"New Update: AITA for telling my friend that her \"free\" wedding is unrealistic? — **I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still** [ThrowawayFreeWedding](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowawayFreeWedding/). She posted in r/AITAH and r/Redditor_Updates \n\nPrevious BORU [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpd","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1qkx3ds/new_update_aita_for_telling_my_friend_that_her/","role":"pain","weight":1.0458666,"occurredAt":"2026-01-23T17:29:05.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.48,"sentiment":0.34615386,"confidence":0.70666665,"matchedPatterns":["frustrating"],"statement":"And I was also frustrated about the cake request.","title":"New Update: AITA for telling my friend that her \"free\" wedding is unrealistic?","body":"**I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still** [ThrowawayFreeWedding](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowawayFreeWedding/). She posted in r/AITAH and r/Redditor_Updates \n\nPrevious BORU [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1p9gaqf/aita_for_telling_my_friend_that_her_free_wedding/). **New Update marked with \\*\\*\\*\\*\\*.** Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know about the update!\n\n# Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.\n\n**Mood Spoiler:** >!confusing but possibly heading in a positive direction...!<\n\n**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ntlcd3/aita_for_telling_my_friend_that_her_free_wedding/)**: September 29, 2025**\n\nI (24f) am a member of a friend group in which one member (we'll call her Coral, 23f) is getting married. She announced her engagement to her fiance (25m) a few weeks ago and we were all happy for her!\n\nOver the weekend, though, she shared more specific plans for the wedding, and that's where things have kinda gone off the rails.\n\nShe said she's been seeing a lot of people on tiktok and insta showing how to plan \"free\" weddings--weddings where the couple spends zero dollars (aside from the marriage certificate fee I guess). At first I thought she meant a city hall wedding, which would be completely fine! But then she got I to the details and her expectations for the ceremony.\n\nShe's going to try and find someone with a large outdoor space to use (not formally a wedding venue) who will donate their area in support of \"love\", she's going to have all of her guests bring a potluck (with very specific assignments), she will have a friend officiate, a friend do photography, a friend do save the dates and invites, her family do the flowers, etc. Including some harder-to-swing (imo) things like getting a large tent, decorations, wedding favors, speakers, band, etc. I'm not sure what her plan was for a dress.\n\nWhat's more is that Coral and her fiance really aren't poor, from what I can tell. She works as an accountant at a big company and her fiance does software(?) sales. Plus his parents are loaded. It sounds like they just want to do the free wedding thing for the sake of it.\n\nThat would be okay, but she is just shifting all of the costs onto other people (some of whom are probably less well off).\n\nShe told me that she wants me to make the cake, and then sent me some pictures \"for inspiration\". The cakes were ridiculously elaborate. We’re talking multi-tier, fondant flowers, gold leaf, and one even had a hand-painted watercolor design. I’m not a professional baker, I just like to bake cookies and brownies sometimes. I told her that those cakes would probably take me days to make, and they wouldn't come out anywhere near as good. She kind of laughed that off and said, \"Oh, it’s not about it being perfect, it’s just about everyone pitching in. It’ll be fun!\"\n\nI told her that, fun or not, what she was describing was basically her friends and family subsidizing her wedding (with time, money, and labor) and that it was kind of unfair to expect people to spend so much on her “free” wedding. Or else, she was expecting everyone to show up to a lackluster event and just pretend it was amazing. It's like a group project that none of us wanted to do because we already graduated and moved on from all that so we don't need the credit (she does graduate a year later the rest of us). I said that if she wants a free wedding, she should probably just elope or go to city hall, because this isn’t really free, it’s just free for her (I might have been a bit more forceful in my wording but I didn't swear or call her names or anything like that).\n\nShe got super quiet and just looked at me for a minute or so and then left (with another one of our friends driving her home). Later that night, I got a text from that friend saying I had really hurt Coral's feelings, and that even if the plans were a bit unrealistic, I should have just let Coral come to that conclusion on her own.\n\nCoral then messaged me just saying \"Sorry, don't worry about the cake\" with no more context.\n\nI am feeling pretty bad now, especially since Coral was so happy and excited and she never really said anything mean to me. Perhaps I should have just gone along with the cake (since she said she wouldn't be mad if it turned out badly), but I am worried that her wedding would not have been what she wanted. And I was also frustrated about the cake request.\n\nEDIT: Honestly I feel a bit bad now--Coral really is a sweet person who is just a bit naive. I feel like a lot of people in the comments are tearing her up more than she deserves. She has always been the \"baby\" of the group and I just got frustrated and ranted on this case.\n\nI don't know what the fiance thinks about all of this.\n\n***Some of OOP's Comments:***\n\n**arcticchains:** Jesus. I only got thru the first paragraph. I would neither involve people in a wedding like that nor would I go.\n\n>**OOP:** I am really curious if she would have told everyone in the extended family and friend groups showing up about the \"free\" aspect ahead of time. It definitely sounds like something she would take pride in but also I don't know how you bring that up.\n\n**ParticularPath7791:** NTA. Your friend is bring ridiculous and you are the only one with the balls to tell her. Be happy she decided to not force you to do the cake.\n\n>**OOP:** In her defense, for the last few things she's been naive about, she has ended up coming to the right conclusion on her own in the end, so maybe I should have just let that happen.\n\n**KronkLaSworda:** (Top Comment) NTA She's in for a rude awakening the first time she asks for a free party tent from someone. Those are expensive AF to rent.\n\n>**OOP:** And it rains here a lot.....\n\n**meep\\_42:** While it's more than a gift might cost, I was hoping all of the \"free\" wedding labor and supplies would be in lieu of gifts. That's probably not the case, though...\n\n>**OOP:** In Coral's defense, she was clear that this support would be everyone's gifts to her, she said she wouldn't accept other gifts from us.\n\n**meep\\_42:** I think this is kind of a cute idea, but one you soft launch individually to friends to see if it's actually possible or at least take the temperature.\n\n>**OOP:** I'm worried that's what she thought she was doing, and I reacted as if it was a hard demand. It did kind of feel like that's what it was though.\n\n**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1p42jun/update_aita_for_telling_my_friend_that_her_free/)**: November 22, 2025 (almost 2 months later)**\n\nHi there. My last post sort of blew up lol. I really didn't think so many people would be that interested in my silly friend group drama.\n\nShort recap: my friend \"Coral\" announced she was going to have a \"free wedding\", with all of her friends playing roles to volunteer a nice venue, tent, food, photography, band, cake (my role), etc. It sounded okay at first but her expectations seemed unrealistically lavish, and I told her that (in stronger wording), and she got upset.\n\nAfter reading the comments, I honestly began to feel bad for Coral. She really is a kindhearted person, but a lot of people interpreted her as an insane entitled bridezilla. That's really not the case. I decided I was going to make the cake, and I sent her an apology text (to which I didn't get any reply; that was making me really anxious). I still didn't think that Coral's requests were that reasonable, and wasn't expecting the wedding to fully go to her plans, but that's not for me to worry about.\n\nFinally, I got a message from Coral's fiance (who we'll call \"Basil\"), asking to meet up. I said yes.\n\nMy expectation going into this was that Basil would tell me how much I hurt Coral's feelings, and I was going to reiterate my apology and share some research/planning I had done on the cake. That's not how it went though.\n\nAs it turns out, the whole \"free wedding\" thing was Basil's idea. That's not the impression I got before. Basil didn't at first explain why he wanted to do it, but when pressed it sounds like it's so he could spend the money that he and Coral had been saving up for their wedding on something else. A boat (a \"Catalina 27\", apparently). Very useful and practical thing to have when you are living in the city! Especially if your fiance gets seasick (we did one of those river cruise things a while back and she had a *bad* time; Basil says he'll help her get over that and sailboats are different).\n\nAnyway, after my whole outburst before, Coral has apparently been having second thoughts about the \"free wedding\" things. Basil asked me to talk to her, apologize, and tell her that it isn't a bad idea after all. He basically said I owe it to him to help clean up the \"mess\" I caused.\n\nI don't feel great about that though. I don't want to drive a wedge between Coral and Basil, but telling her I think it's a good idea after all feels like lying, and I guess actively advocating for a potential trainwreck is a further line for me than just agreeing to play my assigned voluntold-baker role. Moreover, this was my first real conversation with Basil, and I have to say I'm not totally convinced he's a great person. I don't know if he has exactly \"manipulated\" her into going along with this, but it kinda feels that way.\n\nSo what do I do? It's been a little while now since I talked to Basil so I really do need to do something, be it what Basil asked, or further involving myself in drama by telling Coral I that I don't think the wedding (or the entire marriage?) is a good idea.\n\n***Some of OOP's Comments:***\n\n**fuzzy\\_mic:** How much have Cora and Basil contributed to \"free weddings\" of other couples? (Do they have any useable skills or assets?)\n\n>**OOP:** Lol, they could promise to go all out for someone and would probably never have to follow through since it's not a think reasonable people do!\n\n**LelqTian:** Honestly, make the cake. Bring it to your friend like yesterday and tell she can have the wedding like this or any other way she wants it to be, but using the saved money for a boat is the second stupidest decision she's making. Right after marrying the selfish a\\*hole Basil.\n\n>**OOP:** Right? I really don't have any issues making the cake anymore, but I don't know how to approach the rest of the situation with Basil.\n\n**janus1981:** Don’t make the cake. \n\nDon’t lie and say this nonsense is a good idea.\n\nYou seem pretty sensible apart from on this issue. wtf is the matter with you? This is all unacceptable. You were 100% right the first time round. Stop backtracking. \n\nAnd let’s be clear - this shitty couple are foisting wedding expenses onto other people so they can BUY A BOAT. You’re an idiot for even needing to ask what you should do.\n\n>**OOP:** (downvoted) I just don't want to tell Coral about all this and have her end up going through with the free wedding and marriage, which would almost certainly mean losing her as a friend.\n\n**Mango\\_Design\\_0192:** How about you just show Cora that you are there for her, no matter what she wants?\n\nDon’t follow Basil’s request. Just be there for Cora.\n\nOffer to meet up with her, and just ask about her: how is she? And listen to her.\n\nBe true to yourself, and be a good friend to her.\n\nThat is all (easy to say!) you need to do.\n\n>**OOP:** Thank you. This is honestly what I want to do, but given she didn't reply to my last text, I'm worried about if she'll even meet up with me if the first thing I say isn't directly taking back all my concerns from before.\n\n**grejam:** I assume she knows about the boat?? If yes, minimize your feedback.\n\n>**OOP:** I think so? But I'm not certain. Honestly I'm surprised she would go along with the boat idea, but it seems even less likely that Basil would tell me about this if he was keeping it a secret from Coral.\n\n**whoisaname:** Makes me wonder if Basil is telling (forcing) her not to respond. Continuing to try to check in and being a friend to listen cou","offTopic":false},{"id":"9e8400ee-346f-4c18-b059-c7bb72d9d43a","excerpt":"Me [29M] and fiancee [23F]—been engaged 1 month, she wants a \"better\" engagement ring — **I am not The OOP, OOP is u/FeelingWater** \n\n**Me [29M] and fiancee [23F]—been engaged 1 month, she wants a \"better\" engagement ring** \n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7t9493/me_29m_and_fiancee_23fb","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vpmtay/me_29m_and_fiancee_23fbeen_engaged_1_month_she/","role":"request","weight":1.0209333,"occurredAt":"2026-08-16T04:00:02.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"purchase_intent","painScore":0.24,"sentiment":0.6923077,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["wish","would_pay"],"statement":"I pay more than half the rent for our pretty nice apartment and we are able to live comfortably, but frugally.","title":"Me [29M] and fiancee [23F]—been engaged 1 month, she wants a \"better\" engagement ring","body":"**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/FeelingWater** \n\n**Me [29M] and fiancee [23F]—been engaged 1 month, she wants a \"better\" engagement ring** \n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7t9493/me_29m_and_fiancee_23fbeen_engaged_1_month_she/)  **Jan 27, 2018** \n\nMy fiancee Rachel and I are not materialistic people, but somehow I am finding myself in the middle of a problem that's all about money. \n\nI make about 95k a year and have a career with some upwards mobility. Rachel is a 911 dispatcher making around 32k a year and that's pretty much where she is going to stay for the foreseeable future. She loves her job because it helps people and I respect that. I pay more than half the rent for our pretty nice apartment and we are able to live comfortably, but frugally. I'm pretty much happy as long as I live in a nice space and I don't need to go out and do a bunch of costly activities all the time. We don't overspend on going out to eat or big shopping sprees. Planning our wedding has been similarly frugal with a 10k budget. \n\nOne area of savings was the engagement ring. Rach insisted she didn't want anything extreme, so I went with a 1 mm gold band. I think it looks very classy and clean on her, and I thought she liked it too until yesterday. \n\nShe sent me an email with some links to rings on Etsy and asked if I might be receptive to a conversation about getting a different engagement ring. One ring has seven diamonds on it. One ring is a big moissanite solitaire. Her favorite ring has three diamonds in a row on it and costs literally ten times what her current ring cost. \n\nIs it wrong that I find this off-putting? We are very practical people and I don't think it's financially prudent to spend a ton of money on a piece of jewelry with no function. I don't like people who care more about engagement rings/weddings than the marriage. And mostly I don't want to get in a fight with my fiancee over money. \n\ntl'dr: Should I have to buy my fiancee a diamond engagement ring? Would it be fair for us to split the cost if I do get the ring? \n\n**RELEVANT COMMENTS** \n\n**Eagpt** \n\n>A simple gold band is traditionally a wedding ring.  It sounds like you proposed with a wedding ring. \n\n**OOP** \n\n>>I was going to get a second gold band to be the wedding ring. If you google 1 mm gold band several of the pictures have the woman wearing two. \n\n**MsAnthropic** \n\n>>> You're not very familiar with women's jewelry, are you?  Those aren't wedding rings -- they're \"stackables\" that are meant to be worn in multiples.  Wearing a single stackable is kinda weird.  Those are what I call \"fashion rings\": they're casual jewelry.\n>>>\n>>> I mean, you can call a single stackable band a \"wedding ring\", but it would be highly unconventional.  It'd be ok if she was ok with it, but it's obviously not what she wants. \n\n**~** \n\n**JackNotName** \n\n> According to De Beers, based on your salary, you should spend $23,000 on an engagement ring. (3 months salary, right?)\n>\n> This is bullshit and a huge waste of money. Diamond prices are inflated by a monopoly.\n>\n> ---\n>\n> That said, there is a lot of social pressure around this. Someone at her work most likely made her feel cheep or unloved or both, because of how insignificant a simple gold band seems.\n>\n> Talk to her. Let her know you love her. See if you guys can't find something \"better\" that you both feel comfortable with. \n\n**OOP** \n\n>> Yeah, 23k on an engagement ring would be absolutely insane. If she asked for that it would practically be breakup territory.\n>>\n>> She didn't mention anyone at work commenting about the ring, but it's possible. I really don't want to get a new one though because I can't return the one I've already bought, and I am inherently uncomfortable with the idea that I need to get her a \"better\" ring since the one I picked out isn't good enough. \n\n**veronica_deetz** \n\n>>> Wow holy shit I am incredibly against the diamond engagement ring propaganda in this country and I fucking gasped at this comment\n>>>\n>>> Please note that you are uncomfortable making your (incredibly reasonable) fiancée incredibly happy because you'll lose $68 *unrefundable* dollars \n\n**~** \n\n**Jilltro** \n\n> Rings on Etsy and moissanite rings tend to be pretty inexpensive. How much are we talking here?\n>\n> No, you shouldn't HAVE to buy your fiancee a diamond ring and it sounds like she's not demanding one. But I think it's fair that she likes the ring she has to wear and see every day for the rest of her like, and if you can afford it, it seems silly to dig your heels in over this. \n\n**OOP** \n\n>> I can't link it here, but if you on Etsy and search \"LE3N59-N\" that's the one she wants.\n>>\n>> Her tone isn't demanding but I can tell she really wants an upgrade. \n\n**cleveraccountname13** \n\n>>>That one cost $695. And you are balking. She is accommodating your cheapness and you are balking. You are blowing this badly. How much did your phone cost? \n\n**sunshinenorcas** \n\n>>>>He said it's ten times more then the one he bought so he spent $60 on her engagement ring :/ \n\n[Update - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7ue6kl/update_me_29m_and_fiancee_23fbeen_engaged_1_month/)  **Jan 31, 2018 (4 days later)** \n\nSo I really took you guys' advice to heart and resolved to get my fiancee a better engagement ring. I realize that I really dropped the ball by spending less than $100 on the first ring, and that she deserves something that she loves and a ring that will last for a lifetime. \n\nI took her to a couple of jewelry store to look at rings with a 3.5k budget in mind. She ended up going cheaper than the max budget and picked out a 3.3 carat moissanite solitaire that she is absolutely in love with. I feel like every time I look over at her I catch her staring at her hand with a goofy smile. Admittedly it was hard to spend over a thousand dollars on a cosmetic item, but it gets easier when I see how happy she is and how excited she is about getting married. \n\nI apologized about dropping the ball on the first ring and we ended up having a 2 hour conversation about our values. She said she was hurt that I cheaped out so much and proposed with a fashion ring, but she also felt a lot of pressure to not come off as materialistic so she didn't want to complain. I opened up a bit about my family's money troubles growing up and how it's informed a lot of my current spending habits. We talked a lot about our upcoming marriage and what we want our lives together to be like. \n\n...Then we got around to addressing the elephant in the room. Rachel told me that she thinks I think she is a burden, and that I wish she would quit her job (911 dispatcher) and get something that makes more money and has better hours. I honestly don't mind at all that she has a crazy schedule, and I think her job is very important and should be payed more, but I will admit that I have had thoughts about her developing some new skills and moving into something that makes more money. I have been feeling a small bit of resentment lately for paying a much bigger percentage of rent and bills, but I also really wouldn't want to live in a place that fits in Rachel's budget. She wants me to see that there is more to a career than the money, and that her job gives her a great deal of personal fulfillment. I'd like her to be open to the possibility of moving up the career ladder in her field, whatever that may be. \n\nBasically there has been some resentment and differing expectations built up on both sides. Day to day we are very happy—she is the light of my life and I can say with 100% certainty that I want to be with her no matter what. But we also have some things to sort out, so I am looking into pre-marital counseling. \n\ntl;dr: I bought my fiancee a real engagement ring that she loves, and we had a long conversation that unearthed some resentment from both of us. We are going to see a counselor to help us talk through our problem, but we are also very much in love and excited for the future. \n\n**FINAL COMMENTS** \n\n**[deleted]** \n\n> Definitely look into pre-marital counseling! I think you could really benefit from it as your problems are fairly easy to work through.\n>\n> Congrats on the ring purchase and engagement! There's nothing better than looking at your SO and seeing them giddy and lovestruck because of something caring and loving you did! \n\n**OOP** \n\n>>Honestly, seeing her so excited has really helped me get more excited for the wedding. I even made my own ideas board on her Pinterest account for stuff I think would be fun to add. \n\n**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** \n\n**DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7**","offTopic":false},{"id":"32c28940-c768-4fd2-8d31-63f11b9be991","excerpt":"UPDATE: Fiancés friend of wants to wear an almost white dress to our wedding — **Quick (but very important) edit:**\n\nPLEASE do not harass anyone you think may be the person I am talking about. I’ve had a girl reach out to me that is in no way involved who included this dress in a haul because she is being attacked. App","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1rnnknh/update_fiancés_friend_of_wants_to_wear_an_almost/","role":"request","weight":0.96106666,"occurredAt":"2026-03-07T22:35:59.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"TwoHotTakes","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.36,"sentiment":0.7,"confidence":0.70666665,"matchedPatterns":["missing_feature"],"statement":"My upset comes more from a place of lack of respect for myself AND our event than the concern of being “upstaged”.","title":"UPDATE: Fiancés friend of wants to wear an almost white dress to our wedding","body":"**Quick (but very important) edit:**\n\nPLEASE do not harass anyone you think may be the person I am talking about. I’ve had a girl reach out to me that is in no way involved who included this dress in a haul because she is being attacked. Apparently this dress is pretty popular and people are managing to reverse image search and find it in peoples videos. This was posted (to my knowledge) only to an Instagram story and I don’t believe anywhere else. Even if you do find this girl, I don’t want her being harassed. She’s, in my opinion, not a great person, but that doesn’t make it okay for people to attack her.\n\nIt was heavily requested that I update my post from yesterday and truly who am I to disappoint. I got tons of feedback from people giving me ideas of how to spite her to people calling me a raging control freak for wanting people to follow a dress code for a wedding my fiancé and I am spending… a lot.. of money on for it to be a good experience for us AND all of our adorned guests.\n\nI know I don’t have to, but I do want to defend myself to a point. Skip ahead if you don’t care of course!\n\nWhile I can see the side of people having autonomy over their dress, I standby my thought that it is reasonable to have a standard of dress for your guests. Should a guest be unable to afford something suitable for the dress code, a majority of our guests know that they can contact me and we can work something out and/or help them get something they’re comfortable in that fits the vibe. Additionally, we were advised by our venue to enforce a dress code, which they said protects their reputation. Take that how you will. I’ve never been referred to as a control freak, but if not wanting a guest to wear a white-ish dress to my wedding makes me one, so be it. My upset comes more from a place of lack of respect for myself AND our event than the concern of being “upstaged”. Intentionally wearing something revealing and white to a wedding is a show of disrespect in my opinion. I have absolutely zero concerns about being upstaged regardless of what anyone wears. There was someone that said I needed a better designer if that was a concern, but I love my dress and that’s all that matters. I showed my fiancé the original post and he said “it’s like if someone wears muddy sneakers into your brand new Ferrari. You’re not worried about them getting more attention because they’re wearing muddy sneakers, you’re upset because they don’t respect your Ferrari AND are taking away from what makes it “nice”.\n\nIn regard to me seeing her post in the first place, I follow the entire friend group on Instagram and followed her the day I met her and never unfollowed. Honestly, even though I don’t like HER, I do enjoy her shopping content. Obviously this ended that, but I did enjoy watching some of her content. I definitely do not go out of my way to “stalk” her as some have claimed. It showed up on my feed and I watched casually, I just got lucky to have the post that she mentioned our wedding in on my feed I guess, but we were told by someone else in the friend group that is friends with her that they planned to tell us what she was going to wear since it, again, showed up very white on camera. We would’ve found out about this eventually because she was pretty obvious about it. A complete stranger even commented on the post and said “You’re wearing a white gown to a wedding? That’s… a choice”.\n\nLastly, A lot of people attacked me for not immediately alerting my fiance about the situation. For context, my fiancé works night shift and this began while he was at work. He came home from work at 6 AM and went straight to sleep. I didn’t want to interrupt him working (what he does is important and him being distracted can be dangerous for others and I didn’t want that) and I definitely didn’t want to prevent him from getting his sleep once he was home. I thought that this wasn’t a big enough deal to affect his job/health and that it could wait until tonight and honestly stand by that.\n\n**Now for the real update:**\n\nFriday night I showed him the messages and explained what happened. He said “absolutely not” and agreed that it was 1) not following the dress code expressed on our invitation and 2) way too white for comfort. He was beyond pissed at the way that she talked to me and said he’d handle it. I wanted to be involved, but as many of you pointed out, it could very easily be spun that I’m some crazy Bridezilla should I be the one to pull the plug on her coming. He called her on speaker, and she immediately asked if it was about me “making a big deal about a dress”. He said “no, it’s about ME making a big deal about the dress, you’re not wearing that to our wedding.” You could tell she was already escalated and went off about how she won’t allow anyone to say what she can and can’t put on her body. He stayed quiet while she ranted for at least a couple of minutes (took all I had in me to not chime in “calm downnn”) and waited for her to go silent. As soon as she did, he said something to the effect of “You are no longer invited.” And hung up.\n\nIt only took about 10 minutes before we had someone reaching out to us asking for the full story. She told one of my fiancé’s friends that I freaked out about her “dressing like a whore” (mind you, I said NOTHING about the style to her and I haven’t said anything about her “looking like a whore” ANYWHERE, including here on Reddit, the post blew up and she may have seen it at some point, but I know **I** never said anything like that. A lot of commenters did though.) We explained our stance and that her behavior surrounding everything was unacceptable and we did not want problems on our big day and everyone seemed to just let it go. People that know her are still reaching out and probably will continue to as she makes her rounds freaking out to people. I wanted to see if she was going to blast us on social media, but we both have been blocked, which is fine honestly.\n\nAll in all, I stand by the fact that having a dress code at a wedding is fine. She is no longer coming. No word on if her boyfriend is coming but I suspect not. I plan to just move on and alert security that she is not to be let in. Thankfully we will have security AND a day of coordinator to hide behind should she try to pull anything crazy since she does know the venue and date. If anything crazy happens, I’ll update in June lol. If you come across an Instagram Reel or TikTok of a girl upset that she was unvited to a wedding because of her dress choice, just know that it could be my wedding and the dress was only part of it lol. Thanks to everyone for the helpful advicelink to original","offTopic":false},{"id":"d2b58850-b44d-4284-b1e9-893482308bda","excerpt":"WIBTA for suing my friend when she didn’t come to my wedding? — I (25F) recently got married to my (25M) husband in Bali, Indonesia in January. It was a destination wedding, but my  parents and his parents paid for their own plane tickets and hotel, but we paid for our friends plane tickets and hotel stays. Each plane ","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1r2uv29/wibta_for_suing_my_friend_when_she_didnt_come_to/","role":"request","weight":0.87626666,"occurredAt":"2026-02-12T14:29:04.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"AmItheAsshole","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.24,"sentiment":0,"confidence":0.70666665,"matchedPatterns":["wish"],"statement":"I wish i was fucking joking.","title":"WIBTA for suing my friend when she didn’t come to my wedding?","body":"I (25F) recently got married to my (25M) husband in Bali, Indonesia in January. It was a destination wedding, but my  parents and his parents paid for their own plane tickets and hotel, but we paid for our friends plane tickets and hotel stays. Each plane ticket was about $2000 USD and hotel was maybe about $150-300 for a week. My friend “Gemma” brought along her newly wed husband “John” along but paid for his plane ticket. The problem is that Gemma and John did not show up to my wedding. Gemma took the free plane ticket to Bali and the hotel room and when I asked her why she didn’t show up she said that since they couldn’t afford their own honeymoon that this was a perfect opportunity and that Jim decided that he didn’t feel like going. I was really hurt by this since Gemma and I have been friends for over 10 years. WIBTA if I took her to small claims court for the money I spent on the plane ticket and hotel?\n\n**UPDATE**: I messaged Gemma per multiple comments advising me to invoice her for the plane ticket and hotel room, but I did something a little better. I wanted to get proof so if I had to go to court it would be easier to win. I messaged her this:\n\n“Hey sorry for being so distant but I just wanted to talk to you about Bali. Im hurt that you didn’t show up to the ceremony. I pulled a lot of strings to ensure that you could come and then you didn’t show up. Did you think i paid for the trip just so you could honeymoon with John?”\n\nShe replied, “Ive missed you a lot and I know I the trip was for ur wedding but John didn’t want to go bc he felt like your wedding ruined the illusion of the trip being our honeymoon and that you’d understand.”\n\nI replied, “no I don’t understand. You took advantage of me and that’s not what real friends do. So I’m sending invoicing you $2387.53 for the cost of the plane ticket and hotel room. I will give you 30 days and after that I will be taking legal action.”\n\nI received no response but she’s been posting subliminal quotes on Instagram that are along the lines of entitled friends and having snakes in your life.\n\nThank you all for your verdicts and help.\n\n**Edit/Update part 2:**\n\nI didn’t think this could get worse, but here we are.\n\nI didn’t respond to any of the subliminal messages she posted about me on social media and I’ve been very quiet while I’ve been getting my ducks in a row for the litigation.\n\nBut, this past Friday she sent me a 3 page audit of financial and emotional contributions from 2015-present.\n\nI wish i was fucking joking.\n\nThe audits:\n\n\\- She itemized every dinner or lunch we’ve ever ate together (she estimated $18 per meal).\n\n\\- Gas money for driving to and from hangouts\n\n\\- A birthday gift from 2017 that she now claims she went into debt for, time spent emotionally supporting me after my dad passed. She said she took on the role a grief counselor for me even though I talked to her on the phone about it once for 30 minutes.\n\n\\- One time she helped me move apartments. She wants to be paid for her labor\n\n\\- And emotional distress caused by me threatening litigation\n\nHer grand total? $2,412.09 which is conveniently within $25 of what I invoiced her. She then told me that if we’re really keeping score that I actually owe her $24.56.\n\nI think I stared at the document for 10 minutes in silence in shock from the audacity because this bitch is delusional.\n\nTo clarify: I never asked her to cook for me. While I was in college, she did pay for lunches BUT when I definitely returned the favor big time once I graduated. I bought her many gifts over the years, I’ve let her stay at my house several times when she and John argued, and I have also lended a shoulder for her to cry on when she had difficult times in life, but apparently being a friend is now billable? I decided to give the message a thumbs down because if I respond I will be extremely disrespectful with the anger I am facing. I cannot wait for these 30 days to be over because I will be suing the fuck out of her.\n\n**Final Update:**\n\nSorry that I haven't updated in a while. I've been trying to get my ducks in a row before I proceeded with everything.\n\nWhile doing that, I was going through photos from Bali and ended up on the Instagram page of a local photographer who took pictures of me and my husband during a sailing excursion we went on. I was scrolling through their page and looking at random groups when I saw a very familiar face. It was Gemma and a man. And it wasn't John. It was a man I had never seen before.\n\nThere were multiple photos. One where they were just sitting down with drinks, one with Gemma and the guy wrapping his arm around her, and one of them kissing.\n\nThat's when everything clicked. My wedding was the day after everyone landed, which is why I never saw her at all, not at the hotel, not around town, nothing. I just assumed that she was trying to lie low around town to avoid a confrontation with me. She didn't skip my wedding because John didn't feel like going or that my wedding ruined the illusion of the trip being their honeymoon. She skipped it because she wasn't there with John, but with another man.\n\nAfter seeing this photo of her and her affair partner, I decided to do my own detective work. I went to her instagram page and tried to see if I could find the guys instagram page in her following list or follower list. Nada. I tried to see if any guy that remotely looked like him was in her likes or comments. Nope. I felt defeated until I remembered about Gemma's small pottery instagram account and boom I found him. Let's say his name is Ryan. Ryan had severals photos that were taken in Bali on his page. He even had a photo of himself in the hotel room that I paid for. I was beyond pissed and just wanted to get my money back and just be done with Gemma altogether.\n\nOn the day of our court date, I told my side, showed the judge the text messages, and explained that I paid for her trip so she could attend my wedding and she didn't show up. Gemma claimed that the trip was a gift for her new marriage and not contingent on attending.\n\nI didn't even have to bring up the fact that she didn't bring John because the judge didn't buy Gemma's story. I was awarded the full amount back. Gemma walked out of the courtroom without even looking at me. I know she was pissed. And as expected.... she went straight to Instagram and this time, she didn't hold back at all.\n\nShe started posting about me on her story, calling me a bitch, saying that's why I've can't have kids, posting photos of me calling me fat, saying that she'll go spit on the grave of my dead grandmother. Just diabolical mean girl stuff. The last time she brought our drama to social media, I ignored it. But not this time. I know what I did next was stooping to her level, but I didn't care.\n\nI posted the photo of her kissing Ryan on my story and tagged her AND John in it. I captioned it, \"Sorry we missed you in Bali. Hope you had fun!\"\n\nWithin minutes, she began spamming my phone. She was calling, texting, leaving voicemails, screaming at me. And before I blocked her on everything, I messaged her one last time. I said, \"You should've just come to the wedding.\"","offTopic":false},{"id":"6e08a7a5-61f2-4dae-85d4-248c3d428579","excerpt":"AITAH for not getting a gift for a baby’s 1st birthday party? — Hey all!\n\nLooking for some thoughts if hubby and I were assholes last week because I’ve been getting some mixed feedback and hubby was a bit embarrassed.\n\nSooo last weekend, our friend and his wife threw a 1st birthday party for their son.\n\nOur friend’s wi","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1uue62v/aitah_for_not_getting_a_gift_for_a_babys_1st/","role":"demand","weight":0.79146665,"occurredAt":"2026-07-12T12:29:32.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"AITAH","intent":"tool_discovery","painScore":0.12,"sentiment":0.4,"confidence":0.70666665,"matchedPatterns":["looking_for"],"statement":"Looking for some thoughts if hubby and I were assholes last week because I’ve been getting some mixed feedback and hubby was a bit embarrassed.","title":"AITAH for not getting a gift for a baby’s 1st birthday party?","body":"Hey all!\n\nLooking for some thoughts if hubby and I were assholes last week because I’ve been getting some mixed feedback and hubby was a bit embarrassed.\n\nSooo last weekend, our friend and his wife threw a 1st birthday party for their son.\n\nOur friend’s wife is a little difficult to say the least as a person. Not saying there’s anything wrong with her approach to motherhood at all, but she’s very organic, anti-plastic, and very specific to what goes into their house. I don’t really know what you’d call it but they only have brand name baby things (clothes, toys, accessories, etc) that I guess are organic or hand made? I’m not yet a parent so I don’t know if there’s a name for that.\n\nAnyways leading up to the day, we weren’t sure what to get their son. They had a registry but everything on it was $$$. I tried to find some less pricy alternatives but really couldn’t find anything that was less than $100. Maybe I’m wrong here but we just don’t have the budget right now to spend that kind of money.\n\nSo I decided I’d get mom and dad something instead. There’s a really nice local store where I live and I made them a little basket of all locally sourced and organic items. Think loose teas, bath salts, candles, honeys and jams and freshly made breads and other homemade organic goodies. My thought was their baby’s turning a year old and it was kind of a gift for mom and dad to have a nice home date morning or night. All locally sourced/organic which is right up mom’s alley and didn’t break the bank account.\n\nAbout halfway through the party, they decided to pull everyone together to open all the gifts. I thought that was a little weird to stop a party and make everyone watch, but whatever. The wife’s best friend helped them write down everything and who it’s from. This goes on for well over an hour and while we’re watching, my husband turns to me and says “I think we messed up, everyone got gifts off the registry or similar items ie toys for the baby.” We were standing with another couple we’re friends with and his wife (who also just had a baby) said “ohh I think what you got is a lovely idea!” That made us feel better but when it came to our gift, it was opened to a bit of confusion, not only to the couple but some of the people watching as well. One person said “I thought this was the baby’s birthday…”\n\nIt made us feel kind of bad, so while they were looking at everything and asked, I said we wanted to get mom and dad something. I felt worse having to explain that in front of everyone too. I’ll also add I did include that in the card. She paused and said thank you but it just felt incredibly awkward.\n\nAside from the couple that said it was a lovely gift, a couple of our other friends who attended as well said that we missed the mark and really should have gotten something for the baby.\n\nAs we were leaving and saying goodbye, our friend thanked us, but his wife snubbed me when I went to give her a hug and say goodbye and walked away. I get she was busy entertaining but it made me feel even worse. On our drive home hubby was saying that we really effed up the gift but thought it was rude she did that as she gave him a hug goodbye.\n\nSo idk were we the AHs here? I put a lot of thought into our gift but felt like they (specifically her) really didn’t like it and am now questioning if we really missed the mark.\n\n\\*\\*\\*Edit\\*\\*\\*\n\nOmgggosh holy this blew up fast!! I really didn’t expect it, but thank you all! I really appreciated the kind words, especially from other moms, because I’ve been feeling so shitty since then. And also thank you for future suggestions - we do have another 1st birthday coming up at the end of the summer!\n\nSince the comments have been coming in so hot, I thought I’d add a little bit of extra content below as I can’t keep up with answering them individually.\n\n**Gift opening at parties:** we’ve only been to one other 1st birthday party so far. At that one, the parents waited until after the party was over to open presents and then sent out thank you cards. I totally get that at showers and older child parties it’s a thing to (at least where I’m from in the US) open presents in front of guests, but I guess I didn’t expect it for this one. I know I only had one other party to compare too, but thats how I went in thinking based off of the previous one.\n\n**Thought behind our gift:** the wife has repeatedly told me about how she “romanticizes” her bath time routine. When they first moved into their house, the first thing they did was renovate their master bath because as per her, she’ll have up to 3 baths a day sometimes as it’s her favourite thing to do (I’m sure that’s changed a bit now due to having a baby). She’s showed me her collection of bath essentials before as well and it’s something to say the least. She’s also a huge tea drinker. One of her 3 bridal showers was a high tea and she collects teasets (it’s kind of family thing) as well as herbal teas. So I thought some tea and a candle in a teacup would be cute. Lastly honey was their wedding favour which also had a meaning behind it. Soooo I thought this little gift basket was really personal to them and tied back to their wedding. We also included a couple of other little items because as the comments pointed out she’s a “crunchy or almond” mom. We also wrote that this was a gift for them in the card to celebrate a magical year celebrating their son’s birth and also wrote him a little poem.\n\nI totally see where some people suggested this being a generic basket, I get it as it’s not necessarily up my alley either, but there was a lot of thought and meaning behind everything we put in it.\n\n**Registry and baby something:** thank you to all that pointed out we could have slid in a couple little things like a book or a piggy bank (keeping those in mind for future). I’m not exaggerating at all though when I say that list was $$$$. We got the registry when we got the invite about 2 months before and my jaw dropped when I saw some of things on it. New strollers, brand name baby clothes (Gucci was actually on there), wooden activity playsets, outdoor wooden jungle gym, those little kid atv things (not granola but I think that was dads influence), etc. it was wild. So when o was trying to compare, it was kind of hard. That and there was a list of brands/things they did not want ie stuffed animals.\n\n**Avoiding future events/gift grabby:** we’re definitely at that point with this couple, especially after how I felt during and leaving the party.\n\nI fully understand they’ve been in an exciting time in their life but in the last 2 years there’s been a lot of showers for this couple. As mentioned 3 bridal showers (I went to 2), an engagement party, the wedding which was a mini destination imo due to the day and how far away it was, 3 baby showers (only went to 1), a gender reveal party (we attended) and now the 1st birthday. And yes all had registries lol\n\nThe sucky/sad part is that we’ve been really good friends with the husband (he’s one of my husband’s best friends). But over the course of the last couple of years it’s been a lot.","offTopic":false},{"id":"e4cdc484-5301-4d3d-82fa-a6afb0ca0929","excerpt":"Women turns up to pay for her wedding that we don’t have in the diary. Her wedding is tomorrow. — **I am not the OOP, OOP is** u/leamornor\n\n**Originally posted to** r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk\n\n[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/aoh701/women_turns_up_to_pay_for_her_wedding_that_we/) **p","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vosse1/women_turns_up_to_pay_for_her_wedding_that_we/","role":"demand","weight":0.72426665,"occurredAt":"2026-08-15T04:08:46.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"tool_discovery","painScore":0.12,"sentiment":1,"confidence":0.64666665,"matchedPatterns":["looking_for"],"statement":"We have a couple people turn up looking for a wedding.","title":"Women turns up to pay for her wedding that we don’t have in the diary. Her wedding is tomorrow.","body":"**I am not the OOP, OOP is** u/leamornor\n\n**Originally posted to** r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk\n\n[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/aoh701/women_turns_up_to_pay_for_her_wedding_that_we/) **posted 2019-02-08**\n\nA large part of my job is answering phones and dealing with people who want to hire our large function room. In our town our room is one of very few places available to hold wedding receptions, birthday parties etc.\n\nThe process for hiring the room is quite simple. People ring up all the time and ask if the date they want is free. If it is we place a hold on the date for 14 days. If we don’t hear back from them it opens up to anyone else that wants it. If they do decide they want it they have to come in for an appointment with either me or my boss. We go through the booking form and help them fill it in and explain the t&cs with them. They then pay their deposit and the function gets written in the diary. We don’t take deposits without a booking form and we don’t take booking forms without a deposit. You have to physically come in and hand both over. None of this can be done online, we don’t have a website.\n\nFast forward to this morning when bridezilla walks in with her mother.\n\n* Bridezilla = B\n* Mother of the Bride = MOB\n* Me = Me.\n\nMe : hi can I help?\n\nB : I’m here to pay the deposit for my wedding.\n\nMe : ok. Let me get you a form and we’ll go through it. What date did you book?\n\nB: Tomorrow\n\nThe smile on my face dropped. We have a birthday party booked in tomorrow. There is no way she can have her wedding here tomorrow.\n\nMe: Tomorrow isn’t available. We already have a booking.\n\nMOB: You double booked? You’ll have to cancel the other booking.\n\nMe: We haven’t double booked. If you haven’t filled a form in or paid a deposit then you haven’t booked the room. When did you ask about the date?\n\nMOB : last July. I remember because we came in before we went for my birthday lunch.\n\nMe: we only hold the date for two weeks. Someone will have told you that at the time.\n\nB: yeah but it’s a wedding.\n\nMe: the same rules apply. If you don’t fill in a form and pay the deposit within the two weeks we open it up to everyone else. Unfortunately someone else has booked the room.\n\nB: I did it all online\n\nMe: You did what online?\n\nB: Paid for the room\n\nMe: then why are you here today trying to pay for it now?\n\nB: uh....\n\nMe: we don’t have a website so you can’t do anything online.\n\nMOB: she can’t have the wedding here.\n\nMe: nope sorry.\n\nThey left. There was no shouting no anger at me. Nothing. She just casually shrugged her shoulders and walked away. I’m fully expecting the wedding party to turn up tomorrow all kitted out.\n\nEdit to add : my boss saw her throwing a huge tantrum in the road outside of our building.\n\nTL:DR woman turns up to pay for her wedding the day before it’s due to take place. She failed to secure the date and we booked something else in.\n\n**that\\_darn\\_cat**\n\n>Im sure the marriage will be a roaring success with that level of planning\n\n**OOP**\n\n>If I remember correctly they’ve been together a good 15 years. Engaged for at least 10. He’d told her if she wanted a wedding she had to plan the whole thing. He wanted zero involvement. He just wanted to turn up to the church and then get drunk with his mates afterwards.\n\n**Dogzillas\\_Mom**\n\n>Is it possible she mixed up venues and put down a deposit somewhere else?\n\n**OOP**\n\n>There’s nowhere in town where she’d be able to have it, so unless she’s booked a venue in a different town with a similar name, she’s just an idiot.\n\n**\\[deleted\\]**\n\n>From how you put it down, the bride didn't seem like a bridezilla, just a misinformed bride who didn't have all the things set up. I hope she can find a venue in time\n\n**OOP**\n\n>It’s the tantrum she threw outside that makes me think she’s a bridezilla. That and assuming you can walk in to a venue the day before your wedding and assume everything is sorted for you.\n\n \n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/aqix1z/update_on_bride_who_forgot_to_finalise_her/) **posted 2019-02-14**\n\nI was at work by myself for most of the afternoon after Bridezilla had left. My coworker came in to take over from me and for about 10 mins I fill her in on everything that’s happened that day including Bridezilla. Coworker makes a comment about how she’s glad she has nothing to do with booking the room and that if she did she’d be getting the blame for the whole thing.\n\nI go into the back room to switch my shoes and get my things together before I leave. I happen to glance at the cctv monitor and notice that Bridezilla is walking along the corridor. She walks up to my coworker and I listen in.\n\n* Bridezilla = B\n* Co-worker = C\n\nB: hi I’m wondering if you can help me. I’m attending a party tomorrow night and need to make some arrangements with my friend who’s party it is but I’ve lost her phone number. I was wondering if you’d be able to find it for me.\n\nC= Sorry I cant do that.\n\nB= it’s ok were best friends. She really wouldn’t mind.\n\nC= I don’t have access to the information. I couldn’t give it to you even if you wanted it. They’re coming in to decorate the room later on. You could come back then.\n\nB= there must be someone who can give me the number\n\nMy coworker comes to get me from the back room and asks me if I heard her. Wtf would she want their number. I come out.\n\nMe: yeah, we can’t give out that info.\n\nB: I don’t see the big deal\n\nMe: do you need it to tell her you cant attend because you’ll be at your wedding that she mustn’t be invited to? I can pass that message on for you.\n\nShe shrugged and walked out. I can only imagine she was going to phone them and ask them to cancel their party so she could have the room.\n\nThe next day I’m at work pretty much all day. I have a word with the people having the party and let them know that if anyone turns up that they haven’t invited to let me know.\n\nWe have a couple people turn up looking for a wedding. We tell them about the mix up and they don’t seem surprised. A lady who said she was the grooms mother said she had only been told three days before about the wedding and that they’d invited a bunch of people to a reception but nobody knew when or where the actual wedding ceremony was. She’d spoken to her son that morning and he said he’d text the details but then apparently forgot.\n\nIt’s the most casual I’ve seen people be about organising a wedding.","offTopic":false},{"id":"e93540c0-dce5-49bc-b63a-f22feafcc66c","excerpt":"A friend of mine is planning the Fyre Festival of weddings and told me that spending hours telling me the details is her way of including me instead of inviting me. — A friend of mine is planning the Fyre Festival of weddings and I just need to have a vent.\n\nIt started with them deciding to have it on Christmas Eve, in","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/1r7ozza/a_friend_of_mine_is_planning_the_fyre_festival_of/","role":"pain","weight":0.6807692,"occurredAt":"2026-02-18T01:17:16.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"weddingshaming","intent":"other","painScore":0.15384616,"sentiment":-0.3846154,"confidence":0.59,"matchedPatterns":[],"statement":"A friend of mine is planning the Fyre Festival of weddings and told me that spending hours telling me the details is her way of including me instead of inviting me..","title":"A friend of mine is planning the Fyre Festival of weddings and told me that spending hours telling me the details is her way of including me instead of inviting me.","body":"A friend of mine is planning the Fyre Festival of weddings and I just need to have a vent.\n\nIt started with them deciding to have it on Christmas Eve, in her home town. The reasoning for this is that they have a pre-planned trip there for Christmas with her family and they can’t afford another one. Never mind that none of the groom’s family or friends are there, most of them have said this is going to be dreadfully expensive and difficult for them because Christmas, and 30% of their guests are from interstate. They’re inviting 80-100 people.\n\nThen I find out that she’s costed the wedding at $13K but they only have a budget of $7K AUD ($5K USD) if they can even save up that much. When I asked how they intended to pay for things, she said “as we go” and that she’d organise payment plans so she can pay things off afterward. So they intend to find vendors, then save up for a deposits for them, then book them, then hope they can pay off the rest in time or get a subsequent payment plan.\n\nShe wants to put their limited budget entirely into the ceremony. She’s allocating thousands to venue, outfits, photographer, decorations. The groom wants a reception, however. So if they have any sort of slightly formal one they intend guests to pay for their food and drinks (not just alcohol but soft drinks as well). Alternatively they’re going to ask people to stop in at a grocery store and pick up a few things to bring to the ceremony for afterward. So fight the Christmas crowds, and then leave food sitting for hours in a hot and dry city in summer. They also want people to BYO chairs.\n\nAnother possible reception option is to defer it to Boxing Day and invite everyone to her cousin’s house for leftovers. She has not asked her cousin about this but assumes it will be OK because her cousin has an open door policy for friends on Boxing Day. Tell me you’ve never done Christmas without telling me you’ve never done Christmas. All the invited guests can just go without or fend for themselves on Christmas Day in anticipation of some leftover potato salad at the house of someone they don’t know. This includes the groom’s family.\n\nTo compensate for not having a reception or much of one she is going to have a 2 hour ceremony with 20 people doing readings etc. I say she because none of the groom’s people are included in this. He gets a best man to stand up with him and that’s it. She’s using ChatGPT to write her vows and she is going to do the groom’s vows for him so he gets them right. She told me that right in front of him when we were all having coffee.\n\nTo keep costs down, the decor will be all DIY. However they are not arriving in the city until the afternoon before the wedding. So everyone else is going to be allocated things to do such as collecting things, storing things, making the arch, making the other arrangements and making the bouquets. They will coordinate from where they are. On the day, others will be allocated set up tasks while they get ready. They will not even have seen the venue until they get there for their wedding.\n\nAccording to her, asking people to do this is a way of including them in her wedding. I found out this interesting perspective when she informed me that the reason she had been waffling all this nonsense to me for hours and hours for the last couple of months and having me help her figure things out is because she is “including” me in the planning part. This means I don’t get an invite because I get to have all my fun and inclusion that way! The friend she has asked to host her hen’s night/bridal shower also doesn’t get an invite because she gets to have her fun planning and running and paying for that event! That friend doesn’t know this yet.\n\nAfter carefully trying to suggest alternatives and highlight issues at various points, I finally expressed to her my concerns that this was not going to work and she was asking too much of people. She got incredibly upset with me and told me I was being unsupportive. When I suggested they take a minute and consider everything she told me that things have been booked and people invited and it’s full steam ahead and I could get on board or get off. I decided to get off.\n\nADDITIONAL DETAILS\n\nPeople have asked for the other details so I thought it might be easier if I just put them here:\n\nAt one point she looked at having the ceremony in a burlesque bar with burlesque dancers as entertainment during it. This would be in front of 95 year old Nanna, conservative family members, and kids. She eventually conceded that was inappropriate.\n\nShe wanted/wants to turn up on a Vespa. In a huge ballgown I can barely lift.\n\nShe put together a planning permit application in case she wanted to have the wedding in a park. She has asked them to close off roads so her guests can have parking. I tried to explain this was not what that was for but she’s adamant. The application is still not approved.\n\nShe is going to give an itinerary for anyone who is stuck there on Christmas Day so they have things to do. She’s not actually going to spend Christmas with them or invite them to anything.\n\nShe is planning to purchase a whole lot of crockery and cups etc from Shein for the decor. She intends to give these to a couple of local family members afterward, as a gift for their help during the wedding, because they do a lot of entertaining. I call this offloading junk onto people.","offTopic":false}],"breakdown":[{"sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","count":26}],"total":26}}