{"data":{"items":[{"id":"76905441-e49c-4de1-b840-104ab56ce93e","excerpt":"Aunt Doesn't Like Reaping What She Sows — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ManiacMadnessAntics**\n\n**Originally posted to r/OhNoConsequences**\n\n**Aunt Doesn't Like Reaping What She Sows**\n\n**Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!cancer, emotional abuse and manipulation, coercion, possible ga","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1nhbxy4/aunt_doesnt_like_reaping_what_she_sows/","role":"pricing","weight":1.5191619,"occurredAt":"2025-09-15T04:04:04.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"pricing_complaint","painScore":0.8451359,"sentiment":-0.85714287,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["i_hate","too_expensive"],"statement":"She can't afford any.","title":"Aunt Doesn't Like Reaping What She Sows","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ManiacMadnessAntics**\n\n**Originally posted to r/OhNoConsequences**\n\n**Aunt Doesn't Like Reaping What She Sows**\n\n**Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!cancer, emotional abuse and manipulation, coercion, possible gaslighting!<\n\n**Mood Spoilers:** >!relieved!<\n\n----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/s/WEb0wKazCM): **September 16, 2024**\n\nSo I (28NB) have an aunt who we’ll call Sam. She's always been an absolute fucked who goes into meltdown mode at the drop of a hat if things aren't going her way or if she's offended by the slightest thing. This almost 70 year old woman will throw tantrums that rivaled my unmedicated/improperly medicated bipolar episodes as a *child and teen*.\n\nI have plenty of stories about why she's a POS but this sub’s for consequences and she often didn't get any. This though, happened last Monday.\n\nBecause Sam’s health is so shit, she gets disability and one of those super cheap apartments for low income people. For whatever reason, they dropped the amount of disability due to a clerical error that can be fixed if she just called them. But this woman is epically lazy (and it's not because of the disability, I can assure you, but again this is a completely different story on a sub about consequences) so just… never did it.\n\nBecause she doesn't want her sister to be homeless and starving, my mother began funneling *so much* time and money into Sam. My parents are trying to save to retire but they're basically funding Sam’s whole life. Help with rent, gas for her car, power bill, food, *cigarettes*… basically everything. And every month Sam’s disability has been ‘gone’ sooner and sooner in the month. I could tell she was starting to take advantage of the help she knew my parents would give her and I did mention it to Mom but it was only a passing comment, not a discussion.\n\nWell last Monday Sam came to Mom's house with her tin can out, ready to beg more money off her sister. She needed cat food! She can't afford any. Could mom please help?\n\nMy mother has mobility issues right now. Something is very wrong with her foot and she can barely walk around her house, never mind a store. So she couldn't go with Sam to the store. She also didn't have any cash on hand. So she gave my leech of an aunt her debit card.\n\n(The noise I made at this point in my mother's explanation is something I will never be able to describe or replicate.)\n\nSo she told Sam, go to [Dollar Store]. Get food for your cat, a couple things for you to eat over the next few days, and *one* pack of cigarettes.\n\nThis would have come out to about $20-$25.\n\nSam being Sam, she did not do that. She went to [local chain grocery] where everything is INSANELY overpriced. Spent $55. *Took an extra $20 in cash back*.\n\nWhen she got back to my mom’s house and explained this, claiming she wasn't sure if the dollar store would have everything she needed, mom was *pissed*. Then she found out about the $20 that Sam had taken out without permission for ‘gas’ and she went from pissed to apoplectic.\n\nSam has spent the whole week begging Mom for the favors she usually does, and claiming her feelings are hurt because mom won't talk to her. Mom just keeps responding that she's still mad, and Sam needs to *leave her alone* for a while to cool down.\n\nSo Sam’s not getting any money, any errands run, or any attention, and she hates it. She's throwing an epic fit, but she bit the hand that was feeding her and drew blood.\n\nEdit: I see all the people in the comments worried about kitty. I promise she's fine. Sam adores her and has raised her up from a stray kitten her apartment complex found (a group of babies but no mama to be found :() to a lovely middle aged cat. When (not if, my parents are going to make *sure* she gets to a care home because this situation is untenable) Sam gets moved into a care home, kitty is going to be moved into my parents' house. If for some reason they can't take her, I'm the backup. Kitty is and will be fine.\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** God, I hope your mum cuts her out completely.\n\n> **OOP:** We can only hope. Mom's been trying to shove her into a care home (she really needs it) for months but sam just refuses to go to the necessary appointments \n\n**Commenter 2:** Here's hoping your mom keeps adding those consequences until Sam gets the message.\n\n> **OOP:** Cheers to that. I actually get the feeling that things are gonna start moving faster now because there's no way my stepdad isn't gonna get involved after this and he gets *shit done* when he's been wronged and he's the one working and paying for this stuff so... Yeah I'm expecting results.\n\n**Has OOP's mother cut off money from Sam?**\n\n> **OOP:** My mother has completely cut off money and pretty much all errands. Including those involved with getting Sam into a home.\n> \n> Basically the only thing she's been doing is occasionally bringing Sam food. She's made it clear that it's up to Sam to get rides and find ways to pay her bills or get into a home because she's a grown adult\n> \n> It's actually working pretty well all things considered\n> \n> She also wasn't invited to thanksgiving but things had cooled down enough by Christmas that she came to Christmas and things were very calm compared to the usual \n\n+\n\n> Yeah money is *really tight* for my parents right now and I have no idea what her debit has on it but I know they keep the majority of their money in the savings account  I'd guess there was about a hundred in there, Sam spent $75 when Mom had essentially told her to take $25 max\n\n**Commenter 3:** let's just hope that Aunt Leach didn't have the intelligence necessary to think about saving the card info to her phone to use on online purchases later\n\n> **OOP:** Oh nah she's barely capable of using a cell phone And my parents keep a close eye on their accounts so if she did she'd be caught instantly and the cars would go into canceled purgatory \n\n**Has Sam been taking care of her cat?**\n\n> **OOP:** She does dote on her kitty. I will give her that. The cat's in a very happy environment for herself. And when Sam's moved into a care home my parents have already agreed to take her and if, for whatever reason, they can't, I have also agreed to be second choice. But I already have two cats and there's a pet limit of 3 at my trailer park and I don't really wanna give up that last slot if I don't have to. Plus it would probably upset my girls. I'll take her if I need to but mom and stepdad are the better choice. They have 1 pretty chill cat and a happy little yappy dog. \n\n**Commenter 4:** Your mom knew what would happen when she gave Sam the debit card (and PIN too!!!).\n\nSetting Sam up for a fall, then acting like a victim... Jerk move by your mom, tbh\n\n> **OOP:** She is a victim. She has been *nothing* but generous and helpful towards her sister for *months*. Sam came for money for cat food and Mom said 'oh get some stuff to eat and a pack of cigarettes, too'. That was already going overboard in helping her. \n\nJust because I think she did something really stupid by giving Sam her debit card doesn't mean that it's okay that Sam stole upwards of fifty dollars from her. *I've* been leant her debit card before when I was in my late teens/early 20's and still living at home, and you know what I did? I bought the things I needed at the place where they were cheapest, and came home with a receipt for my mother. The fact that a 70ish year old lady can't have the same self control  as an ADHD bipolar young adult is not my mother's fault.\n\n**OOP on their mother's foot**\n\n> **OOP:** There's currently no diagnosis but it's not that, this has been going on for months. Her whole foot is either numb or painful and  I actually don't know when it started because mom only mentioned it to me when she said she got a new doctor\n\n**Commenter 5:** Wow. So why didn’t your mom tried to fix the disability checks?\n\n> **OOP:** Because it has to be done by the person who actually got disability afaik\n> \n> I actually don't know much about what's wrong or how it works because I didn't ever really ask for details. All I know is they dropped the amount they gave her\n\n**OOP's parents should focus on saving for retirement instead of helping Sam**\n\n> **OOP:** They're pretty prepared for moving on. There's actually a timeline for them and they are still saving. They'll be across the country by this time next year with stepdad's parents in Idaho. It's been mom's dream for decades to move out there.\n> \n> They have been saving for retirement still, which is why the belt is so tight for them right now. And they will be able to save a lot more once Sam is in a home. My stepdad has worked at the same company for decades and (I don't know the exact details) is getting a huge cash bonus in the beginning of the year which will really help their retirement account. They don't expect me to take care of them. My own health is really bad. If I was ever in their plans to help with their golden years, I was swiftly taken out of the running after my coma.\n\n**Additional Information from OOP, giving an example regarding Sam's behaviors**\n\n> **OOP:** I'll tell you a few things that have happened to maybe paint a broader picture of her personality \n> \n> My 21st birthday party: started cracking just *barely* not homophobic jokes about me being gay until I literally *left my own birthday party* and went home\n> \n> Easter Sunday, about 8 years ago: My grampa started making jokes about the #metoo movement. I cut him off and pointed out that it's not funny to joke about victims of rape and sexual harassment.\n> \n> Sam started ranting extremely loudly about how 'People are going to disagree with you and you can't expect them to be so sensitive' for a good five-eight minutes. We were in a family restaurant. \n> \n> Easter Sunday, the next year (note that most interactions I have on here are from holidays because as previously stated, I am as no-contact as possible with this woman): my fiance and I were living in the basement apartment of my grandfather's house. One of our bosses at the time needed to pick some keys up from us. He was in the driveway for less than a minute, and as he left Sam was screaming insults at him-- grampa had gone to pick her up and she literally got out of the car while it was waiting to get in the driveway to screech at my fucking boss. Then she saw my partner, meeting them for the very first time, and started screaming abuse and insults at them, too. I came upstairs because my partner hadn't come back down and heard this and lost my absolute shit like I had never before, leading to a screaming match that just got worse and worse. At one point she got one of those heavy manual can openers from the kitchen and was holding it up like she was going to throw it at me while still screaming about how stupid and terrible I was and how I was 'making her act like this' and it was of course all my fault. I told her she was acting insane and she shrieked 'I TAKE MY MEDS!' in the most accusatory tone I've ever heard-- she was implying that I don't take my psych meds (which I do, and her taking her psych meds doesn't mean much when she's chasing me around the house yelling that she hates me and that I'm stupid and crazy).\n> \n> Christmas, a few years ago: some of Mom and Stepdad's friends come to Christmas dinner because most of the family has moved away or passed away and Mom gets sad that it's just me, partner, her, stepdad, and Sam. I introduced myself and my partner by our chosen names (we are both NB and do not like our deadname). Sam, who was in the same room as us, went on a rampage where she said that those were couple nicknames we call each other, and when I tried to very politely defuse the situation by firmly stating that no, these are the names we use and want to be called by, she freaked out and said that it wasn't my name because it wasn't on my birth certificate (btw my deadname is actua","offTopic":false},{"id":"23348675-ea03-4a8f-9826-8c63f5a11db7","excerpt":"I hate that sex 1-2x a week was not enough — I hate that sex 1-2x a week was not enough to keep someone I loved deeply. This condition lost me the love of my life.\n\nI am 38 days post-breakup and 27 days strict no-contact. I am struggling hard with healing, feeling an immense amount of betrayal, and honestly just need s","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/Regrets/comments/1v9jmm5/i_hate_that_sex_12x_a_week_was_not_enough/","role":"pain","weight":1.5106508,"occurredAt":"2026-07-29T02:53:49.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"Regrets","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.6070752,"sentiment":-0.35849056,"confidence":0.94,"matchedPatterns":["i_hate","terrible","missing_feature"],"statement":"I hate that sex 1-2x a week was not enough.","title":"I hate that sex 1-2x a week was not enough","body":"I hate that sex 1-2x a week was not enough to keep someone I loved deeply. This condition lost me the love of my life.\n\nI am 38 days post-breakup and 27 days strict no-contact. I am struggling hard with healing, feeling an immense amount of betrayal, and honestly just need some objective perspectives.\n\nMy ex and I were together for about 17 months. She was my first girlfriend ever at 27. I had always avoided dating because I thought my ED and low libido would be an issue, but I hoped that if I got comfortable with someone it would work out. Early on, she told me I was her dream man and things accelerated fast. Right around the time we formally committed, I developed severe Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome (CPPS).\n\nFor months, I sought extensive medical intervention through multiple urologists and painful Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy. Because penetrative intimacy was not consistently possible, we focused heavily on non-penetrative intimacy, averaging 1 to 2 times a week. During this time, we built what felt like a deep emotional bond. She was still able to get me off through oral and manual sex. I was eventually diagnosed with a major venous leak that confirmed my lifelong fear. \n\nStarting in the fall and continuing through March, the relationship became an emotional rollercoaster. She would constantly cycle back and forth between threatening to break up with me, and then turning around to push for an engagement, getting married, and buying a house together. Then in March, she got extremely angry with me for not buying a house with her, completely ignoring the fact that she had literally just threatened to end the relationship a month earlier. Despite all this volatility, she would still weep tears of joy at times telling me how patient, loving, and supportive I was.\n\nEventually, I was prescribed Trimix injections. While the injections actually exacerbated my CPPS pain, they worked for PIV. The pressure was immense and sex was painful for me. The behavioral patterns from her during this period were devastating:\n\nShe would routinely pout, whine, or cry in bed.\n\nIf I tried to pivot to alternative, non-penetrative ways to pleasure her, she would say \"Actually, I am good\" and literally leave the room to go sleep on the couch, refusing to talk to me.\n\nWhen I asked to just cuddle and reset, she told me: \"If you cannot get an erection with me naked on top of you, that is not going to work either.\"\n\nShe told me I was not turned on by her, and openly complained that she \"wasted two years\" of her IUD because I could not ejaculate inside her often.\n\nIn April 2026, I hit a massive CPPS flare-up and had to stop the Trimix. She became incredibly distant. I presented a concrete medical plan to go to an out-of-state specialized CPPS clinic and proposed ramping up alternative intimacy. She initially agreed, but after a vacation together, she completely flipped. She told me she was \"sexually alone,\" laughed when I brought up alternative intimacy, and said she wanted \"PIV 3x a day\" and that anything else was a joke. She then ordered me out of her house.\n\nThe absolute kicker was the final weekend. Her dog got sick, and I spent the entire weekend doing grueling manual labor for her. I ripped up and disposed of soiled carpets, moved furniture, cleaned her place, and ran back and forth to the laundromat and grocery store. Literally right after I finished helping her, she picked a minor argument, started yelling, and kicked me out again. We broke up over a few agonizing phone calls shortly after.\n\nLooking back, I battle with a lot of heavy thoughts:\n\nMy biggest regret on paper was not proposing and buying the house with her back when she wanted to. I sometimes catch myself thinking that if I had just locked it in, we would be living together and figuring this out, though another part of me knows buying a house does not fix a lack of empathy or erratic behavior.\n\nI also struggle with the feeling that if I did not have ED and CPPS, this relationship would have gone the distance. It feels like my body failed me and cost me the woman I loved. \n\nFinally, because she had no friends, I was her entire world. I feel like it is almost impressive I managed to keep her this long, but I wanted my whole life with her.\n\nHas anyone else dealt with a partner who treated your medical condition as a personal insult or lack of attraction? How do you heal your pelvic floor when your nervous system is this shattered from heartbreak and betrayal?","offTopic":false},{"id":"d5ad1936-ea95-4080-9765-34b20544abc0","excerpt":"AITA for changing Christmas plans with a newborn over a guest being unvaccinated? — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Background_Tap_3326**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AITAH**\n\n**AITA for changing Christmas plans with a newborn over a guest being unvaccinated?**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!mentions death of an infant, postpartum anx","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1r60ipe/aita_for_changing_christmas_plans_with_a_newborn/","role":"pain","weight":1.4079309,"occurredAt":"2026-02-16T05:00:05.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.49779874,"sentiment":-0.11949685,"confidence":0.94,"matchedPatterns":["terrible","frustrating","missing_feature"],"statement":"TLDR for my previous post: We had to change our family Christmas plans with our newborn baby over my wife's brother's new girlfriend's lack of vaccinations.","title":"AITA for changing Christmas plans with a newborn over a guest being unvaccinated?","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Background_Tap_3326**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AITAH**\n\n**AITA for changing Christmas plans with a newborn over a guest being unvaccinated?**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!mentions death of an infant, postpartum anxiety, anti-vax!<\n\n**Mood Spoilers:** >!frustrating, sad!<\n\n\\----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/nc9b0UuEOG): **November 17, 2025**\n\nHi everyone, I’m still reeling from this and the sleep deprivation isn’t helping, so wanting another opinion\n\nMy wife (35f) and I (34f) just welcomed our first baby into the world. She’s wonderful, and has been so loved and wanted for a long time. She’s also the first grandchild so it’s been a big deal for everyone. As a result, this Christmas is set to be really special, one brother is flying back from London (we live in NZ). It’s pretty small, my wife, her parents, her two brothers, her and and cousin. And any partners\n\nThis year, the middle brother has decided to invite Clara, his girlfriend of one year, I think this is the third girlfriend who has come to Christmas over the last ten or so years. She’s not vaccinated for anything other than covid due to the mandates. the circumstances surrounding it her beliefs are traumatic. Her aunt had a baby that died after getting vaccinated years ago. I’m not sure if the vaccine was definitely related to the death but the entire family are now very anti vaccine. I really do feel for the family\n\nHowever, measles is in our communities at the moment, and we cannot have our baby exposed to unvaccinated people, especially over long periods like Christmas events. We don’t want the girlfriend meeting our baby until our baby has been vaccinated. We said that if Clara comes to Christmas, we’ll stay home\n\nWe’ve had some long painful discussions with both my wife’s mum and brother, who are very sad but understanding, and are trying to find a way things work. The girlfriend is now feeling self conscious and doesn’t want to come at all, which is really upsetting the brother and mum. So now they’re trying to get her to come back, and join for part of it, which they want us to sit out from.\n\nI really thought this would be cut and dried, and maybe Clara could just come next year, rather than us having to do our first Christmas (or decent chunks of it) solo.\n\nMy wife’s family are very committed to being inviting and non-judgmental but I’m still a bit staggered by the response. Her parents were doctors, her brother is getting a science PhD - these are not crunchy people.\n\nThey are letting us take our stance, but have been less supportive than I was sure they would be\n\nThis whole event feels like it’s been ruined, and it sucks because it was meant to be really special. Are we overreacting from sleep deprivation? AITA?\n\n**AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA**\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** Question: Was the girlfriend EVER vaccinated? I am not aware of the rules in the UK or Australia but if she was vaccinated as a child for measles (known here in the US as the MMR) she would still carry that vaccination.\n\nIf she has never been vaccinated then HELL NO - do not let her around your child.\n\n> **OOP:** I’ve never spoken to her directly about this but I understand that she’s had no vaccines at all aside from one covid vaccine. My BIL says she’s very self conscious about this, and has asked us not to tell other people about her status. \n\n**Commenter 2:** Her parents are physicians and never vaccinated her? Way to bury the lead!!\n\n> **OOP:** No. My wife’s parents are doctors. I don’t know what Clara’s parents do. Apologies, I’m probably not writing particularly clearly at the moment \n\n**Commenter 3:** I’ve had all the vaccinations (except for COVID) and I’ve also had all the childhood diseases—some even twice. Rubella, mumps, scarlet fever, and so on. I’m also still very sensitive to streptococcal infections.\n\nMy daughter has had everything (vaccines) as well, and she also had measles, though in a mild form.\n\nWe live in an area where, due to religious beliefs, the vaccination rate is low. It really just depends on how your body deals with things.\n\nYou can also pick something up yourself while doing groceries and pass it on again. Or those neighbors a few houses down. You can pick things up and pass them on anywhere. Keeping your child away from everything isn’t an option either, because then they won’t build any immunity.\n\nPersonally, I wouldn’t make such a big deal out of it. But if you don’t like it, than don’t do it :)\n\nHow old will your daughter be at Christmas time? Because babies get vaccinated here (Netherlands) with 6 weeks. So she probably have her own shots before Christmas?\n\n> **OOP:** She would’ve had some of her shots, but the measles vaccine here is given when the baby is about 1\n\n**Commenter 4:** This is your wife’s family? Where is your family?\n\nWhy not go to your family for Christmas because her family doesn’t show any care for your newborn.\n\nI’m assuming as doctors they have seen or watched a video of a baby with whooping cough?? Devastating. NTA\n\n> **OOP:** I’m not close with my family, although they are all fully vaxxed!\n\n**Commenter 5:** If this is an adult woman, and a baby in the family dying a few years ago has turned them anti-vax, it would have been long after this woman would have been vaccinated herself… This makes no sense. YTA for rage bait. \n\n> **OOP:** The baby died before Clara was born \n\n**Commenter 6:** NTA. I didn’t even have to read your post to give that verdict, though I did read it. Clara’s family experienced an incredible tragedy, but you are trying to protect your family from one.\n\nWithout knowing Clara, I will assume she was very close to her aunt and that this was an experience about which her entire family has in essence programmed her to believe that it’s not worth the risk to be vaccinated. Programming is incredibly difficult to overcome.\n\nOddly enough, I have a dear friend whose baby brother had such an adverse reaction to a vaccine that caused severe problems that lasted his short life. He lived until he was about 12. However, her family recognizes that what happened is incredibly rare, happening only to a handful of people among many thousands and they still are pro vaccine.\n\nMy only caution is for your brother. How will they handle having children? He needs to really consider this. Love is a wonderful thing, but this is a fundamental incompatibility. My grandmother had polio as a child as she was born before the vaccine was created. She walked with crutches and a full leg brace. She had post polio syndrome later in life and never recovered from it.\n\nBecause Clara and your brother are flying, the risk of exposure to illness is much, much higher. You are making the right but difficult choice. Keeping an infant away from unvaccinated people is the safest thing you can do in such situations.\n\n> **OOP:** I think BIL and Clara are driving down. And the other  brother flying from London will get here two weeks beforehand and has said he will RAT *(editor's note: Rapid Antigen Test = COVID test)* before Christmas. In general, the in laws are pretty cautious, which is why this capitulation to Clara has caught us off guard\n\n&nbsp;\n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/J0qAZZRg9f): **February 9, 2026 (nearly three months later)**\n\n**Update: AITAH for changing Christmas plans with a newborn over a guest being unvaccinated?**\n\nHi everyone - here with a not-so-great update. TLDR for my previous post: We had to change our family Christmas plans with our newborn baby over my wife's brother's new girlfriend's lack of vaccinations.\n\nSo, we really tried to be the bigger people in this, and decided to split Christmas with Clara. We thought we would split it so that Clara had most of the 25th, and we would have 24th/morning of 25th. We even got Clara a present. Again, this was meant to be a really special Christmas, our baby's first, and my wife's youngest brother (not the BIL who is the focus of this story) flying back across the world for it.\n\nRight across this period, the narrative in the family (my inlaws, and the BIL) was that this whole thing was hardest on Clara - she felt so self conscious about not being vaccinated, and it was really important she was made to feel welcome, as her family had experienced a tragedy.\n\nMy wife in particular had a real problem with this being how the experience was being told, as we felt pretty damn disadvantaged, especially dealing with this post-partum. My wife pushed back against this being solely 'poor Clara', even if we had a lot of empathy for her situation.\n\nThere was never a full family discussion between us, BIL, and the parents in law, which is why I expect it went so poorly. Our BIL also asked us not to tell anyone else that Clara was unvaccinated, as she was so self conscious.\n\nDuring this time, I had pretty awful PPA - which probably would've happened regardless of this situation, but the situation made my PPA so much worse\n\n**How it went:** On the 24th, we drove to spend Christmas with the in-laws, who live about an hour away. Since the 22nd, the rest of the family and Clara (minus us) had been at the family home near the sea.\n\nMy wife and I were making lunch for everyone using bread from a bakery near us. This is relevant, because the bakery was famously very religious and also anti-mandate, to the point they catered for the anti-mandate protestors at Parliament. As a result, the in-joke in the family for years has been to call them 'The Devils Bakery'. We never normally go there, but with a newborn, we went there as the closest bakery to us.\n\nWe were preparing it in the kitchen where it was just me, my wife, and her parents - no one else was even in the same city at this stage. My FIL said the bread looked great, and asked where it was from. I said 'The Devils Bakery'. In response, FIL said (in what I assumed was a joking tone), 'I thought it was now known as The Vaccine-Hesitant Bakery'. I kind of joked back with 'well, I think it'll always be The Devils Bakery to me.' He then leaned over and said, in a very stern tone 'In this family, we don't say The Devils Bakery, as it is disrespectful to Clara. Got it?'\n\nI sort of nodded, and continued chopping things, while my eyes filled up with tears. I was completely internally panicking. It's worth pointing our that my wife has such a chill family, she's never fought with her parents, or either of her brothers, and never seen her parents argue. So this being said felt like a **really** big deal. At this stage my PPA is at its full peak (even typing this I find myself crying, remembering how awful it was).\n\nI finished preparing the food and went into the bedroom to full-on SOB and was in the throes of a panic attack. I thought maybe this whole situation had been a mistake to try work through with everyone's emotions running so high, so my wife and I thought we should try and head back home before the rest of the family got here, and give some excuse like a migraine. Her parents come in, convince us to stay until morning.\n\nFrom then on, I'm holding back tears there entire day. The BIL arrives, and is friendly, acting normal, drinking, while my wife and I are vibrating with anxiety. I keep going into the bedroom to cry, and I am sure people noticed something was off with us.\n\nThe next day, after I barely have slept, we do presents, and then my wife and I pack up. We hug the youngest brother, who says bye to our baby, and then the other BIL comes to hug us, and I sort of freeze for a couple seconds, before giving an awkward hug. Everyone saw it, and probably thought I was a total dick. I feel awful about it.\n\nWe get the baby in the car and my wife and I cry the entire way home. We get home, end up calling the MIL to apologise for being weird (especially me), and she offers to come up and spend a couple days with us immediately.\n\nAt this stage, my anxiety is so acute, I have barely eaten for days. So I call the Plunket line (again, sob","offTopic":false},{"id":"49f97880-35b4-4380-a323-911461feeb3e","excerpt":"i cant bring myself to care about my friend’s interview, i have issues. — so um, we were friends, then we started dating, which lasted 7 months. but i cut it off with him because i never felt like he respected me at all. he would also leave me out in situations when he felt overwhelmed, without reassurance or anything ","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/AITARelationship/comments/1vv7yd3/i_cant_bring_myself_to_care_about_my_friends/","role":"pain","weight":1.2819704,"occurredAt":"2026-08-22T09:39:29.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"AITARelationship","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.85,"sentiment":-1,"confidence":0.6929569,"matchedPatterns":["i_hate","missing_feature"],"statement":"so everything was fine, but his lack of respect kinda still showed in the little things.","title":"i cant bring myself to care about my friend’s interview, i have issues.","body":"so um, we were friends, then we started dating, which lasted 7 months. but i cut it off with him because i never felt like he respected me at all. he would also leave me out in situations when he felt overwhelmed, without reassurance or anything of that sort. he also got into non-consensual intimacy with me, which idk if it’s considered SA, but when my friends said he could be reported to the police for it, he crashed out. when i didn’t support him, he got mad and even made a sexual threat against her. a lot of crazy stuff happened, which led to me not having much respect for him either.    \nwe took a break for two months, and then decided to be friends again, but honest friends who cared about each other. not really ignoring each other’s past or flaws.    \nso everything was fine, but his lack of respect kinda still showed in the little things. we made a plan to go study together one day, and he made me wait for 90 minutes because he has some sleeping issues and slept in or something. the thing is, he was awake and knew he was going to be late, but didn’t even tell me. he casually asked if i wanted to go later. ofc i said no.    \nand now it’s like, he got this interview with a big company, but he basically cheated to get in, which i wouldn’t necessarily consider a big deal on its own, but i hate cheating. for me, i like being aware of what i can do, and even if i cheat, i cheat accordingly. not as a superiority thing, but i just think it can be a bit selfish sometimes, depending on the person and the circumstances, yk.    \nas for him, he could’ve told me he was going to cheat, but he acted like he did it on his own cause i truly felt a bit disrespected considering the past and everything, it felt the same but bigger. the shortlisted names came out the next day, and when i saw his name, i was genuinely happy. but then he told me this. and my own need for academic validation already made me dislike it, but this? he was also my rival, yk. and he said he wanted to wait until the list came out to tell me. he said he was ashamed to admit it and couldnt bring himself to tell me before the test. idk man. maybe i’m overreacting. but when he said that i truly felt like crying.    \nhe wanted me to open up and all, and i didn’t really, but i also wasn’t hiding that i was hurt. anyone would’ve known. and i really wanted to talk, or at least be comforted in some way, until the interview came, but he just acted like nothing happened. i was also sad, so i didn’t want to engage. then he just ghosts for hours. we talked, we somehow made up, but even then, it felt like i was talking to a wall, and the conversation wasn’t really going anywhere unless i did something to keep it going.    \ni feel kind of disgusted, and every time he makes these reckless decisions, i’m the one who has to wait for him because, yeah, he has no other choice but to prioritise it. he puts himself out there and expects me to be okay with waiting.    \nand i know i should move on, and i’m a bit prideful in expecting that maybe i’ll change him, even though i know that’s not my responsibility. i know subconsciously i want it. i know all of that, but i still hope for it somewhere.    \ni understand what i’m doing, and we obviously haven’t healed just yet. but i am, idk, idk what’s wrong with me. now i can’t even bring myself to care about something as big as this. for me, it’s ruined. i feel disgusted.    \nisn’t it unfair? when he could consider the alternative but doesn’t, or maybe he does and chooses this anyway?","offTopic":false},{"id":"ac5d4105-48d1-447a-91fb-e6af24f27f7c","excerpt":"My (22f) birth control was tampered with by my boyfriend (22m). I'm pregnant. I don't know what to do — **I am not the OOP. The OOP is** u/ThrowRA7777888 **posting in** r/relationship_advice **and** r/TrueOffMyChest\n\n**Concluded as per OOP**\n\n**Content Warning -** >!sexual abuse/stealthing!<\n\n**4 updates - Long**\n\n[**O","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/comments/1re51tp/my_22f_birth_control_was_tampered_with_by_my/","role":"request","weight":1.25725,"occurredAt":"2026-02-25T05:54:28.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BORUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.3375,"sentiment":0.6335878,"confidence":0.94,"matchedPatterns":["how_can_i","i_hate","missing_feature","urgent"],"statement":"I think \\[bf's name\\] just needs to experience it.\" (that last one in regards to his irresponsibility and lack of accountability for housework) I'm on the pill.","title":"My (22f) birth control was tampered with by my boyfriend (22m). I'm pregnant. I don't know what to do","body":"**I am not the OOP. The OOP is** u/ThrowRA7777888 **posting in** r/relationship_advice **and** r/TrueOffMyChest\n\n**Concluded as per OOP**\n\n**Content Warning -** >!sexual abuse/stealthing!<\n\n**4 updates - Long**\n\n[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ncsjei/my_22f_birth_control_was_tampered_with_by_my/) **- 9th September 2025**\n\n[**Update1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1nwfa0j/update_my_22f_birth_control_was_tampered_with_by/) **- 2nd October 2025**\n\n[**Update2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1qabq1i/i_22f_left_an_abusive_relationship_a_few_months/) **- 11th January 2026**\n\n[**Update3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1r9jrms/girlfriend_has_no_idea_what_shes_coming_home_to/) **- 20th February 2026**\n\n[**Update4**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1rcq472/update_girlfriend_has_no_idea_what_shes_coming/) **- 23rd February 2026**\n\n\n\n**My (22f) birth control was tampered with by my boyfriend (22m). I'm pregnant. I don't know what to do.**\n\n\n\nMy boyfriend (22m) and I (22f) have been together for 3 years. We were high school friends, grew apart, ended up going to the same college, similar majors, reconnected, you can guess the rest.\n\nWe've been on the rocks lately. Our lifestyles just don't align very well, and sometimes he treats me more like a mother than a partner. I am losing patience.\n\nHe is an only child, and kind of a massive momma's boy. His mom is nice enough, just very traditional. Until recently, I don't feel like I've had a reason to distrust her. He confides in her a lot about our relationship, sometimes an uncomfortable amount. For the past couple of months, I feel like she's been trying to plant seeds in my head about having kids when I'm alone with her. Some examples: \"The joy of motherhood is like nothing else. You'll understand someday.\"\n\n\"I know it's hard right now. You know, a baby might bring you closer.\"\n\n\"My husband and I fought constantly until we finally had \\[bf's name\\].\"\n\n\"Once you have a baby, everything else falls away. They're little miracle workers.\"\n\n\"You know, fatherhood changes people. I think \\[bf's name\\] just needs to experience it.\" (that last one in regards to his irresponsibility and lack of accountability for housework)\n\nI'm on the pill. I've been trying to get on a different form of birth control that doesn't require constant effort (like an IUD, injections, arm implant) but I haven't been able to decide which one is right for me. My birth control comes in a blister pack, but I usually pop a week's worth into a pill organizer so I can just take it with my other medications. I don't bother taking the sugar pills you're supposed to take during the week of your period.\n\nI keep the empty blister packs with the leftover sugar pills in my nightstand because I'm weird about throwing things away sometimes (\"what if I need it later\" mentality I picked up from growing up in a doomsday prepping household. thanks dad). I feel incredibly stupid for that now.\n\nA couple of weeks ago, I missed my period. Took a pregnancy test, saw the dreaded second line, and proceeded to freak out. BF was at work when I found out, so I called him immediately. I told him we needed to talk, and that it was urgent. He didn't want to come home at first since we are not in a great situation financially. I started bawling and begging, and I think he realized I was serious.\n\nWhen he got home, I was sitting on the bathroom floor. I was a wreck, cried so hard I vomited. Anyways, BF gets back to our apartment, finds me on the floor, and as soon as he sees the pregnancy test, he fucking smiles. His face lit up, and I saw red. No acknowledgement of the state I was in. The first thing he said to me besides, \"what's going on??\" was, \"oh my god, baby, this is great!\" I wanted to put my head through the wall.\n\nI tried to explain to him through snot and tears and spit that no, this was not great, we're both full time students with jobs. I can't take time off. I have a ton of unresolved health issues. We can barely afford the roof over our heads. I hate the idea of getting an abortion. I am all for it when it's someone else, just for me, I don't know if I can bring myself to do it.\n\nHe left me to cool down in the bathroom for a while (I told him to get out) and I saw one of my fucking blister packs in the bathroom trash can. We don't use it very often, so we only empty it once in a while. I threw away the pregnancy test, it knocked aside a wad of toilet paper, and the silver foil caught my eye. I dug through the trash and I found 7 of my regular fucking birth control pills at the bottom of the trash bag. I can't believe he not only did this to me but also was so incredibly careless. It's like he barely tried to hide it. I can't tell if he wanted me to find out or if he just genuinely doesn't have anything knocking around inside his cranium besides a few rocks.\n\nI had been wracking my brain trying to figure out how this could've happened. I am so, so diligent about taking my meds. I feel so fucking stupid. So so so stupid. The sugar pills are literally a different fucking color. I take like 7 pills in the morning and unceremoniously dump them into my mouth, I definitely didn't look closely at them. He didn't give me a reason to think I had to. He hadn't said anything about kids. I could tell he was kind of trying to be better about his responsibilities lately, I thought things were finally starting to look up when it came to the state of our relationship.\n\nWe have access to each other's phones. I think he probably checked my fitbit app to find out when I was ovulating, since I track my period there. I don't know how else he could've known. I think I remember a few times I'd unlock my phone and find the app open, but I thought nothing of it.\n\nI confided in a few close friends about all of this. Told them everything. What he did, how I think he did it, how I think his mom might've told him to, how fucking devastated I am and how stupid I feel. In essence, they told me I need to grow a spine, leave him, stop going crazy, and figure my shit out/decide what to do. Now a part of me feel like i migjt be overreacting. Im staying with my parents right now, they don't know what's going on. They're kind of religious, and I'm not exactly sure how they feel about abortion. I don't want to bring it up because I don't know how they'll react. BF has been texting me nonstop, telling me to calm down and come home and talk to him. I'm so fucking lost. Sorry if this is a mess. I'm not proofreading, I don't have the bandwidth right now.\n\nQuick edit: I'm terminating. I'm chronically ill, I'd have an extremely risky pregnancy, and I don't want to bring a kid into this environment. I've made an appointment, but I'm still so scared. I also had my friend gently prod my ex over text about what happened, and she didn't even have to do much. He bent immediately, saying he needed to get it off his chest and that he \"feels like a terrible person\" (he is). I am leaving that goddamn scumbag scourge on my life far behind me, he just doesn't know it yet.\n\n\n\n**Comments**\n\n\n\nGo-Mellistic\n\nI am not going to sugarcoat this: This is a form of sexual assault. He is trying to force you to carry a child to term, birth it and raise it, all without your consent. This is not a safe person to have in your life, nor is he safe to raise a child. Him and his mom — your description of his mom makes me think they did this together or it was her idea.\n\nA word of advice: if you do decide to terminate, tell him you miscarried. He doesn’t deserve the truth, and you don’t deserve whatever terrible response he and his mom would direct your way.\n\nYou need to put yourself first and decide what you want your life to be. Good luck, OP.\n\namridge\n\nOP, this man has committed a pretty serious crime against you. You are not overreacting. I understand the guilt aspect of not wanting to have an abortion and that’s a super valid way to feel, however it’s worth considering that if he was willing to commit an act of sexual violence to keep you with him and doing what he wants, you really don’t know what he’s capable of. And you really don’t know what his mother is capable of. It’s common knowledge that you should not bring a child into a relationship that is struggling. It’s a hard thing to do even in a strong relationship. And you don’t want to condemn a child to a life with these people either.\n\nYou don’t want to be tied to this man and his mother for the rest of your life. There are literally millions of men out there who could give you a child when you were ready, willing and most importantly, AWARE of what was happening. I promise you deserve so much better than this!\n\nvikipedia212\n\nIf you’re in a single party consent state/country, record him admitting it and report him to the police. What a fucking monster.\n\n>OOP: I'm in IL, it's an all party consent state. I have a really close mutual friend with him that I've known since childhood. I'm gonna ask if he'd be willing to gently prod BF via text to try to get an admission/explanation. Both because I plan on filing a police report once I figure out how, and because I feel like I need to know exactly what happened. I don't know if I'll get that closure. We'll see.\n\nilleatyourkneecaps\n\nhave you decided what you're going to do about the pregnancy? i'm sorry, but it really isn't a sound idea to tie yourself to him for the rest of your life. you mentioned health concerns as well, whether it be mentally or physically.\n\n>OOP: I'm terminating. My chronic illness would make it a very high risk pregnancy. Besides, I can't in good conscience bring a child into this environment. Or the world in its current state. It's just hard to think about. I'm scared, and I still feel guilty.\n\n\\[deleted\\]\n\nGirl, he ASSAULTED you. Tell him you miscarried because youre so upset over what he did. Put it on HIM. That fucker deserves nothing, especially not your consideration\n\n# x200B;\n\n**Update - 4 weeks later**\n\n\n\nI haven't proofread this (sorry) so please excuse any screwups\n\nSo much has happened since I last posted here, as I'm sure you can imagine. Long story short, ex's family is a MESS. Getting in touch with legal professionals and talking to police has been so overwhelming, but I am lucky enough to be working with some absolute angels. I can't get into the weeds of all that in this post. It doesn't really look great, but it's hard to say what'll happen since everything is so fresh. Courts move at a snail's pace, but if I'm ever in a position to give an update I will.\n\nNow for everything else I guess.\n\nEx confessed to messing with my birth control. I have a close childhood friend who my ex took to early in our relationship. Looking back, ex definitely had a little bit of a thing for her. I think everyone who knows her kinda does (myself included). She is compassionate, amaidable, gorgeous, the whole package. Anyone who knows her well knows she is not to be fucked with. Point is, he trusted her a lot. A few hours after I made my post, she and I got together and schemed. We very gently prodded him over text. He barely bent before he broke. We deliberately made the text messages sound super nonjudgmental, like she was on his side. She threw me under the bus a little bit and implied she felt closer to him than to me to really sell the act. I can't go into detail about how the conversation went down (legal shit), but I do have the screenshots and I will definitely be posting them if I can once all of this is over and done with (if I remember to, that is).\n\nI don't think ex would've ever spilled his guts if she hadn't been in the picture. Friend has been by my side pretty much ever since. I mentioned at the end of my original post that I've been staying with my parents, and they have been gracious enough to help me until I'm back on my feet no matter how long it takes.\n\nI quit my dead end job (I've been meaning to ","offTopic":false},{"id":"49d9efaf-7fb5-4e45-bc5a-88b4d37b7c53","excerpt":"My(M36) wife (F43) thinks I couldn’t be attracted to her and therapist agreed? — **I am not The OOP, OOP is u/IThinkMyWifeIsHot1** \n\n**My(M36) wife (F43) thinks I couldn’t be attracted to her and therapist agreed?** \n\n**Originally posted to r/relationship_advice** \n\n**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!possible therapeutic malpracti","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vaiq83/mym36_wife_f43_thinks_i_couldnt_be_attracted_to/","role":"request","weight":1.24456,"occurredAt":"2026-07-30T04:00:02.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.324,"sentiment":0.03448276,"confidence":0.94,"matchedPatterns":["i_need","how_can_i","terrible","frustrating","missing_feature"],"statement":"Add in some harsh comments from one of our coworkers about our relationship, her sister pushing for a prenup, and my lack of communication everything came to a head these last few months.","title":"My(M36) wife (F43) thinks I couldn’t be attracted to her and therapist agreed?","body":"**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/IThinkMyWifeIsHot1** \n\n**My(M36) wife (F43) thinks I couldn’t be attracted to her and therapist agreed?** \n\n**Originally posted to r/relationship_advice** \n\n**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!possible therapeutic malpractice!< \n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ylQsUpD8Z7)  **Nov 30, 2018** \n\nBackground: \n\nMarried a little over two years, after dating a very short time around 3 months. \n\nWe meet at a work event and I was immediately smitten with my wife. It was like out of a movie I saw her chatting with a group of people and in my head I heard “oh there she is”. She was newly devorced and took some convincing on my part but we have been together from that night on and get along extremely well. \n\nNow for clarity I am extreamly attracted to my wife, we may just still be in the honeymoon stage but I’ve never felt this way about another women. And becasue it’s pertains to the conversation we had today with her therapist I would say the majority of the population would find her attractive and not in a niche way. She is objectively attractive. I feel we are evenly matched in looks, very few people have notice the slight age difference. She however wins in personality (outgoing and charming) and she makes about 3X as much money as I do. \n\nA couple months ago we ran into an ex of mine, and by ex we literally dated for maybe a month and never exclusive. After my wife mentioned how different they were (age/hair color/body type etc) and it ended in a pretty heated argument. We have had 3/4 conversations since, all of which I was trying to convince my wife I’m not going to leave her for a women I “dated” years ago. \n\nLast week she asked if I would go to her therapist with her today and I agreed. She has been seeing her for about 8 years for anxiety and a bout of depression that happed before we meet. \n\nToday: \n\nStarted normal enough and I had figured why we were there so I just jumped into it thinking the therapist would be on my side and would help me calm my wife’s fears. That’s not what happed. \n\nThe therapist did very little talking although their long silences and knowing glances started to piss me off right away. \n\nThe thing that stood out to me the most was how my wife reiterated how she doesn’t see how I would be attracted to her and the therapist didn’t even disagree. Like I felt like a crazy person, my wife is beautiful, charming, funny, it feels like I wished her into existence. \n\nShe brought up the age difference (7 years?!?), my looks, and how quickly I wanted to get married as all reasons for why I am basically a gold digger. \n\nFirst off we both wanted to get married quickly, I asked and figured she would want a long engagement but she didn’t so we got married. Second I never even discussed money with her until after we were married and never dreamed she made so much more than I do. She said she doesn’t think I’m after her money but enjoy the lifestyle while I’m with her and it makes it easier to pretend I’m attracted to her. Sorry more attracted to her, like I play it up. \n\nI’m completely blind sided and don’t really want to talk to my family or friends, it’s humiliating being accused of marrying someone for a lifestyle. \n\nFor clarity: I moved into her house, I rent out my old home but that income just covers the mortgage and the company that manages it. All our money goes into a joint checking with automatic transfers into savings etc. Our bills are paid from that account, I looked at our bank account and I spend significantly less than she does each month on average. \n\nAfter leaving I’m in a complete panic that she is going to leave me, even though I feel humiliated and love her so much. I immediately wanted to offer to sign a prenup or separate bank accounts or both but I just froze. \n\nMy wife seem so sad and I’m so frustrated, I didn’t even do anything wrong. The women I’ve dated in my past don’t have a similar type and to be honest I didn’t really date, more like hook up for a few months then moved on. I love my wife, she is the first women I have ever met that I have had a real partnership with, like we were a team and now that’s all gone. \n\nI don’t feel like I have the strength to leave her, it scares me that I can’t even envision a scenario where I would leave. She is my most favorite person. \n\nHow do I rebuild trust when I don’t feel I ever did anything to lose it. \n\n**RELEVANT COMMENTS** \n\n**Muh_Troof** \n\n> It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong, but, are a victim of her insecurities.\n>\n> My suggestion to you is that the two of you see an unbiased therapist, for additional help. Therapists are human and can develop an alliance with a long time patient, sometimes to the point of subconsciously taking sides. I think her therapist reinforced her fears and caused more damage, instead of helping, in this case. \n\n**OOP** \n\n>>I don’t know why but you saying that therapist are humans made me feel a ton better. It’s so weird to think of my wife as insecure, it’s an odd feeling seeing someone you think so much of being so sure they are unattractive. \n\n**~** \n\n**Benagain2** \n\n> So what is her proposed solution? \nWhat did the therapist suggest? \nDid either of them have any sort of path you could travel to \"fix\" this? \n>\n> Because unless there's something they think you can do to fix this.... It kind of seems like a pointless thing to bring up.\n>\n> You came to the obvious solution, offer a prenup. But it's also a pretty upsetting thing to have to do. Plus now you are always going to wonder what your wife thinks of you. Does she really believe that you'd do that to her? \n>\n> I think her therapist has badly badly fucked up here. A good therapist should have asked questions to help your wife figure it out for herself. Especially a person who's long battled with depression. \n>\n> This sucks man. I'm sorry. \n\n**OOP** \n\n>>I left early, I think now I was having a panic attack and left and waited in the car. But I don’t want to wait for the next shoe to drop, from what I can remember there was no fixes suggested but I should ask once I calm down and collect my thoughts. \n\n**shugarplum** \n\n>OP Were you able to voice any of your concerns during the session or was it mostly one sided? Definitely suggest to your wife to see a couples councillor. At least that way she can see you are invested in this and trying to work this out. \n\n**OOP** \n\n>>I rambled on like an idiot for the first 15 min about how my wife can’t get upset every time we run into a person from my past and how much I we love each other then immediately went silent when my wife was explaining why she thought I was not really in love with her. Total is was about 25 min before I just got up. \n\nEdit: My wife didn’t come home last night but I texted her this morning. First apologizing for leaving the session and then asking her to come home so we could formulate a plan. No word back yet but I doubt she will check her phone before lunch if she went to work. \n\nThanks for letting me vent, I’ve already asked my insurance company to send a list of counselors for me to call later today. Hopefully I will find a good fit as I don’t even know how to go about picking one. \n\nEdit 2: I need a referral from my general doctor before insurance will cover a therapist/psychologist, I have an emergency phone appointment Monday and will being seeing someone by myself. \n\nMy wife didn’t return my text but did come home about an hour later. Honestly I cried for the first time in a long time, but was able to get across how seriously I take her concerns. I haven’t mentioned anything about her therapist or my feelings about things just apologized and asked for another chance to hear her out completely. \n\nShe said she was really drained and is taking a nap, I don’t think she made it in to work and am actually looking forward to having the weekend to talk. I’m not going to ask for couples counseling until I talk to my own therapist. \n\nThis is probably it unless I fuck things up this weekend. Thanks for letting me type out my feelings and being honest even the hard comments were helpful. \n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ngnuGLnb7T)  **Dec 8, 2018 (8 Days Later)** \n\nDespite my hyperbole title I received a lot of feedback on my last post and thought I would thank everyone again and do an update. \n\nTalk with wife: \n\nDuring last weekend I was made aware of a lot of things I was doing to compound my wife’s fear of being abandoned/used. \n\nThe major thing that stuck out to me was my immaturity and unwillingness to discuss anything serious. When my wife would bring up her ex husband, finances, in particular I would A. Make a joke or B. Try and end the conversation as soon as possible. I’m not sure why, it just made me uncomfortable and didn’t see the value of discussing things that weren’t a major problem (to me). I was happy and my needs were being met so I assumed hers were too, it was my most damaging mistake. \n\nAnother misunderstanding happened with my ex. In my mind it was a quick 5 min conversation, to my wife it was much more. So about six months ago I injured my knee running, I had been up to that point a pretty serious low mileage runner (5/10miles 3 times a week). After the injury my doctor suggested I try weight lifting as I was worried about physical therapy not being enough. Well I hired a personal trainer and have been a gym rat ever since. It’s become a serious hobby, that I apparently obsessively talk about. I have invited my wife (who occasionally does yoga) several times and even talked about getting her a membership for Christmas, even though she showed no interest. So when we ran into my ex and I noticed she looked significantly different (she put on about 10lbs of muscle) I complemented her and we talked about weight lifting for a few minutes while my wife stood to the side. My ex told me to add her on Instagram, which while I did look her up to add her, her page was mostly advertising supplements so I didn’t end up doing it. My wife took this chance run in as proof that I was unhappy with the way she looked and was trying to get her to change. \n\nAdd in some harsh comments from one of our coworkers about our relationship, her sister pushing for a prenup, and my lack of communication everything came to a head these last few months.\n\n\nMy therapist: \n\nThe most helpful advise was to get my own personal therapist. I kind of just picked one from a list my provider emailed me but it seems to be going well. A lot of things were discussed but my major take away was that it isn’t my job to calm my wife’s fears completely. Listening and being reassuring is healthy but trying to make everything better won’t help either of us. My therapist said even if I tried my wife’s own voice in her head runs 24/7 and I could never keep up. This was hard to hear as I have definitely made some major mistakes but besides  acknowledging them and doing better everything else is out of my control. She recommended a book called the Happiness Trap, that I haven’t ordered yet but she said it would help me understand what it’s like to have anxiety and may explain (not excuse) some of my wife’s behavior. \n\nMy therapist also said I should look into my wife’s therapist as she sounds unlicensed and if I felt comfortable she could put in a complaint on my behalf. I will probably do this but am letting things settle. \n\nSo after probably the worst two days of my life things seem to be better. I haven’t brought up a prenup because she seemed offended when my wife told me her sister brought one up as a solution. I did offer separate bank accounts but she said no and only requested that we update her will and create one for me, as I didn’t even have one. I thought it would be weird but we both put each other as beneficiaries along with her two children if we both died. We only filled out the paperwork and still have to turn it in to her lawyer but it’s made a difference but I’m not sure why. \n\nI did delet","offTopic":false},{"id":"db36cbd7-c722-40da-988e-5b672bda37e9","excerpt":" — Hey friend, I am also 38, and I am also recently &quot;aloned&quot;. I had a break up in August and lived with my parents until February.<p>At first it was strange, I was acutely feeling the loneliness. But gradually I started seeing its upsides, and I am beginning to dangerously enjoy it haha.<p>I am using the time","url":"https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=47297202","role":"request","weight":0.69026667,"occurredAt":"2026-03-08T13:33:43.000Z","sourceKey":"hackernews","sourceName":"Hacker News","credibility":0.7,"venue":"news","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.24,"sentiment":1,"confidence":0.5566667,"matchedPatterns":["wish"],"statement":"I wish you the best of luck.","title":null,"body":"Hey friend, I am also 38, and I am also recently &quot;aloned&quot;. I had a break up in August and lived with my parents until February.<p>At first it was strange, I was acutely feeling the loneliness. But gradually I started seeing its upsides, and I am beginning to dangerously enjoy it haha.<p>I am using the time and space to take care of and express myself. Live slowly, cook myself warm dinners, nice coffees; I made a cozy nook for reading, I am planning on adding fragrant flowers to my terrace.<p>I am planning on a routine, which includes going to the gym and actually trying and enjoy moving my body. Sometimes I have the luxury of just sitting in the park next to the gym and soak up some sun, enjoy the sounds if birds and the water fountain.<p>I am hybrid so I get to go to the office and see my colleagues. Somehow, luckily, every weekend some social event happened, a dear friend came to visit. It was my aunts birthday. I also have a housewarming planned in two weeks which motivates me to make the place beautiful to show off.<p>My advice would be, simply, to focus on the current moment. Thoughts take you awry, try not to ruminate. Have a plan, and trust the process. There are five things absolutely needed for health and happiness(not in a particular order):<p>1.  Good food\n2. Exercising\n3. Sunlight\n4. Sleep\n5. Friends<p>So while you are alone, I would question the rest too, do you eat well? Do you exercise? Do you go out? Do you sleep well?<p>The way our mind works is whenever a state comes up, it ups the likelihood of that state to come up again. So try to summon happy states, would be difficult and feel fake at first but it really works. Gratitude is a good one. Writing or expressing it doesn&#x27;t work well for me, so I like to do it when I clean, I feel grateful as I am gently scrubbing the mirror for instance for helping me fix up my appearance. Find yours.<p>From what you wrote it sounds like you already know what to do, but you are reluctant. Why is that? One could identify with one&#x27;s depression by ruminating over it.<p>In closing I highly recommend the book, the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, it has a free audiobook on YouTube too.<p>I wish you the best of luck. Life could be whatever you want it to be and there is no true self, all is constructed and you can engineer your psyche anew.<p>Cheers","offTopic":false},{"id":"0beb14a7-2a3d-4710-9dc0-c1945d588213","excerpt":"Wife started to hate me and our kids out of a sudden and now she left us — **I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Throwaway99d58aw**\n\n**Originally posted to r/relationship_advice**\n\n**Wife started to hate me and our kids out of a sudden and now she left us**\n\n**Thanks to u/aaryanhere for the recommendation!**\n\n**Editor’s note: added","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1tl5mwr/wife_started_to_hate_me_and_our_kids_out_of_a/","role":"request","weight":1.2304155,"occurredAt":"2026-05-23T04:02:07.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.27835378,"sentiment":0.2,"confidence":0.9625,"matchedPatterns":["wish","i_need","missing_feature","urgent"],"statement":"They may make you wait a full 24 hours to file a missing person’s report, but you should get the ball rolling in whatever way you can immediately.","title":"Wife started to hate me and our kids out of a sudden and now she left us","body":"**I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Throwaway99d58aw**\n\n**Originally posted to r/relationship_advice**\n\n**Wife started to hate me and our kids out of a sudden and now she left us**\n\n**Thanks to u/aaryanhere for the recommendation!**\n\n**Editor’s note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability**\n\n**Glossary: Capgras Syndrome = a type of delusional misidentification syndrome such as imposters replacing real people**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!mental health struggles, trauma, mentions depression!<\n\n----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/frXOa9PP1O): **July 3, 2019**\n\nHi, this is my first time posting and I’m not an English native speaker. I’m also sorry for my mess of a text but I’m just at the end mentally.\n\nMy [38M] wife [36F] started to become increasingly hostile towards me, the kids and her own parents.\n\nOur kids are 12, 9 and 4 yo. I first started to notice it around one week ago when our 12 yo tripped while playing and fell on her face. I ran to her to reassure she was ok, but my wife didn't really...bother? She just sat on the bench and watched me and our daughter. That evening I asked her why she showed no reaction and she shrugged it off and told me that 'I looked after her so its ok'. That’s not her normal behaviour at all and if that had happened a couple months ago she would have dropped everything and immediately look after our daughter.\n\nA day after that incident we ate dinner and the 9 yo asked her to pass him the Ketchup. She didn't pass it but responded with 'Why do you want to eat our Ketchup?'. That caught me off guard and I was extremely baffled. He asked if it isn't also 'his' Ketchup, but she insisted that its hers and her families Ketchup. I Thought she was making a joke, but she looked extremely stern and sincere, so I gave him the ketchup. The rest of the day was uneventful, but she kept looking at me and the kids in this... I really don’t know... aggressive fission. As if we were a threat to her.\n\nDuring the last week I received only one kisses, not a single hug or any other kind of affection and even if she sometimes smiles at me, it just looks extremely forced. Sometimes she just looks at me as if she searches something. Obviously I asked her a couple times if something was wrong, but she always denied it and said everything is fine. \n\nThe problem is, if she was only hostile towards me I could somewhat in some way understand it. Maybe I annoy her, maybe she doesn't love me anymore or she thinks I’m cheating, or I don’t fucking know. But she also seems to hate or at least be neutral towards the children. When they talk about school she doesn’t care, when they have problems she doesn’t care. She doesn't tuck them in at night and I tell our kids that she's just in a bad mood and has a lot on her plate. But obviously they know as sure as I do that something isn't right. \n\nIt really got out of hand when 2 days ago her mother called me, asking me if something is wrong with her daughter. Apparently she doesn’t or at least only briefly answers her texts and doesn't want to meet her anymore. She told me that my wife told her that she 'isn't her real mother' which of course is something horrible to say and we both don’t know why she said it or what exactly it meant. When she asked my wife why she just said that she excused herself and said that it was a joke. She never or at least rarely had an argument with her mom. \n\nWe all had a great relation up to this week and I just can’t in any possible way find out what changed. It kept me up at night because my wife just feels like a different person. Now I thought about a mental illness, maybe some form of early Alzheimer’s? But it doesn't seem to fit her behaviour. She had a depression when she was younger but that’s 10 years ago. She was as lovely as one can be, not even 2 weeks ago. There are a lot of other instances of her behaviour, but I don’t have the energy to write it down right now.\n\nThat brings me to yesterday. I sat her down and asked her if something is wrong and I need an answer now or otherwise we will see a psychiatrist. She started telling me that everything was fine and she just 'has to act as she always does'. That sentence made me feel sick to my stomach because I didn't know what it meant. Is she seeing someone? Is someone fucking holding her hostage or what is happening? I asked her what she meant but she just brushed it off again, saying that she is ok. I then told her that we're seeing a psychologist and she started screaming at me that I can't make her. I insisted so she threw a cup at me, got up and told me that she wants her 'real family' back. I don't fucking know what that means. We didn't change anything. \n\nEverything is as it was a month ago. She grabbed her purse and ran out of the house. She returned a couple hours later and told me she is sorry for how she acted. She did a complete 360 and said everything is good now she kissed me and told me she will explain it tomorrow, but she is just tired now. When we got to bed later she kept looking at me as if I'm a stranger, but I was also extremely exhausted from everything and just fell asleep. \n\nIts morning now and she left the house. I can't find her and it looks like she packed some stuff of hers. Some jackets, her purse 2 pairs of shoes. I called her parents, her friends, everyone she knows but they all haven’t seen her. Her friends told me all that they haven't had contact with her in the last week. Should I call the police now? Have some of you experienced something similar? I just don’t know what to do. I have never felt this helpless.\n\nEDIT: I called the police a couple minutes after the first people here told me to. The police responded and they took my story very seriously and said they will search for her immediately. I told them a couple places she might be. I waited at home and distracted the children, saying that their mom took some time for herself. Her parents are at my house and play with the children, they are just as destroyed and unnerved as me.\n\nThey have found my wife an hour ago at the local park, 5 hours after they started searching for her. It didn't look like she was fleeing or in a hurry but just waiting, sitting on a bench. They told me however that she was extremely hostile towards the police and punched an officer. She is now in a psychiatric clinic, but I’m not allowed to meet her nor anyone else. Doctors are caring for her and will call me as soon as they know more.\n\nThanks for everyone that replied. I’m extremely worried and I’m reading into all the mental illnesses you have posted. I just hope it is something they can cure quickly. I still feel like in a bad dream.\n\n**Relevant / Top Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** I’m so sorry, this sounds terrifying. I would call the police right away, absolutely. They may make you wait a full 24 hours to file a missing person’s report, but you should get the ball rolling in whatever way you can immediately.\n\nIn the meantime maybe check out any places she frequents regularly, and keep the line of communication open with her closest friends and family.\n\nDefinitely seek out psychiatric help for her ASAP. I wish you the best, this sounds awful.\n\n> **OOP's only comment:** Thank you. I haven't thought about frequent places. Maybe I'll find her. Yes, I’m going to call the police now.\n\n**Commenter 2:** Psych nurse here - you need to look up Capgras delusion. This is what it sounds like is happening. Call police now she may be in danger.\n\n**Commenter 3:** Homie this is way the fuck above our paygrade, this sounds like ya wife is having some really serious mental issues.\n\nSounds like she going through a really bad case of derealization. possible she also schizophrenic, possible she got Capgras delusion, possibly early stages of dementia.\n\nShe needs help in the worst way or she gonna end up doing something really fucking bad.\n\nedit: call the police fucking immediately. Like right now\n\n&nbsp;\n\n[Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/0lvepRx8PI): **July 5, 2019 (two days later)**\n\nA lot of people seem to care, and I got a ton of encouraging messages, so I will post an update for you.\n\nWe live in northern Europe, for those that asked.\n\n\\----\n\nThanks for everyone that gave me their advice. A lot of you have assumed schizophrenia or the rare Capgras delusion. Some of you assumed she was cheating, which is something I won’t even address.\n\nThinking about it, Capgras really fitted the symptoms, but I couldn’t just accept that, still hoping she was somehow fucking with us or that it was something mild and temporary and I just overreacted.\n\nAfter they took her in, I drove to the mental institute to give an exact explanation of what happened in the last week. The psychiatrist assumed some sort of schizophrenia. They told me they will look after her and I should go home to my children. I felt like I was drunk the entire time, I couldn’t close a single eye at night.\n\nThe psychiatrist called me yesterday evening and asked me to come to her office. I left my children with their grandparents and drove for what it felt like an eternity.\n\nShe told me straight up that she strongly assumes that its Capgras. She never saw a case of Capgras before, but it fits everything she gathered. She explained to me how the past 2 days went down.\n\nMy wife arrived there, being extremely hostile. She was put in a 'safe room' where she couldn't hurt herself. She calmed down after a couple of hours, and the psychiatrist was able to talk to her. \n\nThe good news was that she quickly opened up and explained to her what she thinks. She 'knows' that her family and most of her friends have been swapped by clones. She assumed that we, 'the clones', have sent police officers to get her and that she was scared of what we might do to her. She flew in the first place because she felt that we might attack her but mostly to get some space. She still isn’t sure if the 'clones' are malicious or not. \n\nThat explains why she was distrusting me and always searched for some signs in me and the kids. My wife said that we act exactly like the real ones and how perfect our disguise was, but she knew that we aren’t real because she didn’t feel any love towards me or the kids or her own parents. Writing this down feels like a lance piercing through my chest.\n\nShe also told her how she was trying to hide her distrust of us, because she couldn't be sure if we know that she knows that we aren’t the real 'we'. Her delusion that we’ve been swapped came to her 1 day before I noticed it. 10 days ago. She woke up, looked at me and knew that I wasn't the same anymore, not the real one. Same with the kids, her parents and her friends. She hadn’t had those thoughts before.\n\nShe asked the psychiatrist if she knows who swapped us or why it happened or if this happens often. She tried to avoid answering her question because she wasn’t sure how my wife would react if she gave in or took her out of her delusion. My wife asked her when she can get out again, the psychiatrist asked her if she wants to get out and she answered that she’s ok being here. It gives her some comfort being with professionals and she now has time to think. It helps that my wife is a nurse and that she respects doctors a lot.\n\nThe psychiatrist explained to me, how they will try to slowly deconstruct her delusion and that it can take a short or a very long time until she fully recovers. She explained to me that it’s possible that she might never truly recover. But the fact that she opened up about it and doesn’t necessarily feel scared is a good sign. I’m still not allowed to see her as it could make her panic. She appears to be completely clear of mind about everything else. She knows names, dates, places, facts and everything she knew before. Only the thought that we aren’t the real ones is now a fact for her. Now I wait, till they have some good or bad news of how she develops.\n\nWriting all of this down really helped me. I’m trying to wrap ","offTopic":false},{"id":"5088e801-84eb-4274-bd09-1b1f04820916","excerpt":"So now I know (a followup) — I've posted recently here about a woman I met this past summer in my neighborhood, whom I found myself interested in and thought might be interested in me too. We'd run into each other every few days and have a nice chat, or if she's on her way somewhere we're at least greet pleasantly and ","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/bodylanguage/comments/1q2gxqx/so_now_i_know_a_followup/","role":"demand","weight":1.1705457,"occurredAt":"2026-01-03T01:24:39.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"bodylanguage","intent":"tool_discovery","painScore":0.43333334,"sentiment":-0.33333334,"confidence":0.8166598,"matchedPatterns":["looking_for","frustrating"],"statement":"This hot/cold thing was driving me crazy, and why I initially posted here, asking why people did this.","title":"So now I know (a followup)","body":"I've posted recently here about a woman I met this past summer in my neighborhood, whom I found myself interested in and thought might be interested in me too. We'd run into each other every few days and have a nice chat, or if she's on her way somewhere we're at least greet pleasantly and she'd smile warmly. It felt like there might be something there, emphasis on might, but I just couldn't tell (the proverbial question on this sub).\n\nSo I posted here several times for advice or insight, and the consensus seemed to be either that she's not interested in me and is just a friendly person who likes me in a casual, friendly way and no more and I'm just trying to see things that aren't there, or she might have initially been interested but upon getting to know me decided that she wasn't, or she's still interested but needs me to ask her out for anything to happen between us, and the only way for me to find out for sure and be able to move on one way or the other would be to ask her out.\n\nJust a little background. I'm often outside doing something, working in the garden, working on my car or clearing out leaves and such. I've gotten to know a lot of my neighbors this way, as they walk on by and greet me and sometimes stop to chat. Nothing serious, just brief and pleasant neighborly small talk-type chats. And she was one of the people who walked past and greeted me, just smiles and hellos at first and for a while.\n\nUntil one day she stopped by to ask me some questions about gardening, and was really sweet and almost if not actually flirty. We talked pleasantly for a few minutes, about gardening, then she went on her way. Since then, whenever she passed by, she'd usually either stop to chat, or at least smile, say hi or compliment me on the progress I was making on my car, in passing. There was nothing clearly obvious indicating that she was interested, but it just felt like maybe there was. She was just more friendly and warmer than any of my other neighbors.\n\nBut sometimes, she also seemed a bit colder, still saying hi, just not quite as warmly. Or, she'd walk on the other side of the street, barely if at all saying hi even though I was clearly right there. I took this to mean that either she was having a bad day and didn't feel like chatting, or she sensed that I was interested in her and, not being interested in me, was trying to let me know that while she liked me, she didn't like me in that way. But then a few days later she'd stop by again, really friendly and warm, and we'd chat pleasantly for a while. This hot/cold thing was driving me crazy, and why I initially posted here, asking why people did this.\n\nAnyway, despite the signs being fairly clear that she wasn't interested in me (or was bipolar?), I figured what have I got to lose, so I did end up asking her out, sort of. I suggested, during one of our pleasant chats, that we go on a walk sometimes, since she likes to go on long walks and sometimes I do too.\n\nBut her response was not directly responsive. Not a yes or no, more like \"Oh wow, hmm\". Like when you want to say no but don't want to use the actual word. So I took it to be a no, but an indirect, implied no. I basically had my answer, and these chats would likely be the extent of our \"relationship\".\n\nI'd end this there, but I've run into her again since then, in atypical ways. Yesterday I was driving home, in the car I'd been working on, and as I was about to turn into my street, I saw her walking past on the sidewalk. She noticed me too, right away, and smiled warmly and waved hello, which I did back, then I turned into my street.\n\nAnd today, when I was resting on a bench on my way back home during a run on a shared use path we both use and where I've sometimes run into her, I saw her running past, going in the same direction, and waved and said hi. She said hi back but in kind of a neutral way, like \"Oh, hey\", and kept on running, saying something about wanting to hit a certain distance goal. I was about to resume running myself so I joined her, and asked if it was ok to run along with her, to which she said \"Sure, but just briefly\".\n\nOuch.\n\nDidn't really matter though as she's in better shape than me, and I had to slow down to walk several times as she kept going. I'm actually faster than her and it's my endurance that's bad, so when I resumed running at my normal pace I kept catching up to and passing her, then having to slow down and walk again as she passed me.\n\nThis went on several times for a few minutes until she reached her target distance and stopped. It was 4.44 miles, she told me. I asked her why this number, and as some here can probably guess, she said that it was a special \"angel\" number, which I'd literally never heard of till now. Oookay, I thought.\n\nWhen I caught up with her, we walked the rest of the way back together, around half a mile or so, and chatted. She didn't seem to mind, and we talked about this and that (mostly stuff going on in her life these days). Perhaps, when she said \"briefly\", she just meant that she likes to run alone, or else it messes up her rhythm or something. Never an issue for me but I guess to each their own.\n\nAnyway, as if I needed any more evidence, this basically sealed it for me. Not interested, likely never was, just friendly. Plus, the better I got to know her, the more I found that there were things about her that were a bit concerning. Like, she was always talking about herself and rarely asking about me. She seems kind of angry, and is very opinionated and judgemental about people who think differently from her. She's also divorced, which didn't bother me at first, but now I can sort of see why. And the things she talked about were themselves kind of, well, odd.\n\nLike, she kept talking about how unhappy she was and how she wanted to move someplace more rural so she could feel her energy flow more freely or something and be more in touch with the world, perhaps take up farming (despite never having gardened) or some other business (no idea what), and contribute to the local community by bringing her positive energy there (yeah, like small town America has traditionally been open to new agey big city liberal vegans moving there bringing their energy flows and chi). At first it was the west coast, which she literally visited to feel its energy flow, then it was upstate, and now it's the midwest. Tomorrow it might well be Alaska or Peru. And, of course, that weird 4.44 thing (sorry if I offend anyone who's into magical thinking and new agey stuff, I'm decidedly not, although I can be \"spiritual\", just in different ways).\n\nAnyway, in a way she did me a favor here, not just making it clear that there was nothing here, but that even if there was, she maybe wasn't the right person for me anyway, being kind of a narcissistic flake with mood swings and who knows what other kinds of personal issues (like I said, she talks about herself a lot and I'd say that 90% of our chats were that). But I guess we did end up having that walk after all, so there's that.\n\nI'm posting this both to get these thoughts off my chest as they're still pretty fresh, and to give an example of how just because it seems like someone might be into you, because they smile at you, make eye contact, say hi, chat with you, share personal details about their lives, etc., it doesn't necessarily mean that they actually are into you. They might just be friendly.\n\nOr they might just be looking for a sounding board for their need to vent their thoughts and emotions and you're them.\n\nOr maybe they were interested, at first, and upon getting to know you decided that they weren't (but still want you as a sounding board). But unless you're really good at reading non-verbal cues and clues, in which case why are you on this sub, you have to get to know the other person, and even ask them out, to find out for sure. And even if they are into you, they still might not be right for you. Body language only takes you so far. The rest requires conversation.\n\nSorry about the length. Last time I'll post about this. Can't promise that about future ones.","offTopic":false},{"id":"4f994146-bc67-4fce-b3a6-8aba303cd626","excerpt":"How do I deal with neurodivergent rumination after a breakup? — My girlfriend and I were together for one year and seven months before breaking up a bit over a month and a half ago. She told me that she started losing feelings for me and developed feelings for someone else, and since then, they have basically been acti","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/Breakupadvice/comments/1vudeem/how_do_i_deal_with_neurodivergent_rumination/","role":"pain","weight":1.1697147,"occurredAt":"2026-08-21T11:13:09.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"Breakupadvice","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.44476354,"sentiment":-0.25714287,"confidence":0.8096236,"matchedPatterns":["how_can_i","frustrating","missing_feature"],"statement":"I don’t feel sad besides the occasional missing her, but what bothers me is how distracting the thoughts have become.","title":"How do I deal with neurodivergent rumination after a breakup?","body":"My girlfriend and I were together for one year and seven months before breaking up a bit over a month and a half ago. She told me that she started losing feelings for me and developed feelings for someone else, and since then, they have basically been acting like they’re in a relationship, although she doesn’t feel like it’s right to officially put a label on it yet. What makes the breakup so difficult for me to understand was how sudden it felt. I thought we were at the most stable point in our relationship. When my girlfriend first met this guy around two weeks before we broke up, I was told that he was gay. we had also just gone on a really nice date just a couple of days before the breakup, so from my perspective, we were both really happy. It hurt me hearing her basically make it sound like the last month of our relationship was fake. Throughout the last month of our relationship, we had very serious exams for our universities. I spent a lot of my time helping her revise instead of focusing on myself completely, and the one subject we had in common was the only one she did very well in, and it felt weird for her to just start rewriting history and acting as if I barely helped her and that I just focused on myself.\n\nSince the breakup, I’ve been reading as much as I can about attachment theory and trying to understand what actually happened. Learning about attachment styles, especially fearful-avoidant attachment, has become a fixation for me because I feel like I’m constantly trying to understand something that feels so sudden and confusing. We’ve talked about four times since the breakup, but each conversation seems to leave me with a different explanation for why we broke up or why she lost feelings. One moment it’s her fault and the fact she hates stability, the next time she’s telling me that I wasn’t a good boyfriend and that hes doing everything she wanted me to do. The uncertainty is a big part of why my brain keeps going back to it, but she herself is confused about her feelings, so there’s no way I can gain clarity from her.\n\nI’ve been ruminating a lot about the breakup. I manage to push the thoughts out of my head pretty easily, but they return around five minutes later, and it feels exhausting having to continue doing it. I find myself going over different possibilities and wondering what ways I could’ve prevented the breakup. I also think about how things might have turned out if we still stayed together because she was now getting therapy and I was no longer dealing with the stress from school that made her feel secondary in my life. Deep down, I know there’s no way of knowing whether things would’ve worked, but my brain keeps trying to find alternative versions where they did. The rumination has also started attaching itself to things in my everyday life. I know he’s a big fan of Dune (one of my favourite movie franchises ever) and a game that I play. Now whenever I come across these things, my mind connects them to them and the relationship. It’s frustrating now because I go to the cinema a lot, so I see the Dune trailer quite a bit. Yesterday I saw the prologue for Dune before the Odyssey, and I could barely be present in the moment to enjoy it like I did when I first went to go watch the Odyssey without knowledge of the fact that he liked Dune. I would hate for me to watch Dune 3 later this year and just be flooded with thoughts of her and him. I’ve recently been imagining scenarios where their relationship eventually fails and she comes back to me wanting to try again.\n\nThe thing is, these thoughts don’t hurt me emotionally. I feel perfectly fine with the breakup. I don’t feel sad besides the occasional missing her, but what bothers me is how distracting the thoughts have become. I feel like I can barely focus on things I normally enjoy. I watch movies very often, but I struggle to pay attention to ones that require me to stay focused, even when they have nothing to do with the breakup. Sometimes, seeing something as simple as a couple makes my mind jump back to me and her. Yesterday i went to the cinema and I thought I saw someone who was a good friend of hers, so I ended up spending basically half of the movie thinking about her and the breakup instead of paying attention to the screen, which was very annoying because it’s an italian movie from 1960 that literally never comes to cinema.\n\nI’m wondering if anyone else who is neurodivergent has experienced something similar after a breakup, with rumination, fixation, and the difficulty of letting go of all the \"what ifs\" and how you were able to break the cycle? I don’t need advice for how to get over the breakup emotionally because I feel like I already have. I just want to be able to fully remain present and enjoy the things I love again.","offTopic":false},{"id":"ec9e21ba-d687-46ac-b752-048a1f9aa506","excerpt":"How much disappointment do I tolerate? — I(28F) am having a really hard time with my girlfriend(27mtf). There's just so much that I've been tolerating over the past 15 months of us being together, especially since she moved in with me a bit less than a year ago. \n\nI'll own up to the fact that the relationship moved way","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/mypartneristrans/comments/1vvdgjv/how_much_disappointment_do_i_tolerate/","role":"pain","weight":1.1610839,"occurredAt":"2026-08-22T14:10:14.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"mypartneristrans","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.72727877,"sentiment":-0.5625,"confidence":0.67220414,"matchedPatterns":["i_hate","frustrating"],"statement":"I hate that those thoughts come up because I'm 100% a trans women are women type of person.","title":"How much disappointment do I tolerate?","body":"I(28F) am having a really hard time with my girlfriend(27mtf). There's just so much that I've been tolerating over the past 15 months of us being together, especially since she moved in with me a bit less than a year ago. \n\nI'll own up to the fact that the relationship moved way too fast, which was spurred partially by the fact that I was tired of driving 2 hours roundtrip to see her and gas wasn't getting any cheaper. My apartment has plenty of room for two and I thought it might work well. Before she quit her old job she kept saying she was applying to jobs near where I live, but she lived off of me for a whole month because she never put any applications in. This was the starting point, because since then every single application/appointment/important phone call has only happened because I had to push and push and push for it to get done. She had her license suspended because she failed to keep up with debt payments and therefore couldn't register her car, so she drove MY truck 90 minutes a day 4 days a week to college for the spring semester. Forcing her to make the phone calls and appointments to get everything legal was extremely frustrating, like pulling teeth. Shit wouldn't happen until I got overstimulated and broke down (I'm autistic among other diagnoses). I keep telling her I'm not her mother. I get so frustrated because **I understand executive dysfunction is hard, I deal with it too, but she's not just sabotaging her own life anymore**. \n\nShe didn't get a summer job so I had my boss hire her to help me around the farm with mowing and other grounds work. She makes more than I do hourly (my housing is covered in my salary, but still). I have to badger her all the time to do her job. Like part of her duties is keeping up with the garden, since I told my boss when I took the job that I won't garden because of my back. She simply won't do it and in this case I'm her manager. Same thing goes for weedwhacking the property. It's fucking embarrassing when my boss comes out to the farm and it looks so unkempt, she doesn't put tools away all the time and I'm constantly picking up after her at work and at home. She doesn't seem to see messes and I feel like shit when I pick up after her because an evil part of my brain says that people will just look at me like a straight woman taking care of a loser boyfriend. I hate that those thoughts come up because I'm 100% a trans women are women type of person. \n\nShe's always wanting me to top her in the bedroom and talks about it all the time. I don't like doing it to begin with, but I feel like I'd be more inclined to if I didn't feel like I had to make all these decisions and put in so much effort just to try to keep myself afloat. I think she thinks I don't like doing it because I've only ever been with AFABs before and don't like dealing with anal (the anal part is true, but I'm open about that). \n\nShe refuses to give up vaping, basically, even though I was a cigarette smoker until a couple years ago and fell back into the vaping addiction when I got with her. We both decided to quit together last fall, which went great until I found her vaping a couple months later, and she got angry that I found out. So naturally because I'm a useless addict I got back on nicotine and just quit again last week when I flew home to see my family. My friend suggested that my gf should do zyns and a 0-nic vape if she still wants to do it while respecting my need to not have nicotine vapes around, since I won't do zyn. My gf said she would just quit all together.  I brought this up and even brought home a 0-nic vape for her and her regular one ran out this morning. We got in a fight because she went to go to the corner store, I confronted her, and she got upset because I said \"I never believed that you were going to quit.\" Because why would I? She says she'll do a lot of things but oftentimes it's just words. \n\nIt's gotten to the point where I think about breaking up way more than I'd like to and I'm just so fucking exhausted and I know that it would be so messy to separate and I've dumped so much money, time, and effort into supporting this person who at her core is not a bad person at all. I have never been driven to suicidal thoughts by a partner before, but when I break down my mind does go there because it feels like the only way out of this when I'm in that state (I don't worry about actually doing it, btw).\n\nShe totally leans on me for support emotionally and casually says often that she'd probably kill herself if I left. Instead of feeling guilty about that, I feel rage that she would dare to put that on me especially knowing that I dealt with someone SHing themselves when I was a teenager because I didn't want to date them. \n\nI don't know what to think anymore and I just feel that I've let myself down. I want to make it work but I've been waiting it out for so long. ","offTopic":false},{"id":"aefca4a2-50fa-4139-86d7-1b7d565f283f","excerpt":"AITAH for not wanting to help with my niece’s party? — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Apart-Landscape220**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AITAH**\n\n**AITAH for not wanting to help with my niece’s party?**\n\n**Editor's note: made small edits for ease of readability**\n\n-----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/7vJx80LLG","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1uo6141/aitah_for_not_wanting_to_help_with_my_nieces_party/","role":"pain","weight":1.1589663,"occurredAt":"2026-07-05T16:08:20.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.4076514,"sentiment":-0.04191617,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["wish","frustrating"],"statement":"I wish they would have had a better party, but I will always strive to give them the best, even if I look foolish.","title":"AITAH for not wanting to help with my niece’s party?","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Apart-Landscape220**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AITAH**\n\n**AITAH for not wanting to help with my niece’s party?**\n\n**Editor's note: made small edits for ease of readability**\n\n-----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/7vJx80LLGT): **May 23, 2026**\n\nMy older sister (29f) and brother-in-law (28m) have struggled financially for basically their entire adult lives. they became parents to 3 girls really young, so I’ve always tried to give them grace and help where I can.\n\nLast year, my son turned 2. we had his birthday party about two weeks early because his actual birthday is usually too cold for outdoor stuff where we live. my husband and I invited my sister to do a combined birthday party at our house for my niece, who was turning 8 around the same time.\n\nbecause money was tight for them (and because they were stressing about costs constantly), I ended up paying for basically everything for my niece’s side too — decorations, food, cake, etc. I had already rented a bounce house for my son, but upgraded it so older kids could use it too.\n\nI also promised my other two nieces (11 and 10) that I'd help make their birthday special this summer because they did not have a party last year due to their parents finances.\n\nso now their party is coming up in June. this past weekend, my nieces called me asking if I was still helping plan it. obviously I said yes because I love them and would never want to disappoint them.\n\nat first, my sister wanted to do the party at a park. my nieces didn’t even want that because it’ll be hot, humid, or raining. I suggested renting out an arcade in my city and doing a stranger things-themed arcade party for 3 hours. the girls were so excited about it.\n\nthen my sister shut it down immediately because she said the “50 people she invited” wouldn’t want to drive 25 minutes.\n\nhere’s the thing: most of these people aren’t even there for the kids. half of them don’t have children, won’t bring gifts, and are basically just my brother-in-law’s family/friends who turn every event into drinking, smoking, loud music, and drama. my nieces didn’t even want a lot of them there in the first place.\n\nmeanwhile, I offered to pay for:\n\n* the arcade rental\n\n* food\n\n* decorations\n\n* cake\n\nbasically everything.\n\nbut my sister still refused because she wants everyone to be able to come.\n\nat that point I told her if the priority is hosting a giant cookout for adults instead of an actual kids birthday party, then she can pay for it herself.\n\nnow we’re arguing about what I “should” still contribute financially. and honestly, I’m frustrated because they’re planning to feed 50 people while barely having groceries at home. I literally had to door dash dinner to their family recently because they had no food.\n\nat this point, I’m considering just mailing my nieces their gifts and stepping away from the whole thing.\n\naitah?\n\n**AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs**\n\n**Relevant / Top Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** Stop arguing. You offered a kids' party as your gift to your nieces just like the one for their 8 year old sister. That is all you are offering. Not an adult booze party. Your sister can take it or leave it.\n\nIf she doesn't want the kid party at a park or arcade she can do her own thing. Next time I suggest you do not make promises to children.\n\n> **OOP:** I will no longer be making promises that I intend to keep but ultimately involve another, bigger decisive counterpart. (my sister)\n> \n> worst mistake of my life. my poor nieces are miserable.\n\n**Downvoted Commenter:** I think it is very nice that you want to celebrate your nieces knowing their parents are broke. However, you kind of undermined the parents by planning a different celebration with the kids. I would offer my sister the amount of money you planned to spend on the arcade. Please do not use your money as a weapon. The kids have it bad enough\n\n> **OOP:** I would never weaponize any money, I also wouldn’t just hand over $350+ to my poorly financially educated sister. it will be gone and nothing for the party will be bought. \n\n**Commenter 2:** How did she issue invitations without knowing the venue?\n\n> **OOP:** she used Facebook, apparently it doesn’t have you put a venue in, and you can leave it blank. she posted in the event and said the location is TBD.\n\n**Commenter 3:** I wouldn’t go so far as to say YTA because you obviously don’t have to pay for a big birthday party, but it sounds like you have a lot of judgements and assumptions about your BIL’s family and are using your initially kind offer to impose those judgements and assumptions.\n\n> **OOP:** they are not assumptions, I have known this family very well for about 11 years now. I’m only 25. they have been around for 11 birthday parties. it is always the same outcome. drunk, fights, drama and my nieces get about 2 gifts from 25 people. \n\n**Commenter 4:** take your nieces out for a 'Birthday Day' & let your sister have the home party she wants. NTA\n\n**Commenter 5:** \"What are you doing planning such a huge event ON MY DIME when you can't even afford dinner?\" NTA.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/cuTDalRH6n): **June 16, 2026 (3.5 weeks later)**\n\nso, update time since some people were asking for one.\n\nfor starters, I told my sister ahead of time that I will not be attending the party due to my brother-in-law’s extremely annoying family and I will not be helping with the costs because it is not what they want to do. instead of attending, I sent my nieces money over cashapp two days after posting the original post and agreed to take them to the arcade next week for another birthday \"party\".\n\nmy sister and brother-in-law took their money and used it to buy fast food for themselves, my three nieces and my brother-in-law’s aunt. so, there's that.\n\nlet's cut to this past Sunday, their birthday party. it stormed the entire time and about 45 minutes before the party ended, it got extremely humid and gross. their decorations were destroyed, the food was rained on, it was a mess. just as I assumed, there were about 30 people there and they received TWO gifts each and around $150 each from their grandpa (my sisters father), mine and my sister's great aunt and their aunt (my brother-in-law’s sister)... one niece had NO friends there because the storm and the other had a friend show up for about 30 minutes and left because of the rain. barely ANY kids were there.\n\nmy nieces are very much looking forward to going to the arcade and getting some boba. they seemed so disappointed in their birthday party, and I am genuinely upset for them. I wish they would have had a better party, but I will always strive to give them the best, even if I look foolish.\n\n**Relevant / Top Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** So the nieces got nothing?\n\nWhy did you give them money instead of taking them somewhere? I think it was obvious to everyone reading this what would happen to it.\n\n> **OOP:** we are very much still going to the arcade.. I said that in the post. I sent them money because they were going to the skating rink and wanted to buy some stuff. they didn’t get to go. \n\n**Commenter 2:** Absolutely agree. How did she send money to a 10 year old thinking the parents WOULDN’T intercept it?\n\n> **OOP:** they have their own cards through cashapp kid accounts, didn’t expect my sister to snatch it out.  \n\n**Commenter 3:** How about open a new bank account under your name and you hold the money for them until they are old and independent enough? Also for in the future if they have a job it can be deposit to that account.\n\n**Commenter 4:** I don’t know if you can actually protect your sister’s kids from your sister’s lifetime of (?willful) financial incompetence. Their selfishness, short sightedness, greed and laziness seems endless.\n\n**Commenter 5:** Clearly your sister is irresponsible as they are the sort of people to have kids when they can’t afford them but have the mindset of “family helps family” or some sort of other bullshit.\n\nI agree with the other posts. Take them for a fun birthday day every year or every year it’s going to a shitshow.\n\nI like the idea of setting up bank accounts for them in your name so their parents can’t touch shit.\n\nGive them a yearly birthday budget of say $150, they can blow it all or spend $20 on a cheap meal and bank the rest. If they do this btw I’d personally just pay the full $150 so they get the concept of saving money.\n\nAt 18 years old they get the balance to do whatever they want with.\n\nWhen they are 18 set up bank accounts in their name that their parents cannot access unless they want to commit fraud.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n**DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7**\n\n**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**","offTopic":false},{"id":"d7361e4e-6dc3-4ba0-910c-2b7474d18f94","excerpt":"AIO / My fiancé is offended that I didn't comfort him when I was in absolute pain because I had a medical procedure, so I don't want to talk to him until I'm feeling better. — My (21F) boyfriend (23M) is, in some ways, perfect. He was my first and only partner. We have been together for almost a year now, and we don't ","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1ubc5fi/aio_my_fiancé_is_offended_that_i_didnt_comfort/","role":"pain","weight":1.1582518,"occurredAt":"2026-06-21T00:37:55.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"AmIOverreacting","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.7911111,"sentiment":-0.7777778,"confidence":0.64666665,"matchedPatterns":["frustrating"],"statement":"I can't help feeling sad and frustrated that he constantly needs to be babied when it was my feelings that got hurt.","title":"AIO / My fiancé is offended that I didn't comfort him when I was in absolute pain because I had a medical procedure, so I don't want to talk to him until I'm feeling better.","body":"My (21F) boyfriend (23M) is, in some ways, perfect. He was my first and only partner. We have been together for almost a year now, and we don't live together yet (this is important).\n\nHe has a little problem: he ALWAYS needs to be comforted when he does me wrong, and he has done some very nasty things. For example, I asked if he could upload some photos of us to his Instagram stories, and he uploaded a photo of me sitting on the toilet. I was really angry and asked him to take it down. He got angry because I got angry. He always does this.\n\nThere is not a single thing in this relationship that he has done wrong where I didn't end up comforting him because \"his feelings got hurt\" while doing me wrong. This usually includes me giving him a sincere apology. Why? Because I hurt him by saying things in what he perceives as a mean way. I have to clarify that it's not objectively mean; I just say things in a firm way.\n\nTwo other things to add: he works for my parents. He can ask to leave whenever he wants, or he can say, \"Hey, I can't come in on this or that day,\" and my parents have zero problem with that. He knows this.\n\nAlso, he has a REALLY bad problem managing his money. It doesn't help that he has spent a large amount of money on a special interest of his called Gundams. These things are basically like Lego sets of giant mechas.\n\nSo yesterday, I had to undergo a medical procedure that he had known about for weeks. He had a work shift that day, and he decided that the shift was more important than accompanying me because he had asked for a loan so he could buy more Gundams (he hasn't even built the ones he already has), so he wanted the money.\n\nThe procedure was the most painful experience of my life. I almost fainted during it, and when it was over, I vomited from the pain. I had to leave the hospital alone (it was an outpatient procedure) and take an Uber home. I almost fainted and vomited again in the Uber because even the slightest movement made the pain even more unbearable.\n\nWhen I arrived home (I live with my grandmother, and she can't know that I had this procedure because she is one of Jehovah's Witnesses), I tried to take the medication the doctor gave me. However, because of the pain I was experiencing, my body couldn't handle liquids or the medication, so I threw up.\n\nMy boyfriend seemed somewhat annoyed, and I don't know why. We tried to chat, but my pain was unbearable, so I called him. I could barely speak. After three hours, I was finally able to get some sleep.\n\nAfter I woke up, I spoke to him via text. I was feeling a little better, but he was still annoyed. I was the one asking him if he was okay, and he said he was hungry. He barely talked to me at all, and all I wanted was some emotional support. So later that night, I got angry and told him that I couldn't understand how he couldn't even talk to me.\n\nThis morning, he asked me if I was mad at him. I said yes and explained why, including everything I mentioned above. Because I am still in severe pain, I can't speak normally, so I referred to his Gundams as \"toys.\"\n\nI waited for his response, but it never came. So I messaged him again, and he told me: \"I'm mad at you because you called them 'toys,' and now you're rushing me to feel better?\"\n\nThis exact situation repeats itself over and over again, and I know what he wants: an apology (which I already gave him for saying \"toys\") and emotional comfort from me. But I can't. I'm in severe pain and deeply disappointed.\n\nI can't help feeling sad and frustrated that he constantly needs to be babied when it was my feelings that got hurt.\n\nSo, even if this is going too far, I don't want to speak to him until I'm doing better mentally and physically. My boyfriend is now texting me through Discord, Instagram, and other apps because I am not responding to him. I'm also considering breaking up with him. I asked a friend, and he told me that I was exaggerating and needed to be more understanding.\n\nSo, am I?","offTopic":false},{"id":"73923e60-d7f8-41f6-8e7c-19fe7a91392d","excerpt":"Me [32 M] with my Wife [30 F] of 6 years, I believe she is Gaslighting me and I don't know what to do. — I am not the OOP. This is a classic BestOf story that was originally posted in r/relationships by u/[wifegoingcrazy](https://www.reddit.com/user/wifegoingcrazy/). It also inspired the creation of the subreddit r/Bet","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ubodbw/me_32_m_with_my_wife_30_f_of_6_years_i_believe/","role":"pain","weight":1.1567833,"occurredAt":"2026-06-21T12:04:47.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.405,"sentiment":0.7083333,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["doesnt_work","manual_process"],"statement":"Not going to bother to edit, just copy pasting, so if the timeline seems off read this as if it was a couple days ago\\]\\] I am currently sedated but I wanted to post this update because I don’t know when I’ll have a chance to next.","title":"Me [32 M] with my Wife [30 F] of 6 years, I believe she is Gaslighting me and I don't know what to do.","body":"I am not the OOP. This is a classic BestOf story that was originally posted in r/relationships by u/[wifegoingcrazy](https://www.reddit.com/user/wifegoingcrazy/). It also inspired the creation of the subreddit r/BetterHoagieDown. \n\n\n\nTW: >!Drug mix up, hallucinations, abuse/harassment!<\n\nMood spoiler: >!A lot of bewilderment, but ultimately optimistic and somewhat open ended!<\n\n\n\n\\--------------------\n\n\n\nFun fact taken from [The original BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12h8qzh/its_cold_outside_better_hoagie_down_op_thinks_his/): A hoagie is a submarine sandwich containing Italian meats, cheeses, and other fillings and condiments. The name likely comes from the Philadelphia area where, during [World War I](https://www.britannica.com/event/World-War-I), Italian immigrants who worked at the Hog Island shipyard began making sandwiches; they were originally called “hoggies” before the name *hoagie* took hold. [(From Britannica)](https://www.britannica.com/topic/hoagie)\n\n\n\n\\--------------------\n\n\n\n[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4001rl/me_32_m_with_my_wife_30_f_of_6_years_i_believe/?sort=new) (Posted January 8th, 2016)\n\n\n\nFirst and foremost, yes, I know this sounds ridiculous, and this will probably get downvoted as a troll post, but I sincerely don't know where to turn, I've never experienced anything like this.\n\n\n\nLittle background: my wife has always been sort of a jokester -- she has a great poker face and I'm fairly gullible, so she'll feed me little innocuous lies pretty frequently and delights when I fall for them, but she's never kept a deception going for more than a day. She also got really into \"weird twitter\" a few months ago, and her sense of humor has become pretty inscrutable and opaque to me, but until very recently I've just considered it a sort of endearing quirk?\n\n\n\nSo anyway. For christmas my in-laws got us all of Battlestar Galactica on dvd. They were always raving about it and neither of us had watched it. I had to leave for a business trip on the 30th, and my wife was sick, so we ended up just marathoning the whole thing before I left. Without giving too much away, the ending is a little heavy on the religious angle. I liked it, but my wife thought it ruined the entire show. I know general consensus is it's a bit of a let down, but I frankly felt it was pretty consistent with what the show had been building up to the whole time. My wife couldn't believe that I didn't feel the same way as her. I wouldn't quite describe her as livid, but she was mad. I figured this was partially a reaction from her just being fed up from being sick for a week, but it was so out of character for her -- we barely ever fight, and this was over something so trivial! She called me a moron and ended up tossing and turning after we went to bed, and eventually left to sleep on the couch. When I got up in the morning to head to the airport she was still fast asleep, and when I gently shook her to say goodbye she barely roused, and didn't respond when I said I loved her.\n\n\n\nFast forward to Monday. I get back from the trip, friend picks me up from the airport because wife has a class at the gym that she \"couldn't miss\". We'd been texting while I was gone and she apologized for being weird about things, and I thought everything was back to normal, but I found it a bit odd that she couldn't skip a gym session to grab me. I couldn't sleep on the plane so I hit the hay when I got home. When I woke up she was already awake and busy in the kitchen, which is bizarre, since she doesn't work and usually doesn't wake up until 10ish. I commented on this and hugged her and said good morning and she basically responded with little grunts. I was about to leave when she handed me a brown bag lunch (she has NEVER done this before) and said to me: \"It's cold out there, better Hoagie Down.\" I grabbed the bag and just said \"What?\", and she walked to the bathroom and slammed the door. I was going to be late for a meeting so I couldn't stick around to try and make sense of what was happening. After I got out I texted her frantically to try and figure things out but she kept responding like it never happened, everything was fine, she loved me, she asked me to please stop being so weird. When I got home it was more of the same -- I assumed it must be one of her weird jokes and decided to leave it.\n\n\n\nEvery morning this week. Same exact thing. Wife is up. Won't speak to me. Hands me a brown bag lunch, and says \"It's cold out there, better Hoagie Down.\", walks to the bathroom, slams door. This morning I had enough and yelled at her through the door, pleaded with her to stop, but she didn't say a word. Every night it's been the same thing -- didn't happen, what are you talking about, you're being crazy, none of this is happening. She's been legitimately angry with me, and for the last few nights we haven't been sleeping together. I heard her talking to her mother about this on the phone??? I seriously have no idea what to do. I brought up couples counseling and she was incredulous. Is this some weird twitter thing or new meme that I don't know about? Even if it is she's taken this WAY too far. I don't know how I'm going to spend a weekend at home with her. Does anyone have any advice??\n\n\n\ntl;dr: wife and I had an argument about Battlestar Galactica, since then when I go to work she hands me a brown lunch bag and says \"It's cold out there, better Hoagie Down.\" I have no idea what it means and she refuses to acknowledge that she's doing it. She's telling me I'm going crazy. I don't know what to do.\n\n\n\nEdit: Thanks for the help everyone, I've been up all night worrying and I'm going to finally try to get some sleep. Taking the day off work, going to try and have a serious discussion with my wife / her parents / get ahold of her psychiatrist when I wake up, will keep everyone posted.\n\n\n\nUPDATE: Woke up an hour ago with a huge headache. Went to the fridge to get a protein smoothie and saw that it had been cleared of what little food we had in there. Wife was not in the house. Got dressed and went to the door with the intent of going to get some food, saw a brown paper bag with \"It's cold out there, better Hoagie Down\" written in cursive taped to the door.\n\n\n\nOpened the bag and a can of ginger ale was in there??\n\n\n\nWent outside and her car is still there, but as far as I can tell she took wallet, keys, coat, etc. We live about five minutes outside of a nice town and she likes to take long walks so I'm assuming that's where she is. This has officially gone way too far. I'm going to wait an hour and see if she comes home or she or her parents returns my calls. If not, I am driving to her parents to hopefully make sense of the situation. Bringing the video of her and the bag. Will update tonight, hopefully.\n\n\n\nEDIT 2: Did not realize external links were not allowed, very sorry.\n\n\n\nUPDATE 2: No sign of her, got a call from her parents that was just the sounds of them arguing in the background, hung up after about 30 seconds. No idea what that's about. Driving there now.\n\n\\--------------------\n\n**Some of OOP's comments from the original post:**\n\n\n\n**Deleted user:** Film her on your phone.\n\n**OOP:** I did this on Wednesday and her response was \"that was a cute video\", and she wouldn't talk about it anymore.\n\n**Deleted user:** It sounds to me like she is having mental issues. Seriously who does this? You need to take some power back. Don't take the sandwich.\n\n**OOP:** She hasn't actually put any sandwiches in the bag. One day it was a muffin. Another it was three bananas. You're right, I really shouldn't take the bag, but she's just had these like. Weird. Dead eyes when she hands it to me. I'm sort of afraid of her? I guess it's worth noting that my wife is larger than I am (I'm only 5'4\") and I just. I'm really worried about upsetting her.\n\n  \n**backat\\_theranch:** Is it just me or is anyone else thinking, don't eat what's in the bag. She needs help.\n\n**OOP:** I haven't eaten anything she's given me, but it's mostly been fruit.\n\n  \n**pink\\_wolf\\_spirit:** Does she take a Rx sleeping drug that starts with \"A\".\n\nMy friend took them 8 years ago, and his wife called me worried, cause he would wake up in the middle of the night and turn the stove on and do things, and go back to bed and not remember.\n\nAnd I've read a lot of articles about this sleeping drug, that people get up and go out and drive and have accidents and have no memory of it. It's like they are sleep walking.\n\n**OOP:** She does not take that drug, no. She was taking Seroquel (sp?) in low dosage for a while after dealing with a traumatic event, but that was over a year ago now. She does occasionally take xanax for anxiety also, but only occasionally.\n\n**Golden\\_Taint:** Quetiapine (Seroquel) is an antipsychotic and is also prescribed for Schizophrenia. Are you certain what it was being prescribed for?\n\n**OOP:** I was aware of this when she started taking it but she told me that her doctor said he was giving her a very low dosage and that at a low dose it worked as a sleep aid. I suppose there's a chance that she was lying about this but she only took it for about two months and it was helping her sleep?\n\n  \n**Deleted user:** What's \"weird Twitter\"?\n\n**OOP**: As I understand it, a bunch of people on twitter who make a lot of nonsense inside jokes. She shows me a bunch of tweets but I don't get most of them. She'll try and explain them to me but I guess that sort of takes the humor out of it.\n\n**misshufflepuff:** Does she do any video tweets (I don't use Twitter so I have no idea) or do vine or anything? Like do you think she's possibly recording you as part of a joke that she's sharing on weird Twitter or something?\n\n**OOP:** I checked her twitter and I didn't see anything. Unless she has another account that I don't know about, which I guess is possible, although I don't know why she'd go through all the effort since she only has about 60 followers on her main account.\n\n**thatguywiththecamry:**\n\n>\n\nDo you by any chance know what she has said to her mother? Finding out whatever dialogue or information she has shared with her mother may reveal the information you need. At the very least, you could rule out any kind of sleep, psychotic, or personality disorders that are being brought up in the comments.\n\nIf you have a good relationship with her mother, maybe consider exploring that avenue and inquire with the mother about any possible oddities that the mother may have perceived while sharing what has been going on between you two.\n\n**OOP:** I tried to get in contact with her parents today twice, but I just got voicemail. I left a message the second time, but it seems odd to me that I haven't heard back from them yet -- they're both retired and one of them is almost always home.\n\nShe was telling her mother that I've been gaslighting *her*, and that it's weird and out of character for me and she's worried there might be something seriously wrong with me, and she's not sure what to do? I'm worried that her parents heard my message but because their daughter talked to them first they're operating under the assumption that I'm being delusional.\n\n\n\n\\--------------------\n\n\n\n[Final Update from OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/OutOfTheLoop/comments/40p0oo/whatever_happened_to_the_better_hoagie_down_guy/) (Posted January 12th, 2016)\n\n  \n(Editor's note: OOP posted [an update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/40p7fi/update_me_32_m_with_my_wife_30_f_of_6_years_i/) to the relationships sub that was soon deleted. He then posted the following to an r/OutOfTheLoop post where someone was asking about what happened to him)\n\n  \nI made a second update that was also deleted because people were getting rowdy in the comments. People keep messaging me for the text, so, here you go. The general consensus seemed to be split between me lying and this being a strange story, I guess decide for yourself.\n\n\n\n\\[\\[I tried p","offTopic":false},{"id":"3a1056b1-cb6c-4605-962e-6244f77c3183","excerpt":"I'm struggling to stay clean — I'm going on 24 months sobriety from alcohol next month. But earlier this month, I started doing weed. And now it's been 3 days since I last used it, and I don't know how else to make the day go by faster.\n\nI've been using alternative methods like watching TV or playing video games, and e","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/limerence/comments/1vvaca8/im_struggling_to_stay_clean/","role":"pain","weight":1.156073,"occurredAt":"2026-08-22T11:48:43.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"limerence","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.94,"sentiment":-1,"confidence":0.5959139,"matchedPatterns":["i_hate"],"statement":"I hate feeling this obsessed.","title":"I'm struggling to stay clean","body":"I'm going on 24 months sobriety from alcohol next month. But earlier this month, I started doing weed. And now it's been 3 days since I last used it, and I don't know how else to make the day go by faster.\n\nI've been using alternative methods like watching TV or playing video games, and even going to the gym, but I can't stop thinking about him. I've been trying to remind myself what the long term effects of using weed are to stop me from using it, but the thought is still there.\n\nI think the reply email I sent to the therapist I wanted got sent straight to spam last month, so I sent a follow-up last night, and found her number. I haven't called or texted yet. I've never been in therapy either. In her initial email, she said she's dealt with individuals with limerence before.\n\nI don't know. I hate feeling this obsessed. All my emotions are literally revolving around him.","offTopic":false},{"id":"62bcf152-a4e7-43e9-b331-b03a9575f7ac","excerpt":"My BIL just moved in and HATES my favorite artist — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/NoFig9534**\n\n**Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes**\n\n**My BIL just moved in and HATES my favorite artist**\n\n**Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!job loss, mentions of depression, mental hea","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1okktum/my_bil_just_moved_in_and_hates_my_favorite_artist/","role":"request","weight":1.1385299,"occurredAt":"2025-10-31T04:00:05.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"purchase_intent","painScore":0.21120198,"sentiment":0.6043956,"confidence":0.94,"matchedPatterns":["i_hate","would_pay","praise"],"statement":"we pay for EVERYTHING including his weed).","title":"My BIL just moved in and HATES my favorite artist","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/NoFig9534**\n\n**Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes**\n\n**My BIL just moved in and HATES my favorite artist**\n\n**Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!job loss, mentions of depression, mental health struggles, possible mild verbal abuse!<\n\n**Mood Spoilers:** >!positive!<\n\n----\n\n**Editor's note: the body text for the original post has been saved before it was deleted**\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1o4dmfm/my_bil_just_moved_in_and_hates_my_favorite_artist/): **October 11, 2025**\n\nHey hey two hot takes fam! Long time listener, first time poster. I love this community and the advice is always stellar so I’m hoping yall will be able to help me.\n\nMy partner (m23) and I (nb25) are HUGE swifties. We own every vinyl, (almost) all of the cardigans, have her on almost all of our playlists (what can I say, she really does have a song to fit all my vibes), and I even went to the eras tour. Recently, my partners brother (m22) fell on hard times.\n\nWe moved away about 6 months ago and are renting a (very small) 2 bedroom house 12 hours away. About 4 months ago, my partners brother was kicked out of their family home by their mom (long story but she’s a real piece of work) and moved in with his partner. That.. didn’t work out so well either. It was a rural area, decently far from the family, and he wasn’t able to find a job after almost 2 months. He missed his car payments, lost his car, and then also got kicked out of there. We’ve all been friends for years so we offered him our extra room and to help him get off his feet a little bit. He’s been here for about 3 weeks now, has found decent employment, and has been a good help around the house. When he moved up here, we knew it would be a drain on our resources (he had $0 to his name) and a huge adjustment for us but didn’t anticipate any huge issues.\n\nNow everything is coming to a head. With Taylor Swifts new album coming out, he’s really amped up his hatred for her. We can’t listen to her in the car, watch any interviews/tiktoks/etc in the living room containing her, play any of our vinyls, or talk about her (to each other) without him blowing up. I totally get she’s not for everyone and respect that! I have friends and family who don’t like her music at all and it doesn’t bother me.\n\nBut my brother in law HATES her, imo an unreasonable amount for a person you’ve never met. I feel like I’m not allowed to even exist in my own home without inciting an argument. On the rare occasion I do play a handful of Taylor Swift songs, he makes it a miserable experience between slamming doors, stomping around, and making nasty comments. He’s even interrupted my partners work (he works from home) to rant about her + send several (fake) news articles about her.\n\nMost recently, tonight, my partner and I were cuddled up on the couch while eating dinner watching the tiktoks I’ve sent him and there were a few (3) containing her songs. His brother came down to grab food (we don’t always eat together), hung out for 5 minutes, heard 2 tiktoks with her music.. then got up, huffed and stomped, made a few comments I couldn’t catch under his breath, threw his dinner in the trash, and threw his utensils into the sink (loud enough to make me jump) and stormed upstairs. We’ve tried to talk to him about it and say that he doesn’t need to like her but he needs to respect that we do and learn to tolerate her music in the house.\n\nWe’re not asking for listening parties or anything crazy. We’ve been pretty mindful (more than I’m comfortable with) about playing her music or talking about her when he’s anywhere near. However, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say we’d like to be able to have a glass of wine and pop an album on once a week or something after a rough week (in our house, where he’s living rent free currently.. we pay for EVERYTHING including his weed).\n\nI’ve even tried to liken it to HIS favorite artists, pointing out that until that exact moment he never even had an idea I can’t stand them either. I’ve let him play their music, talk about them relentlessly, watch interviews, whatever and have just kept my mouth shut because I don’t see the point in ruining his joy over 10 minutes of my unhappiness. It, obviously, didn’t change anything aka why I’m posting here. The constant negativity and shitting on something I enjoy has really been getting to me. I’ve noticed I’m increasingly more irritable and on edge, I don’t even want to be around him right now. I don’t know where to go from here or how to fix it! He’s only been here for 3 weeks and I’ve already had to tell my partner his brother may need to move out at this rate. Two hot takes fam… what do I do?\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** He's living rent-free and throwing a fit over your music? The audacity. This isn't about Taylor Swift, it's about his respect for you in your own home. Time for a serious talk about house rules or an exit plan.\n\n> **OOP:** Thank you! That’s what I’ve been saying! The level of disrespect is insane. He’s been my best friend for 3 years and now we live together, and my partner and I are helping him financially, and he acts like this?\n\n**Commenter 2:** NTA. I don't like Taylor Swift, but if you are graciously giving me a place to stay when I'm on hard times, your music choices would be my last thought. I'd be more concerned about what chores I could do to pay you back while I looked for a job. And to thank you on a daily basis. What to do? Well, he can STFU and contribute to the household or he can move out. Again, I really can't stand Taylor Swift. If someone was kind enough to offer me a home when I needed help, I'd be so grateful. Being a jerk about what music you love is such a terrible thing to comment on. You seem so kind and I'm sorry this is happening.\n\n> **OOP:** Thank you. It’s nice to know that even people who don’t like her music (so valid, btw) can appreciate the absurdity of this situation. You sound great as well! We did just help get him a job so my partner (I don’t drive due to a medical issue) is loaning his car out to him to use to get to and from work. \n> \n> For now, he’s working with me (unfortunately, but luckily I’m his boss) at a seasonal job and he should be set to start at a different job on the 20th. I’m hopeful that once he’s working more, I’ll have some free time to actually relax after work and listen to my music. But for now, I’m exhausted of this situation so I think it’s time for another talk tomorrow.\n\n**Commenter 3:** Dude's acting like a toddler throwing tantrums over someone else's music taste while living rent free in your house. The audacity is honestly impressive - you're literally paying for his weed and he can't handle hearing Taylor Swift for 3 minutes without losing his shit Time to set some real boundaries because this isn't sustainable\n\n> **OOP:** Thank you for the validation! I totally agree this isn’t sustainable. \n> \n> I’m very neurodivergent, have been suffering from depression for a while, and don’t have a lot of things that bring me joy like music does and now I don’t even have that. It’s infuriating and upsetting! \n> \n> Do you have any advice on how you’d go about setting boundaries? I feel like it’s unreasonable to tell him that if he can’t get with the program, he’ll have to get out (he won’t have anywhere to go at all after us) but since having a reasonable conversation didn’t work.. I’m not sure where to go from here or how else to get my point across.\n\n**Commenter 4:** You have bad taste in music. But he's a guest. But let's differentiate a tiny bit. Is this simple music playing in the house at a low normal volume? Or are you blasting it? Because if you blast music I hate all the time even if I'm a guest in your house it's probably going to drive me nuts and make me cranky as hell. Why is this post not solved by the wonderful modern invention of headphones? I know they're kind of new and all but like... can't you just use headphones? This post sounds like a VOLUME fight disguised as a MUSIC fight. To me anyway. And if you're blasting shit where someone can't get any peace, even as a guest, I kind of see how that'd grate and make them act up a little. Just wear some fucking headphones they're cheap.\n\n> **OOP:** I have headphones and use them frequently. But I don’t want to wear headphones in the car when I have a perfectly functioning sound system, completely avoid using my record player (to play my 15+ records of hers), and avoid talking to my partner about whatever I want to talk about to my partner. \n> \n> I play the music at a reasonable volume. When I’m playing it in the living room - you can’t hear it in either bathroom, any of the bedrooms, or downstairs. It’s common for my partner/BIL to come down and remark that they didn’t know I was even playing music (if it’s something they like I get a “oh so you’re having a jam out without me? Wowwwww lol”) So it’s definitely completely avoidable. I tend not to blast music at all (I’m disabled and have chronic migraines anyways so loud music gives me a headache). \n> \n> But the outbursts happen regardless, if he walks past us while we’re watching tiktoks together on our phones on the couch while he’s off doing his own thing, talking in the kitchen while putting groceries and he needs to walk through, etc. \n> \n> Even if I was blasting it sometimes, I think slamming doors, throwing things, interrupting work to complain unprompted etc is inappropriate behavior. I’ve also gifted him his own earbuds and am in the process of turning the garage into a hangout/smoke spot for him and my partner. \n> \n> Ultimately, it’s my home and he’s a guest and I’m just looking for advice on how to bring this up to him without damaging our relationship any further or kicking him out (as he’d be homeless). I don’t think having to wear headphones, completely avoid using vinyls, and not listening to a single Taylor song in the car when he needs a ride somewhere is a good solution though. \n> \n> I’d completely understand if I was blasting it or listening to it excessively but as it is, in the past 3 weeks, I’ve listened to one vinyl at a decent volume (after fair warning) and a total of no more than 10 songs in the entire time besides the vinyl.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/KUVTLxueT0): **October 12, 2025 (next day)**\n\nUpdate: My BIL just moved in and HATES my favorite artist\n\nHey, two hot takes fam! Thank you so much for your input on my last post. With the exception of a few people, the comments were really affirming and helped me to pull my head out of my ass, man up, and face the situation more directly.\n\nI went ahead and deleted the post, just in case. As I caught a few people I know IRL peeping it (my fault for putting everyone onto the pod).\n\nWe waited until he was in a good mood, then my partner and I sat him down and laid everything out on the table. We told him that his reactions to our music made us feel like we were walking on eggshells and being held hostage in our own home. We told him we were starting to become resentful and considering drastic measures if things didn’t change.\n\nWe made it clear that we were happy to help him, to an extent (and clarified the extent), but only if he could remain respectful. We clearly set the expectation that, in this house (OUR house), we don’t throw things, slam things, yuck anyone’s yum, or yell.\n\nWe made sure to address it all delicately but firmly. We asked if he’d felt respected in the house + if there was anything deeper going on mentally. He let us know about some personal things he was struggling with and we worked together to make a game plan going forward. So to those of you who pointed out it was likely a lot of change at once & there was probably a deeper mental health issue occurring- thank you!\n\nHe recognized and acknowledged that his reactions were inappropriate, as well as unwarranted. He apologized for ","offTopic":false},{"id":"4f5a48e4-a51b-4d85-9d8d-32ec0fb4e636","excerpt":"Throuples Are Hard, Y'all (she says, surprising nobody) — TL;DR: Everybody's struggling. I'm pretty sure (I hope) we can keep working through it, but there's layers of hurt feelings and past traumas all around. We each have our own individual therapist, but we do not yet have a relationship therapist that's familiar wi","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/1td8ygn/throuples_are_hard_yall_she_says_surprising_nobody/","role":"request","weight":1.1380762,"occurredAt":"2026-05-14T19:41:52.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"polyamory","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.38227877,"sentiment":0.22222222,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["missing_feature","still_cannot"],"statement":"In theory, he is living the dream, and still can't be bothered to do much of anything to maintain it.","title":"Throuples Are Hard, Y'all (she says, surprising nobody)","body":"TL;DR: Everybody's struggling. I'm pretty sure (I hope) we can keep working through it, but there's layers of hurt feelings and past traumas all around. We each have our own individual therapist, but we do not yet have a relationship therapist that's familiar with poly dynamics (we live rurally so almost certainly that would need to be remote... Full honesty though, I haven't looked yet). So, we're out here raw-dogging it in these relationship streets. Oh AND we've got neurodivergence as a factor, here, too. Of course. \n\nFor more details/ the full vent, read on, at your pleasure: \n\nI (33 AFAB) am in a throuple with my husband (35M) and our partner (29F). \n\nWait! Please hear me out, and you in the back, consider returning your pitchfork to the tool rack. I solemnly swear there was no unicorn hunting. This throuple formed quite accidentally. My husband and I were in an open relationship prior to marriage... Almost from the beginning of our relationship (which now spans 14 years) it was open, initially just swinging but became truly polyamorous about 3 years into our relationship. \n\nGenerally we both prefer KTP, and so when my husband started meeting with someone (nearly 4 years ago now, time flies) I was happy to meet her. He had mainly intended for the relationship to be a more friends-with-benefits style dynamic, where he could hang out and chat and share hobbies but also occasionally have intimacy, because his other friendly fling at the time (a married swinger couple) had successfully gotten pregnant after years of trying, so they were pausing swinging for at least a year, maybe more. \n\nBut, when I met her, we truly clicked instantly. I suspected she was autistic, like me (and this was later confirmed via official dog diagnosis). She worked in the same field as me. We had similar tastes and senses of humor. I was very excited that I'd have a new friend, and if she was coming around to hang out and sometimes bang my husband, she'd have an excuse to come hang out with me, too, lol. \n\nAnd then I went and actually fell in love with her. Thankfully, she is pan, and she said she felt the same way. She had started to actually date my husband about 1 month before I made this realization, and she said she couldn't imagine dating one of us without the other also being part of the dynamic. \n\nOk? We good? I think I might see that the pitchfork is stored, for now. Alright, moving on. \n\nIt's easy to make my relationship with my husband sound idyllic... We've been together for a long time. I do not struggle with jealousy, never really have, and I readily feel compersion. For years, his happiness has brought me happiness. But, for 2-3 years before we met our mutual partner, I felt that I was being emotionally mistreated. He would casually make rude or cutting remarks to me. I felt (and still do often feel) emotionally neglected. Poly is not an attempt to fix those issues, and it never was. In fact, we were poly before they ever arose. But unfortunately, since this is a throuple and not parallel poly, those issues can easily color/ bleed over into aspects of the relationship with our partner. \n\nSo, the dreaded scenario (understandably) where the original couple has hierarchy/ preferential treatment compared to the 3rd/ unicorn is definitely not the case, here. In fact, quite the opposite. I derive much more emotional closeness and desire to chat much more with her, and would certainly not prioritize my husband over her. I sometimes find that I'm pushing myself to talk things through or work things out with my husband to just spare upset and emotional turmoil for \\*our partner\\*. I don't think she wants to be in a \"V\"... And so I put in the emotional labor to repair a rupture with him that I didn't cause. But after years of this, I am losing patience, and I'm sure it shows. \n\nAnd our partner has her own share of past trauma and emotional struggles. She still grapples with jealousy and abandonment wounds. The details are honestly too long to recount here (even for me, lol), but over all, it has not helped with my efforts for me to try to maintain closeness with my husband. Our partner is disabled and unemployed. She is home all the time and does not enjoy leaving the house by herself. But she spirals if my husband and I request alone time (sexual or not), and the emotional fallout for her can last for days. \n\nShe has talked to her therapist about it many times. She has even requested that we plan in advance at least one day, each month, where my husband and I intend to go out on a date without her, and announce it ahead of time so that she can mentally prepare. We've done that for 4 months, now, and each time, in the hours leading up to us leaving, she is already freaking out and starting to emotionally shut down. Often, I'll send her updates about how things are going, or send her memes, and keep her updated on our ETA... Typically she will start to ignore me/ stop responding, and by the time we get home she is nonverbal, secluding herself in her room, and she's certain that we don't want her around anymore. And then she gets infuriated with herself and states she feels guilty because we've never given her a \"reason\" for those feelings... Hence why it becomes a downward spiral. \n\nFor my own part, though... I consistently get the feeling that what \\*actually\\* bothers her is if she isn't getting time with my \\*husband\\*, and that missing out on time with \\*me\\* is not nearly as upsetting to her. I get the nagging sense that she considers her romance with my husband to be the \"real\" romance, and that our relationship is secondary and considered more of a strong friendship with sex thrown in. I have voiced this feeling to her in the past. She insists that the impression that she seeks my husband's attention more strongly than she seeks mine is actually because she feels \"\\*more\\* secure with me\", and more anxiously attached to my husband. She stated this was because he doesn't communicate with her and tell her how he feels, like I do. This makes her anxious, and her reflex is to cling and seek reassurance. (To me this sounds like I'm actually just being taken for granted, but hey, what do I know.)\n\nI mention all of these dynamics because they ALL came to a head yesterday. \n\nOur partner's birthday is on the 10th of this month. Unfortunately my husband and I both had to work that day. We all went out to dinner with her parents and opened presents with her the day before her birthday. I \\*thought\\* that was her birthday celebration, but she evidently wanted more quality time with us than that for her birthday, which is valid. So, yesterday, spur of the moment, she messaged our group chat in the morning to request that we all drive to the city (an hour drive) to go thrifting -- one of her favorite hobbies -- and then go to one of her favorite macaroni and cheese restaurants. The plan was last-minute but sounded just fine to me, and I said so in the chat. My husband said nothing. \n\nI got dressed in preparation, and our partner started to shower as part of getting ready to leave. My husband stayed in his pajamas, sat down to his computer, and started playing Crimson Desert. \n\nOur partner finished showering and was drying off while picking out an outfit. He was still playing.  \n\nShe went and sat on the couch to finish drying off before putting on clothes. He was still playing.\n\n I asked him if he'd seen the group message -- he said yes. I asked if he was planning on coming or staying home, because we weren't leaving immediately but it would probably be soon. He said he'd \"probably stay home\". No explanation, and he hadn't even turned around/ paused the game ( I did make sure he wasn't actively engaged in combat when I asked, if you're curious). \n\nOur partner looked sullen and said, \"This is supposed to be a GROUP outing for my birthday\". I reassured her that I am still game to go and I would gladly drive her. She nodded but didn't say anything. Several minutes later, still not dressed, she walked into the office to quietly reiterate that she had wanted this to be a birthday outing with all 3 of us, since we both had the day off. I did not hear him reply to her. He just kept fucking playing. Eventually she walked away. She put on her bathrobe, made herself some instant coffee, and sat back on the couch. \n\nI asked her if she just wanted some extra time before we left? She said she no longer wanted to try to go, because she'd likely just be feeling disappointed the whole time, that it wasn't all three of us there. \n\nIn theory, that's totally valid... But that creeping feeling came back, that if it was reversed and I didn't want to go/ couldn't go, she'd be just fine as long as my husband went. The feeling that her relationship with me is not good enough, not \"real\" enough, to stand on its own, for her. \n\nAnd I felt hurt, but I also honestly felt enraged that my husband was acting this way, treating BOTH of us this way. I am the primary breadwinner in our household. Our partner enjoys domestic work and likes the space to be cleaned to her standards, so she does the bulk of home chores (we grocery shop together but she cooks, does dishes, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, organizing, the whole shebang). \n\nMy husband \\*does\\* work full-time, but makes 1/3rd of my income. The main benefit is he has very nice health insurance through his job, which did save us a ton of money when I had a health scare this past year. His contribution is appreciated, but he could quit tomorrow and we could fortunately make it work (at least for now... Hello, oil crisis). But he helps with nothing at home, including outdoor chores, home repair... Just, nothing. He works. He comes home. He does what he wants, and spends money how he wants. \n\nAnd somehow, just being \\*kind\\*... Being emotionally present... Showing enthusiastic desire to spend time with either of us... Communicating his thoughts and feelings... It's apparently just too much for him. In theory, he is living the dream, and still can't be bothered to do much of anything to maintain it. My anger just keeps building. I'm sure our partner senses it.\n\nI told our partner that I felt like we should just go out to eat and not invite him. If he wants to wallow in video games and not talk to anyone, he can feel free. He can make his own food and just sit there all day. But... don't expect us to talk to him and make nice once he finally deigns to bless us with his divine presence. \n\nOur partner immediately tried to make excuses for him, that she sprung the plans on him and that she herself struggles with last-minute plans. I asked her if he TOLD her that his issue was lack of advance notice? \"I don't know, he... Didn't answer me.\" How is that acceptable? Why make excuses for it? \n\nHe later told us, when he finally emerged from the office, that he was having a bad pain day and couldn't imagine being in a car for hours and walking around and NOT being cranky about it. Sure. Valid. But use your big boy words and SAY SO. Don't sit there silently and just play your game while people are asking to spend time with you, and ignore them with no explanation. It is SO RUDE. OPEN YOUR MOUTH. \n\nAnd, again, I can't help but feel that I would not be given any of these free passes, if I were to suddenly be so rude, blatantly refuse to answer questions when I'm directly asked, ignore everyone, just do my own thing... Pretty sure people would start losing their minds if I did that, especially our partner. \n\nYeah. The throuple thing is just doing all of this relationship stuff on goddamn x-games mode. Especially when one of your partners is an ass who utterly refuses to communicate (unless of course it's to casually toss a verbal jab in our direction). \n\nCongratudolences if you made it through this whole vent 🥹🫡","offTopic":false},{"id":"99189869-eac3-4527-99ae-617d53179a21","excerpt":"Yesterday my brother told me he was in love with me. — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ilovepopcornandcandy**\n\n**Originally posted to r/self + r/whatdoido + their own page**\n\n**Yesterday my brother told me he was in love with me.**\n\n**Thanks to u/saauna & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!incest","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1rijsjb/yesterday_my_brother_told_me_he_was_in_love_with/","role":"request","weight":1.1302984,"occurredAt":"2026-03-02T05:00:07.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.372832,"sentiment":0.28985506,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["wish","frustrating"],"statement":"**Brother:** I wish I never said anything 😭 I’ve ruined everything haven’t I?","title":"Yesterday my brother told me he was in love with me.","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ilovepopcornandcandy**\n\n**Originally posted to r/self + r/whatdoido + their own page**\n\n**Yesterday my brother told me he was in love with me.**\n\n**Thanks to u/saauna & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!incest, victim blaming, stalking / harassment, obsessive behavior, mentions of racism!<\n\n\\----\n\n**Editor's note: adding prior posts to the original title for more context**\n\n[Is my adopted brother flirting with me?](https://www.reddit.com/u/ilovepopcornandcandy/s/Wma3HA7SwJ): **February 17, 2026**\n\nHi everyone, I am so conflicted to know where to even begin with this. I was adopted when I was 3 years old from Russia, and honestly I love my family so much. I have two older brothers and one sister, all of which my parents had biologically. My siblings and I have always been really close, but now we live opposite sides of the country due to college. The brother I was talking to in this message is the one I am arguably the most close with since we are the closest in age (19 and 20).\n\nOver the last year, I have noticed slight behavioral differences between how he used to act and how he acts now. He always treated me like a gross, annoying sister and now he's a lot more shy around me. I can't tell if it's because we don't live together, or what, but that's when I started to suspect something was different. Over Christmas break, he was always wanting to hold my hand or had his arm around my shoulder, and it made me feel a little suffocated. I thought this all was due to the fact we're thousands of miles apart, but after this text exchange I am not sure??\n\nIs he being flirty, or is he just having a hard time expressing himself? I am so unsure, because if I bring up that I am uncomfortable to him, it would be so awkward if I was wrong.\n\n[Screenshots of the text messages](https://imgur.com/a/X25sJEd)\n\n**Transcript of the text messages between OOP and her brother**\n\n**Brother shared a TikTok link of “Welcome back friends, you had a long day at school. Halloween is next week!”\n\n**Brother:** Us after family service in 2012\n\n**OOP:** 😭😭.\n\n**OOP:** stop that video lowkey made me sick\n\n**Brother:** It made me realize how much I miss you, I can’t wait to be with you again over the summer\n\n**OOP:** me too 🥺.\n\n**OOP:** btw I was thinking abt submitting this to the agency but wanted ur opinion first? I think I will get more professional ones done with them but this one is temporary\n\n**OOP shared a picture of her hair with a heart covering her face**\n\n**OOP:** they said to take it natural light but I’m afraid my expression comes across stiff or something\n\n**Brother:** No you look absolutely beautiful, wow. It makes me nervous lolll\n\n**OOP:** thank you but wdym nervous 🥺\n\n**Brother:** Sorry I meant like it’s weird that you used to be my little sister and now you’re a beautiful woman. Makes me nostalgic 😢.\n\n**End of the transcript**\n\n**Relevant / Top Comments**\n\n**Top Commenter:** Unfortunately you're going to have to be very direct with him. It will be easier in text. \"You said you are seeing me in a different light. Does this mean you are attracted to me?\" Don't add anything to it, if you tell him that's not okay before he admits it, you'll be telling him what to say. If he does admit attraction, shut it down. \"I'm so sorry you're feeling that way, you will always be my brother to me and because of that I am going to step back on communicating. You need time to move on from this crush and I need tome to recover from this as well.\" This is also where you would list other boundaries, i.e. hugging/talking at family events, not coming over, no reaching out, etc. I am so sorry you are going through this. I love my brothers so much, I can't imagine.\n\n**Commenter 1:** Especially the \"you used to be my little sister\" part. He's made it blatantly clear that he no longer sees her as his sister, but it's just barely ambiguous enough for him to try and lamely backtrack in case he doesn't get what he wants. I bet he would try for some weak excuse like, \"I just meant that you're not little anymore!\"\n\n> **OOP:** Yeah I mainly thought he meant that I was no longer little anymore but I was unsure. Thanks for this clarity\n\n&nbsp;\n\n[Update: Is my adopted brother flirting with me?](https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/zHAu19G4uS): **February 17, 2026 (same day, hours later)**\n\nAnyways,  I have an important presentation later today so here’s a brief update. I got a lot of conflicting answers on if it was flirting or not, but I think the general consensus was yes. Regardless, I think these texts pretty much confirm something very weird is going on. I think I’m going to call my mom this evening and talk to her about it. I’m not so sure what she will say. I am very afraid this will make the family situation very different.\n\nAs for people saying he could just be socially awkward, I don’t think that’s a good explanation as he’s always been very popular and outgoing, has had no issues getting girls to talk to him and his texts have been different lately. He had a long term girlfriend, and they broke up last summer, so the only thing I can think is that he is still upset about that and pushing those feelings onto me. \n\nAnd finally people who are making this sexual and/or condoning this behavior, please don’t. This disgusts me so much I vomited up my breakfast this morning. I’m so devastated that our relationship is taking a turn for this. He is my brother and will forever only be my brother. I do not care if we are not blood related, we are siblings. If anyone has any advice on what to say to him to maintain our relationship, while being firm he is creepy, please let me know. Thank you.\n\n[Screenshots of the newer text messages](https://imgur.com/a/iktc0Sh)\n\n**Transcript of the text messages between OOP and her brother**\n\n**Brother:** Sorry I meant like it’s weird that you used to be my little sister and now you’re a beautiful woman. Makes me nostalgic 😔.\n\n**OOP:** don’t worry I’m still your little sister! always will be :)\n\n**Brother:** Good morning! Hope your day goes well. Let me know how your bio presentation goes! You got this\n\n**Brother:** Yeah but my little sister isn’t so little anymore\n\n**OOP:** ur still 5 inches taller than me dw ur always be bigger 😅\n\n**OOP:** also will let u know. [redacted] and I worked all weekend on it and I still don’t feel confident 😭.\n\n**OOP:** I also wanted to bring up something important with you. lately you have been acting a little different, more shy to me, but at Christmas you were more physical. is there anything I did on why you’re acting differently? I just hope everything is ok between us\n\n**Brother:** I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about that. This is going to sound really weird and you can tell me if it makes you uncomfortable, but I have just been seeing you in a different light lately. Idk how to describe it, and I of course still love you and you’re my family, it’s just different now that we’re far away.\n\n**Brother:** Idk I just mean you’re the one person I am excited to talk to everyday. If we don’t text I really miss you.\n\n**Brother:** I hope this doesn’t get misconstrued\n\n**Brother:** Do you understand what I am trying to say?\n\n**OOP:** kind of but also not really? I also miss you since you’re my brother. I miss everyone, it’s hard being away from home\n\n**Brother:** Ffs this is coming out wrong. Can I call you around 9 tonight to clear it up. I fear in text it will sound bad.\n\n**OOP:** [Brother's name] please you’re making me worried and a little uncomfortable. can you please just tell me now?\n\n**Brother:** I’m sorry I didn’t mean to do that 😭 I really can’t tell you now, please just wait until tonight\n\n**End of the transcript**\n\n**Top Comment**\n\n**Commenter 1:** it sounds like he’s trying to avoid being screenshotted and held accountable for what he wants to say, and that’s why he wants to call instead of text. when you call PLEASE make sure you’re using a separate device to record the entire thing. it’s very, very important for your own well-being, and in case anyone else in the family has any doubts. please make sure you record it for your own sake\n\n> **OOP:** We already called. Unfortunately people on this post noted some states made it illegal to record and I live in one of those.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n[Final update: Is my adopted brother flirting with me?](https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/v5Idm2vb2F): **February 18, 2026 (next day)**\n\nI believe this will be the final update in what’s been going on between my brother and I. Unfortunately, despite me wanting to, I didn’t record due to people commenting that it is illegal in some states, which I am unfortunately in. But then I was informed after we talked that it doesn’t matter unless you’re using it in legal settings. If anything, I think these texts prove his intentions. I will try to keep this as succinctly as possible since it was quite a long call.\n\nLong story short, he said he was in love with me. He got really nervous at the start, took 20 min of beating around the bush and then he told me. He said he was so sorry, he tried to keep it hidden, and didn’t want to lose our relationship, but he never felt like this about anyone. He seemed very sincere and vulnerable. I asked him for a couple minutes of silence to try to think of the best things to say.\n\nI ended up saying something like “I am glad you trusted me enough to confide this in me but this is made me deeply uncomfortable. The only future with us in it is one as your sister. I love you as a brother, but if you can’t handle that/respect me then I will need to stop communicating with you.” He started crying about how sorry he was for bringing this up, he would do better, just to please not shut him out.\n\nI have literally never seen him cry (besides when we were really young) so hearing it made me unsettled on what to do. I could tell how much he was struggling to come to terms with his emotions, but continuing to talk to him and hear him beg made me even more disgusted. I told him I needed to go and to please give me space. He has since flooded my phone with texts. I am considering blocking him for the time being, and am very conflicted/lost on how to bring this up with my family. Unfortunately I don’t even have the mental capacity to deal with this right now as I have two exams next week and a 20 page paper due. He is very much struggling mentally (which I never knew until he said it last night and today), and I am going to message my parents to potentially due a mental health check. I am also going to bring his behavior up to them this weekend.\n\nThe only good thing is that he is on the other side of the country, so I can just focus on school right now. If worst comes to worst, I will cut him out of my life, but cutting the rest of my family off as well is a non-negotiable. Thanks.\n\n[Screenshots of the final text messages](https://imgur.com/a/jo48py6)\n\n**Transcript of the text messages between OOP and her brother**\n\n**Brother is in black bubbles, OOP is in blue bubbles**\n\n**Brother:** Look I’m really sorry. I think I’ve been going through it lately. I think I got my feelings mixed up, I don’t know. Please I need to keep you in my life 🙏 I just really care about you and having you push away when you’re already so far away would kill me.\n\n**Brother:** I know it’s fucked what I said and I am so sorry I put you in the situation, that wasn’t right. Can we please just forget it happened and go back to things?\n\n**Brother:** I don’t care if you tell Mom, Dad, [redacted] or [redacted]. I just know I need you. I’ll go to therapy like you suggested. I want to get better for you ❤️.\n\n**OOP:** im in class, stop calling me\n\n**Brother:** Are you ok ☹️.\n\n**OOP:** please just let me process alone\n\n**Brother:** Fuck I’m sorry it’s so hard tho I can’t even imagine what you’re thinking 😭.\n\n**Brother:** I wish I never said anything 😭 I’ve ruined everything haven’t I?\n\n**OOP:** I’ll be frank I’m really annoyed you can’t","offTopic":false},{"id":"4a4f514d-b037-4916-8085-341eb7795f0a","excerpt":"[Repost]: WIBTA if I sue my SIL for stealing my book and making a huge profit from it? — **I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/stolen-ideas**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole**\n\n**[Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/DGtxFU3sNg) posted by u/anonziee**\n\n**[Repost]: WIBTA if I sue my SIL for stealin","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ofhyrp/repost_wibta_if_i_sue_my_sil_for_stealing_my_book/","role":"request","weight":1.1197333,"occurredAt":"2025-10-25T04:00:04.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.36,"sentiment":0,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["missing_feature","urgent"],"statement":"SIL just thrusted her baby into my arms even though I lack even the barest knowledge on how to hold a baby.","title":"[Repost]: WIBTA if I sue my SIL for stealing my book and making a huge profit from it?","body":"**I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/stolen-ideas**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole**\n\n**[Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/DGtxFU3sNg) posted by u/anonziee**\n\n**[Repost]: WIBTA if I sue my SIL for stealing my book and making a huge profit from it?**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!theft, entitlement!<\n\n**Mood Spoilers:** >!outrageous!<\n\n----\n\n**Editor's Note: the previous BoRU didn't include the full original post which can found on rareddit before some edits were removed. Putting the edits in the proper order for ease of readability**\n\n\n[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/rDBkvbT0F9): **September 13, 2020**\n\n[Copy of the rareddit post](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/is9p55/wibta_if_i_sue_my_sil_for_stealing_my_book_and/)\n\nI (24f) write as a hobby, and I like sharing my short stories with my small following. I do want to publish one day, but I want to make it perfect first since it's not edited yet.\n\nThe unfinished book we're talking about came from an idea that I started to build when I was in middle school. I just finished it last year, but because of the virus, I was forced to put that project aside to ensure steady employment with my day job.\n\nMy brother and SIL came to visit me to introduce their baby daughter about 6 months ago. SIL just thrusted her baby into my arms even though I lack even the barest knowledge on how to hold a baby. The baby was fussy and my brother helped calm her down while SIL said she wanted to use to bathroom to pump breast milk.\n\nThey left later and I didn't think anything of it until recently that I was told SIL had published a book, and it had been a while since she published. Self-publish is not as time-consuming as traditional publishing. I don't doubt my SIL's intelligence because she is a smart woman, but I've always heard how she dislikes books cause they're boring and drags on.\n\nI wanted to show my support and brought a copy only to realize it's way too similar to mine. I compared it to my copy of unpublished work; it's obvious it's been edited and proofread for fluidity and clarity.\n\nI was angry and I admit I overreacted by confronting her over the phone. She said my screaming was upsetting her and hung up on me. It was a back and forth battle with phone numbers to get to the truth. By this time, my parents and her parents are involved.\n\nThen the truth boiled over, probably from stress and being caught since I do have my copy and detailed notes of my progress in world-building and in-depth characters for second book.\n\nShe said that my brother and her needed the money cause they have a child and the lockdown threatens their work. She said she will give me 75% of the continuous royalty to settle it.\n\nI said no and told her to give me the pseudonym she put the book under and take the amount she paid for editing and proofreading the book and the marketing ads.\n\nShe said I'm taking away her daughter's college funds, she just lost her job, and her unemployment check hasn't come yet. My brother is the sole supporter. I threatened to sue, and everyone is furious with me. I believe I will proceed with the lawsuit.\n\nSorry for the grammar, I'm writing with anger.\n\n**Unnecessary edit because there are just too many ugly messages**: To those who think this is fake because of incoherency, grammar, and structure; it's why editors and proofreaders exist. They're hired to fix the manuscript before publishing. I didn't proofread this, and that's my fault. I like to write, but I'm not a professional writer. English is my second language. To those who think it's impossible to make lots of profit from a one-time self-published book with an unheard of author: SIL has a decent following. When her followers by the book, it climbs Amazon ranking, and that means it's more visible to other buyers interested in the same genre.\n\nI came here not for legal advice at first because I was struggling morally. I needed help, not to have people attack me in private messages and in the comments.\n\n**To those who only commented that this is fake or how I can't be a writer who fail at basic writing skills: if you do not have anything useful to say, please kindly keep your irrelevancy to yourself.**\n\n**Edit:** SIL was and still is a mommy blogger. She started a blog when she found out about her pregnancy, so it was a weekly-update journey, and the blog turned into a full-on mommy blog now. She has a decent following and she makes money from the ads, but I don't think it's full-time worker salary. I gather from the book's review (on social media platforms that isn't selling the book-to avoid policy violation) that her followers got the book because they support SIL. I know it's bitter of me, but I can't help to feel offended that I worked hard on it to have it brought not under the intention of being interested. It's how the book climbed ranks, her followers brought them.\n\n**Update:** I've taken your suggestions and have one more talk with SIL without involving other family members. The deal was same as before: give me the name she published under, take whatever money she used to publish and advertised. She insist that I take the 75% royalty because her followers are expecting a sequel from the book. I told her that I will not allow her to make a profit off my work that I put so much effort in. This morning (about an hour ago), she had told my parents and her parents about me not compromising for the sake of her family and her daughter. Now it's me that's the bad guy. My parents treats SIL like a daughter, so they told me that either accept her offer or they essentially disown me, saying families don't sue each other and we're to support each other. I'm somewhat surprised and somewhat not because I never grew up to be someone they're 'satisfied' with, and SIL has traits that they dream of me having. I feel like a stranger in my own family.\n\n**Final update (?):** I've thought it over, and I'm still thinking about it. I love my brother and my parents, but they are not supportive of me. They don't care about my feelings because I'm tearing the family apart. My SIL is still very much upset and angry at me, but frankly, I've given her a fair compromise. If my family and SIL don't take my feelings into consideration, then I will not either. I will be taking time to myself and not speak to them until they apologize. I'm going to gather all the text messages (can't do anything about the phone calls), and I will see if I can borrow some money from my friends to get a lawyer. If not, then I'll think of something. I'm going to sue her. Not to get back at my SIL and family, but because it's my property and for the disrespect she has shown.\n\nThank you all for your support. I never expected so many things to change overnight, but it did. I'm angry, resentful, and bitter.\n\nI don't think I can convince my parents and brother that she is in the wrong because she did it for her daughter's future. I'll probably not have a niece anymore, so maybe that's why I still have inklings of doubt. Part of me wonders if intellectual property is worth losing my family.\n\nAnyhow, thank you, everyone. I appreciate every comment whether you think I'm right or wrong, or if this is fake/real. It's good to have multiple perspectives.\n\n**Verdict: Not the Asshole**\n\n**Top Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** NTA You need a lawyer, whether you decide to sue or not. Even if you decide to settle without suing, you need a contract memorializing the agreement and you need to file for federal copyright registration ASAP. If you don’t know how to find an attorney, call your local city or state bar association and ask for a referral to a copyright attorney.\n\n**Commenter 2:** NTA. Its your work that she is claiming as hers. You have proof that its your work. If you didn't buy a copy and read it you'd never have known.\n\n**Commenter 3:** NTA She did a bad thing and you have every right to try and correct it. Even if she made little to no money from it, it's still your idea, your story.\n\nNot that it effects anything here, but I am curious what your brother thinks about all this. You only mentioned your SIL. Does he know what his wife did? Is he okay with her stealing from you?\n\n**Commenter 4:** YOU ARE SO NTA. Numerous people have either lost their job, companies or are facing economic turmoil, however that is in no way a reason as to why you should steal someone's life's work!!! Girl buckle up, get your lawyers because this is your right. You are NOT responsible for their child or her future.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/rTXoI5hrby): **October 4, 2020 (three weeks later)**\n\nThank you everyone for giving me advices on how to proceed with this mess.\n\nAfter speaking with my pre-law friend, I decided to go the legal route. I reiterated my compromise with SIL and my brother, but he has fully taken her side. My parents warned me that I'd be disowned and I'd be dead to them if I'm willing to stoop so low.\n\nI hired a lawyer and given all the details on my side. My lawyer said she needs my unedited manuscript for the book and my SIL's published book along with the copy SIL sent to have it proofread and edited. Because the published book has different parts changed, my lawyer needs the unedited version which SIL should still have in the transaction she did with her editor and proofreader. We took the risk to ask SIL for the unedited copy she sent to her editor & proofreader despite the chance of having her feign \"I don't remember their names, I don't have their contacts anymore, I don't want to, etc.\" I told SIL that we will go through the route of having to use third-party notarization to ensure no foul play on either part (have 1 individual look at my unedited manuscript and the one she sent to her hired editor + proofreader).\n\nOnce I told her that, she must've realized I was not bluffing. SIL and my brother accepted the compromise (I take the pseudonym, the royalties: with evidence of sold copies). I stipulated that SIL must put a message out to her followers on her blog that she stole from me and not a single word in the book is hers. I thank the Redditors for suggesting that.\n\nShe is clearly pissed off and disgusted with me for doing this to my own family.\n\nI threatened her with further legal proceedings if she doesn't do it. No lawsuit happened, but I'm glad I got a professional option just in case. As words got back to my parents of what I did and how dare I got a lawyer to punish SIL because her blog followers will surely lose trust in her and future revenue.\n\nI told them and my parents that if they have anything to say, use my business email. I'm done with them. They treated an outsider (SIL one month into dating my brother) better than they ever did to me. I don't need that negativity dragging me down.\n\nI'm happier, more free with my opinions, and I don't have to feel the need to compete with everything SIL does just to get my parents to love me a little more than a daughter in name.\n\nI have my friends; they've always been more of a family unit to me than my biological ones. I knew I was going to lose something coming out of this, but I didn't expect I'd be okay with the disappointment and hurt.\n\nThank you, everyone. And no, I will not be telling anyone what the name of the book is because I only came here to get a moral judgment and update everyone on what happened. Please don't think I'm using this for clout. The book will not be promoted on Reddit: not then, not now, and not in the future either.\n\n**Little update on the apology**: it's not out. She said she needed more time to prepare her emotional state and she's overworked with their child, but she'll let me know when I can have the apology. (ʘ言ʘ╬).\n\n**New Edit (11/18/20)**: Things did not go as planned. I can't give you an update now, but soon. Really sorry.\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Commenter 1:** This is great news for you. This story makes me question so many things about humanity. W","offTopic":false},{"id":"9aa693ed-145b-4e0c-88ce-f21a3632e0d3","excerpt":"AITAH for forcing a sale on a home my maniac mother and I own 50/50 because of how she treated my gf and kid? — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/litneyspears12**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AITAH**\n\n**AITAH for forcing a sale on a home my maniac mother and I own 50/50 because of how she treated my gf and kid?**\n\n**Trigger Warnin","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1nbdv7v/aitah_for_forcing_a_sale_on_a_home_my_maniac/","role":"request","weight":1.0830476,"occurredAt":"2025-09-08T04:04:06.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"purchase_intent","painScore":0.31544247,"sentiment":0.5652174,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["would_pay","urgent"],"statement":"She sent a letter to the court demanding I pay her for travel expenses (tickets, trains, etc) because she had no idea she was being taken to court.","title":"AITAH for forcing a sale on a home my maniac mother and I own 50/50 because of how she treated my gf and kid?","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/litneyspears12**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AITAH**\n\n**AITAH for forcing a sale on a home my maniac mother and I own 50/50 because of how she treated my gf and kid?**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!struggles with poverty, emotional abuse and manipulation, controlling behavior, verbal abuse, fears of homelessness!<\n\n**Mood Spoilers:** >!appalling, but happy end!<\n\n----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/ev1zMaairh): **March 26, 2025**\n\nThis is an extremely long and complicated story but I hope you guys stay with me as I try to navigate this as best as I can with timelines and details on things.\n\nApologies for my English in advance as well. Will also put a TLDR at the bottom.\n\nHere we go… My mother has been abusive, impulsive and controlling for as long as I can remember. Every relationship she’s ever had has been demolished to bits because of her behavior towards others - colleagues, siblings, my dad (her ex husband), friends and the list goes on.\n\nSo 3 years ago I got a job opportunity in a different country (one where we have a lot of family which has been awesome) and I decided to take it because I was excited for the opportunity to be closer to them and experience life living in a different continent.\n\nWhile I was settling into my new life, my mother (who is retired) visited shortly after and urged that she will buy a home near my apartment and move to said country when that’s not possible due to immigration laws (you need a long term visa not a tourist visa for extended stay). Her ego didn’t allow no for an answer so she bought a beautiful beach front property anyway in hopes for citizenship which is fine legally… but you will only be allowed up to 90 days and potentially 180 if you extend. She couldn’t believe what the case officer and lawyer she hired were saying and she started berating them on how much money she will donate to society with her housing purchases and so on. When reality set in after a few failed meetings - we decided it’s best if I live in the property to keep it together, pay the bills and she can visit whenever with zero worries about it being vacant.\n\nFast forward some time - I meet my girlfriend, we become serious and she moves in after a while and my mother is happy about how things are going for me in all aspects of life. She FaceTimes with us regularly and really takes a liking to her. After some time, my girlfriend becomes pregnant and we announce the news to my mother. She’s extremely happy and gifts me 50% of the home she purchased as a present to us. Which is the nicest and most generous thing anyone has ever done for me. Something I never saw coming.\n\nLast summer she visited and planned to stay with us for 6 months to help us out before and after the baby is born which was very kind, but this is where the story turns for the worse.\n\nA week or two into her visiting last summer while my gf is 6-7 months pregnant. She goes absolutely nuclear on me in front of my gf because I asked her a simple question (privately over text earlier in the day) about not announcing our family (more specifically her) financial situation to the entire world. She likes to brag to people about how much she makes without working, the values of her homes, etc.. That type of stuff makes me uncomfortable because I’ve always been a private person and I don’t want people getting the wrong impression of me or her if that makes any sense. (And for some random context - she is the most paranoid person on the planet when she’s not in a showing off mood. Constantly thinks her phone is being hacked, traced and is always reporting random shit to the FBI because she has a fear of people getting her money. She only uses the phone when she’s in her room on her WiFi… otherwise it’s off essentially 21 hours a day. She’s even reported some of her friends to the police or FBI because she accused them of stealing money from her bank accounts or “attempting to”).\n\n***And for the record — my mother, father and I NEVER had money growing up. My father always worked an honest job and so did I when I finished college 10 years ago. She recently came into wealth after a gigantic inheritance from a wealthy family friend who passed way 5 years ago because she essentially manipulated and swindled her way into marriage with him to collect all his assets, retirement accounts, homes and everything he accumulated before he passed away in 2020.***\n\nDuring our fight last summer - she kept saying how she is kicking us out, we need to get our own place, we’re making her sick and she could end up in the hospital from all the stress we are causing her when we are literally at work all day before coming home and leaving at times like any regular person would do. My gf became frightened of her for good reason because my mother was basically screaming for 2 days straight.\n\nShe then suddenly books a flight back to her country and leaves a note and says to look for a new home and new car to buy but we have to leave the property by said date. After a week or two she reaches out and asks I send her listings and cars… in which I didn’t because she’s just using that as a ploy to be on good terms so instead I am focusing on my career and the health of my gf because it was getting tough the last couple of weeks before birth.\n\nFast forward to 3 months after my kid is born, she comes back to help out during the holidays snd plans to stay for 6 months again. We were iffy on the entire thing based off what happened 6 months prior but i was trying to persuade my GF that maybe with her grandchild here she won’t cause issues for anyone because it’s a special time for all of us.\n\nThe first four weeks are good, but not great but we are not expecting much with her around. Like I said before - she is overly controlling, constantly overstepping boundaries and the worst part is constantly trying to teach us how to parent instead of letting us come into our roles.\n\nThe part that broke my communication with her and others who know her is what I’m about to tell you next —\n\nFor the holidays we visit my gf’s family 2 hours away for a week. My mother has met her parents before but during this trip she just turned into a completely different person - she hardly spoke to them when she was being hosted by them and even would blatantly ignore her other family members that tried to interact with her during Xmas. She kept trying to take our baby off the hands of people and she wouldn’t participate in anything we are doing (dinner, games, trivia, gift opening, etc). She eventually left Xmas earlier and went back to my GFs parents house without telling anyone so I had to cover for her and tell everyone she is feeling sick.\n\nThe next morning she is calling me at 4am screaming on the phone about how she hates my gf, her family and she wants to leave ASAP. I can’t even get a word on the phone in before she demands being picked up. I drive to pick her up and she’s standing outside with her luggage in the dark demanding to take the train back home. So I tell her there’s no trains this early and if she really wants to do that then she has to wait at the home we are staying in.\n\nI bring her home and my gf casually says “hi. What’s going on?” While holding our infant daughter and my mother snapped, lunged and screamed profanities about how she will never see the inside of our home again, me or our family. My gf clearly confused and shaken is wondering what’s going on as I stepped between them and pushed my mother and her stuff into the car before going off on her about how she will never threaten my gf especially while she’s holding our daughter. I dropped her at the train station and left to get back to my gf about everything because she was clearly shaken as was I.\n\nAfter a few days and threatening texts from my mother, she is saying how she’s changed the locks and we will never go inside of the home again. she is demanding we collect our personal belongings (which is like 95% of what’s in the home). So my friends and I go over to pack and she’s in our home with some neighbors (people I know she’s HARDLY spoken to) for reasons I don’t understand still. As I’m leaving I blast what her for what she did to make sure the neighbors know what type of person she is. A psycho who will go to extreme lengths with zero regard for anyone but herself. My family and I were lucky enough to have shelter for 2 weeks until we could finally secure the 1 apartment that was available during the holiday season.\n\n2.5 months has gone by (she traveled back to the states early January) and 2 neighbors have been going into my home to collect mine and my girlfriends mail because neither of them won’t give me the new keys to my own fucking house because they fear my mother over doing what’s morally and legally right for my family and I.\n\nIt’s honestly been hell the last 3-4 months with the stress from that, working full time, trying to keep my gf’s spirits high and keeping some structure and routine for our child as we are living in a crammed tiny apartment because we had no other options during the obvious slow holiday season.\n\nI’ve consulted a lawyer and we are doing a forced sale through the courts which she doesn’t know about yet and I am getting a locksmith to change the locks so I have keys and rightful access to my own home again. I don’t give a shit if she shows up here and can’t get into the home because the locks are changed.\n\nAITAH for forcing a sale on the home to cut ties permanently?\n\nTLDR: my psycho mother gifted me 50% of a home as a gift, months later - threatened my gf verbally and almost physically while she was holding our baby, changed the locks and almost left us homeless, fled the country and left keys to our neighbors who won’t give us access to our own home. Consulted a lawyer and we forcing a sale through the courts and I’m getting a locksmith to change the locks and regain my access before the sale.\n\nIf you read this entire story; i love you. If you read the TLDR; i still love you.\n\n**AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA**\n\n**Relevant / Top Comments** \n\n**Commenter 1:** My question is do you have aanything written out or anything legal a form anything that says that your mother gave you 50% of the house?\n\n> **OOP:** Yes. It’s an updated home document (idk the name in English but) that highlights ownership and percentages!\n\n**Commenter 2:** NTA In the least. You owe 50% of the home. I’m not sure what the laws are for where you are but she shouldn’t have legally been able to change the locks or keep you out. Force the sale and cut off the toxic parent. She’s too big a risk of harm to you, your partner and your child. Her screaming like that can have an impact on all of you. Especially with your little one so small.\n\n> **OOP:** 1000% agree with you. I suffered a lot of those tantrums (same with my siblings and other family members) growing up and I don’t want my gf, my kid or her family to ever have to endure that.\n\n**Commenter 3:** It sounds like your mother has serious mental issues. She reminds me of my son's girlfriend, mother of two of my grandchildren who she ditched when they were 3 & 5 and fled the state having stolent jewelry, art work, furniture and collectibles. She would create a situation of utter chaos, making the whole family miserable, because then she felt like she was in control. We lived with her for 10 years and the last 5 were complete and utter hell.\n\nYou are doing absolutely the right thing forcing the sale of this property. You're completely within your legal rights and you're doing what's necessary. When you get settled in your new place, make sure your mother doesn't know where it is. Any meetings in future, it must be a neutral place. And don't inflict her on your extended family. She is not their burden to carry.\n\nOnce this sale and relocation are complete, you'll be able to have peace and take care of your family the way you need to. A restart, if you will. Good luck and best wishes -- ","offTopic":false},{"id":"1951ffab-250f-48ff-b213-29708453bb41","excerpt":"My [22f] boyfriend [24m] wants me fill out a form if I'm upset about something — **I am not The OOP, OOP is u/binksthr** \n\n**My [22f] boyfriend [24m] wants me fill out a form if I'm upset about something** \n\n**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Controlling behavior, trauma, emotional abuse, and invasion of privacy!<\n\n[Original Post]","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1tuv9z5/my_22f_boyfriend_24m_wants_me_fill_out_a_form_if/","role":"pain","weight":1.0791667,"occurredAt":"2026-06-02T15:59:48.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.48,"sentiment":0.2173913,"confidence":0.7291667,"matchedPatterns":["frustrating"],"statement":"Everything is about reflecting and processing and solving and it's just getting annoying and ridiculous.","title":"My [22f] boyfriend [24m] wants me fill out a form if I'm upset about something","body":"**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/binksthr** \n\n**My [22f] boyfriend [24m] wants me fill out a form if I'm upset about something** \n\n**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Controlling behavior, trauma, emotional abuse, and invasion of privacy!<\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/SoM3fXr8yx)  **July 24, 2015** \n\nI've been with Jack for one year and one month now. Our relationship is a unique one because of my boyfriends way of dealing with issues. He's an incredibly logical and organised person; he likes order and categories and lists. It's one of the things I've always adored about him and found incredibly interesting. He doesn't see the world the way other people do, he amazes me. He'll create spreadsheets and diagrams to work out the best way of commuting to work. If he has a decision to make, he makes pretty much a folder of paper with information to help him make his decision. He'll make lists of pro's and cons, he'll read books, he'll create comparative diagrams and pie charts and all sorts of stuff. He's so incredibly thorough about everything, I've never known him to make a mistake in his life. He solves problems in a flash. If I come to him with a problem e.g. a woman at work is upsetting me, he'll sit down with me and create a mind map of all the options, then we'll work out the risk/reward of each option, then decide on a solution, then decide how to stop it happening again etc. He loves everything to be on paper and to be thought through. He's passionate about it. \n\nThis is gonna be a bit of background info but it does explain his behaviour. When Jack was 16 he was in an emotionally abusive relationship, with a very manipulative and horrible girl. She was irrational, impossible to reason with, scheming. She'd twist his words and make him out to be an awful person. Every day he was at blame for something and he could never do anything right to her. After 2 years they broke up and he recognised that he'd been in an abusive relationship and he came up with a solution, as he always does. So he read a ton of books, visited a therapist, did a lot of research. He's pretty much an expert on relationships and people. He has created a million different theories, approaches, methods of dealing with problems. He has created categories and labels for every kind of behaviour and interaction between people. He could write books on it, he could teach this stuff, he could be a psychologist. It astounds me the amazing things he comes up with, the way he manages to put things into words and explain them so eloquently is mindblowing to me. He's so incredibly intelligent, he can read people and situations so well. He's like Sheldon Cooper but he can apply his intelligence to dealing with people. Which led him to come up with this form. \n\nIf I'm upset, annoyed, if there's any kind of problem between me and Jack, I have to fill out a form. It's very detailed and thorough. I have to identify the specific behaviour that has upset me, why it has upset me, what my exact emotions are towards it, how I think it can be solved, how I think it can be avoided in future. The form is like 3 pages long. I have to classify how bad the problem is by a scale of 1-5 at the top of the page, I AM NOT JOKING. 1 is a mild annoyance that is bugging me, 5 is make or break, deal breaker, seriously hurtful stuff. ITS CRAZY. We have copies of the form in a drawer ready. I've probably filled out this stupid form about 15 times in the time we've been together, so like once every 3 weeks? is that right? Once I've filled out the form, I have to leave it for a few hours and reread it again. (Btw when I'm saying I HAVE to, I mean this is what he SUGGESTS I do, he's NOT forceful about it). I have to adjust how annoyed I am if I've calmed down/gotten more upset. If I've missed anything out or decided that something is no longer a problem, I can add it in/cross it out. Then I hand it over to Jack. We don't speak for an hour or two or however long it takes him to 'process the information' and come up with a response. He validates my feelings, explains his point of view, and then together we make a joint decision and compromise on the outcome of the problem. It's a very very clinical and almost mathematical (does that make sense) way of sorting out a problem, but it does work. He has given me the form with his problems 5/6 times, it IS a two way thing. At first I found it fascinating, loved the idea of it, loved how simple and logical it was. I enjoyed filling it out, it helped and I guess it still helps me to express myself and sort out my feelings and emotions. I do understand myself better as a person, I understand relationships and their problems better. \n\nBut now, it makes me feel like I'm at school or work and I'm filing an official complaint. I feel like he's my headteacher or my boss and it feels patronising and stupid to be filling out a form when I'm upset about something! I feel like an idiot handing over the form and waiting for a response, our relationship is not a product or a maths problem. Everything is about reflecting and processing and solving and it's just getting annoying and ridiculous. I made the mistake of talking to my friends about it and now they just take the piss, asking if I'm gonna have to fill out a form if I express any annoyance towards Jack. My sisters think he's being controlling but he's not, although it's a controlled way of doing things, he has never ever made me do it or tried to guilt trip me if I don't want to fill it out. \n\nA few times in the last couple of months I've asked for us to talk about a problem instead of filling in forms and he agrees, but even when we're talking about it, I know he's just seeing the form in his head and asking me the same questions that are on it. Last week we got into a huge argument about the form, and I called him abnormal and told him he needed therapy. He said that he's happy and he likes his life under control. He recognised that my feelings about the form are valid, he said that he was always willing to compromise. He said he doesn't want me to feel like he's my boss or teacher, and so he's started holding my hand when we discuss a problem and using more pet names and talking more emotionally to me and we don’t use the form for small problems, but I KNOW that he's just APPLYING something to a situation, he's just seeing it as a mathematical problem and if he does X and Y then the result will be Z. I've told him this is the way I feel, and he said that he understands why I feel that way, but it's the only way he knows how to be. He wasn't sure what we should do, it was his idea for me to post here. \n\nIf he was a bad person he’d be terrifying, but he honestly has a heart of gold, he uses his powers for good, so to speak. He has never ever tried to invalidate my feelings, and his intentions with this form are only to solve our problems, but writing them on a form makes me feel like they're invalidated? It makes me feel like we're a maths equation and he knows all the answers and I'm a six year old that can't do 2+2. \n\nI know the majority of people are just going to say 'you're incompatible, he's crazy, break up' but he is kind of on to something? Like we do solve our problems fast, we never have repeat problems. But the way we solve our problems has become a problem. \nPlease help :((( \n\n[My boyfriend made a 'form' for solving relationship issues](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/EAiC9QxCoQ)  **Aug 9, 2015** \n\nIf you look on my post history you'll see that I made a relationship thread about it because I couldn't decide if it was something that I wanted to continue using. A lot of people wanted to see the form but I couldn't post it on relationships so it was advised that I posted it here. \n\n\nI would love to hear everyone's opinions and see what kind of discussion this could spur. I couldn't find the most recent version of it on my PC (he's revised it a few times over the last year) but this version shouldn't be too different, there may just be a few spelling/grammar mistakes. I'd love to know how many people would consider using this in their relationship, how useful they think it could be etc. \n\n\nI got my boyfriends permission to post this beforehand and he would love to know how it could be improved and hear everyone's opinions.\n\n\nForm: http://docdro.id/APZTDV3\nForm explanation: http://docdro.id/KycbB2m\n\n\nedit: I'm not really asking for advice on my relationship anymore, just on the form itself! \n\n**RELEVANT COMMENTS** \n\n**Editors Note: The exact forms couldn't be recovered but they were discussed in a comment** \n\n[Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/7P1v4mSIyj) \n\n**chelsey-dagger** \n\n> Did you read the \"form explanation\" - which is really an instruction manual? That's the part that makes it weird to me. I have given the advice to friends (and followed the advice myself) to write down thoughts before discussing something, and sometimes if it's stressful, it can help to write out a letter to someone to explain your feelings, if you don't think you can easily speak it out loud. With that in mind, here is the breakdown to me, including the issues I have with this approach, and specifically because of the instructions for the form.\n>\n> * \"Level of concern\" is the most confusing part of this to me. It's pretty difficult to rate feelings on a scale of 1-5 and the examples given seem disproportionate. The example for 5 being the highest level of concern is \"Mary wants a baby. John doesn’t, so he refuses to have sex with Mary. Mary sleeps with her co-worker in an attempt to get pregnant.\" - I'm sorry, but a form won't exactly help in this case. It also uses the example of abuse, which again, the form would only hurt there.\n>\n> * \"Explain the situation\" - this is actually a good one, because you're writing out the situation as you saw it. That's a good starting point for any discussion, where you would each show the other how you saw a situation, and that could clear up a lot of misconceptions and resolve it right there. Not every time, mind, but sometimes.\n>\n> * \"Bullet point the behaviour\" - This seems one of the more \"corporatey\" parts of the whole thing. Less oriented towards discussion, more towards something that would simply be documented.\n>\n> * \"What needs do you feel were not met\" - This is a fantastic question that more people should ask and answer in a disagreement. If you boil down feelings to your needs, that's an incredibly healthy way to approach it, and writing it out for yourself before discussing it is something that can help.\n>\n> * \"Where do you feel the threat lies\" feels oddly worded and I feel would be difficult to pin down, either in writing or in discussion.\n>\n> * \"One event or ongoing\" - again, seems more form-y than discussion-oriented\n>\n> * \"How would you have liked the situation to have played out\" is often a pointless exercise, because you're going over the past. I think I get the general idea, a better question (given the example) may be \"What would make you feel better in a similar situation\"\n>\n> I should finish this later but I need to run and do something. Overall I guess, the format of having it in a form feels a bit... condescending to me. Like, \"Yes, we can have problems, but they can all be solved via paperwork.\" It feels more like a complaint form that you give to someone in HR than something to actually start a conversation. I think the idea behind it is sound, but the approach could use some polish, is all. Even if you just had all these questions written out as a reminder, instead of a form to print out and write on, would be a better approach. \n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/9d3qtH31ik)  **Sept 6, 2015**\n\n\nI posted this update yesterday but it was removed because I didn't post a link to OP (I did though!) \n\nSo it's been a month since my post here, here is my OP: www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3fjdsj/my_22f_boyfriend_24m_wants_me_to_fill_out_a_form/ \n\nI also posted on /self so","offTopic":false},{"id":"cc7629f8-895c-4842-bbbc-9966395735a9","excerpt":"Birth sister [27f] tracked me down and wants to be part of my [26f]'s life. I don't want her at my wedding or in my life, at all — **I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Dramily**\n\n**Birth sister [27f] tracked me down and wants to be part of my [26f]'s life. I don't want her at my wedding or in my life, at all.**\n\n**TRIGGER WARN","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1r7unvd/birth_sister_27f_tracked_me_down_and_wants_to_be/","role":"pain","weight":1.0458666,"occurredAt":"2026-02-18T05:39:08.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.48,"sentiment":0.09090909,"confidence":0.70666665,"matchedPatterns":["frustrating"],"statement":"She just has views I find strange, is rude in ways I find annoying, and despite having biological nieces, I just don't feel they are anything but someone else's kid.","title":"Birth sister [27f] tracked me down and wants to be part of my [26f]'s life. I don't want her at my wedding or in my life, at all","body":"**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Dramily**\n\n**Birth sister [27f] tracked me down and wants to be part of my [26f]'s life. I don't want her at my wedding or in my life, at all.**\n\n**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Obsessive behavior!<\n\n[Original Post](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3nsxad/birth_sister_27f_tracked_me_down_and_wants_to_be/)  **Oct 7, 2015**\n\n\nHere is the issue:\n\nI was adopted as a baby. I have no clue what happened to anyone in that family, as I have never had a desire to look into my past. My parents were very open about what happened (abuse and neglect). Mom [59F] and Dad [63M] are wonderful and giving people. I have a sister, Elizabeth, who is my 'twin.' We aren't related by blood, but are the same age. We are both adopted, so we had that to bond over.\n\nI met the love of my life, Jake [30m] and we have been together for 4 years. We are getting married in December. I have already planned out the guest list, no kids will be there, and I am super excited.\n\nI have never really had the urge to look for my bio siblings. I guess at this point I wouldn't really be their true sibling emotionally, because we have lived different lives. Since I have medical records and grew up without them, I never felt the need to meet them.\n\nBut my [27f] bio sister Janus tracked me down about a month ago. She wrote me on FB in July, but I didn't check my other folder until Sept. It was a really long letter that talked about who she was, how she tracked me down, and said she was looking for the rest of the siblings. She said she really wanted to connect with the rest of us, because she needed to find her past.\n\nI didn't know what to think, but her story added up, she had some pictures, and since I was a pretty ugly baby, its obviously us together as toddlers. She also knew some details. She could be a fake, but I didn't think it was. I showed Mom and Dad, they said it checked out.\n\nWe have been talking for a few weeks now. She has called me twice a week, texting me every day.\n\nShe is nice, but I have been losing interest. She is just some stranger to me. Emotionally I find it very hard to recognize this is someone I should care about. On some deep level, shouldn't I feel like we are 'super close sisters.' I don't get the same excitement talking to her that I do with Elizabeth.\n\nShe has two kids, who she talks about a lot. She tells me she showed them my picture and they have been showing people \"Auntie Emily.\" She has also told me she took off time in December for the wedding, she just might need to stay with me because she is low on cash.\n\nI know this makes me sound nasty and ungrateful. She is super into meeting me, said I am the most normal sibling, and she is so excited to have someone to share her life with. She sounds really lonely. I know she has built this up in her head as being the best thing to happen to her in forever.\n\nBut she isn't someone I would have in my life if she didn't have some connection to my past. Every time we talk, she goes on and on and I just am counting down the minutes. I have tried to work out a way to be there for her, but I can't bring myself to truly care. I don't wish her ill, but she is just another stranger to me. She isn't family emotionally.\n\nI know I could try to form the bond, but at this point I don't see the point. At 26, I have pretty much established the sort of people I want in my life. She just has views I find strange, is rude in ways I find annoying, and despite having biological nieces, I just don't feel they are anything but someone else's kid.\n\nDoes this make me a bad person? Am I horrid? I feel guilty as hell, because I can tell she wants this so bad. Even then, even if we did become friends, she would never be my sister. Because being a sister means a lot more than genetics to me.\n\nI am not sure how to tell her, \"Hey, I don't want to talk anymore.\" I have talked with my SO and he says if I want her out of my life, then I just need to handle it. He doesn't really like her that much. They have talked, but he says she puts a lot of pressure on me to be close to her when this stuff doesn't always even work.\n\n**TL;DR** Biological sister tracked me down and wants to be part of my life, including coming to my wedding. I don't really feel any connection. I don't like her as a person much. I just feel guilty cutting her off, but the thought of another two hour weekly chat with her makes me break out in mental hives.\n\n**RELEVANT COMMENTS**\n\n**plastic_venus**\n\n> \"Janus, I've enjoyed getting to know you, but I just don't feel the emotional and familial bond that you seem to. Whilst I appreciate your need to get to know your family, I feel like I already have a family and pretending otherwise is deceptive and unfair to you. I know this is difficult for you, but to be quite honest I'm not ready at this stage of my life to have the kind of relationship with you that you're seeking, but I wish you well in your future\".\n>\n> No, you're not an awful person. Often, family has nothing to do with DNA.\n\n**OOP**\n\n>>Thank you. That is a good message.\nI just feel bad, because *I should want to get to know her* according to everyone in the world. But realistically, she just isn't someone I see adding value to my life.\n\n**IfIhadaMoog**\n\n>>>Not according to everyone in the world. In fact there is a famous psychological concept \"the tyranny of the should\". Its about trying to live up to unreasonable expectations. Check it out.\n\n**beaglemama**.\n\n>She's a stranger to you that just happens to share a bunch of DNA. You don't have to be instant super best friends with her. And she's coming across as so clingy I'd be creeped out if I were you.\n\n**OOP**\n\n>> Majorly creeped out.\n>>\n>> I think the \"Auntie Emily\" thing was the first in a long line of creepiness. She is showing kids I don't know my picture and making up fantasies about who I am. It's weird.\n\n**~**\n\n**Springheeled_Jill**\n\n>Wait... *did she invite herself to your wedding?* I...what?\n\n**OOP**\n\n>>She did invite herself, and her two kids, to my wedding. And to stay with me while I have everything else going on. I am not sure what she thought was going to happen, I was going to be jolly about someone being in my home, with kids, while I was getting ready for my wedding and honeymoon?\n\n[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3oeh3c/update_birth_sister_27f_tracked_me_down_and_wants/)  **Oct 11, 2015 (4 days later)**\n\nIn the last few days, I have done a lot of thinking. The short of the long: I have decided not to have her in my life anymore.  \nWhat happened: \n\nJanus called me last night. I tried to be polite but she went into a big long “rave” about all the plans she had for when she visited me.\n\nShe brought up the wedding. \n\n1. Would there be time to see [long list of local places together?\n\n2. Did she have a plus one?\n\n3. What was the dinner options?\n\n4. She already bought the girls’ dresses, in blue, with baskets, so they could be flower girls with the rest of the children.\n\n5. She wanted to see her ‘date’ and who would watch the girls while we were eating dinner?\n\n6. She was looking forward to meeting “our family members” in DEC.\n\n7. She needed to know what day she should arrive.\n\n8. She would need to stay with me, because she spent all her extra cash on “your wedding.”\n\nI was pretty shocked, because she had done all this without even confirming she was invited.\n\nI am not sure what made me ask, but I asked her if she really was in contact with the rest of the siblings.\n\nShe told me some very concerning things.\n\n1. She had been in contact with two of them (a sister and a brother.) She said they tried to talk to her, but then cut off contact. They were actually doing really well, even though they were in foster care until they aged out. They had their own kids, were married, and had decent jobs.\n\n2. They had refused to introduce her to their kids and got mad she wanted to know more details about their lives with our \"parents.\"\n\n3. The rest of the siblings turned down contact with her the moment she wrote them.\n\n4. She said I was the longest communication she had with someone in a long time. She just wanted to meet me so badly she had spent more money than she had to look nice.\n\n5. She wanted me to help her and for her girls to finally have a good family.\n\nI just told her the truth.\n\n1. You have been coming on to quickly. I am a bit concerned because you are trying to invite yourself to my wedding.\n\n2. We have never met, we are pretty much strangers. I do not feel comfortable having you come stay in my home, before, after, or during the wedding.\n\n3. I have a sister and parents. I was raised with them.\n\n4. I do not view any of the siblings as actual family members.\n\n5. I am not their aunt in anything but genetics and do not intend to recognize them as my nieces. If I have niblings, they will be when Elizabeth has children.\n\n6. I would like to cut contact.\n\n7. I am sorry you have been hurt, but I do not have the energy to help you overcome these issues.\n\n8. I don't want to talk about people I don't know, abuse I don't remember, or be part of any reunion stories.\n\n9. I would prefer to focus on my own family.\n\nJanus told me she didn't have anyone else, I was the last member of her family.\n\nI reminded her that her children were her family and she should focus on making friendships.\n\nI hung up on her.\n\nShe has tried calling back multiple times. I blocked her on everything I could think of. I am going to have my personal number changed in the next few days.\n\nI feel relieved this is done with.\n\n**TL;DR:** Spoke with my “sister” about not coming to the wedding and no more contact. She didn’t take it well. I blocked her. I feel relieved.\n\n**FINAL COMMENTS**\n\n**plastic_venus**\n\n>You did the right thing - for both of you. The fact that her other siblings cut off contact show that this lack of boundaries is a broader problem, and eventually would have dragged you down. Whilst it's sad that she's in this position, she's not your responsibility and in fact is leaning dangerously close to being a liability. Hopefully she backs off and leaves you alone.\n\n**OOP**\n\n>>I do as well. Jake (my SO) doesn't think she will. We have security ready for her showing up. My family is aware of everything and have blocked her as well.\n\n**~**\n\n**Cuddle_Apocalypse**\n\n> Man, I can't help but feel sorry for her. I mean, nobody knows what she might've been through. For all anybody knows she could've grown up being constantly abused in many ways (hell, she could be going through that now) and is just desperately looking for some semblance of something normal, or something to make her happy.\n>\n> I don't blame you for quickly cutting her off though. Everybody wants their own thing, to only be concerned with their own life, with nobody around that could possibly bother their happiness or shake things up. And like a lot of people have said, she could just be an evil person only looking to leech off of anyone she can get her claws into. You never really know, I guess.\n>\n> I just hope that, if any of that is the case, she finds something in life that will give her what she needs.\n\n**OOP**\n\n>>I feel for her in some ways, but I am not willing to be someone's savior. Or more specifically, her savior.\n\n**~**\n\n**jj3570**\n\n>You did what was best for yourself, your family, and your future: good on you for having the guts to stand up for yourself.\n\n**OOP**\n\n>> I feel terrible, because she sounds really down and out. But if *your whole birth family drops contact* that is weird. Someone in that number had to want some family connection, but then they all just cut her out. I wonder what she wrote them.\n>>\n>> I know the older siblings remember more of what happened. I would be horrified if someone popped up looking for painful answers this far into adulthood.\n\n\n**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** \n\n**DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7**","offTopic":false},{"id":"9ef2dbcf-c781-4160-9f8c-e72ca6170e29","excerpt":"WIBTA if I go LC with my niece and take back her gifts (New Update) — **I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA-stacksnRice**\n\n**WIBTA if I go LC with my niece and take back her gifts.**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC**\n\n**Thanks to u/queenlegolas u/funsizerads & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU**\n\n**Edito","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ojpy9f/wibta_if_i_go_lc_with_my_niece_and_take_back_her/","role":"request","weight":1.0456333,"occurredAt":"2025-10-30T04:02:08.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.27,"sentiment":0.30232558,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["i_hate","praise"],"statement":"She wrote that she would be better off gone than have to live her life knowing I hate her and that my kids do not want to be close to her anymore.","title":"WIBTA if I go LC with my niece and take back her gifts (New Update)","body":"**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA-stacksnRice**\n\n**WIBTA if I go LC with my niece and take back her gifts.**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC**\n\n**Thanks to u/queenlegolas u/funsizerads & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU**\n\n**Editors Note: made paragraphs for easier reading**\n\n[BoRU 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/dUoSBPJvQq)\n\n[BoRU 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/rPDaqIfj9g)\n\n**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!invasion of privacy, theft, betrayal, suicide attempt, harassment,  victim blaming, mentions child abuse!<\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/s/sNsMMxOOeS)  **June 6, 2025**\n\nSo yesterday I went over to my sister's house to help her with some things. I was there for a couple of hours and took a little nap for, like, four hours because I was tired. After I woke up, I went home and my husband was being a little off and seemed kind of upset/unhappy. I'm like, what's up and he says, I'm being nice for someone who just texted what I did. I sent my kids upstairs and started asking what the hell was going on. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nHe says I sent him divorce texts. I'm shocked because I never did that, which I let him know. I even showed him my phone, which did not show any such texts. He then shows me his messages under my name, and apparently I want a divorce. I was bamboozled because not only did I not think it, but I definitely did not text that. This affected him a little more because we had a fight the previous night, but we have a tradition of sorts, which is reassuring each other that we still love and care but are just upset at the moment. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm only adding this because I said something along those lines in the morning before I left, which I brought up when I was defending myself against the text I supposedly sent. He then says I had done something similar previously. This is in reference to when I was pregnant and had some pseudo bipolar symptoms, which have since been mostly resolved. I've only done this once, and it wasn't even on the same level; I just kind of used to have terrible mood swings. Also, this was only during the pregnancy; I have no bipolar diagnosis or anything like that. That whole journey was kind of traumatic and is not a pleasant memory for me, which he is aware of. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nAnyway, after we bicker for a little bit, I decide to call my sister and explain what was happening, and then I'm like, hey, can you pull up your house footage from while I was there this morning?\" We're on facetime, and we fast forward to when I went to sleep. The outlet in the room I was in wasn't working, so I had plugged my phone in the dining area to charge while I slept. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nWe see my 16-year-old niece on my phone; she was on it off and on for like 2.5 hours, smiling and giggling. I'm upset, and her mom is upset. She calls her and asks if she touched my phone while I was there, and she lies and says no. She asks her again two more times if she touched my phone, and she says she didn't. The laptop is faced away from her, and I believe she didn't realize I was on the phone or that we both already saw what she did. It was after my sister started trying to send me the footage, which I had initially asked for, that she saw that her mom had already seen what happened. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nShe started apologizing and saying it was supposed to be a prank and she didn't mean anything by it. She called out to me too with apologies while she was crying. My sister is one of those silent when angry types, so she wasn't saying anything. I did not even know what to say at all at this time because why would she even think this was a fun prank, not to mention going into my phone without my permission. How she knows my password, I'm not sure because it's not simple or related to me. I had initially promised I would sponsor her 17th birthday, which is next month. She had previously also asked for a new PC, which I got, but it's supposed to be a surprise. I also happen to be her godmother. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy question is, will I be overreacting if I take all these gifts back and keep a distance from her? Is it overkill? I feel maybe I'm punishing her for the way my husband reacted and brought up something traumatic for me. Also maybe his response is justified because he thought the texts were from me, and then I was all smiley and sweet when I came back. I'm confused on how to proceed, but reddit has previously helped figure stuff out before, so I decided to turn to them again. Sorry if this was too lengthy, and let me know if there's anything I have to clarify. Thanks.\n\n**RELEVANT COMMENTS**\n\n**Irishwatcher**\n\n>The most important thing first is to make sure your husband knows what really happened and have your sister send him the video feed showing your niece on your phone.  After you make sure he believes you, I would then go scorched earth with your niece.  Actions have consequences and she needs to understand that now and that is in no way any type of prank with most pranks. The person is there to see the outcome and say ha ha your niece would’ve had no idea what was going on so how would she even know the prank that was successful or not.   And obviously, I would change on my passwords on everything including banking apps\n\n**OOP**\n\n>>He was present when I asked for the footage, and he has seen it too.\n\n**OOP Updated the next Day June 7, 2025/Same Post**\n\nUpdate:\n\nThank you, everyone, for all the comments and advice. It is incredibly appreciated. All these happened yesterday; I only posted because I was slightly conflicted. To answer common questions in the comments: Yes, I slept for four hours at my sister’s house; she’s my sister, and we do stuff like that. I didn’t say I was tired from what I helped her with; I was simply just tired. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nBoth my sister and niece weren’t aware of my husband’s and my fight from the previous night. Niece also was not aware of the full extent of my mental health struggles from the pregnancy. Niece wasn’t texting for 2.5 hours straight; she was on and off the phone. I assume she got off it when she thought she would be caught. Apparently, she has known my password for a while now; she learned it from looking over my shoulder at a family event from a couple of months back.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n Also, according to my sister, she has gone into my phone before, at least three times that she fessed up to. She has transferred money to herself, taken videos and pictures off it, gone through my texts with my kids and some other relatives, stolen other people’s numbers, gotten passwords for my streaming services that they didn’t own, and gone through my other texts with my husband. And yes, there’s very nsfw stuff in there. My husband is okay. We talked, and he apologized for how he spoke to me, but I told him I totally understood why he would say what he said. I also apologized for my reaction. We are okay on our front and decided we were both justified given what we both individually knew. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nBack to the niece, the only other thing she did according to her, was transfer more money. I checked my recently deleted texts, and there was nothing suspicious there, but I don’t know if you can delete texts from recently deleted. She also said she thought the prank would be funny because there was no way my husband would believe all that stuff she texted because, according to her, he loves me too much and we have a perfect relationship. In the texts, he had only replied that we would talk when I got home and that he wasn’t going to have that conversation with me over texts. This girl went all the way to add that ‘I’ would send the papers in a couple of days and talk about the kids with lawyers. I can’t explain how absolutely pissed I am.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThe plan is to go absolutely no contact with her after learning of all the other stuff she did. There will be no birthday and no PC. Someone said to put up a post saying if anyone got a questionable text from me in the last 24 hours to let me know. I did that; no one had reached out yet, so I’m hoping it was just my husband. I’m getting my money back; I checked, and in total she has sent over $700 to herself that I wasn’t aware of. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nShe did not send it in bulk, just little bits here and there. I guess I did not catch on because I do send her money often, and I do have quite a bit in my account, so it wasn’t obvious. Her mother will send the money to me from her daughter's savings later this weekend. I told her mother about the suggestions you guys gave on community service and therapy. I’m lowkey scared for her future relationships and college life. She would not have any electronic devices for the rest of the summer. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nPersonally, I do not want to lay eyes on her in the near future. Oh, and yes, she has done this before to one of her friends whom she is still friends with. I don’t know why anyone would remain friends with someone like that. This hurt a lot because I love this child so much; I was more present than her father the first 11 years of her life. She used to come to me for her struggles and problems and all that teenage stuff. She had her first period at my house. Her other cousins on her dad’s side are jealous of our relationship, for goodness sake. She was my favorite one. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI don’t really care what her mom does about all these; I just want my money back and to never speak to her for now. In the future, I might be open to some contact. I blocked her number, so she sent me a long email which I haven’t read yet, and her mom also brought a handwritten apology letter from her to my husband. My sister is aware of my decisions and has apologized for her daughter's behavior. My mom is also aware of the situation now. I have no doubt it is about to become an extended family problem. Anyway, that’s that for now. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI will update if anything else comes from this. Again, thanks to everyone that contributed with comments and DMs.\n\n**RELEVANT COMMENTS**\n\n**Scenarioing**\n\n>***\"There will be no birthday and no PC.\"***\n\n>Will there be police for all the differnt crimes?\n\n**OOP**\n\n>>We have decided not to go the legal route. I already got my money back with an additional $300. I have not really decided what to do about the snooping, pictures, videos and passwords for now.\n\n**~**\n\n**Due_Cup2867**\n\n>Nta, please tell me you've now changed all of your passwords?\n\n**OOP**\n\n>>We all have. Me, my husband and kids.\n\n[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/s/alJjWV9MGF)  **June 15, 2025**\n\nUpdate—WIBTA if I go LC with my niece and take back her gifts.\n\nHey all, it’s been a couple days, and I have gotten a bunch of messages about updates. Right now, we’re still going through resulting situations from all these, so I’ll just give what I have for now. I don't know if I'm adding this update right. If I am, good; if not, I'm sorry, and the first part of this is on my profile. \n\nFirst, I’ll answer common questions. A lot of people seem to be hung up on the 4-hour nap a lot. I am a sleeper. I love to sleep. I sleep at her place all the time; it’s not that deep, but it is probably why I am in this predicament anyway. Another thing is the cameras; in this day and age, I think people should have cameras in their houses. I have them at my place too; I got them installed after I hired my first babysitter, and I have figured out a lot of stuff from reviewing footages. It does not have to be in every room, just common areas.\n\nOnto the actual update. My niece came over to formally apologize to my husband and me. She cried throughout the entire apology. She said she hadn’t done it to anyone else, just me. I kept asking why, and she just kept repeating she was sorry. My husband thinks she probably thought I would be the one to forgive the easiest. I told her exactly why I was upset and how she had hurt me and my husband. I told her I would be going low contact with her for the foreseeable future. I let her know I cancelled","offTopic":false},{"id":"5fb64393-f193-4684-9bd2-f63c7a6c2e3a","excerpt":"i’m miserable- is this over — i’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and i’m going to be very honest; my retroactive jealousy is out of control. we got into a huge argument last night where i was sick with anxiety crying about some repost he made before we met and i spiraled about how he dated only alternative wom","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/ROCD/comments/1vufr6k/im_miserable_is_this_over/","role":"pain","weight":1.039673,"occurredAt":"2026-08-21T13:01:46.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"ROCD","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.94,"sentiment":-1,"confidence":0.5359139,"matchedPatterns":["i_hate"],"statement":"i hate that he’s the kind of person that sexualized women that look gothic and it makes me see him differently even though we’ve been together this long it feels like i’m getting cheated on due to my rocd.","title":"i’m miserable- is this over","body":"i’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and i’m going to be very honest; my retroactive jealousy is out of control. we got into a huge argument last night where i was sick with anxiety crying about some repost he made before we met and i spiraled about how he dated only alternative women (and sexualized them) before we met and it disgusts me. i hate that he’s the kind of person that sexualized women that look gothic and it makes me see him differently even though we’ve been together this long it feels like i’m getting cheated on due to my rocd. he admitted he made out with a bunch of girls and had sex with a bunch of girls before we met and idk why this bothers me so bad but it does. i can’t see him differently and k feel like k don’t like him anymore. i know im seeing things irrationally because of my spiraling but idk what to do. nothing feels real and im sick with anxiety all night and today, i hate that he is with me because im not alternative which he confessed last night was his “type” before we met. i keep comparing myself to these women and i even see woman differently i hate being a woman. i hate that im one of those woman that aren’t attractive enough to fit his “type”\n\ni was able to get things right in my head at one point but now i cant. when we have arguments like last night all that runs through my head are the woman he’s had sex with a made out with!!! there’s something very wrong with me. i just want to rant and i know this will get a ton of hate but i am so sick of myself and all my relationships end up this way.  ","offTopic":false},{"id":"f01e27f1-819f-4952-ba0a-1b00adfca2d5","excerpt":"New Here - Help me to not feel insane — I found this sub while doing research.  Really long relationship, ironically, and started dating young - maybe that says something about me (Both have ADHD that was finally diagnosed and treated in more recent time).  I've had physical health problems since we started dating, the","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/comments/1soyimi/new_here_help_me_to_not_feel_insane/","role":"pain","weight":1.0312274,"occurredAt":"2026-04-18T14:04:37.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BPDlovedones","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.41569692,"sentiment":0.12195122,"confidence":0.7284238,"matchedPatterns":["terrible","missing_feature"],"statement":"Of course, this was terrifying given that we've been through so much history and survived, not to mention that I lack any support systems, resources, etc.","title":"New Here - Help me to not feel insane","body":"I found this sub while doing research.  Really long relationship, ironically, and started dating young - maybe that says something about me (Both have ADHD that was finally diagnosed and treated in more recent time).  I've had physical health problems since we started dating, they got a lot worse just over a decade ago.  Partner has done a good job at caregiving when needed, which leaves me puzzled about some of the following.  I would have expected someone in these circles to buck caregiving, but maybe it provides a stable self-image?  To be clear, I am still capable of doing things, sometimes under duress.  Not by my choosing, I deal with a lot of administrative things (calling places, people, finding medical providers for both of us). I am also good at saving money, fixing things, etc.  I tend to really dislike conflict as well, so the repeated cycle of it has worn me down.  I did not have good boundary behaviors when younger, my family situation wasn't the best.   I can really step up when difficult situations hit - being disabled has taught me advocacy.  Maybe part of me standing up for her is part of why she's stuck it out despite all of this.  (As you can see, I do have some devalued self-esteem).  Part of more recent struggles may be my firmer boundaries in my time of distress.\n\n========= Family Background =========\n\nI've suspected that my partner has BPD at times, but it seemed mild or maybe I was blowing things out of proportion because her sibling absolutely has BPD.  (Sibling has done some crazy shit in the past - damaged property, asked why partner let me \"control\" her instead of sibling, overshared about her sexual encounters in college, and has had a restraining order for stalking someone).  My partner is/was her \"favorite person\" - eventually after much difficulty, she cut contact due to the toxic situation.\n\nPartner's mother has some Cluster B issues (NPD?) going on, too.  Mom seemed friendly at first, but used to make off-color comments that were personal to people in the past.  Has struggled with addiction in the past, relies heavily on 12-step programs (goes to them frequently, to conferences, etc.). To her credit, she has been able to keep the addiction at bay for quite some time now and be healthy, which I sincerely, really respect.  The odd comments have also seemed to disappear in frequency over time.  Though, I did have a recent one-on-one conversation where she seemed almost giddy that she could correct me about something.. which in hindsight, was due to an error I made in understanding that a drug I was using for treatment's starting dose is actually much higher than the one she takes.  My partner does seem to call out or feel that these instances are odd, but  doesn't always go through the full workup of saying that it's shitty, or inappropriate, nor ever confront it.  In fact, confronting issues in her family has been a source of struggle.  I liken her family to the P!nk song:\n\n\"In our family portrait, we look pretty happy  \nWe look pretty normal, let's go back to that  \nIn our family portrait, we look pretty happy  \nLet's play pretend, act and like it comes so naturally\"\n\n========= Back to my partner =========\n\nI should start off with some of the positives - she is indeed, smart.  Can be caring for others, as long as her feelings aren't hurt in the process.  Has been supportive despite my illness.  She has been undergoing some severe symptoms of perimenopause as of late, as well as job loss.  I believe the combination of these things has been very disruptive to her.  She's read a lot about PM and began internalizing many \"worries\" despite them having not come to pass, such as weight gain, being \"old\", past her prime, etc.  I try to reassure when I can, but some of them have really caused spin-out at various times.  During this time, I feel that her ADHD symptoms are much more poorly controlled.\n\n[https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6436806/](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6436806/)\n\nTraits about my partner that have always felt off include the fact that during arguments she will talk in extremes (always, never, unloveable, etc.) and claims to be an expert in feelings.  Refers to herself as a people pleaser (as does her mother) and emotionally deep, intense, an empath.  Yet, my expression of any feelings or discord is often met with being told that I'm stealing the show.  If the argument is bad, she will cold shoulder me for days.  It becomes a push-pull full of passive aggressive behaviors.  Sometimes it is just explosive, and feels like it takes 100 positive comments to erase just a few negative ones.  On occasions that I get hurt enough to distance myself, it throws her way out of orbit.\n\n  \nDespite having a number of friends, she will express loneliness frequently.  She has said during periods of dysregulation that if she died that nobody would show up at her funeral.  She bemoans that she always has to make plans with people (despite this actually not really being true).  We get routinely invited to gatherings from multiple friends of hers and mine both.  She also sees some of her friends one-on-one.  I rarely, if ever, get one-on-one time with anyone.\n\nAt one point, she got sick (though her own doing) and takes no precautions to prevent spreading it.  Then expects me (immunosuppressed, and terrified) to make her food, care for her, spend time with her.  She was ultimately the one who got me ill with what triggered my illness - this was not really her fault.  Her now ex-SIL brought a very ill child to Christmas because NPD things (another toxic person who her family doted over.).  There were arguments in the past where she'd defend crappy things this NPD person said, some targeting me for the very illness she was responsible for.\n\nWe've taken a second crack at couples counseling - which has been difficult.  I do feel that we connected at times, and it helped with mending some of the strife, but other sessions became volatile.  Part of the issue is I have been struggling mentally, in a severe way for the better part of a year now.  I have a lot of battles I have had to fight regarding my disability and they have taken a toll on me for the worse.  My patience and go-lucky ability to just let things go isn't as good.\n\nIntimacy had been very infrequent for a while - when you get rage yelled at (despite expressing it being a trigger from having to be the eldest child as the go-between your feuding parents, and shielding your siblings) you don't feel safe.  So, that became a therapy topic - where she expresses that intimacy 3 times a week would be nice.  As I sit there feeling crazy when in 3 weeks she said not a peep about it, made any advancement, or otherwise.  I swear half the time I've felt like she was Ace and unaware with how she will act.\n\nAnother behavior pattern I get thrown off by is the anxiety, avoid talking, delay, bring up at last minute, poorly execute, and blowup.  Point in case, another family member gives a week notice to a potential visit.  She never discusses it with me until the morning of said day.  Supposedly isn't told what day/time (despite it being for a partner's kid's event which clearly is scheduled).  We had plans that day - I asked how that would work, why there wasn't notice.  Get the story about I knew this would make you angry .. well sure, handled this way it is rude as hell and inappropriate.  She acts as if I'm going, when I have GI pain... then proceeds to make food I didn't ask for.  Ultimately, she bounces around for 2+ hours, then leaves late, effectively cancelling our plans.  Toward the end of that timeframe, she comes over and awkwardly as hell says \"how about a quickie?\" - unprovoked.  My skin crawled at that - is this some type of reparation for this inane situation?  I actually blew up, I was so offended and felt so disgusting.  So she leaves, stays until the other people decide to leave, and returns with a mere text that I don't see as I'm asleep purporting that we're going to go late to this other event, likely by 3 hours.  No call when I don't respond, I wake up to her returning, get asked why I'm not ready.  Another disagreement.  I get so mad that I finally decide to shower anyway, but am exhausted by the time I'm done and too spun out and needing food, so there's no way. I can drive.  I get angry, because despite all the sleep issues, symptoms, etc. she somehow ends up always going to things she wants to.  I rarely drive alone, and definitely not far because of my illness.\n\nRecently in therapy, I was presented with discernment counseling as something she wanted to explore (i.e. she was \"leaning out\").  Of course, this was terrifying given that we've been through so much history and survived, not to mention that I lack any support systems, resources, etc. to actually exist on my own.\n\nI had been distancing due to how much I've been hurt lately - I felt gross due to a situation, and had been physically distant.  I felt it harder to support her feelings and emotions because of a lack of support or respect for mine.  Somehow, something clicked, and we had a few good conversations.  I let my guard down, we were closer, she seemed to be acting more normally again.  Next week we went back to regular counseling and discussing feelings.  She appeared open to my position that my feelings were not able to be heard, that I felt stifled, that we could disagree and it wasn't the end of the world.\n\nThen tonight happened - her birthday is coming up soon.  She has a profoundly strong focus on her birthday (by comparison, I am fairly indifferent about my own).  She had therapy and talked a lot about it today.  That spun her out like nothing else.  Teary, distant, upset.  I asked to talk about it, that was OK, but then she was done part-way through that conversation.\n\nI took over trying to help with food decisions (another routine life thing she has grown to revile).\n\nI'm still very much not in a good headspace.  Later conversation was how long had I been thinking about her birthday?  It went from I want to be treated like I'm important/special.  I offered to make a cake earlier.  Then it became \"I want to make no decisions, I want to have nothing to do with food, and I want something interesting/different than the norm.\"  Okay... that might be do-able, at least in part.  Then it spun out of orbit.  More tears, then trying to effectively accuse me of failing to cater to her birthday needs.  Using an unknown therapy technique to reassure herself that her feelings were valid (whether the disappointment, loneliness, and/or her wants or needs, I wasn't told).  \n\nThen she became angry, screaming, shouting, etc.  I was basically a failure before being given a chance to try.  Then told I could take up the yoke, call all of her friends (many of whom I have no contact info for, only see in social situations with her) spend hours making arrangements for some type of grand surprise and affair.  Way beyond any initial request.  When I expressed (as I was supposed to from counseling) that I understood her desires, but that my capacity is only so much and I find that sort of behavior to be as anxiety inducing as making cold-calls, not to mention having zero idea of what pieces of this vision are most important so that I could prioritize accordingly -  then I was told to ask friends for help.  To be clear, I don't have many solo friends.  One I am close to lives out of state.  Others I don't know well enough to feel comfortable asking for help.\n\nThis reminds me of another past incident - again, keep in mind I'm pretty low-key with holidays.  We used to do nice things for Valentine's Day, often a fancy dinner (at home) and then go out a few days later when the crowds are low.  I don't need much, I value the everyday support more than some type of gift (gifts are low on our love languages).  She makes plans to see a friend, okay - no big deal.  They hang out and catch up for a good 4-5 hours.  She was supposed","offTopic":false},{"id":"7f20598d-f8c7-4adb-8826-ed3807a54f1b","excerpt":"AITAH for not wanting to take my wife's niece and nephew in so they can get out of foster care. — **I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/TRAOtherwise**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AITAH**\n\n**AITAH for not wanting to take my wife's niece and nephew in so they can get out of foster care.**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!drug use, child abuse,","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1r2kkrb/aitah_for_not_wanting_to_take_my_wifes_niece_and/","role":"demand","weight":1.0209333,"occurredAt":"2026-02-12T05:02:08.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"tool_discovery","painScore":0.24,"sentiment":0.18367347,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["looking_for","missing_feature"],"statement":"As many have mentioned we were missing a lot of details.","title":"AITAH for not wanting to take my wife's niece and nephew in so they can get out of foster care.","body":"**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/TRAOtherwise**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AITAH**\n\n**AITAH for not wanting to take my wife's niece and nephew in so they can get out of foster care.**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!drug use, child abuse, mentions of child sexual assault, emotional manipulation!< \n\n\\----\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/VLi3jkLpcF): **December 20, 2025**\n\nThis is a throwaway, been sitting on this for a few days, but it is still eating at me. My wife wants to take her niece and nephew in since they have been in foster care for over a year now.\n\nWhat I know is limited but this is what I know of the saga. Back in October of last year my SIL, her husband, and the husband's mother were living in a 1 bedroom camper with six dogs and two kids. It appears someone reported them to CPS or DCS. They made a house call and house was in squalor. Apparently, they were only supposed to taken away temporarily until they found proper living arrangements and rehomed the Dogs.\n\nMy wife asked if we could help, so we agreed to give them the deposit for an apartment and five months rent. This is where shit went south. They tested the kids for THC and they had elevated levels the son is currently five and the daughter is currently 13. I do not know the exact level. My SIL and her husband swear they only smoke outside and the levels the children had were too high for second hand smoke. They claim they gave them gummies or something. To be fair I could see them do that.\n\nThat is the least of their concerns, her husband forgot to register since he is a registered sex offender. It is one count he had sex with a 15 year old when he was 19 or 20 Apparently she lied about her age but Washington a minor lying about their age is not a defense. That caused some issue he was charged and apparently his father posted bail for him. So he has that going for him.\n\nNow earlier this month the attorney representing them for the CPS case asked us if we would be willing to take the kids in. The husband's father said no, and my father and mother in law said hell no.\n\nSo that leaves us, my wife wants to do it but I am on the fence. We don't have to make a choice now, last hearing we had was last week. Which is where they presented the option of us taking the kids in. The judge requested CPS reach out to our child service agency in NY because we live in NY.\n\nIt is not a slam dunk we have to approved good for the kids, we need to find our own attorney and stuff. Next appearance will be on February where they judge claims they will determine what to do next. Regarding things like a parent plan and stuff.\n\nIdk I very much torn, I don't want to take these kids in. I get they have no one else but yeah I don't want them. I like our life, and we both were always happy with not having children.\n\nMy other fear is I know my wife will want them to be a part of the kids lives, and that probably means we may end up supporting her sister at the very least.\n\nI know how much this means to my wife but I am really torn. My wife is telling me it is normal to feel this way but it is the right thing to do.\n\nIdk really lost. I don't know anything about the criminal side of the charges like failure tp register or if the THC in the children is a charge. So cannot comment on that.\n\nJust looking for some honest and brutal feedback. Have no one else I could talk to about this. My wife's mind is made up but we need to both agreed to my understanding.\n\n**Minor update:** I spoke briefly with an attorney at around 10. We scheduled a full consultation for January 5th, but he echoed what many others have said based off the information provided this seems more like a guardian or adoption thing, but he is also confused why my SIL at the very least has not had visitation with the kids. As others have said he feels something else may be going on.\n\nWas a very brief conversation we were both present, so we saw see. Thanks for all the advice and suggestions. I am going through compiling everything and writing down my questions and concerns. Asked my wife to do the same.\n\n**AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs and few YTAs**\n\n**Editor's note: OOP has made lots of responses, I am listing the top common questions asked**\n\n**Relevant Comments**\n\n**Downvoted Commenter:** You married your wife who has a family. It's super selfish to think you can just say, \"Yeah, no. I like my life and don't want kids.\" These are your wife's niece and nephew, dude. Grow up. I can't even believe you're asking this question! Between your house and foster care? Geezus. If I were your wife and found out this is your opinion, I would file for divorce.\n\n> **OOP:** This is not some short term stay, this will probably be a permanent change. When it gets tough we cannot just return them. This will alter our entire life, and not like we would get much help.\n> \n> So we have childcare to worry about, therapy, neither of us have experience with children and we are being asked to step up to the plate to care for a teenager that probably has a taste for weed so that is something we have to keep track of, on top of also raising a 1st grader.\n> \n> Not like ae have time to plan for this either.\n\n**OOP explains more about his in-laws, boundaries and conditions if he and his wife were to take the kids in**\n\n> **OOP:** The in-laws are older on both sides. They want to enjoy their twilight years. The husband's father has been bailing him out for years and is part of the reason why he and his wife got divorced and the husband's mother moved in with my SIL and her husband.\n> \n> Maybe if it was just a temporary thing they would agree but no one has faith they will follow the treatment plan or whatever they legally call it. They have had zero visitation with the kids since they were placed. So idk maybe they are not telling my wife and I the full story cause we are not privy to the information.\n> \n> We have had multiple in depth conversations and I get her stance I really do, but I just cannot shake this feeling I will end up hating them because they ruined our life. While selfish of me, these kids were not our choice. I get that my wife feels she has a moral obligation here because they are children and family but yeah.\n> \n> She knows where I stand but she feels that is normal to feel this way, but overtime it will change. I am afraid it won't. \n\n**Commenter 1:** NTA. But your marriage won’t survive not taking the kids. At this point have to decides what’s more important. Life with wife or life without those kids.\n\n> **OOP:** Yeah, in my heart of hearts I know I only have one path if I want to stay with my wife. I love her to pieces.\n\n**Commenter 2:** I've said this already in a few responses, but so many people are talking about taking the kids 'under certain conditions' that it's worth its own comment: foster parents do not get to set conditions. I'm going to list a few near-universal restrictions - of course there is the possibility that some details will differ in their jurisdiction, but the overall point is that foster parenting comes with an array of requirements and restrictions.\n\nFoster parents do not get to decide on the level of contact the original parents have, and they are often required to bring the children for visitation (sometimes at a family center). If there are no in-person visits, they often have to facilitate video visits, often at times that are not convenient.\n\nYou need to get permission from either a bio parent or the case worker before altering a child's appearance, ie something as simple as a change in haircuts.\n\nYou can't post pics of the kids, or any of their information, on social media.\n\nBabysitters often have to be pre-approved.\n\nPre-approval is also required for any trips out of state, and it's a multi-step process that requires a ton of information to be submitted well in advance. Approval is needed from the caseworker/agency, the court, and sometimes the bio parents and guardian ad litem.\n\nYou don't get to decide what school they attend, you don't get to make medical decisions, you don't have what most people consider 'parental authority.'\n\nAgain, particulars may differ a bit, but the point is that foster parents don't get to decide how things will be, and the original parents almost always retain a certain level of both contact and parental authority.\n\n> **OOP:** That is why I don't think this is going to be a foster situation since we live in a different state. They had a year to shape up, and doubt one state would go through this for a temporary thing. Which is why we are seeking legal help to see what exactly ia going on.\n\n**Commenter 3:** You can, fostering is not the same as adoption. The goal of fostering is reunification if the parents can get their shit together (but don’t count on that). You’ll get a social worker, financial assistance, medical / dental for the kids, even help with college in many states. If at some point you decide you can’t do it anymore you can ask for them to be removed as a couple. Or you can leave the marriage if it’s not for you but you won’t be leaving with what ifs.\n\n> **OOP:** Issue is they are in a different state, they have had a year to shape up. Would a court really go through the hassle to move the kids to another state for it to be temporary? I also have to see if say we do take them in and it turns out I cannot do it will I become partially responsible for the kids. We have so much to figure out and find out. Which is why we are seeking legal help. Just the Holidays are around the corner so probably will be a new year thing.\n\n**OOP responds to multiple comments about if one of his siblings were in similar situations, would he take their kids in? What about cousins?**\n\n> **OOP:** Don't have siblings so cannot truthfully answer that hypothetical.\n\n+\n\n> Not sibling close no. My extended family is rather distant, my mom had me rather late in life so the age gap between my cousins is rather large on both sides. I rarely saw them, I was closer to my aunts and uncles since by the time my mom had me their kids were already out the house.\n\n**Commenter 4:** Has your wife visited the kids since they've been in foster care? Did she have a relationship with them before? She's has 13 years to be Auntie. Do the kids know you and her as their family or are you total strangers? If there is no closeness then the kids are better off with foster parents who have chosen the role vs. inexperienced \"parents\" who aren't 100 in. Cuz it sounds like you've never even met these children and don't want to.\n\n> **OOP:** Met the daughter at our wedding, and the son via WhatsApp. You are right I don't have much connection with them. When my wife would go visit I would stay with the in laws or just hang out in the area.\n> \n> My SIL is kind of manic, she is all over the place. Combine that with the dogs it is sensory overload for me to visit them especially since I am also sensitive to smells.\n> \n> My wife has a closer connection to them they I do. She has sent gifts to them but and she has had supervised visits with them. We live in a different state so not like we can go down much.\n\n**OOP on his BIL's police report**\n\n> **OOP:** From what I have been informed WA if a minor lies about their age that is not a defense. Spoke with his dad he has no reason to lie, he is not his son favorite person.\n> \n> First person to tell everyone how much he fucked up, and how dumb his son is. Way it was explained was she lied about her age, there was alcohol involved, it was a party at someone’s house.\n> \n> It was a messy situation all around. End of the day the offense is the least of their concerns. It is the lack of gainful employment, the constant smoking, taking no personal responsibility that has put them in this situation.\n> \n> When we speak to our lawyer we will see about getting more details but I do believe the lying comment. I knew of 15 and 16 year old kids who would crash parties and lie about their age.\n> \n> I am willin","offTopic":false},{"id":"e7171337-04fe-4eae-a1df-dc4e22c38c5a","excerpt":"My BF (31m) of 5 months took me (29f) away for the weekend and made me pay for everything except accommodation — **I am not The OOP, OOP is u/cascent** \n\n**My BF (31m) of 5 months took me (29f) away for the weekend and made me pay for everything except accommodation** \n\n[Original Post - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.c","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1v6sza7/my_bf_31m_of_5_months_took_me_29f_away_for_the/","role":"pain","weight":0.99498665,"occurredAt":"2026-07-26T04:00:02.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.408,"sentiment":-0.12,"confidence":0.70666665,"matchedPatterns":["missing_feature"],"statement":"I know I should have told him I wasn’t prepared to pay for any more meals due to lack of funds, but I was worried he’d get cranky, and I still had 2 days to get through with the guy.","title":"My BF (31m) of 5 months took me (29f) away for the weekend and made me pay for everything except accommodation","body":"**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/cascent** \n\n**My BF (31m) of 5 months took me (29f) away for the weekend and made me pay for everything except accommodation** \n\n[Original Post - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7fs6fi/my_bf_31m_of_5_months_took_me_29f_away_for_the/)  **Nov 26, 2017** \n\nI really want to share this story with you all because I was generally so shocked and disgusted about what happened and I really just need to let it all out. I’m sorry that it’s a bit of a long one, but I wanted to include all the details. Before I tell you the story, I have to add that my ‘BF’ has never ‘officially’ asked me to be his girlfriend. I kinda thought this would be the weekend he’d do it. I’m not going to lie, there had been a few tiny red flags in our relationship before our holiday, but I really wanted to have a go at making it work. Not anymore. \n\nSo about a month ago, Brad (not his real name) told me he wanted to take me away for a romantic weekend (our first). He ended up choosing an expensive apartment at the beach so I offered to pay for half of the accommodation costs, but Brad refused to let me help pay and just said I should ‘use my money as spending money so I could enjoy the weekend’. From what we had talked about, I was under the assumption we would get groceries for the entire weekend and go 50/50 (this is what we usually do). I’m on a really tight budget at the moment, and only had $150 to spare. I was guessing groceries would be about $75 each for the weekend and then I could use the rest for spending money. \n\nWhen we arrived at the beach for our first night there, I mentioned we should go and get our groceries from the store for the weekend and make dinner together at the apartment (thinking it would be romantic), but he was a bit tired from the drive and wanted to grab some food straight away. As I knew the area better, I pointed out the main fish & chip restaurant near the beach (the only one I knew of that had great, reasonably-priced food) and he said: “how about we sit down and eat?” I was thinking ‘oh great, he wants to take me out for dinner! That’s just a bit romantic.’ I really had no clue what was about to happen... \n\nThe restaurant was one of those pay-before-you-eat places, so we go up to the counter to make our order (Brad chose a really expensive meal) and when the time comes to pay, Brad hung back and didn’t make any move to reach for his wallet. I quickly realised he was expecting ME to pay, all the while the server was flicking anxious glances between the both of us. I remember this cold wash of panic rushed down my spine as I handed my money over. The food and drinks came to about $70, which was half of my money for the weekend. \n\nLater, as we were eating, he got all smiley and jovial and said how “nice it was he wouldn’t have to pay for food and drinks the entire weekend because he’d paid for the accommodation”. To say I was shocked was an under-fucking-statement. We had *never* discussed this. Even though I died a little inside as we were eating, I just smiled and nodded and realised I was FUCKED. I’d have to spend the entire weekend stuck at the beach with a guy I had no respect for and couldn’t even look at. I know I should have told him I wasn’t prepared to pay for any more meals due to lack of funds, but I was worried he’d get cranky, and I still had 2 days to get through with the guy. \n\nThe next morning I said “how about we go to the store and get food for the rest of the weekend so we can enjoy the apartment by the beach without having to go out for food all the time?” He finally agreed, but when we got to the store, he never offered to pay and I ended up footing the ENTIRE grocery bill. He didn’t even offer to pay half. And then I ended up cooking all of our meals for the rest of the weekend and he never offered to help out, not once. All he wanted to do was sit in front of the TV and watch sport (or check the score). It was a real eye opener, and I’m so glad I got a chance to see what he was really like. (It was almost as if he wanted me to woo *him,* not the other way around). \n\nOn the last morning at the beach, as we were dropping off the keys to the real estate, he said he wanted to get some takeaway coffees before we started the drive home. When we walked into the café, he hung back and I knew he wanted me to pay *again.* Except... I’d forgotten my wallet and only had my phone on me. I turned to him and whispered: “Do you have your wallet on you?” he said “Ohhhh you’re tricking me so you don’t have to pay, very smart.” I was shocked into silence as he paid. I was close to bursting into tears at this point. As we were waiting for our coffees I said “look, I really didn’t mean to forget my wallet” – and he said “nah don’t believe you, you definitely tricked me.” I just remember thinking WTF!!?? Did that just happen?? I was ready to snap at him, but we still had the trip home to get through. During the 3 hour drive home I slept the whole way so I didn’t have to talk to him. \n\nPlease tell me I'm not being unreasonable, and what he did was really shitty?? I haven't ended things with him yet, but I was thinking of doing it this afternoon. Would it be wrong of me to call him up? Or should I do it face-to-face? Some of my friends have suggested I meet up with him and say something like “I’m sorry but this relationship isn’t working for me so I need to break up with you. I really do wish you well and I know that you’ll find that special girl one day.” Others have suggested I ghost him. But what I REALLY want to do is send him a text message saying this: “you were a total dbag over the weekend expecting me to pay for everything and I never want to see you again. And if I haven’t been clear, this is me, breaking up with you. I’ll be blocking you on everything as I have a no-contact policy with my exes. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.” \n\nEDIT: Yes I know, red fucking flags everywhere, but I just swerved around them and kept going. *Lesson learned.* \n\n**tl;dr:** The guy I'm dating took me away for the weekend and then expected me to pay for all the food and drinks because he had paid the accommodation costs. I really do think what he did was super shitty, and I'm pretty certain I'll be breaking up with him later this afternoon, but not sure if I should text, call or do it in person. \n\n**RELEVANT COMMENTS** \n\n**HalahHeart** \n\n>I usually don’t give this type of advice because it’s an awful thing to do to someone, but I would say nothing and block block block!! He sounds like he doesn’t respect you, so don’t explain why you are blocking him and just do it. Seriously, he will just put the blame back on you or make it out like you’re crazy. Not everyone deserves an explanation, and I honestly would hate for you to waste another breath on him. \n\n**OOP** \n\n>>Thank you!! Oh and it's so funny, my friends have been suggesting the same EXACT thing! I'm so tempted to do this as the thought of seeing him again curls my stomach. Blocking is all he deserves at this point (he's done a few other shitty things that I didn't mention, my post would have gotten too long) \n\n**HalahHeart** \n\n>It was the coffee thing that really made me think so. He made you cry-I hate that- then basically called you a liar. It was so mean and immature of him. I’m sticking to me guns and still saying don’t go...sometimes silence can really get the point across. Plus I would hate for him to have a reason to lash out at you over this. Silence is golden! \n\n**OOP** \n\n>>Thank you, the coffee thing was pretty hard to get through. You know when your chin starts trembling and it takes all of your will power not to cry? That’s pretty much what happened. When I recounted the story to my parents yesterday, I almost started crying again at that point, and mum & dad both got misty eyed and just hugged me for a while. They both knew how excited I’d been (and how much I trusted him), and they were devastated for me, particularly my dad. He just kept shaking his head saying “I’m so sorry that happened to you”. OK I’m going to cry again, have to stop \n\n**~** \n\n**raw031979b** \n\n> Ok, I was leaning toward the benefit of a miscommunication. After all, you agreed that he paid for accommodation (and it was not clearly worded) that you’d pay for food / fun.\n>\n> However, if he believed that, he probably would have said “I thought you were paying for food / drinks.” And not “you’re tricking me”.\n>\n> I’d put that on par with usually the one accusing of cheating, is cheating. hence the guilty projection. I think he was knowingly using you. \n\n**OOP** \n\n>> That's really interesting, I never thought of that! I reckon you're right. He may have been holding a grudge because he paid the entirety of the accommodation costs (even though I offered??) and thought I should just automatically offer to 'shout him' all weekend, and if I didn't, *I was the bad guy.* I just can't believe he made not a single mention of this beforehand. I just assumed we'd do what we usually do, go 50/50, or have one person shout food, the other person pays for drinks, and then swap the next night etc...\n>>\n>> I'm just wondering how he ever thought that forcing your girl to pay for the entirety of dinner, while on your first night out on holiday, would EVER be attractive? \n\n**~** \n\n**newnewBrad** \n\n>I hope you don't take this the wrong way cause he really sounds shitty, and you should definitely break up with him, but you let all that happen to yourself. At the first restaurant, why didn't you just say \"Yeah, that was like half my money\" \n\n**OOP** \n\n>>I FUCKING WISH I'D DONE THIS. I wish so much I'd stood up to him and told him I had practically no money left. If I could go back, I'd do things differently and stand up for myself for once. I'd probably tell him what he did wasn't cool, that I wanted to break up with him and that I wanted to go home NOW. Instead, I put myself through the weekend of hell, that just got worse and worse and worse :/ \n\n**OOP mentions past things the BF has done** \n\n>...I'm so, so lucky this happened. I reckon it would have taken me a fair deal long to break it off with him without a flag as huge as this one landing in front of me. He was doing a few other things I didn't like, but I was letting him get away with it (cancelling dates for 24-hour bugs, forgetting to get back to me about dates, never calling, no longer bothering to take me out for dinner, no daytime dates etc....) \n\n**OOP Updated Nov 27, 2017 (Next Day/Same Post)** \n\nUPDATE: One of my friends suggested what a few of you pointed out: he really didn’t deserve anything but a good ghost seeing as we weren’t official or exclusive anyway. So how do you break up with someone when you were never in a relationship in the first place? I thought I’d wait until he messaged me to organise a catch up, then I’d call him up and let him know that our non-relationship was over. \n\nBut... he hasn’t contacted me to organise anything and it’s been 2-3 days since we got back from the beach. My friend said it was a ‘mutual ghost-ship’, which made me laugh at least. I’m going to block him on everything, and luckily, seeing as our lives were so separate, I only have to block his number and Facebook. That’s it. I don’t have anything of his at my place, and there is nothing of mine at his. We only ever had one photo together on FB, and I’ve already deleted that. This is probably the easiest erase I’ve ever done. \n\n**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** \n\n**DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7**\n","offTopic":false},{"id":"e17f50cd-90d9-46ea-8336-3242be593c4f","excerpt":"I feel really so let down by medications — It's really difficult to me to keep up with the treatment, if there is any benefit in them I wouldn't know since it always take so long to make effect. I always go to a new psychiatrist every time and they all prescribe different meds that I take for 2 months before deciding t","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/antidepressants/comments/1vv6ifh/i_feel_really_so_let_down_by_medications/","role":"pain","weight":0.9861144,"occurredAt":"2026-08-22T08:13:23.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"antidepressants","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.91,"sentiment":-1,"confidence":0.51629025,"matchedPatterns":["terrible"],"statement":"Now again I started taking again and feel so horrible with an involuntary all-nighter.","title":"I feel really so let down by medications","body":"It's really difficult to me to keep up with the treatment, if there is any benefit in them I wouldn't know since it always take so long to make effect. I always go to a new psychiatrist every time and they all prescribe different meds that I take for 2 months before deciding the side effects are not worth it. Now again I started taking again and feel so horrible with an involuntary all-nighter. I just wish I could have access to alternative therapies like ECT, even when a memoir that impacted a lot was of a woman who tried a lot of therapies and said was cured by ECT only to end her life some years later","offTopic":false},{"id":"997621af-8b12-4c76-94a7-1fef56f105dd","excerpt":"The things that help me feel reassured and supported when I’m sad don’t work for my Husband — My husband and I got married about 2 months ago after 10 years together. He has a history of depression and was diagnosed with bipolar II. He doesn’t take medication and has been seeing a therapist for about 3-4 years now. I h","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/marriageadvice/comments/1vucy2e/the_things_that_help_me_feel_reassured_and/","role":"request","weight":0.9820069,"occurredAt":"2026-08-21T10:50:46.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"marriageadvice","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.31,"sentiment":0.2682927,"confidence":0.7496236,"matchedPatterns":["how_can_i","frustrating","missing_feature"],"statement":"Financially, he doesn’t need to have a regular job aside from seasonal work during the summer, so again, there is a lack of structure but his bills are always paid because he has investments he can take out from, which he hates doing, but…","title":"The things that help me feel reassured and supported when I’m sad don’t work for my Husband","body":"My husband and I got married about 2 months ago after 10 years together. He has a history of depression and was diagnosed with bipolar II. He doesn’t take medication and has been seeing a therapist for about 3-4 years now. I have CPTSD from a difficult childhood with a parent with schizophrenia, but I am proud of myself, also in therapy, I have a steady career, friends and family who love me, and I try to see difficult life challenges as temporary and maneuverable. I don’t always love myself, but that’s what I work on in therapy.\n\nMy husband, however, suffers from deep (understandable) disillusionment with the world and the way people communicate passively and indirectly, and he doesn’t have structure in his day-to-day life aside from a weekly hobby that allows him physical exercise and an important community in boffer fighting 2-3 nights per week and a music project with a close friend. If he misses either of those things, it often completely tanks his mood for days at a time. Financially, he doesn’t need to have a regular job aside from seasonal work during the summer, so again, there is a lack of structure but his bills are always paid because he has investments he can take out from, which he hates doing, but he doesn’t want a “career”.\n\nI’m not the most emotionally mature person all the time, but I try to have a hopeful outlook. When my husband complains about the systems in the world that are incomprehensible, obtuse for no reason, unjust and overcomplicated, or when he sees people jump to conclusions when speaking, he gets incredibly frustrated, and his frustration, in turn, gets directed at me, and he will have very little patience for my attempts to get him to see a more hopeful spin on the situation, or if I try to empathize and explain how his frustration is understandable, but miss a detail on \\*what\\* he is feeling despair about, he’ll insist I don’t understand him and he feels utterly alone and like he is in a constant state of grieving.\n\nHe doesn’t really trust his parents to understand him because he finds their communication difficult to tolerate (they’re kind of walking on eggshells around him), and we have a community of loving friends, but they don’t get to see his more intense side like I do.\n\nI just feel crazy; when we went out to dinner the other day, a waiter asked us if we wanted sparkling or still water, and when I answered still without asking my husband what he wanted, he told me he was incredibly hurt and was reminded of all the other times I was selfish that week (not sufficiently helping pick places to go to when he said he didn’t have the energy, being on my phone at dinner and then apologizing and overcompensating by announcing when I was using my phone throughout the week (in good faith, I swear), but apologizing doesn’t help him because he doesn’t believe I’m considerate in those moments. Me apologizing makes him feel worse, attempting to relate tends to backfire if I don’t perfectly capture his experience, and attempting to spin a more hopeful outlook often makes him feel more disillusioned. Those are the kinds of things that tend to help me when I feel down, so it’s hard to rewire my way of communicating. I don’t know how to help him yet with the tools in my toolbag that normally work for me.\n\nDoes anyone else have experience with this? How can I help him feel more at ease if reassurance and apologizing don’t work and I don’t want to take on the same despair he feels?\n\nTl;dr : my husband and I have different lifestyles, and he has depression. I struggle with helping him because I make him upset easily the things that help me feel supported when I’m upset (apologizing, reassurance, positive spin) aren’t things that help him. I’d like to know what I can do to change my approach.","offTopic":false},{"id":"dfc05ca8-940a-4786-b515-37b89879a3f3","excerpt":"My (45f) partner (45m) lives rent free in my home and isn't contributing to our relationship. Is there a way to fix this? — TLDR: My (45f) partner of 7 years (45m) lives rent free in my (fully owned) home and isn't contributing equally (financially, mentally or with sweat equity) to our relationship. Is there a way to ","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1uq2hbv/my_45f_partner_45m_lives_rent_free_in_my_home_and/","role":"demand","weight":0.9743476,"occurredAt":"2026-07-07T17:50:50.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"relationship_advice","intent":"tool_discovery","painScore":0.18341815,"sentiment":0.43157893,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["is_there_a_tool","would_pay"],"statement":"Either I do it or I pay someone to.","title":"My (45f) partner (45m) lives rent free in my home and isn't contributing to our relationship. Is there a way to fix this?","body":"TLDR: My (45f) partner of 7 years (45m) lives rent free in my (fully owned) home and isn't contributing equally (financially, mentally or with sweat equity) to our relationship. Is there a way to fix this, or is it time to walk away?\n\n\\---\n\n(Sorry if repetition. I have tried posting 3 times now and I keep getting booted)\n\nI (45f) and my partner, Andy, (45m) have been together for 7 years. We’re both divorced, I’m childfree and he has 2 adult children (f22, m20). I have a good relationship with his kids, they're great people.\n\nWhen I met Andy, he was a couple of years divorced and was co-parenting. He moved into my home after 2 years, so now we’ve lived together 5 years. When he moved in I asked him to split the utility and grocery bills and he agreed. In hindsight, he never asked whether he needed to split rent or mortgage payments, and I don't know if that's a red flag. I didn't explicitly tell him I owned my home outright until he'd lived here around a year.\n\nWe have no joint finances. I think he earns slightly less than me, but only slightly. Around 3 years ago, when we talked about our future, we discussed that if we were still together in five or six years he could buy me out of 50% of the house, or we could move into a house we co-owned. Recently he's said things like 'I'm glad I don't have a mortgage', and 'I never want a mortgage again'. I love my home, but it's not my forever home.\n\nI've come to realise that he does almost nothing in the house. No DIY, no upkeep. Either I do it or I pay someone to. If I ask him to help me with anything, there's always a reason not to - he's too busy, he's got to work etc. Or he says he will, and it never gets done. I do the lion's share of chores and all the emotional and cognitive labour. He will do things like put the washing on, but then leave for work before it finishes so I have to hang it out, take it in and put it away (I wfh). He thinks spending 10 minutes loading the dishwasher after I have cooked for 2 hours makes for a 50/50 split of chores. The only time he shows interest in anything like DIY, is when it directly benefits him (i.e. he spent a full day putting together his new gaming desk and chair), whereas I put the new dining table and chairs together single handed (and paid for them too). He does, however, have opinions on the things I want to do in the house. That's starting to irritate as he doesn't contribute either financially, or with effort. When I point this out to him he changes the subject.\n\nHe doesn't plan vacations, or date nights. In short, he doesn't do much of anything. I've called him out on it, and he promises to do better, but it never lasts.\n\nIt's coming to a crisis because I want to move in the next 12 months and he doesn't. I love him very much, but I don't see why I should take his feelings on my future home into account when he doesn't contribute - financially or with sweat equity. I feel like he's not building our future alongside me. I'm starting to wonder if I'm a glorified landlady - without the rental income. He says he loves me and never wants to be without me, but he doesn't show it with actions. I don't need to be in this partnership - I'm fine alone both financially and spiritually. I'm with him because I love the guy. But I wonder if he's with me because it makes his life easy - somewhere to live, someone who keeps a nice home, who cooks and cleans, and who welcomes his children (and their friends) with open arms. That's the jackpot, isn't it?\n\nHas anyone been in this situation and managed to turn the tide? Or am I stuck in a hobosexual arrangement? How would you make him see the light - or is there no hope?","offTopic":false},{"id":"abea28c4-9bf9-4efc-b18c-547b62dc7e3a","excerpt":"Dog acting weird about one breast. Am I crazy to be worried? — **I am not the OOP. The OOP is** u/Mari-Loki **posting in** r/AskDocs\n\n**Ongoing as per OOP**\n\n**2 updates - Long**\n\n[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/1u452yn/dog_acting_weird_about_one_breast_am_i_crazy_to/) **- 12th June 2026**\n\n[**","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/comments/1vic0ab/dog_acting_weird_about_one_breast_am_i_crazy_to/","role":"demand","weight":0.9468333,"occurredAt":"2026-08-07T20:34:44.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BORUpdates","intent":"tool_discovery","painScore":0.15,"sentiment":0.54285717,"confidence":0.8233333,"matchedPatterns":["cant_find","praise"],"statement":"We took her to the vet who said she can't find any issues with her but that her age may be contributing to a change in behaviour.","title":"Dog acting weird about one breast. Am I crazy to be worried?","body":"**I am not the OOP. The OOP is** u/Mari-Loki **posting in** r/AskDocs\n\n**Ongoing as per OOP**\n\n**2 updates - Long**\n\n[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/1u452yn/dog_acting_weird_about_one_breast_am_i_crazy_to/) **- 12th June 2026**\n\n[**Update1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/1uadd4i/update_dog_acting_wierd_about_one_breast/) **- 20th June 2026**\n\n[**Update*****2***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/1uwng2j/update_cancer_detection_dog/) **- 15th July 2026**\n\n\n\n**Dog acting weird about one breast. Am I crazy to be worried?**\n\n\n\nFemale, 37, 5foot 1, 175lbs, non smoker, currently taking Mounjaro (for about a year)\n\nI'm worried about my breast, not because I have any symptoms of an issue at all, but because my usually normal placid dog Winter has taken to sniffing, scratching, barking at and even nipping my right breast. In the 9 years I've had her she has never behaved this way. This started 3/4 weeks ago and has not let up.\n\nIt has gotten to the point where she can't sit with me or lay on the bed with me because she can't seem to keep herself from doing it. She's behaving totally normally with everyone and everything else.\n\nWe took her to the vet who said she can't find any issues with her but that her age may be contributing to a change in behaviour. The vet did not seem to think I should be worried about my health but it is worrying me that she won't stop. I've also read about cancer detection dogs and can't help my mind spiraling.\n\nI have had no symptoms of an issue, no lumps or tenderness or anything at all in the breast.\n\nMy question is would a GP feel like I was wasting their time coming to them with this? I'm in the UK, doctors appointments are in high demand and I genuinely don't want to take a spot from someone if I'm just being paranoid about this. I also don't know if a doctor would even take me seriously.\n\nAt the same time I am concerned. Is this worth seeing someone about? Would I be laughed out of the room?\n\nThanks for reading!\n\n\n\n**Comments**\n\n\n\n**questforstarfish**\n\n*It's definitely going to depend on the doctor...I would personally investigate that further, but I imagine some docs might shrug it off. If it's something that's worrying you, it can never hurt to go in to your GP and let them know you're concerned! Maybe they can do a physical exam or do a test just to rule out anything abnormal. Anecdotally I have heard of cases of dogs detecting cancer or disease, but I don't think we have any research on it.*\n\n>OOP: Thank you for replying. My GP is new so I'm just concerned about making him think I'm a nut lol. I am quite stressed about it so maybe my GP would understand. I have to stop go ogling stories of dogs sniffing out cancer, it's driving me more mad!\n\n**NCGranny**\n\n*My German Shepherd started being obsessed with smelling my breath. I went in for routine bloodwork a few months later and my thyroid was all screwed up. Once it was straightened out, she no longer wanted to stick her snout down my throat.*\n\n**marticcrn**\n\n*Not a doctor (I am a nurse), I have breast cancer. Both my dog and my cat got very interested in my chest in the months before I found the lump myself. You’re 37, have some metabolic risk (Mounjaro), I’d think you could get a mammogram for whatever vague symptom, maybe including your pets indication?*\n\n**livingonmain**\n\n*My Australian Shepherd change in behavior around me caused me to make the doctor’s appointment that led to finding my lung cancer. He would sniff my breath then start licking my legs and feet. He had never exhibited the behavior before. Because the.tumor was so small, the chemo and radiation killed it. Six years and no reoccurrence! Sadly, though, no more foot baths from my Aussie.*\n\n**I\\_Upvote\\_Goldens**\n\n*I agree with everyone who is saying that this is actually worth investigating. Dogs are oddly sensitive to these things.*\n\n*Anecdotally, when my daughter was the sickest she has ever been, our golden retriever slept in the hall outside of her bedroom for nearly a week. (The dog typically always slept in our room on her dog bed). It seemed like our daughter just had a minor virus, but it ended up blowing up into an ER visit. The dog knew something was up before we did. That was the only time the dog ever broke bedtime routine.*\n\n>OOP: Yes I have read stories like that! That's what had me worried. They're even training dogs to detect colon cancer now. I've decided I'm going to skip the GP and pay out of pocket for an exam at a breast clinic. It isn't as expensive as I had thought and it has to be worth it for peace of mind if nothing else!\n\n\n\n**Update - 8 days later**\n\n\n\nI just wanted to post an update for anyone who commented on my previous post and was curious to know what happened.\n\nLong story short my dog was behaving very oddly towards my right breast, no actual symptoms of anything wrong. There's more to it on my original post if you wanna see.\n\nSo I had my breast exam. I paid to have it done rather than wait as I was getting very anxious. It was an ultrasound rather than a mammogram, I'm not entirely sure why. A small solid mass was detected, right side of my right breast, sort of half way between my nipple and armpit. I am not able to feel the mass myself but the doctor could actually detect it when he physically checked my breasts.\n\nI'm pretty shocked there is something there. Even though my dogs behaviour worried me I think I was pretty confident it was an issue with her age and not me. Doctor has said that there's no need to panic, there's a decent chance it is not something terrible but I'll know more after the biopsy which is on Tuesday.\n\nThank you to everyone who commented and suggested I take this seriously. Hopefully it is nothing to worry about but I'll update when I know more for anyone who wants to know.\n\nFemale, 37, 5ft, non smoker.\n\n\n\n**Comments**\n\n\n\n**secret\\_tiger101**\n\n*The dog is a hero*\n\n**BicarbonateBufferBoy**\n\n*The dogtor*\n\n\n\n**Update - 25 days later**\n\n\n\n**Update - Cancer detection dog!**\n\nThis is my second update, check my previous posts if you're curious but the short version is:\n\nMy dog was acting weird about my breast, despite no symptoms I took it seriously. Ultrasound found a small lump, had needle biopsy.\n\nSo, my results came back and I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma of the right breast. It is hormone receptor positive, and initially staged at 2A.\n\nIve just had a lumpectomy and they took some lymph node samples too. The oncology team are currently designing a treatment plan but it will likely involve some radiation and then HRT. They'll know more once the mass and lymph node results are back. Apparently this can change the staging depending on what the results are.\n\nOverall I'm feeling pretty positive, I'm confident I'll get through this and I'm relived that I went to the GP rather than ignore it. I was in two minds about it, hence the initial post asking for advice, and I'm so grateful to everyone who advised me to go and get checked out.\n\nI'm still in shock that my dog alerted me to this. You read about stuff like this, and I know dogs are incredible at all sorts, but it's still so crazy to me that my sweet, daft, loving little bug has likely saved my life! She's been so loving and attentive to me since I cane home. We've been treating her to a lot of her favourite foods, and we are taking her swimming this week which is her favourite. I've added a pic of her so everyone can see my little guardian angel ☺️ her name is Winter, she's a 9yo Japanese Akita.\n\nAnyway just wanted to update anyone who was curious. Moral of the story: listen to your dog, listen to your gut, and go get checked out if you're worried!\n\n[Dog tax](https://preview.redd.it/update-cancer-detection-dog-v0-evtq4jh8u9dh1.jpeg?width=1080&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=92cc7c9f62fa97b539c6f58c3bbde75244c9d58c)\n\n\n\n**Comments**\n\n\n\n**Medical\\_Madness**\n\n*Good girl.*\n\n**Silent\\_Medicine1798**\n\n*She is a very good girl*\n\n**ChaoticxSerenity**\n\n*Perhaps even the best girl.*\n\n**Different\\_Knee6201**\n\n*I believe you mean goodest*\n\n**SomethingComesHere**\n\n*The goodest of all the best girls*\n\n**alisgraveniI**\n\n*I love this! Thank you for coming back to update us. Did you ever end up telling your doctor that you came in because of your dog’s change in behavior?*\n\n>OOP: I did mention it to him yeah, but I also said I had some breast tenderness which wasn't true 😐 but I was worried he wouldn't take it seriously with no symptoms. He was dismissive about it but then found the lump so took it more seriously! My oncologist however is super interested about my dogs behaviour and has said she's heard stories from colleagues about similar things happening.\n\n**RepulsiveOlive757**\n\n*This is awesome! How did she alert on you or what did she do to make you notice?*\n\n>OOP: She was really weird for about a month, kept nosing my breast very hard and eventually scratching at it and even nipping me once, which she has never done. I took her to the vet before I went to my GP, who said it might be her age but did suggest I follow up with GP. She's stopped now I've had the lumpectomy which I'm taking as a good sign!\n\n**smooshybabyelephant**\n\n*Fascinating! What I'm especially interested in knowing is WHY she was doing that. What was HER reason? Does cancer smell bad to dogs? How does she know it shouldn't be there? Or is it more that a foreign smell appeared, like an intruder, and she was trying to investigate?*\n\n*I would look into seeing if she can be trained to do this for other people! Maybe she can screen your friends and family.*\n\n>OOP: Yeah I'm wondering the same thing. She's such a sweetheart, never been even the slightest bit off with anyone or anything, but she did not like the scent of my breast! You could tell it was frustrating her, and she couldn't settle. So I'm guessing whatever the scent it, it's bad. From reading up on it, it looks like we still don't really fully understand a dogs sense of smell and how it is as good, if not better, than medical tests. A recent study apparently showed that dogs can detect bowel cancer weeks before the best medical tests. There must be some evolutionary benefit to sniffing out malignancy?\n\n**cantxtouchxthis**\n\n*Did you go private for the exam and then report the findings to your doctor? How did you get them to move so quickly?*\n\n>OOP: I did end up paying for it, which has been pretty pricey, but my radiation etc will be on the NHS. I could have gone through NHS for the lumpectomy but it wouldnt have been as quick, GP said two weeks, and I was so anxious I didn't think I could wait without going out of my mind! My aftercare and testing is all covered from the lumpectomy but everything after that I'll be with the NHS hospital. I just have to wait for the results of the lumpectomy and then they will be sent to the NHS multidisciplinary team. The private oncologist is writing up a proposed treatment but ultimately it'll be down to the MDT what happens next.\n\n\n\n**I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.**\n\n**Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments**","offTopic":false},{"id":"a75dd06e-1b46-40ed-ac5e-e9cff2b53e52","excerpt":"I (34F) think I want to leave my safe, stable Husband (34m) even though he is a good man. — Sorry, this will be a long one. \n\nMy husband and I met just before covid hit in 2020. \n\nWe came from two different paths, but I believe our relationship might have thrived and moved quickly in the environment that covid provided","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/marriageadvice/comments/1vv866m/i_34f_think_i_want_to_leave_my_safe_stable/","role":"pain","weight":0.89983,"occurredAt":"2026-08-22T09:52:13.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"marriageadvice","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.51,"sentiment":0.56363636,"confidence":0.5959139,"matchedPatterns":["terrible"],"statement":"But he is terrible with doing any domestic chores (constantly needs reminding, or I will have to show him how to do it properly, like cooking and laundry).","title":"I (34F) think I want to leave my safe, stable Husband (34m) even though he is a good man.","body":"Sorry, this will be a long one. \n\nMy husband and I met just before covid hit in 2020. \n\nWe came from two different paths, but I believe our relationship might have thrived and moved quickly in the environment that covid provided. \n\nIt was very fast paced, we moved in together quickly, we fell into routine very fast, both of us are essential workers, so despite lockdowns, we worked very hard and were able to save for our first house quickly. \n\nFrom there some milestone happened almost every year, house, engagement, marriage, baby, and here we are. \n\nI think the routine and the fast paced nature of 'ticking boxes' meant that we never truly asked ourselves if we weren't meant to be together, the environment just meant we were able to keep kicking goals, and all our major challenges were things that we would overcome together, very efficiently!\n\nMy husband is kind, he is a provider, he is very good looking, and he is an incredible dad. \n\nAs a partner.... He falls short. \n\nHe has forgotten my birthday nearly every year, he has forgotten our 1st wedding anniversary, he has forgotten to buy presents, and when he does... They're never something I would actually like? (Something so random that doesn't make sense to me, like he doesn't actually know me). \n\nHe is sweet in ways that he looks after when I'm sick, he fills up my drink bottle every night, he is a caring man. \n\nBut he is terrible with doing any domestic chores (constantly needs reminding, or I will have to show him how to do it properly, like cooking and laundry). Albeit, he is trying. \n\nI am not a stay at home mum, I work 4/5 days, with one day at home to do all the weeks grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, meal prep etc. We also have quite a few animals and a large property to maintain, so yes I do all that too. Including wood splitting and collection, maintaining fences, gardening, mowing... You name it. I do it. \n\nHe often tackles the larger projects/maintenance, big jobs etc, things that require power tools and we both share family time and bub duties. \n\nHere's where our relationship has been taking a downturn... \n\nAt first it was intimacy. Sex, specifically. \n\nHe rarely wants it, and it was actually only a couple of years into our relationship I realized I was initiating 100% of the time, and when I do, he doesn't make me cum, he doesn't care to finish me after, he isn't interested in going down on me and he is lazy... Always wants me on top or a bj. \n\nI would ask for it all the time, only to be met with rejection, or a lazy version of it. \n\nI am an extremely sexual human being, how I ended up here, I don't know. But he would always promise he would get better, I believe him, waited..  and see no change.  Repeat every 6 months for 5 years. \n\nI have don't everything to induce some sort of response. Naturally I like to be dominated, but I think he does too. So I tried tying him to a chair, gave him the bj of his life, and he never reciprocated. Just went to sleep after. \n\nI have tried lingerie etc. so so so many stories. \n\nThen there is the lying. They started off as little harmless micro lies... Things that didn't need to be lied about, exaggerations, or a slightly different version of a story, or telling me things he'd seen on social media, as if it was fact.\n\nThen the boundaries crossed... \n\nI told him I wasn't interested in having a baby if he was going to be smoking. He quit smoking for two years. We had a baby, 1 month before she was born, he picked it back up again. Of course, lying to me, all the time, and constantly getting caught (he is terrible at hiding evidence). \n\nAnd lastly, desire. \n\nHe never, and I mean NEVER compliments me. He never says I'm beautiful, never says what he appreciates about me, thanks me for being a great mother etc, but to actually desire me. I feel like he looks at me the same way he would a chair.... Or a shelf.\n\nI don't know that this man is even slightly turned on by me, and I'm not unattractive. I had a baby 2 years ago, did the MIRACLE of bouncing back, I actually look hotter now than when we married....which btw. He never said I looked beautiful on our wedding day. He also didn't mention me or thank me in his speech. \n\nSo I'm obviously hurt. \n\nBut I don't know what to do. \n\nIf I leave him, I'm breaking apart my family, shattering dreams, and he is a great dad, my best friend, we are a fucking awesome team with the things we achieve and overcome. We barely argue or fight. \n\nWe laugh more than anything. I really love him. \n\nBut... I feel like an ornament. A supporting actress in his movie... Or like a backup dancer or something.\n\nAlso, we had his testosterone checked, everything fine, all his blood works, strikingly healthy. Mental health? Totally fine. He's just cruising through life, nothing too tough, just doesn't want to fuck. \n\nOh, and I've asked him if sex is just not on his radar? And he said yeah, pretty much. \n\nSo \n\nTl;Dr: My husband is great, supportive and loving in all ways except attraction, desire and sex. We are clearly not sexually compatible, but I don't want to blow our lives up, so am I meant to live miserably for the rest of my life? \n\n\nEdit; sorry, I know the post is a mess, I tried to put the most important bits on there. There feels like so much more to the story that I can add if questions pop up. ","offTopic":false},{"id":"5452dcdd-cb76-434f-89f6-f96ece6fc5ea","excerpt":"My husband's eating habits are disgusting and I don't know what to do!? — My (32F) husband (36M) has crazy eating habits. I am naturally thin. For a few years, I was seriously underweight, and only recently have I gained weight and finally looked healthy again. My husband, on the other hand... He is not obese, but he's","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/1vfr6mk/my_husbands_eating_habits_are_disgusting_and_i/","role":"pain","weight":0.8768305,"occurredAt":"2026-08-04T23:55:21.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"Marriage","intent":"howto_question","painScore":0.25842106,"sentiment":-0.42105263,"confidence":0.69677037,"matchedPatterns":["how_can_i"],"statement":"So people of reddit, how do I talk to him about this?","title":"My husband's eating habits are disgusting and I don't know what to do!?","body":"My (32F) husband (36M) has crazy eating habits. I am naturally thin. For a few years, I was seriously underweight, and only recently have I gained weight and finally looked healthy again. My husband, on the other hand... He is not obese, but he's not far away, especially with his eating habits. He works a lot, but it is not a labor-intensive job, so he's not burning calories other than from walking around his job. \n\nOn to the eating habits... He only wants to eat out, and when I cook a homemade meal, he'll eat it, but he prefers food from a restaurant (I am a great cook, so it's not the food quality). He easily eats half of a bag of chips in one sitting, often with some kind of dip. He is damn near addicted to chips. He buys 6 or so bags at a time, and I've asked him to be realistic because we don't have space for that amount of chips. Once he hid them in another room so I wouldn't know how many unnecessary bags he bought. (Also, I have misophonia and absolutely hate the sound of anyone eating chips, so lucky me, it's his favorite damn food) Chips are causing some real issues in my marriage 🤦‍♀️ \n\nHere's the really disgusting part. He absolutely won't let food go to waste, well any takeout food. He feels like obligated to eat old leftovers so they don't get thrown away. That's not bad, at least we waste less food. But he will eat 2 or 3 week old food, recently he ate an old thing of a lobster soup (about 3 weeks old at this point), the next day he felt sick and then the next day, went to finish the rest of the soup. I was like, are you seriously eating 3 week old soup that made you sick? Why?? It's so gross. (I might be a terrible person for this, but I kind of shamed him for trying to eat the same soup that had already made him sick) There is a fine line between eating leftovers and eating literal garbage. I'm to the point where I will toss weeks old leftovers just to make sure he doesn't eat nasty and long expired food. I've actually called him a garbage disposal... \n\nIf he's not eating weeks old leftovers or chips, he finds something with absolutely no nutritional value to eat. And he over eats so much. He eats enough for both of us and then says he's still hungry and eats even more garbage food. I've tried to convince him to eat something with nutritional value, that that might make him actually feel full, and, in turn, he wouldn't need to eat as much. The man eats SO MUCH. I don't think it's about hunger, I think he boredom eats. On his days off, he is always eating something, snacking on something, literally all day. It's concerning me. We're not 20 year old, active people. He is consuming thousands of extra calories a day, and it is slowly catching up to him. \n\nSo people of reddit, how do I talk to him about this? I want to gently but firmly put a full and complete stop to him, eating weeks old food, even after it makes him sick. I think that is so gross, and it is difficult to be around, lol. I also want to talk to him about his constant need to eat or snack. There have to be healthier options than chips and dip, something with some nutritional value. He's a grown man, so he gets to decide what he eats, when he eats and how much he eats, but I'm hoping I can gently suggest some healthy options, and that I'm concerned with where he ends up if he doesn't make some changes to his diet. I know this is a sensitive subject for many, so I want this to come from a place of love, not judgment. But I am bad at being a normal human and don't do well with confrontation, I usually don't say anything until I get so fed up that I snap, and then I come from a place of anger. I do not want this conversation to start from a place of anger, but idk how to bring it up without kind of being an asshole about it. \n\nHow would you bring this to your spouse? Any advice is much appreciated! Sorry for the long post. It was 10% to vent and 90% for context. \n\nTl;dr My husband eats spoiled food frequently and it's disgusting. My husband also over eats, primarily junk food or take out. How do I address the issue while being supportive and not making him feel judged? ","offTopic":false},{"id":"1de4dd0f-eeba-432b-9c30-2f941c16d89d","excerpt":"[Old New Update]: WIBTA if I didn't let my daughter's father into her life? — **I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Jadeeyes_**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AmITheAsshole, r/TwoHotTakes, and their own profile**\n\n**Previous [BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/KvWIvPkR6O) by Johannes_Chimp** \n\n**[Old New Update]: WIB","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1uu4r6p/old_new_update_wibta_if_i_didnt_let_my_daughters/","role":"request","weight":0.87626666,"occurredAt":"2026-07-12T04:02:12.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.24,"sentiment":0.5466667,"confidence":0.70666665,"matchedPatterns":["wish"],"statement":"I wish I could say that I found a new love, but that’s not the case.","title":"[Old New Update]: WIBTA if I didn't let my daughter's father into her life?","body":"**I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Jadeeyes_**\n\n**Originally posted to r/AmITheAsshole, r/TwoHotTakes, and their own profile**\n\n**Previous [BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/KvWIvPkR6O) by Johannes_Chimp** \n\n**[Old New Update]: WIBTA if I didn't let my daughter's father into her life?**\n\n**NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH** ----\n\n**Editor's note: shifting the previous BoRU title back to the original post title for ease of searching**\n\n**Trigger Warnings:** >!neglect, child abandonment, emotional manipulation, controlling behavior, deadbeat parent, possible legal malpractice!<\n\n----\n\n**RECAP**\n\n[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/EwZPApCBfS): **July 28, 2022**\n\nSome background: When I [20F] was 16, I was in love with Matt who was two years older than me. We were just friends until we started spending more time together, but we never really put a label onto our relationship, and he always dodged answering when I would ask him if we were exclusive. It wasn't long before we started sleeping together. We kept this up for a few years. Around the time I was turning 18, I find out he joined the Air Force in honor of his deceased father. He promised to keep in touch but did the exact opposite.\n\nTo my surprise, he left me a gift in the form of a baby, and I had a hard decision to make. After hearing the heartbeat, I couldn't deny that I wanted the child and decided to keep the child. And eventually gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, naming her Jade. But because our relationship was pretty hush hush, I decided not to tell anyone who the father was. I told everyone I didn't know who he was and it costed me my reputation.\n\nWith the support of my parents and very few friends, I was able to raise my daughter into the adorable little girl she is today. And she turns 2 years old in just a few days.\n\nWell, earlier today I went shopping with my daughter and I bumped into Matt, apparently he's returned. I tried to ignore and avoid him, but he started chasing after me and asking questions about my daughter. I paid for our stuff and got home but he followed me. It didn't take him long to piece anything together and realized that Jade was our daughter. He started begging me to be in her life. I don't really trust him to be in her life but I'm starting to feel guilty. I don't want him to not have a relationship with his own daughter... but I don't want him to hurt her like he hurt me.\n\nWould I be the AH if I told him to stay TF away? Or should I give him a chance with her?\n\n**Verdict: Asshole**\n\n**Additional [Information](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wa60xi/comment/ihza8pb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) from OOP:** \n\n> **OOP:** Adding this here because it wouldn't let me edit it into the post.\n> \n> The reason I kept it secret about Matt being the father is because of his mother. They are loaded so if she found out, she would have immediately sued me for custody and taken Jade away from me. I wouldn't have won.\n> \n> I tried my hardest to contact him during his time in the Air Force. But he either had me blocked or chose to ignore me.\n> \n> The reason I'm scared to let him in her life is because Matt is not consistent. His first reaction upon seeing me was asking if we could sleep together again. He would pretend to father Jade and then decide she's too much work so he would drop her. I don't want her to get hurt. I don't care what he did to me, I just don't want him to do it to her too.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n[I let my daughter's father into her life after being judged on reddit. I regret it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/u3vEXo7RuQ): **June 27, 2023 (11 months later)**\n\nJust about last year, I posted on AITA asking if I should or shouldn't let my daughter's father into her life? I tried to post an update, but the community denied me and I decided to move on since I was harshly judged anyway. But with new issues popping up, I decided to come to reddit once more.\n\nTo summarize my AITA post: Matt, a childhood friend of mine and the man I had feelings for, and I had slept together. He left for the Air Force and left me with a baby. What I didn't mention in the post was that I tried to tell him, but he blocked me or something and refused to contact me. I've tried to go to his mother, but she refused to contact him for me and stated she'd sue me for custody of the baby if it was his. Knowing she was serious, I went with the narrative that I had no idea who the father was and raised Jade with help from my parents. 2 years passed and I bumped into him at a store. He asked me questions about Jade and followed me home, then put together that Jade was his and asked to be in her life.\n\nSome extra information: Matt and my relationship was very hush hush. If we went out and he saw someone he knew, he would leave me to go with them. My family used to be very close with him until his dad died, and then his mom suddenly hated us and did not want him around me. His family is also wealthy, and this was why I took it seriously when his mom threatened to sue me for custody of Jade if she knew she was Matt's.\n\nNow for the update and beyond that: I told a friend that knew both me and Matt pretty closely, and she had become my best friend. She decided to have her brother draw up a contract for me to use so that I can safely have Matt in Jade's life without me having to worry. I told Matt and we both signed the contract and my friend had her brother do his thing to notarize it. The first thing he asked me once everything was signed was that if this meant we could sleep with each other again. I said no and stayed firm that this wasn't for us, this was for them. It wasn't long before I learned he was engaged to someone else anyway, so I was confused on why he even asked. Whenever he came to see Jade, he would complain about his fiancée and how his mom is making him marry her. I didn't say anything about it until he started flirting with me and asking to be with me. I told him he is engaged and I am not going to be the other woman, and neither is my daughter.\n\nHe proceeds to bring her to the place I work at and break up with her there. Which in turn, she comes up to me and tells me that people talk, and she knows what I've been doing. I felt guilty about it first, but Matt really stepped up after that happened. He became even more attentive towards Jade and spent as much time with her as possible and even revealed himself as the father to my parents and everyone else. I found myself hoping for us to become a family and rekindling my feelings for him. He convinced me that he was serious about us and I began sleeping with him again. I had found out from someone else that he was going to be sent out again and I confronted him and asked if he was going to tell me. He said he was and that this time, he will keep in contact with me and Jade. He went and was doing okay for a while. He contacted us every Friday. But then suddenly he stopped contacting me. He wouldn't answer my calls or texts. It was like the past all over again. I tried asking his mom and she just brushed me aside and told me to do a DNA test so she can either take custody of Jade or take me to court for falsifying Matt as the father. It didn't help that I learned he was engaged, once again, to that woman. And that I learned that I was pregnant once again.\n\nThat is where my update ended. But now I have more, which inspired me to come back to reddit. It’s been 8 months since then, and I have moved into a new house and left my old house behind. I wish I could say that I found a new love, but that’s not the case. I don’t even think I’d be capable of finding someone new right now with two kids under my belt. I’ve been scared to get back out there after my experience with Matt. But that’s not what I’m posting about. I think I’m afraid of what would happen when he returns in a few months. I don’t know if he would come looking for us again or if I should even let him back into our lives. I’ve tried for months to get a hold of him, with no success. I’ve even tried letters, going through friends, etc. My best friend’s brother has a friend that’s in his unit and they can use phones, have service and such but I have no idea why he pulled the disappearing act again. Or why he’s engaged and set to marry that woman again. Jade stopped asking for him months ago. Just after he broke her heart. She’s cried for him so many times, I’m happy she’s forgotten him because she’s back to her usual happy go lucky self. But I really don’t think I’m going to make the mistake again and let him back into our lives. It’s better without it.\n\nSo you guys can judge me and tell me I’m horrible, but I know what’s best for my daughter and now my son. Thank you for reading this far and I hope I won’t have to update again! To those of you that supported me, thank you!\n\nEDIT: ((I also posted this in the comments)) I want to say, it's hard being so harshly judged again. My blinders for my feelings towards Matt has really caused some real issues for me and my family and I know that's my own fault and no one else's. No, reddit didn't tell me to sleep with him again. Reddit told me to have him in her life, which is what I did. Sleeping with him was on me and I do know that. I should have stopped him when he refused to wear condoms. I should have just said no to sleeping with him. That's on me and I already know that. My thing was that the community harshly shamed me for keeping Matt from Jade when I knew he was in it to get to me. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I did agree that Jade should have her father in her life. \n\nI've read most of the comments and I've decided to look into getting a lawyer. I won't allow Matt in again, because him leaving again really woke me up. \n\nTo those who think that this is fake or there's some story out there that sounds like mine, I'm sorry you feel that way. I wish this was some story, but this is really happening to me, as unfortunate as it is. \n\nThe reason I left out so much from my original post was honestly because of the word count limit. I didn't know that leaving it out would cause such a harsh judgment. \n\n**Editor's note: OOP did not leave any other relevant comments in this first update**\n\n&nbsp;\n\n----\n\n#----OLD NEW UPDATE----\n\n**Editor's note: the old new update is over two years old, and it has not been posted here onto the sub** \n\n[I'm finally free of Matt and his mother! A happy update!](https://www.reddit.com/u/Jadeeyes_/s/rRatvYZaj9): **May 20, 2024 (nearly 11 months later from the first update)**\n\nI posted on twohottakes but for some reason people can't see it. So I'm posting on my profile!\n\nHi everyone, I know it hasn’t been a year yet. (2 more months until it is, I think). And before people speculate, NO I’m not pregnant again. I’ve learned my lesson. But before we get into that, I do want to clear things up. I wasn’t planning on posting on reddit again, considering the last 2 times that I did was a mess. But I had messages on reddit, I’ve had a few people reach out to me that know me in real life and my story and have seen it on reddit, and even my best friend has told me that she saw a best of reddit update thread. I decided to log in and read through the comments. Some theories were a bit much ((Matt and I are NOT related)) but some were speculating if I was a person of color, to how Matt could tell Jade was ours.\n\nFirst I want to point out the reason I left certain details out in my original post was that AITA had a word count and everything that I wanted to write, I had to cut. People are suspicious that I omitted important details and I’m sorry for that. People painted me as the bad guy, and a liar, solely for those reasons. Other than the fact about some novel that sounded similar to my life? Well, a few had sent the link in the comments or to me directly because I had wondered about it. I read some of it but I wasn’t about to pay to re","offTopic":false},{"id":"9cc5a09c-f164-47a0-a306-e89da97a5e5f","excerpt":"My boyfriend’s fetish is affecting me. — (previously posted on a similarly named group and forgot to describe my meal- so it’ll be included lol.)\n\nAfter leaving a nearly decade long relationship/marriage, I started dating again and realized one problem. I was fearful of how a potential partner could desire sex from me ","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/comments/1txl659/my_boyfriends_fetish_is_affecting_me/","role":"request","weight":0.87626666,"occurredAt":"2026-06-05T13:35:22.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"GirlDinnerDiaries","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.24,"sentiment":0.45,"confidence":0.70666665,"matchedPatterns":["wish"],"statement":"Like ever.” Afterwards, we did the grown people thing, and I wish I was kidding when I say that he likes it.","title":"My boyfriend’s fetish is affecting me.","body":"(previously posted on a similarly named group and forgot to describe my meal- so it’ll be included lol.)\n\nAfter leaving a nearly decade long relationship/marriage, I started dating again and realized one problem. I was fearful of how a potential partner could desire sex from me if I hadn’t had a Brazilian wax like I did in the previous years.\n\nMy ex was very adamant about me being “clean” down there- which I realize now is rooted in societal conditioning of how women should be perceived, but also unfortunately overlaps with pedophilia and a host of other factors. However, I made the choice individually to try out Brazilians since I was genuinely curious on the experience- especially with my naturally high pain tolerance.\n\nThis went on for years, me staying on rotation to get every single pubic hair ripped out of my flesh every 4-6 weeks. Of course with the assistance of ibuprofen and a calm mind before I literally lost a chunk of hair lol. If I missed my appointment, my ex would began expressing discomfort towards my hair, which made me feel very uncomfortable with myself sexually. Again, due to social conditioning, I conformed and ignored my feelings to the point of being disgusted when the fuzz would began coming back.\n\nLike yeah, I had no ingrown hairs, I didn’t have to worry about shaving if I wore a swimsuit, hell, even the direct skin contact during intimacy was a different experience. I say different, but also with an added layer of anxiety and self hatred.\n\nWelp- fast forward to today. I’ve been fortunate to start seeing someone recently and I was initially nervous asf. Obviously first dates are nerve wracking, but I got swept up in my thinking towards myself.\n\nWhat if this guy works out compatibility-wise, but then sees this overgrown shrub that I cannot afford to remove right now?\n\nWhat if the hair grosses him out? What will that say about me even though I’m an extremely hygienic person? Even to the point of having my own bidet installed in my home at one point, and carrying wet wipes and perfume.\n\nFunnily enough, towards the end of the date while we were having drinks and easing up on the initial tension, we started talking about our own sexuality and what we liked. I shared a few things, then he blurted out “I like hair.”\n\nTo be honest, I just looked at him kinda confused. (Mind you, I’m ND, so sometimes I need clarification on social cues, etc.) So I repeated what he said to him as a question to confirm that he said what I thought I heard (oh yeah, ND auditory processing issues).\n\nHe looked a little blank, but very bashful about how it came off and out. However, he did confirm the statement.\n\nI giggled and he stated that he didn’t want to know more of what I liked, because he’d rather find out on his own. Which, damn- very sexy to say and super respectful given that he wasn’t pressed to sleep with me immediately.\n\nI went home after the date, and felt an overwhelming sense of calm about the comment. In a way, I didn’t even expect something like that to relieve so much of my own negative thinking. But I didn’t want to get swept up because this guy shared a preference that I might fit.\n\nAfter we had been seeing each other for a while, I felt knowledgeable enough on him as a person, his health, and his intentions to trust him sexually.\n\nSo, picture this: we just wrapped up a movie that he wanted to watch with me, and I get a little confidence to tell him that I needed him, then jumped into his lap and started kissing him.\n\nLowkey, part of my plan that night was to wear a skirt that I knew would roll up a bit. Don’t judge me, I know the time and place to be a different side of a lady, and this was my first time in many years to reignite that side of me.\n\nSo, again, we’re sucking faces. He’s a phenomenal kisser, and starts gripping me, but being very mindful to not touch my behind, my legs, or my breasts. He was coordinated in his efforts to keep calm, but I started sharing that I wanted to knock boots. Then I was a little unsure, and he reassured me that I didn’t have to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with yet.\n\nAfter an intense moment of melting into him and his arms, I told him that I wanted him. He asked for my consent THREE TIMES.  Each time, he would follow up with “Are you sure?” and would stop the physical contact to look me in my eyes, not to intimidate, but to be clear on what I was asking.\n\nAfter the consent convo, he started getting handsy, and I felt like my body was on fire in the best way. While he was starting to grip my thighs, my skirt did its due diligence and started creeping up higher and higher. Once it got to the last four inches from the hinge of my hip, the hair was beginning to peek out.\n\nI kinda got in my head and wondered, what if he likes a specific amount of body hair? What if he likes shapes or something made out of pubes? A landing strip?\n\nWell, he then slid my skirt up to my waist, and looked down to see my bush and the extent of the growth peeking from behind the edges of my thong. I kid you not, he made a noise that sounded like he won the lottery. Then said, with the sweetest voice, “Well, look at that. Wow.”\n\nSuddenly he looked up at me and said “Why were you waxing this? It’s perfect the way it is.”\n\nI said “Really? I’ve never heard that from my partner, or really as an open topic since everyone likes a clean shaven area.”\n\nHe kinda laughed, then said, “I’m sure me liking the pubic hair is a fetish, but I like knowing that I’m sleeping with a grown woman. I don’t like that hairless stuff, it’s weird to me. But don’t cut this or anything. Like ever.”\n\nAfterwards, we did the grown people thing, and I wish I was kidding when I say that he likes it. We had a short fallout after some communication issues, and he was certain to assume I had removed all the hair following our brief intermission as a way to say “fuck you” to him.\n\nBut even when we had that time apart from each other and figuring out what and where we were going, I realized that he did make me comfortable with myself again. Not just in a sexual way, but in a way to literally appreciate the natural aesthetic and mechanisms of a grown woman body. This includes having larger breasts that do not care about perkiness. All the things that come with getting older, but learning how to love those parts of me again.\n\nDinner is leftovers from scavenging my family’s fridge: random cut of what I hope is steak, and a cup of brown rice as my side.\n\nTL;DR:\n\nUse to hate and remove my pubic hair because of society. New bf has a pubic hair fetish, and I’ve got plenty for him to enjoy.\n\nEDIT:\n\nI didn’t expect the amount of traction based off of me oversharing lmao. Tbh, being neurodivergent has made it hard for me to have anyone to just blab to. I’ve always had a love for creative writing since I was a little girl, and I’m 29 now so I’ve probably been free writing for atleast two decades lol. I’ve had dreams of publishing something, but my ex made sure to make me feel like the dream wasn’t financially worth it- even though I was never in it for money, just for community.\n\nI write in my free time when I feel the need to communicate deeply without the nuance of ADHD interrupting my story and causing me to forget what I was talking about. And it’s cheaper than therapy, and helps me with retrospect.\n\nThose of yall saying it looks like AI wrote this- nah, this is unhinged ND hyperfixation at its finest. AI could get close, but couldn’t replicate the entire process of my brain or my love for writing.\n\nI’ve seen some comments about me linking pedophilia to the shaven aspect, and I’ll be honest, I don’t like the idea that it’s linked to that. However, the way sexuality is packaged- being “youthful” and “untouched” “clean” at least here in the US where I grew up, falling into line with what is deemed “desirable” was the trap I grew up in.\n\nMy childhood involved living in a home with DV from when I was a child, and lots of narcissistic abuse from my mother deeming me physically unattractive even though I was just a kid. So I hope that helps understand why the weight of this guy’s words was very uplifting in a way that didn’t force me to even think about changing. My appearance- even though it’s been tailored due to my feelings, still is a sore spot emotionally.\n\nAlso, I did see somebody say that I was letting his crotch or my crotch determine my feelings about that area. Tbh, funny fucking observation, and I get it- women- well, no one- should rely on others to guide our feelings about ourselves. But again, being severely abused as a child, then surviving an abusive marriage did a fucking number on me. I am in therapy though, and I’ve done more unpacking than I thought was possible. The hair thing wasn’t even on the table until I was starting to get serious with this guy.\n\nLastly, to those that enjoyed this smut over sharing, thanks. I’m finally enjoying my sex life for the first time in a decade.\n\nEDIT TWO: \n\nOh yeah, so he on his own called it a fetish. Literally said “I don’t know if that makes me weird, but maybe it’s a fetish I have. It’s just gotta have hair or I don’t want it. Plus it sounds like you were just messing with men who were stuck in boys mentality on women.”\n\nDo what yall want with the statement. I’ll include that he made sure to rub his face in it upon meeting the bush. IN IT. Yeah. I was like wtf okay handsome. Lmao! \n\nOk- maybe I’ll stop oversharing, maybe there will be a third edit…idk yet. ","offTopic":false},{"id":"5a2fb094-17c8-4ae8-a626-7b18caec4588","excerpt":"My husband broke my heart and I'm the bad guy. — My husband and I have been together for almost ten years, he's been my rock, my best friend, my literal biggest cheerleader.\n\nWe have disagreements like most other couples, but never any screaming matches or anything we couldn't just work out by taking a breather and tal","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/1utpb50/my_husband_broke_my_heart_and_im_the_bad_guy/","role":"demand","weight":0.86006665,"occurredAt":"2026-07-11T16:55:57.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"Marriage","intent":"alternative_search","painScore":0.33,"sentiment":0.52,"confidence":0.64666665,"matchedPatterns":["switching_from"],"statement":"Which is why I moved from the UK to the USA, I love him so much.","title":"My husband broke my heart and I'm the bad guy.","body":"My husband and I have been together for almost ten years, he's been my rock, my best friend, my literal biggest cheerleader.\n\nWe have disagreements like most other couples, but never any screaming matches or anything we couldn't just work out by taking a breather and talking it out. It's been the most stable, loving and supportive relationship I've ever been in. Which is why I moved from the UK to the USA, I love him so much.\n\nLast night my husband went to bed early, he was working an early morning shift this morning. I was buying something for our toddler and needed a PayPal code that got sent to his phone, so, like I always do I picked up his phone and opened his messages to grab it when I saw another message from a work friend of his, James.\n\nThe message preview read \"She shouldn't be doing that in front of the kids\" and I opened it.\n\nThere was a long conversation in which my husband tells this person that I flipped out at him for praying with our children (this has NEVER happened) and that he's leaving and going to try to get full custody of the kids.\n\nIt might have been a bit dramatic of me, but I just started crying, it felt like someone gut punched me. I woke him up and told him I saw the message, he first said he didn't know what I was talking about before rolling over saying \"I'm not talking about this right now\"\n\n30 minutes later he joins me in the living room and slams me with \"why were you looking in my phone\" like???? We have an open phone policy, I didn't go to snoop, I've never had reason to, I simply went to get a code like I do all the time...\n\nThen he says this friend knows the real truth because he came clean, to which I said \"I want you to know I already spoke with him, so I know that's not true\".... Yes I lied. And then the story flipped that he said that to his friend because HE doesn't trust ME. He did it because he knew I was spying on him, he did it because I've changed, he did it because of all of these reasons that had nothing to do with him.\n\nI ended the conversation with him at 2am where I told him, \"I moved across the world to be with you, I gave you a family, I've supported you, comforted you, been honest with you, loved you, cared for you and you have been running a smear campaign, painting me as a villain for reasons I don't think even you understand. The person I love the most in this world has hurt me more than anyone else ever could, what you did broke every ounce of trust I have in you, it's marriage ending and I need you to really let that sink in. I didn't deserve any of this. Why you did it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you and if you want a shot at fixing it I need you to go to therapy, and I don't mean one session, I really need you to go and figure out why the fuck you did this to me and us. I'm willing to go to couples therapy with you, but I need you to please give me some space for a few days\"\n\nI guess I'm just yelling into the void at this point, sorry internet strangers.\n\nTLDR : usually loving husband runs a smear campaign for reasons unknown.\n\nUpdate : I called my father in law and my husbands uncle, I sent them screenshots of all the messages, him admitting he lied about me and that he doesn't know why he did it. Uncle advised me to go to couples therapy but start getting divorce ducks lined up, he sent me the number of a family lawyer who's a friend of his. He also offered to drop by \"randomly\" this afternoon when my husband comes to see the kids.\n\nThe uncle especially echoed a few comments and I agree, I think I'm under reacting.\n\nUpdate 2 : Today was a lot, I called a lot of lawyers, I have a meeting with one (not the uncles suggestion) later this week to discuss custody agreements while separated and I am definitely getting all of my shit together. I also called the bank and started moving my finances into a different account.\n\nI don't know if he's having an affair with James or anyone else, but I don't think it would change anything? I don't think I would feel worse knowing that was the reason. I definitely wouldn't feel better, so I've decided to just let him do whatever it is he's doing and just focus on my own business. \n\nFor those wondering, yes, my children are dual citizens, but I have no intention of taking them out of country, I have a life here, a home, a business and this is all my children know. I don't believe my husband is a danger to anyone especially them, he's a wonderful father even if, right now he's a terrible husband. \n\nWe're still going to therapy together and individually, and I am (probably foolishly) hoping we can make it through whatever this is. I'm not ready to slam the door on my marriage yet, but I'm also not just going to sit around and wait for his next move either. ","offTopic":false},{"id":"09c0f260-fc80-47fe-bff3-f97e349411f9","excerpt":"Harming Pets as a TOOL (triggering) — My ex partner and I had two cats, the older one was his yard cat that he wouldn't let inside the house and a baby kitten, that I had saved and adopted and wanted to take care of, inside the house. We had several discussions and attempts from my side to convince him to let me have t","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkPsychology101/comments/1vuf9u0/harming_pets_as_a_tool_triggering/","role":"pain","weight":0.8356209,"occurredAt":"2026-08-21T12:41:15.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"DarkPsychology101","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.45,"sentiment":0.4,"confidence":0.57629025,"matchedPatterns":["waste_of_time"],"statement":"Like it was a waste of time and energy to him.","title":"Harming Pets as a TOOL (triggering)","body":"My ex partner and I had two cats, the older one was his yard cat that he wouldn't let inside the house and a baby kitten, that I had saved and adopted and wanted to take care of, inside the house. We had several discussions and attempts from my side to convince him to let me have the little kitty indoors. He needed medicine and softer care and a safe space.  \n  \nIn the last few months of our relationship I was breaking off from the cognitive dissonance and accepted the fact that he was highly psychopathic/narcissistic and abusive towards me and the people around him, mostly me, and behind closed doors, so I started to emotionally build up the strength to leave.  \nThen suddenly I fell ill with the strangest symptom I'd never experienced in my life prior to that, and that no doctor I saw could explain for almost a month. Later when I researched the topic in safety, it came up as a symptom of poisoning. Not accidental. Strategic poisoning. With something that a person would have to seek and buy and administer.  \nThe thing is, at the same period of time my little kitten dropped from being healthy, playful and energetic to one morning not being able to breathe. He was suffocating. Suffering. My poor cat. After a visit to the vet that day he magically recovered over night even though no treatment was given... That was a very strange thing, but I was extremely happy and relieved. And thankful that he recovered. He was playing again and ran around like he usually would for around a week.  \nSome days later the saga repeated itself all over again, only this time my little buddy was not able to breathe almost at all and was suffocating in front of our eyes, liquid in his lungs, and the vet said there's nothing they can do but put him to sleep. As he was just suffering so much.  \nOne of the worst days of my life.   \nMy ex though didn't seem phased at all. There was a certain sense of elation? Excitement? Interest.. curiosity. A sense of anticipation..? Later that noon when my little kitty was not alive anymore and I wanted to go bury him, ex was literally more worried about having lunch in the correct time than the poor cat being able to be buried and put to rest. Like it was a waste of time and energy to him. I guess he just expected to throw my little buddy in the trash and go eat. It was so cold, cruel and off-putting to a point of no return for me. \n\nIn one of our fights in the yard I remember I was crying and he was doing his word salad accusatory delusional monologue of doom, when suddenly his cat came to me and literally climbed on top of me to give me a hug, almost a human like hug. He was an older cat, smart, super independent but always there for feeding time, you know how cats are with food. Some days passed and he was nowhere to be found. I never saw that poor cat again. He was healthy, strong, adult but not old, fully mobile and well. In my heart of hearts I know .. I just know the ex did it, to his own cat, to my cat, maybe to me accidentally, or not... I know he did it. To hurt me, to hold onto me by weakening me, so I wouldn't leave, to execute a revenge onto his poor cat for giving me a hug and \"siding with me in an argument\"... for \"betrayal\"... for some weird delusional reason he rationalized in his own twisted reality! Maybe I was a failed attempt. I don't know.  \nIt wasn't the neighbors. That type of thing is highly illegal. To go after cats. Also the moment his cat (and i only call him his to distinguish between the two in this story, so it'd be easier for you to understand. He was as mine in love as my own kitty) disappeared, He-the ex wasn't bothered at all.. to search, to worry, to care.. to find to help! He couldn't be bothered. It was like he knew there was no sense or reason to do so. I kept pushing, questioning going for searches. He couldn't be bothered.  \nI can't even bring myself to imagine what he did to the poor pet, his own pet, that he fed for years... since his body was never found. I never saw him again.  \nTwo... both of our pets gone in a span of a few weeks. GONE.  \nI can't prove it, but I know that I know that I know. It's only that strange symptom that I had to fight off for weeks that even got me to question if it's possible. But it all makes perfect sense in the grand scheme.  \n  \nMakes me conclude he wasn't just highly narcissistic and abusive but also sadistic. he watched me cry my eyes out and suffer the losses, while he seemed to be in a rather positive state than neutral or negative, emotionally. He watched our little buddy suffocate and suffer for a whole hour before he woke me up to go help him and drive him to the vet that morning. When I woke up he had put my little cat in the kitchen, under the sink, barricaded in a small area so he wouldn't move around. I will never forget the sight of that cruelty and his suffering. It's just so EVIL.  \n  \nHarm - as a tool of control, domination, a trap, elation, revenge...  \nI want to understand what is so great about crossing these boundaries that this type of a person would risk so much, just to do it.. to feel what? Powerful? In control? A sense of greatness? Pride? What high was he chasing? ","offTopic":false},{"id":"cb436f6e-4998-42da-a721-28920268b1b8","excerpt":"AITAH for refusing to share my inheritance with the siblings who are now threatening to sue me for \"undue influence\"? — **I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [fluffyspanish](https://www.reddit.com/user/fluffyspanish/). They posted in r/AITAH \n\n# Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.\n\n**Trig","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ox2pyp/aitah_for_refusing_to_share_my_inheritance_with/","role":"request","weight":0.83386666,"occurredAt":"2025-11-14T17:25:17.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"BestofRedditorUpdates","intent":"problem_report","painScore":0.18,"sentiment":1,"confidence":0.70666665,"matchedPatterns":["i_need"],"statement":"I'm honestly worried that fighting this in court will take more in legal fees than just paying them but I'm so angry that I need an outside opinion because I've lost perspective.","title":"AITAH for refusing to share my inheritance with the siblings who are now threatening to sue me for \"undue influence\"?","body":"**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [fluffyspanish](https://www.reddit.com/user/fluffyspanish/). They posted in r/AITAH \n\n# Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.\n\n**Trigger Warning:** >!parental death; extortion!<\n\n**Mood Spoiler:** >!things work out, but just kind of sad overall !<\n\n**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ooaca4/aitah_for_refusing_to_share_my_inheritance_with/)**: November 4, 2025**\n\nSorry for the long post I'm just too angry to think straight.\n\nMy father passed away a few months ago. In his will, he left his entire estate to me, explicitly disinheriting my brother \"Mark\" 40M and sister \"Jenna\" 38F.\n\nThe thing is 10 years ago, my father gave them $150k each as an \"advance\" on their inheritance to start businesses because they begged and begged. He had a lot of money back then so it wasn't much to him. Both of them blew it within two years (vacations, cars, etc.) and had the nerve to ask him for more. When he refused, they got cruel. They stopped visiting, wouldn't let him see his grandkids, and bad-mouthed him to the entire family, claiming he was a \"miser\" who was \"hoarding\" their money.\n\nI was the one who was there for him. I took him to doctor's appointments, helped him with his finances (without ever touching a dime for myself because unlike my siblings I have a great job that I worked hard for), and was with him in hospice when he died. It was just me and him at the end. His will is iron-clad, written by his long-time lawyer, and includes a clause stating they received their share \"during my lifetime.\"\n\nMark and Jenna are furious. They've been blowing up my phone, saying I \"poisoned\" him against them. They're badmouthing me to the family and I'm getting phone calls from relatives that I should help them. Now, they've hired a lawyer and today I was served papers. They are threatening to contest the will, claiming I \"took advantage\" of our father in his old age and used \"undue influence\" to get him to cut them out.\n\nThey offered to \"drop the lawsuit\" if I just give them $100k each. I told them to get lost and that I would never give them a single cent of our father's money after how they treated him. I am so angry I can barely speak.\n\nAITAH for telling them I'd see them in court and refusing to give them anything? I'm honestly worried that fighting this in court will take more in legal fees than just paying them but I'm so angry that I need an outside opinion because I've lost perspective.\n\n***Some of OOP's Comments:*** \n\n**IrrelevantManatee:** NTA. Don't give them a cent : they are bluffing.\n\nThey can try to sue, but they would need some proofs in order for the trial to take place. As they don't have anything, the trial probably won't even happen.\n\n>**OOP:** I thought the same thing until I got served papers and it all became real. I'm going to call a lawyer once I stop fuming I just hate the idea of losing any money at all over this. The worst is I feel like I'm the only one in this family who's grieving and I'm just so drained over all this. It's been a very long few months. Also I really like my nieces and nephews, the idea of not seeing them again is awful\n\n**stroppo:** NTA. I worked for a lawyer, and what he told me once was that it is very difficult to prove undue influence. From what you're shared here, it doesn't sound like they have much of a case.\n\nBut. I'm assuming you now have a lawyer yourself. Stop talking to your sibs, and direct any further questions to your lawyer. Ditto other relatives; stop talking to them. Be very firm on this point. \"I have nothing more to say,\" and then just tell the sibs to contact your attorney.\n\n>**OOP:** Thank you that's good to hear, I have no idea how all this stuff works and just don't want to get bled dry with legal fees after all the crap they've pulled over the years. I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow to start dealing with this\n\n**deleted:** How do they even HAVE money for this????\n\n>**OOP:** I have no clue, they're both broke and terrible with money\n\n**Ok-Recognition9876:** Contact the lawyer who helped your father with his will.\n\n>**OOP:** Thank you why didn't I think of this... It's been such a long few months. I have an appointment with an attorney tomorrow but I'll call him now\n\n**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1oqt3x8/update_aitah_for_refusing_to_share_my_inheritance/)**: November 7, 2025 (3 days later)**\n\nJust wanted to make a quick update. Thanks to everyone who suggested contacting the lawyer who drew up the will. I sent him all of the papers and texts I'd received, and it turned out that sending people texts in California that say things like \"it won't stop until you give us the money\" is considered criminal extortion by letter which is a felony.\n\nHe contacted their lawyer and it turns out they'd lied to him about a lot of things and he was not enthused about the extortion. Everything fell apart pretty fast and it didn't cost me anything. I'll probably never see my nieces and nephews again at least not until they're much older, and the other family members are angry at me because they feel the extortion was actually my fault for \"giving them no other options.\" I decided I'm going to just move away and find peace elsewhere after I'm done dealing with the estate.\n\nI can't believe things got so ugly over money but I'm out. Some people commented in my original post that they'd had similar experiences and I really feel for you all. It's a really unfair position to be put in and there's a helpless element to it that just sucks. Learned a valuable lesson about the importance keeping receipts.\n\n***OOP's Comments:*** \n\n**Pkrudeboy:** Did you file a police report?\n\n>**OOP:** No I just want to be done with it and move away from here. There's a two year statute of limitations so if they make me change my mind I will, but I'm pretty sure their lawyer will explain how bad of an idea that would be\n\n**outcastspice:** Thanks for the update. People get really unhinged when death and money are involved. Glad you’ll be able to get some space, and I’m sorry for your loss.\n\n>**OOP:** I'm realizing their goal is just to have everyone be as miserable as they are. It's not really about the money, it's that I might be happy and they'll still be miserable and that's unacceptable for them. Even if they had the money I don't think anything would have changed. I hope the kids rebel and turn into decent human beings as they grow up. If they do I hope to hear from them someday.","offTopic":false},{"id":"61efd369-7eb8-4b40-913b-2ad23c8f892c","excerpt":"34 [NB4A] #California/online - Hello you cuties inside of my computer — \\* I'm 34 years old, AMAB nonbinary. Androgynous-fem ish physical presentation imo but who knows what you’ll get with me.    \n\\* ⁠I'm pretty tall, slim, and have long kinda faded purple wavy hair. I also have a deeper masc sounding voice that I lik","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamoryR4R/comments/1vvd0kg/34_nb4a_californiaonline_hello_you_cuties_inside/","role":"request","weight":0.7980902,"occurredAt":"2026-08-22T13:51:46.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"polyamoryR4R","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.12,"sentiment":1,"confidence":0.71258056,"matchedPatterns":["wish","praise"],"statement":"I also have a deeper masc sounding voice that I like sometimes but other times I wish I could have the cute high voice of like Chopper from One Piece or something.","title":"34 [NB4A] #California/online - Hello you cuties inside of my computer","body":"\\* I'm 34 years old, AMAB nonbinary. Androgynous-fem ish physical presentation imo but who knows what you’ll get with me.    \n\\* ⁠I'm pretty tall, slim, and have long kinda faded purple wavy hair. I also have a deeper masc sounding voice that I like sometimes but other times I wish I could have the cute high voice of like Chopper from One Piece or something. ⁠  \n\\* I like to have fun with alt fashion a bit. Thrifting is a fun hobby of mine! I'm totally down to share photos and fit pics and stuff eventually too, sounds kinda fun.  \n\\* ⁠I have chaotic good energy I would think.  \n\\*  Also sometimes a bit disorganized. These bullet points right here are me at the top of my game.  \n\\* ⁠I'm pansexual so whatever your gender is, it won't affect my attraction to you but your personality might.  \n\\* ⁠Leftist values, please share them.  \n\\* ⁠childfree lifestyle except for my cute rescue dog. Photos available upon request.  \n\\* counterculture, F the system!! \\*proceeds to put on suit and tie to appease my corporate overlords\\*  \n\\* ⁠Forgot to share my location: I live in SoCal, in the county of oranges. I'd love it if you live nearby or maybe Portland area but I am also open to people who live further away. I mean, some of my best relationships were formed online first!  \n\\* ⁠I work a normal job where I do things and they give me money to do those things.  \n\\* ⁠I am sensitive but love to joke around and banter with people I like  \n\\* ⁠I enjoy stand-up comedy, don't worry, it's the not sexist or transphobic kind  \n\\* Mental health awareness. Mental health, ya ever heard of it???  \n\\* Too much gaming, but never raging. Dead by Daylight, Gogo Town, FFXIV, whatever it is that you're playing.  \n\\* ⁠Super 420 friendly, and a social drinker.  \n\\* I'm a casual enjoyer of nail art and makeup but I am not that good.  \n\\*  ⁠sports I don't follow as much as I used to but I like basketball, outdoor activities enjoyers very welcome! Maybe we can eventually go on a hike together. Fair warning though: if you bring bluetooth speakers, I'm going to run ahead and pretend I don't know you.  \n\\* ⁠I would love to introduce you to all my favorite shows and songs and you pretend to like them <3  \n\\* ⁠Lately I've been watching Overcompensating, Vampire Lestat, King of the Hill, ATLA, Heated Rivalry (4th rewatch lol), Superstore, Frieren.  \n\\* Recent Music Obsessions: Kim Petras, Charli xcx (seeing her in October!!!). But I also really really like a bunch of alternative rock and similar subgenres. Lebanon Hanover, Wesghost, Castle Rat, Sleep Token.  \n\\* ⁠I've been trying to watch more cultured queer media lately but also got into reading yaoi/bl smut too. D U A L I T Y.  \n\\* I like to tinker with technology but I am anti AI  \n\\*  Love trying new hobbies. Very willing to try new things especially if I have good company!!  \n\\* ⁠kink-friendly. We can talk about this more if we're both on the same wavelength.\n\nWhen messaging, please share a little intro about yourself, and tell a few interesting things about you or what you think we have in common- thanks! If you're comfortable, share a picture and I will too :)","offTopic":false},{"id":"950deba2-1dfc-4056-884d-8275d35086ed","excerpt":"Malicious Compliance — I'm going to preface by saying that I know I should leave him. The closest I've been able to get to that so far has been moving out of his house.\n\nI (F26) have been dating the same guy (26) for ten years. As of the last five, he's switched from being a normal person to alternating between weaponi","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/ToxicRelationships/comments/1vvb2is/malicious_compliance/","role":"demand","weight":0.7896225,"occurredAt":"2026-08-22T12:24:15.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"ToxicRelationships","intent":"alternative_search","painScore":0.21,"sentiment":0.25,"confidence":0.65258056,"matchedPatterns":["how_can_i","switching_from"],"statement":"As of the last five, he's switched from being a normal person to alternating between weaponized incompetence and malicious compliance over everything.","title":"Malicious Compliance","body":"I'm going to preface by saying that I know I should leave him. The closest I've been able to get to that so far has been moving out of his house.\n\nI (F26) have been dating the same guy (26) for ten years. As of the last five, he's switched from being a normal person to alternating between weaponized incompetence and malicious compliance over everything. He either \"can't\" do something or he does it to an exaggerated degree. For example: When I was still living with him, I got sick and told him that if he wanted the litter box clean, he needed to do it himself. He spent two hours yelling about how he \"can't\" because he \"doesn't know how\". And when he finally realized that I really wasn't going to, he started doing it and fake gagged so much that he actually made himself puke. And then he yelled at me for making him vomit.\n\nHe's also always mad at me for not doing something \"right\". I can't do dishes right, I can't walk through the house right, I can't go shopping right, etc. Nothing I do is right. He always has a compliant. So he doesn't want to do anything unless he can somehow do it in a way that harms him (or me), but he also doesn't want me to do anything because I always do it \"wrong\". There is no winning.\n\nSo I've decided that, since I can't leave him for reasons that are too personal to explain anonymously, I'm going to maliciously comply instead. He said that I'm too affectionate, so I don't hug him or tell him I love him anymore. He said that my clothes are weird, so I only dress up when I go out with my friends now. He said that I play video games too much, so every time I hear him say something (even to the cats), I stop playing and go to him. This is working well imo. He's getting annoyed and even concerned about my compliances and asks me regularly if I'm okay. But he still won't stop complaining about every thing I do.\n\nHe has started harassing me about how I sleep. When I stay over, I don't cover myself up with the blankets \"right\" and I don't lie down \"right\" and I don't roll over \"right\". How can I maliciously comply during our sleepovers (of which there is only one a week)? This one has me stumped. I've already started bringing my own blanket to his house. I need more ideas. TIA!\n\nTDLR: I maliciously comply with everything my never happy boyfriend complains about and now I need ideas on how to comply when I'm sleeping because I apparently don't sleep right.","offTopic":false},{"id":"69fab1dc-dad3-4d0b-bbba-96e43f2c7521","excerpt":"My (22f) BF (26m) refuses to share his current address even after 7 months of dating. Is this extremely weird? — I have been dating him for 7 months. I tend to travel a bit. He works in real estate btw. Family business. He knows every single one of my addresses in whichever city i live. I have invited him over many tim","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1vkhxj1/my_22f_bf_26m_refuses_to_share_his_current/","role":"pain","weight":0.7585714,"occurredAt":"2026-08-10T11:16:09.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"relationship_advice","intent":"other","painScore":0.2857143,"sentiment":-0.71428573,"confidence":0.59,"matchedPatterns":[],"statement":"My (22f) BF (26m) refuses to share his current address even after 7 months of dating.","title":"My (22f) BF (26m) refuses to share his current address even after 7 months of dating. Is this extremely weird?","body":"I have been dating him for 7 months. I tend to travel a bit. He works in real estate btw. Family business. He knows every single one of my addresses in whichever city i live. I have invited him over many times. When i ask him to share his address he says no not now.\n\nHe gave me an address where he is gonna move in (they are renovating the place) However, i have asked him for his address multiple times over the months sometimes just for just sending him gifts or ordering food for him but he never shared it with me.\n\nHe also refused to tell me what is his family firms name? All of this has been hurtful but i just don’t understand!! Why can only i not know this information while i share everything with him?? And im his gf of 7 whole months.\n\nUpdate after 3 hours of posting-  \nThanks to everyone who has opened my eyes to it. I let it go for so long because i am too someone who values privacy and i dont believe in pushing people to tell me things. I assumed he would tell me himself at some point but we are at a very sensitive point and i just got tired of feeling weird about not knowing my partners address.\n\nTo everyone saying to google him. I have. All i found was a Facebook account. His number and name matches. The address is his because i matched that w google maps.\n\nIm extremely broken even imagining the possibility of him dating someone because cheating is my biggest dealbreaker. I unblocked him and asked him if he is hiding anything. I spoke about this again. And he again said that i dont need to have his current address cuz i do have his future one. Makes no sense when he doesnt even live there.\n\nAnd yes he is well off. But he knows im not a gold digger. Neither have i ever asked him for money. He gifted me something once and i gifted him an equally expensive thing. Its not about money.\n\nAbout the business, I live in India. Real estate markets are completely different. Not everyone needs an online presence or social media. Most of it is through networking as much as im aware. I assume its a bit different to track it. However i have been trying since a while.","offTopic":false},{"id":"dce67226-90b0-4323-8c03-bd7c126f87da","excerpt":"My (33 F) partner (32 M) has chosen a life with me, but why do I still struggle to feel truly chosen — I (33F) have been with my partner (32M) for almost 12 years. We love each other and, objectively speaking, we have built a good life together. But lately, I have been struggling with a feeling I can't quite shake, and","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1vucj1j/my_33_f_partner_32_m_has_chosen_a_life_with_me/","role":"request","weight":0.75706667,"occurredAt":"2026-08-21T10:28:41.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"relationship_advice","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.36,"sentiment":0.44,"confidence":0.5566667,"matchedPatterns":["missing_feature"],"statement":"I told him he was free to make his own choices, but I didn't understand why we should destroy something good simply to introduce experiences he imagined he might be missing.","title":"My (33 F) partner (32 M) has chosen a life with me, but why do I still struggle to feel truly chosen","body":"I (33F) have been with my partner (32M) for almost 12 years. We love each other and, objectively speaking, we have built a good life together. But lately, I have been struggling with a feeling I can't quite shake, and I would genuinely like to hear from people who may think more like my partner does.\n\nWhen we got together, neither of us wanted children. We were young, and that genuinely suited both of us at the time.\n\nOur relationship was also much more \"new\" for him than for me. I had had previous relationships and had even lived with an ex for two years. He had dated before, but I was essentially his first serious, long-term relationship.\n\nAfter about three years together, he started having serious doubts. Nothing was particularly wrong between us. In fact, he said our relationship was good. But he struggled with the idea that his first truly serious relationship might also be his last. He felt he had missed out on other romantic and sexual experiences.\n\nAt one point, he considered leaving me for that reason. He also suggested opening the relationship, which I refused because I knew that was absolutely not for me.\n\nI told him he was free to make his own choices, but I didn't understand why we should destroy something good simply to introduce experiences he imagined he might be missing. At the time, though, those conversations really hurt me. They left me feeling like I wasn't enough, like perhaps he was constantly wondering whether there were other women he would rather experience life with. I was also much more insecure about myself and my appearance back then, so it affected me deeply.\n\nEventually, things settled down. For several years, our relationship felt peaceful again.\n\nThen, around three or four years ago, something changed for me: I developed a strong desire to have a child.\n\nThis scared me because my partner had always been quite clear that he didn't want children, and for a long time, I had felt the same way. When we eventually talked about it openly, he reaffirmed that he didn't want them. Around the same time, he also expressed regrets that we hadn't moved abroad permanently.\n\nWe had actually already spent five months living in another country for his studies, and I had found volunteer work so I could go with him. It was a wonderful experience. But unlike him, I don't want to permanently leave my country. My family and closest friends are an extremely important part of my life, and I can't imagine growing old without them nearby.\n\nSo suddenly, we were facing two potentially fundamental differences: I had developed a desire to have children, while he still didn't want them; and he still imagined a life abroad, while I didn't.\n\nI was heartbroken, but I told him that perhaps we needed to consider separating. I didn't want either of us to sacrifice something fundamental and eventually resent the other for it.\n\nHe seemed genuinely horrified that I was considering ending the relationship. He asked me to give him some time to think. We agreed on a date in the future when we would revisit the conversation.\n\nWhen that date came, he told me that he had made his decision and wanted to have children with me and build that life together.\n\nI was happy, but also scared. Part of me wondered whether he had truly changed his mind or whether he was simply choosing this because the alternative was losing me. He has told me that the idea of becoming a parent scares him a lot, but his decision has remained the same.\n\nSince then, we bought a house together and moved in a little over a year ago. We are now well settled, and we have agreed to start trying to build our family towards the end of this year.\n\nSo objectively, he has chosen me. He chose to stay when he had doubts about missing out on other experiences. He chose a life in our country rather than pursuing the idea of permanently living abroad. He agreed to become a parent, despite having once been convinced that he didn't want children.\n\nAnd yet, I still struggle with feeling truly chosen.\n\nI think the reason is that throughout our relationship, I have often felt that I have to push for demonstrations of affection or commitment. My partner is a very rational person. He doesn't tend to be swept away by emotion or make spontaneous, romantic gestures. He thinks things through carefully and makes decisions based on what makes the most sense to him.\n\nI know that isn't inherently wrong. In fact, I appreciate many things about his personality. But emotionally, it can leave me feeling strangely uncherished.\n\nFor example, I would really like to get married someday. For me, it isn't primarily about having an expensive wedding or following tradition for the sake of it. I care about rituals and symbolic moments. I love the idea of publicly celebrating our commitment to each other with the people we love. I would also like to hear him actively affirm that commitment.\n\nWhen I brought up marriage, his reaction was essentially that he couldn't justify the expense when we could use the money for so many other things.\n\nAnd once again, I felt like the romance had been completely removed from the conversation.\n\nThis is where I am struggling: I know he has made major life choices that allow us to stay together and build the life I want. But because those choices often seem to come after a lot of rational deliberation, rather than enthusiasm or emotional spontaneity, I still sometimes feel like I am not being actively, joyfully chosen.\n\nAm I being unfair? Can someone genuinely love you deeply and be fully committed to you while simply not experiencing or expressing that commitment with the kind of enthusiasm or romance you expect?\n\nAnd I would especially love to hear from people who think more like my partner. If you are someone who is very rational about major life decisions, what does love and commitment feel like from your perspective? Have any of you initially been skeptical about marriage but eventually chosen to get married anyway? If so, what changed your mind or made the decision meaningful to you?\n\nI am not looking for people to tell me to leave him, and I don't think he is a bad partner. I genuinely want to understand whether there is something about his way of loving that I am failing to see  and whether there is a way for us to bridge the gap between his way of making commitments and my need to actually feel loved, wanted and chosen.","offTopic":false},{"id":"0a94bc64-345c-42e5-8ebf-2c815de2c658","excerpt":"What’s the pulse on who pays for dates? — I was on date 5 with a lovely woman I enjoy spending time with. She’s been so great. No shortage of physical passion. Well I noticed she’s never even attempted to reach for her purse to pay for any portion of any date. Not even the performative “want to split it” which I get to","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1pcx2wk/whats_the_pulse_on_who_pays_for_dates/","role":"pain","weight":0.7360952,"occurredAt":"2025-12-03T06:38:53.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"datingoverforty","intent":"other","painScore":0.24761905,"sentiment":-0.61904764,"confidence":0.59,"matchedPatterns":[],"statement":"What’s the pulse on who pays for dates?.","title":"What’s the pulse on who pays for dates?","body":"I was on date 5 with a lovely woman I enjoy spending time with. She’s been so great. No shortage of physical passion. Well I noticed she’s never even attempted to reach for her purse to pay for any portion of any date. Not even the performative “want to split it” which I get to some degree. For context, 3 out of the 5 dates were at a bar or restaurant, the other two were free activities. I’m 41M, she’s 40F. We both work. Similar incomes. Anyway the bill comes out yesterday and once again she doesn’t even flinch. I let her know that I like treating her, and don’t mind it, and am traditional in many ways, but that I’d like to split dates or alternate between them. It doesn’t even have to be even an even split. She was shook. We still got physical after lol, but she hasn’t been the same with texting or conversations since. The look on her face when I brought it up was so surprising to me. You’d think I did something horrible to her.\n\nI totally expect and enjoy treating the first few dates, but then expect some level of equity once things get going. Is the default assumption that men are supposed to pay for everything into perpetuity?\n\nUPDATE: she sent me a note saying she doesn’t like the idea of financially contributing any amount while dating or even in a relationship, that she would do that in marriage only. She told me that former boyfriends paid for her gas, and basically gave her a stipend to see her. The text ended with breakup language, so I just wished her well. She’s now blocked but her IG had all these stories about how men who want women to pay for some dates are losers. It’s ok to have her opinion, but this was coupled by her backtracking and sending more texts to talk about it. In those texts she doubled down saying she wouldn’t pay or plan any meet up for any reason at any time. There really wasn’t much else for me to say, and she’d already broken up with me, and started playing a passive aggressive IG game. So I’ve since blocked and moved on. She’s not traditional like yall are assuming. She has a great job and does well for herself. This is paraphrased but it’s what she said “that you would want me to ever pay when I’m with you is something I would never allow to happen.” Ok bye lol.\n\n","offTopic":false},{"id":"0b4871f0-eed7-449d-8de1-6c69a547103d","excerpt":"Lost everything. Ready for a change. — I am in the early steps to legally separating and eventually divorcing my spouse. It is amicable and there has been no conflict as a result. Despite this, it's not something I wanted. I love her still and if there was even a chance at reconciliation I would jump at it, but it take","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1vuga0t/lost_everything_ready_for_a_change/","role":"request","weight":0.70215476,"occurredAt":"2026-08-21T13:23:21.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"getdisciplined","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.36,"sentiment":1,"confidence":0.51629025,"matchedPatterns":["missing_feature"],"statement":"Part of what is so appealing is how in my current state of being I lack internal motivation and validation.","title":"Lost everything. Ready for a change.","body":"I am in the early steps to legally separating and eventually divorcing my spouse. It is amicable and there has been no conflict as a result. Despite this, it's not something I wanted. I love her still and if there was even a chance at reconciliation I would jump at it, but it takes two to tango and I know there's no way it could happen. I have accepted things for what they are and am learning to forgive myself and move on.\n\n\n\nWe lost our cat earlier this year due to some health issues and we have rehomed two of our dogs, and the one cat that remains I am giving to my little sister because she would provide a better environment for him. \n\n\n\nIn my current living situation, I have no real friends or support system to rely on. I am isolated from my family, and the few friends I am in contact with live very busy lives. It's a pretty bleak situation as it stands, but I have yet to give up. I am very unhappy with current situation and myself as a person. Anxiety, dark thoughts, and a looming sense of apathy plague me with no real way to escape. Unresolved traumas and newly formed ones created due to the divorce are haunting me now more than ever. I cope the best I can with the tools I have available, but the truth is my headspace is dark and the option to give it all up has grown more appealing by the day.\n\n\n\nHaving said all that, I am old enough to know my emotions are not me. I do the best to not allow these emotions to control me because I know how fleeting they are. Once I am removed from this current situation, I will be home with family for a short while, then I am returning to the military. I actually got out of service a few years ago and now I feel like it's the best course of action. Steady paycheck, incentivized to stay fit, and there's always opportunities for new experiences. I know what I am getting back into and I think having this perspective will make the career far simpler. \n\n\n\nPart of what is so appealing is how in my current state of being I lack internal motivation and validation. Nearly every decision I have ever made was because of the threat of consequences (a big reason to why I failed in this past relationship). Truly the stick gets me going more than the carrot, and I accept that as a part of my current self. I acknowledge that this is something that I could work to change and I do want to improve in this aspect, especially if I ever hope to find another partner in the distant future. But I need to do something now. I need to feel like what I do matters and to feel a sense of belonging again. The structure, and the relative ease of a military career is something I need. To those familiar I know there's an obvious choice of getting a free degree and then returning, but I don't want to go to school right now. My life has rapidly changed in the past few months and my hearts telling me to carry the momentum. \n\n  \nAny tips on finding ways to gain confidence in myself or to address the validation issue would be appreciated. Otherwise, I'd hope to just chat with you folk and maybe find another perspective in things. \n\n","offTopic":false},{"id":"8c48e54e-12a3-4242-8767-099a85188799","excerpt":"Why are some men like that, not accepting simple \"no\"? — Ok, first time posting here and it\\`s both a rant and honest question. Had an ex-coworker, whom I rejected multiple times, cause mine and his values in life were totally different and I just didn\\`t like him. He supports local (Estonian)conservative party and thi","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/1vuczmi/why_are_some_men_like_that_not_accepting_simple_no/","role":"pain","weight":0.6688424,"occurredAt":"2026-08-21T10:53:06.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"AskMenAdvice","intent":"other","painScore":0.2857143,"sentiment":-0.71428573,"confidence":0.52021074,"matchedPatterns":[],"statement":"Why are some men like that, not accepting simple \"no\"?.","title":"Why are some men like that, not accepting simple \"no\"?","body":"Ok, first time posting here and it\\`s both a rant and honest question. Had an ex-coworker, whom I rejected multiple times, cause mine and his values in life were totally different and I just didn\\`t like him. He supports local (Estonian)conservative party and thinks, that childfree women are worthless. I don\\`t care much about politics, except that I am pro-choice and childfree. Also alternative. The man claimed to hate goths, but annoyed me several years. \n\nLast year I met someone, with whom we have similar ideas about life and other things. The ex-coworker started to annoy me again, I told him that I have someone else and he wished me harm. I blocked him everywhere. Io and behold...he made another e-mail and wrote me again. I blocked that, too without answering him. Cause why should I talk to someone, who wanted me bad? And no, I was never leading him on, if you ask that.\n\nSo why are some men like that thinking, that \"no\" is not an answer, but an obstacle?","offTopic":false},{"id":"53035643-620e-4c11-bbd5-7db87beb9d9a","excerpt":"Offering free beta access to a structured trauma-healing roadmap for survivors — Hi everyone,\n\n  \nI wanted to reach out to this community because, like many of you, I spent a long time feeling completely lost in the aftermath of emotional abuse. I found that while there is plenty of validation online about what abuse l","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/emotionalabuse/comments/1vvdvft/offering_free_beta_access_to_a_structured/","role":"demand","weight":0.64544505,"occurredAt":"2026-08-22T14:27:36.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"emotionalabuse","intent":"tool_discovery","painScore":0.12,"sentiment":0.5,"confidence":0.57629025,"matchedPatterns":["looking_for"],"statement":"I am looking for a small group of people from this community who would like 100% free access to the entire program in exchange for honest feedback on the worksheets, pacing, and dashboard.","title":"Offering free beta access to a structured trauma-healing roadmap for survivors","body":"Hi everyone,\n\n  \nI wanted to reach out to this community because, like many of you, I spent a long time feeling completely lost in the aftermath of emotional abuse. I found that while there is plenty of validation online about what abuse looks like, there is very little structured, sequential guidance on how to actually heal your nervous system and mind day by day. It often feels like you are wandering without a map. To try and support this, I have spent time mapping out and building a self-paced, step-by-step online framework and roadmap specifically designed for emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse recovery.  \n  \nIt breaks healing down into phases starting with understanding what happened, why it happened, and where to go from here. The curriculum is fully built, but I'd like a few beta participants to ensure it is genuinely helpful, safe, and paced correctly for survivors.  \n  \nI am looking for a small group of people from this community who would like 100% free access to the entire program in exchange for honest feedback on the worksheets, pacing, and dashboard. The access will last for 7 months but I would like to receive feedback as you go through the videos and exercises. There is a private space within that platform that you can do that with me 1-1.  \n  \nA few important notes on safety and privacy: This is entirely educational and designed to complement professional therapy as necessary. Your privacy is strictly protected. You do not need to use your real name, link a social media profile, or share any details of your personal story to participate.  \n  \nI am testing the structure, the layout, and how easy the tools are to follow—not your personal experiences.  \n  \nI am intentionally not posting any links here out of deep respect for the subreddit rules against self-promotion.  \n  \nIf you are currently looking for a structured framework to help guide your recovery and are willing to give some feedback on the modules, please leave a comment below or send me a DM. I will also accept testimonials only if it truly helps in some way. If interested, I will send you a private registration form.  \n  \nThank you all for your time, resilience, and support.\n\n","offTopic":false},{"id":"26b7afba-9f1a-4b88-af61-97012f43bcd8","excerpt":"Can't have sex, anyone else the same? — As my endo has worsened there is now so much I can't do. Last time I had sex with my hubby (which was sadly a veeery long time ago), I ended up bleeding and with severe cramps for over a week and took myself to hospital. I was in so much pain.\n\nHe has health issues and chronic pa","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/endometriosis/comments/1vvbudz/cant_have_sex_anyone_else_the_same/","role":"request","weight":0.6401999,"occurredAt":"2026-08-22T13:00:49.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"endometriosis","intent":"feature_request","painScore":0.24,"sentiment":0,"confidence":0.51629025,"matchedPatterns":["wish"],"statement":"Now even though I wish we could go back, most times my pelvis and abdomen hurts and I wouldn't even want to try.","title":"Can't have sex, anyone else the same?","body":"As my endo has worsened there is now so much I can't do. Last time I had sex with my hubby (which was sadly a veeery long time ago), I ended up bleeding and with severe cramps for over a week and took myself to hospital. I was in so much pain.\n\nHe has health issues and chronic pain conditions too (especially in his neck, shoulders and hands) so even \"alternatives\" are really hard and rare for us.\n\nWe've just stopped having sex because it means one or both of us will end up in a lot of pain.\n\nOur relationship is wonderful and it's the one thing we really struggle with. \n\nI feel so sad that endo/health issues have taken this away from us. We used to have a good sex life before we both became unwell. Now even though I wish we could go back, most times my pelvis and abdomen hurts and I wouldn't even want to try.\n\nI'm not really asking for advice. Had a lap, tried pelvic floor exercises, all that. I've sort of accepted that this is just the way things are and we'll have to focus on other types of closeness. Just want to know if anyone else is in the same boat? It sometimes feels so wrong that we aren't. I have friends who are constantly posting about their sex lives and \"sex positivity\" and I had to mute them because it just makes me feel I'm broken.","offTopic":false},{"id":"34e185ef-42d7-490b-8738-b516708f743e","excerpt":"My bf always rejects my advices — I (F16) and my bf (M17) have been together for over 1,5 years. I love him and whenever he has a problem, I try to give him advice. But the thing is that he is always super stubborn and rejects every single one of them. For example; recently his lashes have been falling out - into his e","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1vvb5yz/my_bf_always_rejects_my_advices/","role":"demand","weight":0.623566,"occurredAt":"2026-08-22T12:28:49.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"relationships","intent":"tool_discovery","painScore":0.15,"sentiment":0.53846157,"confidence":0.54223126,"matchedPatterns":["is_there_a_tool"],"statement":"I love him and I don’t want to brk up, is there an alternative or something..???","title":"My bf always rejects my advices","body":"I (F16) and my bf (M17) have been together for over 1,5 years. I love him and whenever he has a problem, I try to give him advice. But the thing is that he is always super stubborn and rejects every single one of them. For example; recently his lashes have been falling out - into his eyes every single day. Literally. So ofc I would want to help him, and I told him that if he tries to pinch and drag his lashes, the loose ones will come out and they won’t fall out into his eyes. I showed him how to do it and he said «it won’t work», «they’ll just fall out even more» and when he tried to do it, it looked like he was doing it wrong on purpose. I tried really hard to make him do it right, but in the end I gave up. Because I was tired, because it has always been like this. Every single time I give him any advice, he rejects it and acts stubborn like crazy. I genuienly don’t know a single time that he has actually taken an advice from me.\n\nWhat the hell do I do?? I love him and I don’t want to brk up, is there an alternative or something..???\n\nTL;DR: my bf rejects every single advice I give him and always acts stubborn, I don’t know what to do.","offTopic":false},{"id":"5a813cc7-bdc8-44f9-8772-7a065f6b04e8","excerpt":"Building a wall in relationship — Hey everyone. \n\nI have a problem that might end up costing me my relationship, and I honestly don't know how to break this pattern.\nWhenever I receive any kind of feedback from my partner, I immediately go into defensive mode. I start throwing the ball back, defending myself, pointing ","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/NPD/comments/1vv8xvx/building_a_wall_in_relationship/","role":"pain","weight":0.5106775,"occurredAt":"2026-08-22T10:35:19.000Z","sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","credibility":0.62,"venue":"NPD","intent":"other","painScore":0.2,"sentiment":-0.5,"confidence":0.4255646,"matchedPatterns":[],"statement":"Building a wall in relationship.","title":"Building a wall in relationship","body":"Hey everyone. \n\nI have a problem that might end up costing me my relationship, and I honestly don't know how to break this pattern.\nWhenever I receive any kind of feedback from my partner, I immediately go into defensive mode. I start throwing the ball back, defending myself, pointing out what they did wrong — and, most importantly, I stop seeing the person in front of me as my partner and friend. Suddenly, they feel like someone on the other side of the barricade: an opponent, sometimes even an enemy.Obviously, this doesn't help resolve conflicts.\nOn top of that, I very quickly switch into a \"Well, if you're unhappy with me, then just leave\" mode. I become cold and distant, and I get this horrible feeling that I don't care about my partner at all and that I would be perfectly fine if they weren't there. I build a wall of indifference around myself.\nMy partner is understandably exhausted by this. And the worst part is that I don't actually want to be this way. I don't want to be the kind of person who, whenever there's tension, hurts the person they love by becoming cold and emotionally unavailable.\nI have no idea how to change this pattern.\n\nHas anyone experienced something similar? Did you find any tools, exercises, books, therapy approaches, or techniques that helped you stay connected to your partner when you feel criticized or threatened?\nI really want to learn how to stop seeing my partner as the enemy during conflict and remember that we're actually on the same team. \n\n","offTopic":false}],"breakdown":[{"sourceKey":"reddit","sourceName":"Reddit","count":48},{"sourceKey":"hackernews","sourceName":"Hacker News","count":1}],"total":49}}